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What instructions are not needed on Parkinson's Medicine?

Shake well before use.

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3 Men With Parkinson's.

Three men with Parkinson's are sitting in a bar, and one says to the other two, "Eurgh, life is so hard, it took me ten minutes to open my front door his morning!"

Another says, "You think you have it hard? It took me fifteen minutes to butter some toast!"

To which the third man replie...

What is worst - Alzheimers or Parkinsons?

Alzheimers. Because its better to spill your beer than forget where you put it.

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What's the difference between a oyster shucker with Parkinson's and a prostitute with diarrhea

One of them fits when they shuck

What do you call a black guy with Parkinson's?

A chocolate shake.

I just got out of a relationship with a girl who had Parkinson’s

The relationship wasn’t very steady but the handjobs were great!

Not only do I have Cancer, MS, Parkinson's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, and Alzheimer’s; I went to the Doctor today and he told me that I have another weird-named disease:

Hypochondria.

Prayers please, every upvote counts as a prayer ^/s

What's the best thing about having Parkinson's?

Never having to buy another electric toothbrush.

My buddy with Parkinson’s just got a job at a bar

They only let him make mixed drinks

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Sex at the old age home

Don Carlos is 90 years old and lives in an old age retirement nursing home.
Every night after dinner, he secludes himself at the far-end of the garden.
One night, Juanita, 80 years old, approaches him. They start chatting about life and old age, and after a while, he says to her,

"You k...

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What do you call a cow with parkinson's disease?

Beef jerky

What's worse, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?

Does it really matter whether you spill your drink or you forgot where you put it?

What do you call a religious man with Parkinson's?

A Quaker

Parkinson's

My friend asked me the other day if I had any advice for dealing with Parkinson's, apparently 'just shake it off' wasn't the right answer.

I met someone with Parkinson's disease.

He was great at shaking hands.

How do you greet someone with Parkinson's?

What's shakin'?

What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem?

Shakesbeer.

I saw people collecting for Parkinson's and they were shaking tins which I thought was insensitive.

-Gary Delaney-

My friend told me this hilarious joke about Parkinson's last night

But I don't want to tell it because I'm a little shaky on the details.

There were two old people in a care home...

There were two old people in a care home, a man and a woman. Every evening, they'd sit down next to each other to watch the telly. They weren't married or anything, they just sat down and watched the telly, while the old gal gave the old man a handjob.

They'd been doing this every day for yea...

What do you call a professional mover with Parkinson’s disease?

A mover and a shaker

What do you call it when a deaf person has parkinson's?

A stutter.

(I just made this up and feel terrible and couldn't find the "I'm going to hell" sub so here ya go!)

I got yelled at for telling a Parkinson’s joke

Apparently it’s a shaky subject

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Bob is getting older and his kids decided to put him in an assisted living facility.

Bob at first was reluctant to go there. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge...

How does Michael J. Fox deal with his Parkinson's disease?

He just shakes it off.

I'm currently dating a woman that, like me, has Parkinson's and kleptomania.

We're going to take things slow.

I just had to tell one of my patients that he has parkinsons

He seemed very shaken up.

Just found out one of the ladies who sang "Push It" has Parkinson's

She's a Salt-N-Pepa shaker now

Dixon Hormuz and Rosie Highman watch the sunset every day at the lakeside pier by their nursing home….

Everyday for 10 years running they sit on a bench while Rosie reaches down into Dixon’s pants and loving holds his retired baby maker in her hands while they watch the beautiful sunset glistening off the still lake.

One day, Dixon doesn’t come to pick her up at dusk. She fears the worst and ...

I'm really worried about getting Parkinson's.

It really gives me the shakes.

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Two old timers were at the old folks home

Sean turned to Paddy and asked him: if you had to choose between having Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s, which one would you chose?

Aww for Fuck’s sake, said Paddy. I’d rather spill half a glass of whiskey, than forgetting where I put the fucken bottle.

What do cannibals call people with Parkinson’s?

Shake ‘n’ bake

I’ve always wanted to have Parkinson’s

Just to shake thing up a bit

Why is Alzheimer's better than Parkinson's?

Because it's no big deal to forget a beer but a tragedy to spill a beer.

.

.

.

That's Bavarian dark humor for you.

What desease would you prefer, if you had to choose between Alzheimer's or Parkinson?

I'd choose Alzheimer's...

Better to forget to pay for 2 beers, than spill 3...

My cow got Parkinson's

Now she only produces milkshakes.

What do you call a Bakery run by a person with Parkinsons

A Shake’n’Bake

Did you hear about the long-engaged couple with Parkinson's?

They finally tied the knot!

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My wife got diagnosed with Alzeihmers and Parkinsons last week.

I've been getting 8 wanks a day.

I saw 3 men standing at the urinals.

The first man, a Jewish guy, was peeing 4 streams.
"What happened to you?" I asked.

He explained "Accident at my circumcision. The rabbi had Parkinson's."

The next man, a big tough trucker, was peeing 6 streams.
"And what is your problem?" I asked.

He grunted "I had a fig...

I have been working on some jokes about Parkinson's disease.

But the punch lines are all a bit shakey at best.

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What happened to Juan?!

There once was a man named Juan(65M), who was seeing this woman named Maria(60F)... every Saturday, they had a ritual. They would meet up at the local park, sit on the bench, and Maria would hold his penis. They enjoyed about a year of this relationship, before one Saturday, Juan failed to show.
...

