What did the evil fraction say?

You will never stop my plans for world denomination.

I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

My math teacher keeps telling me to simplify my fractions

I do it 48/14

My math teacher hates mixed fractions

I'm guessing that's why what she teaches is improper.

I recently had a heated debate with a mathematician about fractions

It's fair to say that our opinions were divided

Me: "Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus!!"

Judge: "Repeat infractions?"

Me: "Ok, 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!"

Five out of four people admit they're bad at fractions.

If you don't get it and wonder where the punchline is, it's you.

What is the name of the fighting of style for fractions?

Partial Arts.

Everyone likes to laugh at other people's inability with numbers. However, 45% of people consider themselves bad at math, every twentieth member of the population hates decimals, 1 out of 5 people can't do mental arithmetic and 3/10 can't do fractions without a calculator.

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

A man goes on a date

Friend: 'How did your date go?'

Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'

Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'

Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'

I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th...

Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.

Did you know that in ancient Greece, Hippasus was exiled for discovering that some numbers could not be described with simple whole numbers or fractions?

How irrational.

For some reason, my friend is afraid of fractions.

It's a completely irrational fear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having sex is like you're doing fractions

it is improper for the larger one to be on top

A 2007 study showed that for high school students graduating in the US, 4/3 did not know how to properly use fractions.

It might be an outdated study though.

I really hate arguments about fractions.

They're divisive.

You think you know all about fractions...

But you don't know the half of it.

What's it called when the bottom half of a fraction has loads of cake in it?

A denom-nom-nominator!

The improper fraction help line is now open

24/7

5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions...

I'm just gonna let that sink in for a second.

St. Peter conducts a census in heaven and realises someone is missing.

So he goes to the computer and realises that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell. He get’s on the phone to Old Nick.

St. Peter: So, Nick, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?

Nick: Bob? No way. Not going to. Since...

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.

It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50.
The second man thinks for a bit, th...

The year is 1850 in California...

Miners flock to a river to hopefully get a fraction of the immense wealth that awaits in the rivers. Miners come by the hundreds and claim a spot in the river... At least the lucky ones. Some are a little too late and miss the chance to get a spot and leave, except one.

For a week, a miner wh...

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[long] John McClane and Hans Gruber sat next to each other in Spanish class as kids at Nakatomi Plaza Junior High School...

One day the *Profesora* said, "we're going to have a vocab quiz, but we're going to do it as a game, make a competition out of it. I'm going to say a word in English, and you and the person sitting next to you compete to see who can give me the Spanish equivalent faster." She turned to the first pai...

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

People ask me why I chose to teach Maths rather than English. I tell them,

“Fractions speak louder than verbs.”

Two Americans were backpacking in Europe

...when a car pulled up next to them. The driver rolled down his window and asked in german:” Where is the nearest petrol diner?”

The two Americans, not knowing a fraction of German, stared blankly at the driver. “Sorry, but we have no idea what you are saying.”

The driver tried again ...

I would never get a dog from a breeder.

Rescue dogs taste just as good and can be had for a fraction of the price.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Death is inevitable

The Pacific and Atlantic Oceans start a conversation.

Atlantic: What's up Pacific?

Pacific: I'm not doing too well.

Atlantic: What's the problem.

Pacific: What's the problem? Well I'll tell you what the problem is. Everything is more complicated than you think. You only s...

Bob and the nudist colony

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and Bob immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, “Sir, did you call...

A Mexican man is found unresponsive...

A Mexican man is found unresponsive on the roadway outside Tijuana.
Local authorities call for an ambulance and he is rushed to the nearest hospital.
Unfortunately, the doctors determine that he has consumed a lethal amount of drugs and there is nothing they can do to save him. He dies within ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What a great gift - a Tazer

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary

submitted this:



Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked

my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for

a little something extra ...

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3 men are wandering trough a desert.

3 men are wandering lost and hungry through a desert.
They've all but given up hope to make it out alive when they stumble upon a golden lamp in the sand. One of them picks it up and start rubbing the sand off of it. As the last grain of sand falls off the lamp a magical genie appears and with ...

I don't know why the officer fined me the full amount for overspeeding as per the law.

He was saying that he's charging me for that in fraction.

Three vampires are bragging to each other...

The first says "Watch this." leaves, and is back in an instant, mouth covered in blood. He points at a villager and says "You see that villager? Sucked him dry."

The second, impressed, but not willing to be outdone, leaves and returns just as fast as the first, blood covering her mouth, neck ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Save Money on phone sex lines

...by texting filth to your landline and have the BT woman read it to you at a fraction of the cost.

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A man is on a road trip with his family.

He's driving, his wife is next to him with a severe headache, and his kids are in the backseat being little obnoxious jerks, as kids do. They had to get up early that morning to leave, and as such the kids are tired and cranky, and it was so hard to get everyone ready that he didn't even have time t...

Did you know...

3/2 of the world's population sucks at fractions?

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