My evening wouldn’t normally start out with an erection...

..but my morning wood.

I'm so tired of rascist jokes. They all start out the same.

With a look over your shoulder.

If you think about it we all start out Canadian

Drinking milk from bags.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

How do you become a millionaire raising horses?

Start out as a billionaire

Man is at a job interview

Interviewer: Well, to start out in the beginning, you will be at a $30,000 salary, but later that number could go up to $50,000 or even $60,000.

Man: Ok, I’ll come back later then.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple was going out for the evening.

They had gotten ready, all dolled-up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog jumps back into the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elections are like trying to sculpt a beautiful sculpture out of shit

You start out with shit and by the end of the day it's still shit

There was a man named Johnny who had a cat.

He loved the cat more than anything, and when he was going on vacation he decided to leave the cat with his brother, Max.

A few days into the vacation, Jonny calls his brother to check in on the cat. “The cat is dead,” replies Max.

Johnny is devastated. “How could you break the news ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Told by my friend years ago in high school [long] [nsfw]

Okay so let me start out by saying when telling this joke, you insert the name of the person you are telling it too. For this joke I will use the name John Johnson as it is the most generic name I can think of. Now for the joke.


Three men were standing in a bar, making small talk. The fir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Doctor is pulled over for speeding...

A doctor is speeding and goes through a blind corner only to find a cop standing there with a radar gun. The cop chases him down and pulls him over. The cop says, "Sir I pulled you over because you were doing almost double the speed limit through that turn."
The doctor replies, "Look I'm an im...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny Goes To School...

Little Johnny goes to school and after only 15 minutes, the teacher tells them that whoever can identify the speaker one of three quotes can go home. Johnny couldn't believe it, he was smart enough, he could go home after only 15 minutes of school!

So the teacher says "I'll start out with an ...

Need a joke about a refrigerator for work

I work in a refrigerator manufacturing plant and am giving a presentation next week. I would like to start out the presentation with a joke to lighten the mood. Anyone have any short, clean jokes about refrigerators?

What is the most tried and true method to getting a small fortune?

Start out with a large fortune.

I said "My, what big eyes you have!"

Followed by "My, what big hands you have!"

And then "My what big teeth you have!"


My charity gig for children with disabilities did not start out well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johny the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

War camel.

So a plane goes down in the Sahara in WW2.
The survivors are a lieutenant, a sergeant, a corporal and a private. They have a days rations and are many days out from the nearest town.

The looty sends the corporal to scout around for anything to help in their predicament. He returns with a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.