My math teacher keeps telling me to simplify my fractions

I do it 48/14

I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

What did the evil fraction say?

You will never stop my plans for world denomination.

A boy was eating dinner with his parents, after having learned fractions at school.

Wanting to show off, he tried to apply some of what he learned:


Dad: Alright son, how do you want a full burger for dinner?


Son: Can i just half one half please?


Dad: Sure thing!


Mom: Do you want some juice?


Son (with a grin): Can i g...

| don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.



But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or
else people will think you're being irrational. But
that is beside the point.

I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals

It's pointless.

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[NSFW] How are sex and fractions alike?

It’s improper when the larger one is on top.

How come Jedi can only do math with fractions?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Why was the fraction skeptics about marrying the decimal?

He was sure he would have to convert.

9 out of 8 americans are bad at fractions

Seriously, it's true.

My friend refuses to believe that working with decimals is easier than working with fractions.

He is missing the point.

“Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Fine. 3/5 of my tickets are bogus!

Five out of four people admit they're bad at fractions.

If you don't get it and wonder where the punchline is, it's you.

I was cooking last night and made a joke about being able to figure out the fractions in my head without cutting one of my fingers off. No one laughed.

Guess I wasn’t appealing to the lowest common denominator.

Everyone likes to laugh at other people's inability with numbers. However, 45% of people consider themselves bad at math, every twentieth member of the population hates decimals, 1 out of 5 people can't do mental arithmetic and 3/10 can't do fractions without a calculator.

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

My math teacher hates mixed fractions

I'm guessing that's why what she teaches is improper.

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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

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Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Watson went camping

Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Watson went camping

They pitched up their tent in and went to sleep then sometime during the middle of the night Sherlock awoke and pointed at the sky and asked Watson “What do you see?”

Watson then replied “I see millions and millions of stars”
...

There's only a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will understand this.

For some reason, my friend is afraid of fractions.

It's a completely irrational fear.

Crafty ex-wife

Out of the blue, John casually told his wife he wanted a divorce. – I’ve fallen in love with Stacy, that new young lady at the office, he said. – You can stay in the house until next week. We need to find a buyer quickly so Stacy and I can get an apartment in the city. Naturally Johns wife was devas...

Did you know that in ancient Greece, Hippasus was exiled for discovering that some numbers could not be described with simple whole numbers or fractions?

How irrational.

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.

It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."




The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50




The ...

Early Celebrations

I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th


Why?

Because I like to reduce fractions.

Happy New Year

(Short dad joke)

A study shows that 5/4 people admit their bad at fractions.

I was talking to a mathematician the other day about fractions

it was fair to say, our opinions were divided

You think you know all about fractions...

But you don't know the half of it.

"So how was your date?"

I talked about my obsession with reducing fractions too much

"That wasn't a good idea"

Yeah well, hindsight is 1

What's it called when the bottom half of a fraction has loads of cake in it?

A denom-nom-nominator!

A 2007 study showed that for high school students graduating in the US, 4/3 did not know how to properly use fractions.

It might be an outdated study though.

I really hate arguments about fractions.

They're divisive.

Did you know

3/2 people have trouble with fractions?

When's the improper fraction helpline open?

24/7

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My coworker and I have the same job title with the same number of years experience. He was pissed when he found out my salary was only a fraction his.

Turns out that fraction is 2/1

A man goes on a date

Friend: 'How did your date go?'

Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'

Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'

Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

St. Peter conducts a census in heaven and realises someone is missing.

So he goes to the computer and realises that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell. He get’s on the phone to Old Nick.

St. Peter: So, Nick, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?

Nick: Bob? No way. Not going to. Since...

Two Americans were backpacking in Europe

...when a car pulled up next to them. The driver rolled down his window and asked in german:” Where is the nearest petrol diner?”

The two Americans, not knowing a fraction of German, stared blankly at the driver. “Sorry, but we have no idea what you are saying.”

The driver tried again ...

The year is 1850 in California...

Miners flock to a river to hopefully get a fraction of the immense wealth that awaits in the rivers. Miners come by the hundreds and claim a spot in the river... At least the lucky ones. Some are a little too late and miss the chance to get a spot and leave, except one.

For a week, a miner wh...

HELP! The smelly man who just got laid on an oil rig is chasing me with a piece of bent pipe!

It’s an olfactory refractory fracking fractional flak attack!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[long] John McClane and Hans Gruber sat next to each other in Spanish class as kids at Nakatomi Plaza Junior High School...

One day the *Profesora* said, "we're going to have a vocab quiz, but we're going to do it as a game, make a competition out of it. I'm going to say a word in English, and you and the person sitting next to you compete to see who can give me the Spanish equivalent faster." She turned to the first pai...

People ask me why I chose to teach Maths rather than English. I tell them,

“Fractions speak louder than verbs.”

I would never get a dog from a breeder.

Rescue dogs taste just as good and can be had for a fraction of the price.

Bob and the nudist colony

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and Bob immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, “Sir, did you call...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Death is inevitable

The Pacific and Atlantic Oceans start a conversation.

Atlantic: What's up Pacific?

Pacific: I'm not doing too well.

Atlantic: What's the problem.

Pacific: What's the problem? Well I'll tell you what the problem is. Everything is more complicated than you think. You only s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are wandering trough a desert.

3 men are wandering lost and hungry through a desert.
They've all but given up hope to make it out alive when they stumble upon a golden lamp in the sand. One of them picks it up and start rubbing the sand off of it. As the last grain of sand falls off the lamp a magical genie appears and with ...

A Mexican man is found unresponsive...

A Mexican man is found unresponsive on the roadway outside Tijuana.
Local authorities call for an ambulance and he is rushed to the nearest hospital.
Unfortunately, the doctors determine that he has consumed a lethal amount of drugs and there is nothing they can do to save him. He dies within ...

Three vampires are bragging to each other...

The first says "Watch this." leaves, and is back in an instant, mouth covered in blood. He points at a villager and says "You see that villager? Sucked him dry."

The second, impressed, but not willing to be outdone, leaves and returns just as fast as the first, blood covering her mouth, neck ...

Why’d the police department hire a mathematician?

They needed someone to count in fractions

I don't know why the officer fined me the full amount for overspeeding as per the law.

He was saying that he's charging me for that in fraction.

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