What do you call a body builder with Parkinson’s?

A protein shake

I met someone with Parkinson's disease.

He was great at shaking hands.

Why is it better to have Alzheimer instead of Parkinson?

It's better to forget to pay for your beer than to spill it.

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Bob is getting older and his kids decided to put him in an assisted living facility.

Bob at first was reluctant to go there. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge...

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What's the difference between a oyster shucker with Parkinson's and a prostitute with diarrhea

One of them fits when they shuck

Just found out one of the ladies who sang "Push It" has Parkinson's

She's a Salt-N-Pepa shaker now

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

Unfortunately my grandpa died yesterday of Parkinson's

He left us a note on his phone, unfortunately we haven't been able to crack it yet. It said 999911111111111.

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3 Men With Parkinson's.

Three men with Parkinson's are sitting in a bar, and one says to the other two, "Eurgh, life is so hard, it took me ten minutes to open my front door his morning!"

Another says, "You think you have it hard? It took me fifteen minutes to butter some toast!"

To which the third man replie...

Not only do I have Cancer, MS, Parkinson's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, and Alzheimer’s; I went to the Doctor today and he told me that I have another weird-named disease:

Hypochondria.

Prayers please, every upvote counts as a prayer ^/s

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What do you call a cow with parkinson's disease?

Beef jerky

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Nursing Home Sex

An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company. After about 3 weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, "I know we are both old and can't do much sexually anymore, but...

I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.

The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.

He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."

The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.

He grunted "I had a fig...

How do you greet someone with Parkinson's?

What's shakin'?

What instructions are not needed on Parkinson's Medicine?

Shake well before use.

My friend told me this hilarious joke about Parkinson's last night

But I don't want to tell it because I'm a little shaky on the details.

What's worse, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?

Does it really matter whether you spill your drink or you forgot where you put it?

What do you call a black guy with Parkinson's?

A chocolate shake.

What do you call it when a deaf person has parkinson's?

A stutter.

(I just made this up and feel terrible and couldn't find the "I'm going to hell" sub so here ya go!)

What do cannibals call people with Parkinson’s?

Shake ‘n’ bake

Did you hear about the long-engaged couple with Parkinson's?

They finally tied the knot!

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What happened to Juan?!

There once was a man named Juan(65M), who was seeing this woman named Maria(60F)... every Saturday, they had a ritual. They would meet up at the local park, sit on the bench, and Maria would hold his penis. They enjoyed about a year of this relationship, before one Saturday, Juan failed to show.
...

What do you call a Bakery run by a person with Parkinsons

A Shake’n’Bake

What do you call a professional mover with Parkinson’s disease?

A mover and a shaker

What do you get from a cow with parkinsons

Milk shakes

I’ve always wanted to have Parkinson’s

Just to shake thing up a bit

I got yelled at for telling a Parkinson’s joke

Apparently it’s a shaky subject

What do you call a religious man with Parkinson's?

A Quaker

Parkinson's

My friend asked me the other day if I had any advice for dealing with Parkinson's, apparently 'just shake it off' wasn't the right answer.

Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?

Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, “If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?

”Sure, I rather have Parkinson’s”, replied Sean

“’Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget whe...

I'm really worried about getting Parkinson's.

It really gives me the shakes.

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

I just got out of a relationship with a girl who had Parkinson’s

The relationship wasn’t very steady but the handjobs were great!

I was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.

I was shaken by the news!

I saw people collecting for Parkinson's and they were shaking tins which I thought was insensitive.

-Gary Delaney-

Why is Alzheimer's better than Parkinson's?

Because it's no big deal to forget a beer but a tragedy to spill a beer.

.

.

.

That's Bavarian dark humor for you.

What desease would you prefer, if you had to choose between Alzheimer's or Parkinson?

I'd choose Alzheimer's...

Better to forget to pay for 2 beers, than spill 3...

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I used to shave my testicles with a razor blade.

But since I got Parkinson's, I don't have the balls to do it anymore.

What's the best thing about having Parkinson's?

Never having to buy another electric toothbrush.

My cow got Parkinson's

Now she only produces milkshakes.

I'm currently dating a woman that, like me, has Parkinson's and kleptomania.

We're going to take things slow.

How does Michael J. Fox deal with his Parkinson's disease?

He just shakes it off.

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What do you call a paedophile with Parkinson's

assault shaker

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At the onset of Parkinson's disease, what's the first thing you should do?

Glue your hand to your cock.

What do Barcelona FC and a dog walker with Parkinson's have in common?

Neither of them can hold a lead.

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In an old age home...

90 year old Sean : I miss Sex life so much.
75 year old Tina:

How can I help?

Sean : I'd feel good if you could just hold my di*k.

So Tina held his di*k, and they kept talking all night.

This continued every night for two weeks.

Then one day Tina saw Sean w...

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My wife got diagnosed with Alzeihmers and Parkinsons last week.

I've been getting 8 wanks a day.

My Grandpa has Parkinsons

He's not able to do much but he beats me at every game of Hungry Hungry Hippos

I have been working on some jokes about Parkinson's disease.

But the punch lines are all a bit shakey at best.

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An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis.

"What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?

Ask someone with Parkinson's disease to turn off the lights!

Girls with parkinsons must really love giving handjobs

They just can’t stop

What do you call an Arab man with Parkinsons?

Sheik.

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An oldie in honor of Sir Sean Connery, RIP

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night.

Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer....

