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Parkinson Jokes

What instructions are not needed on Parkinson's Medicine?

Shake well before use.

Parkinson's

My friend asked me the other day if I had any advice for dealing with Parkinson's, apparently 'just shake it off' wasn't the right answer.

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3 Men With Parkinson's.

Three men with Parkinson's are sitting in a bar, and one says to the other two, "Eurgh, life is so hard, it took me ten minutes to open my front door his morning!"

Another says, "You think you have it hard? It took me fifteen minutes to butter some toast!"

To which the third man replie...

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Bob is getting older and his kids decided to put him in an assisted living facility.

Bob at first was reluctant to go there. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge...

What's the best thing about having Parkinson's?

Never having to buy another electric toothbrush.

My friend told me this hilarious joke about Parkinson's last night

But I don't want to tell it because I'm a little shaky on the details.

How do you greet someone with Parkinson's?

What's shakin'?

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What's the difference between a oyster shucker with Parkinson's and a prostitute with diarrhea

One of them fits when they shuck

Not only do I have Cancer, MS, Parkinson's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, and Alzheimer’s; I went to the Doctor today and he told me that I have another weird-named disease:

Hypochondria.

Prayers please, every upvote counts as a prayer ^/s

My buddy with Parkinson’s just got a job at a bar

They only let him make mixed drinks

How does Michael J. Fox deal with his Parkinson's disease?

He just shakes it off.

What do you call it when a deaf person has parkinson's?

A stutter.

(I just made this up and feel terrible and couldn't find the "I'm going to hell" sub so here ya go!)

I just got out of a relationship with a girl who had Parkinson’s

The relationship wasn’t very steady but the handjobs were great!

I'm currently dating a woman that, like me, has Parkinson's and kleptomania.

We're going to take things slow.

I think I'd rather have Parkinson's than Dementia...

I'd rather lose half my beer than forget where I left it.

What do you call a black guy with Parkinson's?

A chocolate shake.

What's worse, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?

Does it really matter whether you spill your drink or you forgot where you put it?

I met someone with Parkinson's disease.

He was great at shaking hands.

I’ve always wanted to have Parkinson’s

Just to shake thing up a bit

My Grandpa has Parkinsons

He's not able to do much but he beats me at every game of Hungry Hungry Hippos

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

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What do you call a cow with Parkinson’s?

Beef jerky

Just found out one of the ladies who sang "Push It" has Parkinson's

She's a Salt-N-Pepa shaker now

What do you call a religious man with Parkinson's?

A Quaker

My cow got Parkinson's

Now she only produces milkshakes.

I saw people collecting for Parkinson's and they were shaking tins which I thought was insensitive.

-Gary Delaney-

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Sex at the old age home

Don Carlos is 90 years old and lives in an old age retirement nursing home.
Every night after dinner, he secludes himself at the far-end of the garden.
One night, Juanita, 80 years old, approaches him. They start chatting about life and old age, and after a while, he says to her,

"You k...

What is worst - Alzheimers or Parkinsons?

Alzheimers. Because its better to spill your beer than forget where you put it.

I'm really worried about getting Parkinson's.

It really gives me the shakes.

What do cannibals call people with Parkinson’s?

Shake ‘n’ bake

What do you call a professional mover with Parkinson’s disease?

A mover and a shaker

I was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.

I was shaken by the news!

Did you hear about the long-engaged couple with Parkinson's?

They finally tied the knot!

Is it possible to stutter in sign language?

Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s

I just had to tell one of my patients that he has parkinsons

He seemed very shaken up.

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Two residents of an old folks home fall in love…..

June and Freddy. And they adore each other but they are too old and weak for sex. So the way they show affection is that each evening, June visits Freddy in his room, they sit side by side in their armchairs, and June just holds Freddy’s penis in her hand while they watch TV. That’s their love life ...

What do you call a Bakery run by a person with Parkinsons

A Shake’n’Bake

Did you hear about the Deaf guy with Parkinson's?

