Fraction Jokes

You will never stop my plans for world denomination.

The French exchange student raised his hand and said, "Excuse me Madam, but I don't know how to say fractions. How do you say those?"

"Easy," said the teacher, "you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is 'two-thirds', 3/4 is 'three... read more

It's fair to say that our opinions were divided

It's pointless.



But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or
else people will think you're being irrational. But
that is beside the point.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

I think it was Henry the 1/8.

It was drawn and quartered.

An improper fraction, but still, a fraction.

There's a fine line between numerator and denominator

I do it 48/14

...Louis the 1/16th?

He brings the fish home and puts it into the tank, but after a few days notices that it doesn't seem at all settled in its new home.


He remembers that in Finding Nemo, the clownfish live in an anemone, so he returns to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any for sale. The cler... read more

He was sure he would have to convert.

Because they are pointless

A denom-nom-nominator!

Wanting to show off, he tried to apply some of what he learned:


Dad: Alright son, how do you want a full burger for dinner?


Son: Can i just half one half please?


Dad: Sure thing!


Mom: Do you want some juice?


Son (with a grin): Can i g... read more

They can't even

This looks like a math joke until you find out the other 4 people are Mike, Dustin, Lucas and Will.

Finally I realized …decimals have a point.

A Mexican man is found unresponsive on the roadway outside Tijuana.
Local authorities call for an ambulance and he is rushed to the nearest hospital.
Unfortunately, the doctors determine that he has consumed a lethal amount of drugs and there is nothing they can do to save him. He dies within ... read more

24/7

Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.

He is missing the point.

If you don't get it and wonder where the punchline is, it's you.

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and Bob immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, “Sir, did you call... read more

The teacher asks Lindsey, "What would your mother do if she had 7 kids, but only 4 apples?" Lindsey says, "She'd make applesauce!"



And yes, this joke is from the days before tape diagrams...

Chuck Norris can divide by 0.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice

Chuck Norris can cross a vector with a scalar

Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw a circle with exactly 100 degrees.

Chuck Norris is so badass he can find value of a variable in an expansion without fac... read more

so he approached his father. His partly sober dad took his time to help Johnny using all the illustrations he could lay his hand upon.

The next day, after noticing how bright and happily Johnny appeared, the teacher tried to direct some questions to him.

Teacher: "What's 1/8 + 1/8?"... read more

In our house it's really causing division

..when a car pulled up next to them. The driver rolled down his window and asked in german:” Where is the nearest diner?”

The two Americans, not knowing a fraction of German, stared blankly at the driver. “Sorry, but we have no idea what you are saying.”

The driver tried again in Fr... read more

Friend: 'How did your date go?'

Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'

Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'

Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'

I'm guessing that's why what she teaches is improper.

They're divisive.

It's a completely irrational fear.

I got a ticket for parking in fraction.

So he goes to the computer and realises that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell. He get’s on the phone to Old Nick.

St. Peter: So, Nick, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?

Nick: Bob? No way. Not going to. Since... read more

Out of the blue, John casually told his wife he wanted a divorce. – I’ve fallen in love with Stacy, that new young lady at the office, he said. – You can stay in the house until next week. We need to find a buyer quickly so Stacy and I can get an apartment in the city. Naturally Johns wife was devas... read more

The first says "Watch this." leaves, and is back in an instant, mouth covered in blood. He points at a villager and says "You see that villager? Sucked him dry."

The second, impressed, but not willing to be outdone, leaves and returns just as fast as the first, blood covering her mouth, neck ... read more

Guess I wasn’t appealing to the lowest common denominator.

Root beer

Seriously, it's true.

It might be an outdated study though.

Miners flock to a river to hopefully get a fraction of the immense wealth that awaits in the rivers. Miners come by the hundreds and claim a spot in the river... At least the lucky ones. Some are a little too late and miss the chance to get a spot and leave, except one.

For a week, a miner wh... read more

The funeral director explains to the President’s entourage of diplomats that to fly the body back to the U.S. would cost $50 000 and to have him buried in Israel would cost just $100. The diplomats discuss amongst themselves. They then return to the funeral director and say they prefer to the return... read more