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Hunk Jokes

A man cuts a hunk of meat from his torso and cooks it in a pan.

As he bleeds out, he realises: "I've made a big me-steak"

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower ...

What do you call someone who is in love with multiple hunks of pork?

Polyhamorous

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A brutally ugly woman...

A brutally ugly woman approached me at the bar, squeezed my ass and said, "Give me your number, you sexy hunk." I said, "Have you got a pen?" She smiled and said, "Sure do!" I replied, "You'd better get back in it before your farmer notices you're missing!"

A hobbyist robot builder attempted to satirize the American public by building a 300 pound hunk of metal that sat in front of the TV all day long.

In the end, he had difficult maintaining it, because it didn't work out.

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When I was a boy..

My momma would send me down to the corner store with 1$ and I'd come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea, and 6 eggs. You can't do that now...

Too many fuckin' security cameras.

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

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My wife and I recently agreed to a Hall Pass system, but she made such a stupid choice.

I told her that the two women I picked were Scarlett Johansson and Gal Gadot.

But instead of celebrity hunks, my wife went with the 2 guys who cut our grass.

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive naked young man runs by in front of them.

The three old ladies, who hadn't had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.

Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, "wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack."

Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!"
...

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A woman was reading Cosmo next to her husband…

“Walter,” she said.

Walter grunted; she continued “Let me read you this hot sex tip I just read in Cosmo. I think we should try it.”

“Girls, you know your boy toy has fun with you in the bedroom, and that he’s never going to complain. But even the hunkiest hunk can get tired of the...

If "You are what you eat" was true...

My sister would be a vegetable,

My friend would be a hunk of meat,

And I would remain a human...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits down next to a guy with a peg leg, a metal hook for a hand, and an eyepatch.

He orders a beer, looks at the guy next to him, and asks "What are you supposed to be, a pirate?"

"Yarr, I am" replies the pirate.

"You must have some crazy stories about your leg, your hand, an...

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger...

The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says. ...

My buddy and I were out for a walk and noticed this giant hole in a field...

We walked up to the hole and threw in a small rock; no sound; no signs of it hitting the bottom!

So we found a larger rock and threw it into the hole; no sound; no signs of it ever hitting the bottom.

My buddy notices a bunch of railroad ties along the forest line nearby. We lug the gi...

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If Herodotus was a vlogger

It's ya boi Herodotus back atch ya with another travlog!

So, I was in Delphi, and man, they be real mad with em Spartans.

Not taking sides, just my 2 Drachmae. Maybe my Athenian homies should've toned down their backstabbing a little bit, so that those Spartan hunks didn't have to canc...

A fat old man looks at himself in the mirror.

His insecurity rises. He’s not the same man he once was. He’s an old chunk of coal. Why, in high school he was a major athlete- the football type. All the girls wanted him and everyone respected him. He was a hunk. As he stared into this mirror now a some odd fifty years later- the juxtaposition of ...

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Step 1: Get underwear with the Millennium Falcon on the butt.

Step 2: Have the fastest hunk of junk in the trunk in the galaxy.

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Three mice are throwing back whiskey and talkin' tough.

The first mouse says, "I'm not saying I'm the biggest badass in the world, but lemme just tell you what I do each morning. I grab a nice big hunk of rat poison and crush it in my paws and sprinkle it in my coffee. Just for the buzz."

The second mouse says, "You think that's tough? Me, I wake ...

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Henry Kissinger was once asked to explain what shuttle diplomacy was.

– Oh! It is a never-failing old Jewish method. Let me give you an example. Suppose you want to marry Rockefeller’s daughter to a lad from a Siberian village.
– How would you do that?
– Easy. I go to a Siberian village, find there a young man and ask him, “Would you like to marry an American Je...

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor...

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Father, that is what you taught me

A world renown prostitute decided to make a "tournament". She was very experienced and very confident in her abilities. Anyone to just make her make as much as a sound during intercourse wins one million dollars. Men from all around the area lined up for a chance to win, no one succeeded.

Wo...

I don't get all these themed weddings you see now a days

My wife and I have just been invited to a Game of thrones themed wedding. Where the hell do I find 'formal chain mail'? And do you know how expensive it is staying in a castle!
My friend keeps telling me how much fun it's going to be. Think about what it's going to be like when everyone is dres...

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New neighbor.

Two women were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood.
"But he acts so stupid," said one to the other.

"I think he must have his brains between his legs."

"Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."

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A woman (mom) was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night,

when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes,

and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

Th...

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The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

Once, many many years ago, there was a fad among fast food restaurants

to put historical, sometimes military or industrial items in their front yards as a kind of attraction/plaything; an old howitzer or maybe even a train caboose that kids could inspect or climb on. Sometimes these unlikely things would be decorated with the characters or dishes of the food chain. For...

Abe and Eva just aren't cutting it in bed...

Ok. My last joke bombed. BOMBED.

.

Ok. So Abe and Eva? They're not quite getting the ol' magical finale in bed as they used to. After so many years of marriage, Eva isn't cresting the mountaintop. This concerns the pair of them, so they decide to visit their Rabbi for advice.

....

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