His sign language was a little shaky

Why is Alzheimer's better than Parkinson's?

Because it's no big deal to forget a beer but a tragedy to spill a beer.

.

.

.

That's Bavarian dark humor for you.

Girls with parkinsons must really love giving handjobs

They just can’t stop

I have been working on some jokes about Parkinson's disease.

But the punch lines are all a bit shakey at best.

What do you get from a cow with parkinsons

Milk shakes

The doctor told me I had Parkinson's....

I decided to just shake it off.

What do you call an Arab man with Parkinsons?

Sheik.

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go upto a tree and take a leak:


* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on yo...

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What do you call a paedophile with Parkinson's

assault shaker

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At the onset of Parkinson's disease, what's the first thing you should do?

Glue your hand to your cock.

I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.

The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.

He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."

The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.

He grunted "I had a fig...

What do you call a hunter class Neanderthal with Parkinson's Disease?

Shakespeare

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[long] Old age [NSFW]

It is Bingo night and the 70 year old women are discussing who is the “hottest” widower at the old folks home.

One says “Arnold is the hottest gentleman here, he has hair and most of his teeth!”

Another says “Barry is the sexiest man here, just look at the way he gets around on his ...

What would you call Spider-man if he was a Greek who was into free running, had a debilitating disease and was backing up two cars?

Pita Parkour Parker with Parkinson’s parallel parking a Pontiac pulling a pick up truck.

What would you call Spider-man if he was a Greek who was into free running, had a debilitating disease and was backing up two cars, while making rice?

Uncle Ben

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

What do Barcelona FC and a dog walker with Parkinson's have in common?

Neither of them can hold a lead.

Dixon Hormuz and Rosie Highman watch the sunset every day at the lakeside pier by their nursing home….

Everyday for 10 years running they sit on a bench while Rosie reaches down into Dixon’s pants and loving holds his retired baby maker in her hands while they watch the beautiful sunset glistening off the still lake.

One day, Dixon doesn’t come to pick her up at dusk. She fears the worst and ...

A widowed man enters a nursing home. Lonely, he meets a lady and invites her to sit with him in the courtyard and hold hands.

Wheelchairs side by side, night after night, their affection blossoms to the point she lays her hand on his crotch. This happens like clockwork, every night.
One night, she wheels herself to the courtyard. To her horror, he is sitting next to another woman's wheelchair.
In tears, she whee...

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Harold in the Nursing Home. This is my grandma's favourite joke.

Disclaimer: I just heard this joke today, so I apologize if this is old news for some of you.


Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One even...

So a lady with Parkinson's orders a grande decaf peppermint soy latte no whip

and I forgot to put the lid on.

What's your favorite type of shake?

Chocolate, vanilla, or Parkinson's?

Dad takes his son for a driving lesson

Son: Dad, I’m so nervous, I can’t stop shaking, what are we going to do?

Dad: Parkinson.

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Nursing Home Sex

An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company. After about 3 weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, "I know we are both old and can't do much sexually anymore, but...

I met an Italian with parkinson's.

He talked with a stutter.

I would rather have Parkinson's than Alzheimer's

Because it's better to spill half the glass than forget where you put the liquor.

A new thrift store just opened up in my town, and all proceeds go to Parkinson's research...

you get a 10% discount if you do the secret hand shake.

Why did the disabled driver had difficulty getting his Honda between the two stationary Toyotas?

He had Parallel Parkinson's disease.

Back at the nursing home,

A few evenings a week, Mr Jones would visit Ms Smith in her room. They would sit on the bed and talk and as they did, she would just simply hold his private part in her hand. They enjoyed this very much.
Then Mr Jones stopped visiting. As a few weeks went by, Ms Smith stopped Mr Jones in the...

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An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis.

"What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

There were two old people in a care home...

There were two old people in a care home, a man and a woman. Every evening, they'd sit down next to each other to watch the telly. They weren't married or anything, they just sat down and watched the telly, while the old gal gave the old man a handjob.