What do you get from a cow with parkinsons

Milk shakes

I was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.

I was shaken by the news!

What would you call Spider-man if he was a Greek who was into free running, had a debilitating disease and was backing up two cars?

Pita Parkour Parker with Parkinson’s parallel parking a Pontiac pulling a pick up truck.

What would you call Spider-man if he was a Greek who was into free running, had a debilitating disease and was backing up two cars, while making rice?

Uncle Ben

Did you hear about the Deaf guy with Parkinson's?

His sign language was a little shaky

Jacob, age 92, and Beth, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.


Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"...
The pharmacist answers "Yes".


Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
...

My Grandpa has Parkinsons

He's not able to do much but he beats me at every game of Hungry Hungry Hippos

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Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

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What do you call a paedophile with Parkinson's

assault shaker

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At the onset of Parkinson's disease, what's the first thing you should do?

Glue your hand to your cock.

Girls with parkinsons must really love giving handjobs

They just can’t stop

My doctor just told me I have Parkinson's...

...I'm pretty shaken up about it.

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An oldie in honor of Sir Sean Connery, RIP

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night.

Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer....

Is it possible to stutter in sign language?

Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s

I met an Italian with parkinson's.

He talked with a stutter.

What do Barcelona FC and a dog walker with Parkinson's have in common?

Neither of them can hold a lead.

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go up to a tree and take a leak:

* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your s...

Back at the nursing home,

A few evenings a week, Mr Jones would visit Ms Smith in her room. They would sit on the bed and talk and as they did, she would just simply hold his private part in her hand. They enjoyed this very much.
Then Mr Jones stopped visiting. As a few weeks went by, Ms Smith stopped Mr Jones in the...

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Nursing Home Sex

An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company. After about 3 weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, "I know we are both old and can't do much sexually anymore, but...

What do you call a hunter class Neanderthal with Parkinson's Disease?

Shakespeare

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Paddy is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home.

Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mary, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Padd...

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A pervy old man is walking through the park one day.

He sees an older woman sitting on a bench by herself and decides to sit by her. They make small talk for a little bit, and it is obvious to her that the old man is into her.

He asks her if she’d be interested in holding his penis for a while. She thinks he’s cute, and she hasn’t seen a man’s...

Dad takes his son for a driving lesson

Son: Dad, I’m so nervous, I can’t stop shaking, what are we going to do?

Dad: Parkinson.

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My friends and I get bullied a lot

I was at school, going to the lunchroom with my friends- James (he has Parkinson's Disease), Alex (he's mute), Megan (she's completely blind in both eyes), Abby (she has asthma) and Hayley (she's albino). I myself am paralyzed from the waist down and so I need to use a wheelchair. Since my friends a...

A new thrift store just opened up in my town, and all proceeds go to Parkinson's research...

you get a 10% discount if you do the secret hand shake.

I would rather have Parkinson's than Alzheimer's

Because it's better to spill half the glass than forget where you put the liquor.

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An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis.

"What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

What do you call a spider-man with shaky hands

Peter Parkinson

What's your favorite type of shake?

Chocolate, vanilla, or Parkinson's?

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Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

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Old Man and Old Woman in a Nursing home

An old man and an old woman live in a nursing home. Their spouses have died and they're lonely. After meeting each other, they begin dating. Because they're so old, they can't engage in sex anymore, but they like to just lie in bed, while the old woman holds the old man's penis.

This goes on ...

Long- There is this old couple who could no longer care for themselves so they join an assisted living center

At first everything is going fine as they transition to the new lifestyle. When they first had joined the center they were seen as a loving couple as he had his hand on her thigh and she had her hand on his but over time they seemed to drift apart and about a year later he no longer even sat with he...

My grandfather had a stutter, which was really weird, since he was born deaf.

Turns out it was just Parkinson's.

My doctor prescribed me a drink to help with my Parkinson's disease.

On the front it says, "Shake before use."

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In an old age home...

90 year old Sean : I miss Sex life so much.
75 year old Tina:

How can I help?

Sean : I'd feel good if you could just hold my di*k.

So Tina held his di*k, and they kept talking all night.

This continued every night for two weeks.

Then one day Tina saw Sean w...

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In the nursing home

-Can I hold your penis in the TV room today?
- I am sorry, Mrs Schultz is doing that tonight.
- What does Mrs Schultz have that I do not have?
- Parkinson’s

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An elderly man and woman live in a nursing home together

An elderly man and woman lived in a nursing home together. The elderly man liked the elderly woman very much. So one day, he asks if they could sit together outside on the benches.

They sat there every day for about 3 weeks. Finally, the elderly man builds up enough nerve to ask the woman if...

I was getting really bored of my normal day to day life...

So I developed Parkinson’s to shake things up a bit

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A old man meets an old woman in a care home...

They get off to a good start and they started to talk he learned she was called Maria and they talked about their past and their experiences and eventually they get to the subject of Sex. The old man says "I can't get an erection anymore, I need a woman to help me do it" Maria volunteered to help hi...

A old man's children visit him at the same time by car.

His children are parking their vehicles.


The man has parkinsons.

Bob and Mary are single residence in a nursing home care facility. Every night Mary goes to Bob’s room and Jacks him off before bed.

One evening Mary goes to Bob‘s room and sees that Margret is in there doing what she considered to be her job. Mary calmly walks out unseen. The next day at breakfast she confronts Bob. “I went to your room last night and Margret was at your bedside instead of me. What does she have that I don’t”?. ...

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