Dad takes his son for a driving lesson

Son: Dad, I’m so nervous, I can’t stop shaking, what are we going to do?

Dad: Parkinson.

I met an Italian with parkinson's.

He talked with a stutter.

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Natural Medicine For Guys.

1: Go up to a tree and take a piss, if your pee attracts ants, you have diabetes.

2: If it dries fast, your sodium is high.

3: If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.

4: If you forgot to unzip, Alzheimer.

5: If yo missed the tree, Parkinson's.

6:If you pe...

A new thrift store just opened up in my town, and all proceeds go to Parkinson's research...

you get a 10% discount if you do the secret hand shake.

What do you call a hunter class Neanderthal with Parkinson's Disease?

Shakespeare

Did you hear about the Deaf guy with Parkinson's?

His sign language was a little shaky

My doctor just told me I have Parkinson's...

...I'm pretty shaken up about it.

What do you call a spider-man with shaky hands

Peter Parkinson

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In the nursing home

-Can I hold your penis in the TV room today?
- I am sorry, Mrs Schultz is doing that tonight.
- What does Mrs Schultz have that I do not have?
- Parkinson’s

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A pervy old man is walking through the park one day.

He sees an older woman sitting on a bench by herself and decides to sit by her. They make small talk for a little bit, and it is obvious to her that the old man is into her.

He asks her if she’d be interested in holding his penis for a while. She thinks he’s cute, and she hasn’t seen a man’s...

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Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home.

Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversat...

What's your favorite type of shake?

Chocolate, vanilla, or Parkinson's?

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My friends and I get bullied a lot

I was at school, going to the lunchroom with my friends- James (he has Parkinson's Disease), Alex (he's mute), Megan (she's completely blind in both eyes), Abby (she has asthma) and Hayley (she's albino). I myself am paralyzed from the waist down and so I need to use a wheelchair. Since my friends a...

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Old Man and Old Woman in a Nursing home

An old man and an old woman live in a nursing home. Their spouses have died and they're lonely. After meeting each other, they begin dating. Because they're so old, they can't engage in sex anymore, but they like to just lie in bed, while the old woman holds the old man's penis.

This goes on ...

Long- There is this old couple who could no longer care for themselves so they join an assisted living center

At first everything is going fine as they transition to the new lifestyle. When they first had joined the center they were seen as a loving couple as he had his hand on her thigh and she had her hand on his but over time they seemed to drift apart and about a year later he no longer even sat with he...

Is it possible to stutter in sign language?

Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s

I would rather have Parkinson's than Alzheimer's

Because it's better to spill half the glass than forget where you put the liquor.

My doctor prescribed me a drink to help with my Parkinson's disease.

On the front it says, "Shake before use."

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

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An elderly man and woman live in a nursing home together

An elderly man and woman lived in a nursing home together. The elderly man liked the elderly woman very much. So one day, he asks if they could sit together outside on the benches.

They sat there every day for about 3 weeks. Finally, the elderly man builds up enough nerve to ask the woman if...

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Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

My grandfather had a stutter, which was really weird, since he was born deaf.

Turns out it was just Parkinson's.

A old man's children visit him at the same time by car.

His children are parking their vehicles.


The man has parkinsons.

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A old man meets an old woman in a care home...

They get off to a good start and they started to talk he learned she was called Maria and they talked about their past and their experiences and eventually they get to the subject of Sex. The old man says "I can't get an erection anymore, I need a woman to help me do it" Maria volunteered to help hi...

I was getting really bored of my normal day to day life...

So I developed Parkinson’s to shake things up a bit

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An old man. [NSFW] [Long]

So an old man in a care home looks quite sad.

An old woman notices this and asks

"why do you look so glum?"

He replies " well ever since my wife died no one has held my cock in a while, would you be able to?"

The woman agrees.

This goes on for a few weeks, untill ...

A woman returns to her room in the old age home to find another old lady with her hands on her husband's pants.

She is furious: “What does she have that I don't?” “Parkinson”, answers the husband.

A couple in an old people’s home we’re having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a handjob.

Margaret said to Egbert ‘What does Dorothy have that I don’t?
Egbert replied ‘Parkinsons’.

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A lonely old man in a nursing home was getting his lunch one day...

When he noticed a lonely old lady sitting alone on a bench outside and eating by herself. He walked up to her and introduced himself. They instantly hit it off. They decide that they are going to get together every day for lunch. After a few days of doing this, the man looks over at his new girlfrie...

What's she got that I don't?

Ol' Ed and his neighbor Ethel are both 75 years old and have lost their partners years ago. They enjoy spending time together every Friday evening rocking on Ethel's back porch swing, talking and watching the sunset. As soon as the sun goes down Ethel unzips Ed and gently holds his member in her ha...

Rustom was asked by God...

"If you had to choose one, would you pick
- Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"

Rustom thought for a minute,
then chose Parkinsons.

"Why did you choose that?", asked God.

"It's better to spill half a glass of whiskey,
than to forget where the bottles are kept."

Bob and Mary are single residence in a nursing home care facility. Every night Mary goes to Bob’s room and Jacks him off before bed.

One evening Mary goes to Bob‘s room and sees that Margret is in there doing what she considered to be her job. Mary calmly walks out unseen. The next day at breakfast she confronts Bob. “I went to your room last night and Margret was at your bedside instead of me. What does she have that I don’t”?. ...

The boys got hired at their dad's valet business.

Now he has parkinsons.

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