They'd been doing this every day for yea...

Jacob, age 92, and Beth, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.


Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"...
The pharmacist answers "Yes".


Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
...

My grandfather had a stutter, which was really weird, since he was born deaf.

Turns out it was just Parkinson's.

Possibly the same nursing home.

An old man and woman become very close at a nursing home. He wants to take their friendship to the next level, but the old woman doesn't want to. He convinces her one day to "just hold it". She does this end enjoys being intimate with a man again. They continue this every day at the same time, in th...

John and Peter talk about what's better

Peter: If it were to happen, would you want to have Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?

John: Parkinson's, of course.

Peter: Why is that?

John: I'd rather spill some wiskey than forget where I put the bottle.

What do you call a spider-man with shaky hands

Peter Parkinson

How do you walk a perfect straight line during the next 7.2 magnitude earthquake?

Develop Parkinsons.

Rustom was asked by God...

"If you had to choose one, would you pick
- Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"

Rustom thought for a minute,
then chose Parkinsons.

"Why did you choose that?", asked God.

"It's better to spill half a glass of whiskey,
than to forget where the bottles are kept."

I was getting really bored of my normal day to day life...

So I developed Parkinson’s to shake things up a bit

THE CHOICE

GOD APPEARED BEFORE AN IRISHMAN AND SAID, 'FOR YOUR DEVOTION, I WILL GIVE YOU A CHOICE BETWEEN PARKINSONS OR ALZHEIMERS FOR YOUR ELDERLY AFFLICTION.'

THE IRISHMAN SAID,; THATS EASY. PARKINSONS.'

'WHY IS IT EASY?' GOD ASKED

'I'D RATHER SPILL HALF A GLASS OF WHISKEY THAN FORGET WH...

My doctor prescribed me a drink to help with my Parkinson's disease.

On the front it says, "Shake before use."

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In the nursing home

-Can I hold your penis in the TV room today?
- I am sorry, Mrs Schultz is doing that tonight.
- What does Mrs Schultz have that I do not have?
- Parkinson’s

Two elderly men in a bar...

...one pipes up and asks his mate
"as we get older would you prefer Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"

Second man replies "Parkinsons, it will be bad enough spilling half my pint, never mind forgetting where I left it!"

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In an old age home...

90 year old Sean : I miss Sex life so much.
75 year old Tina:

How can I help?

Sean : I'd feel good if you could just hold my di*k.

So Tina held his di*k, and they kept talking all night.

This continued every night for two weeks.

Then one day Tina saw Sean w...

A old man's children visit him at the same time by car.

His children are parking their vehicles.


The man has parkinsons.

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What disease do you have if you're great at making cocktails, but terrible at stealing tambourines?

Parkinsons

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A old man meets an old woman in a care home...

They get off to a good start and they started to talk he learned she was called Maria and they talked about their past and their experiences and eventually they get to the subject of Sex. The old man says "I can't get an erection anymore, I need a woman to help me do it" Maria volunteered to help hi...

A couple in an old people’s home we’re having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a handjob.

Margaret said to Egbert ‘What does Dorothy have that I don’t?
Egbert replied ‘Parkinsons’.

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An old couple's sex life..

An old couple well into their 80's had stopped having sex. Their sex life consisted of the woman simply holding the old man's penis in her hand.
One day the woman notices the man seems distant. She asks if he is seeing another woman and he admits that he is. Furious, she yells- "what does she ha...

The boys got hired at their dad's valet business.

Now he has parkinsons.

What's the best kind of guy to get fingered by?

One with Parkinson's disease!

Bob and Mary are single residence in a nursing home care facility. Every night Mary goes to Bob’s room and Jacks him off before bed.

One evening Mary goes to Bob‘s room and sees that Margret is in there doing what she considered to be her job. Mary calmly walks out unseen. The next day at breakfast she confronts Bob. “I went to your room last night and Margret was at your bedside instead of me. What does she have that I don’t”?. ...

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