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Asthma Jokes

Guess how good my jokes on asthma are....

They're breathtaking

I feel bad for people who have asthma

Because out of all the things you could be bad at, you suck at breathing.

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What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

What do you call a vampire with asthma?

Vlad the Inhaler

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I always thought I was good at sex

Then I found out all my exes had asthma

What's the worst way to describe asthma?

It's breathtaking

What is a kid with asthma's favorite band?

Weezer

When you go hiking with asthma

You'll always find a breathtaking view

What band do people with asthma listen to?

Wheezer.

Today I learned, when someone says ' take my breath away ' they...

don't mean their asthma pump.

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I used to think I was good in bed.....

Until my girlfriend told me she had asthma.

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At times I hide my girlfriends asthma inhaler

just to make her scream
“give it to me, give it to me,”
so that my neighbour thinks I have a great sex life.

What do you call a pair of shoes with asthma?

Wheezys.

Sorry officer, can't do that!

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says,

\- "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says,

\- "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a r...

A man gets pulled over by a cop

The cop goes up to the man's window and informs him that he appeared to be swerving a bit.

"Son I just need you to do a quick breathalyzer test."

"I can't do that, officer, I have severe asthma. If I blow into that tube, I could risk an attack."

"Alright, then just come down to ...

Filipino Word of the Day: Chicken Nut Bread

Juan: My girlpren hab asthma so sometimes chicken nut bread..

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A louse enters the employment bureau and says, "I'm unemployed, what to do?"

The clerk looks at the computer and says, "I can offer you a job in Danny's mustache."

"Great", says the louse, and the next day she goes to work.

Two days later she comes back, "I can not work in Danny's mustache - He smokes a lot, and I have asthma."

"Well", says the clerk, ...

I thought I was world's best lover

Until i found out my wife has asthma.

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David sets up Andy to go on a blind date

David sets up Andy to go on a blind date with Melissa, a friend of his. But Andy is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.

"What do I do if she's ugly? What do I do if we don't connect" says Andy, "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry." D...

A police officer pulls a man over who was driving erratically.

The officer walks up to the man's window and asks him.

"Sir, you are all over the road! I need you to blow into this breathalyzer to determine if you have been drinking."

The driver of the car shakes his head vehemently and says to the officer.

"Oh, I can't do that, officer! I...

Two old ladies met at the park...

The first old lady asked, "Did you come on the bus?"
The second old lady replied, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

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Drunk driver

A cop pulled over a man who kept swerving in and out of lanes for no apparent reason. The officer goes up to the man and requests that the man take a breathalyzer test.

"I can't do that, officer," the man replied, "I'm an asthmatic. If I take the test, I might have an asthma attack."
...

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive naked young man runs by in front of them.

The three old ladies, who hadn't had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.

Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, "wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack."

Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!"
...

A man is driving down a road, swerving every now and then, so he’s pulled over by a cop, believing him to be drunk...

The cop then takes out a breathalyzer, and asks the driver to breath into it, the driver says he cannot, the cop asks why, and the driver tells him he has asthma.

The cop then walks back to his car and takes out a tube, he then returns to the driver and asks him for a urine test. The driver t...

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A car in central London was weaving all over the road one night.

A patrol car spotted him and pulled him over. The officer approached the car and said, “Sir, get out of the car, I need you to blow into this breathalyser.”

The driver reached into his pocket and produced a doctor’s note. It read: “This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform...

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A girl named Yu was being held captive by a tribe of goblins...

The goblins were very particular about how they did things, as they enjoyed toying with their captives. They all had a bizarre sense of humor.

“Let me go!” shouted Yu, who was suspended twenty feet in the air by ropes and pulleys. The goblins just chuckled at the fact that they knew she could...

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...

“Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I ...

Golfing and leprechauns.

One day a man was playing golf in Ireland and he sliced his drive and the ball went over to the side of the course and he heard an "ouch". The man looked over to investigate and saw that it was a leprechaun that he had hit with his ball.

"Oh I'm so sorry" said the man helping the leprechaun b...

You can run but you can't hide

Is a funny thing to say to children with asthma

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I prefer women with big breathing problems than big breasts.

I'm an asthma-n.

A guy gets pulled over for drunk driving.

When the cop walks up he asks,

"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"

Guy states, "well no I'm just on my way home, why'd you pull me over?"

Cop states, "you have been swerving so I'm going to have to take a breathalyzer"

Guy informs cop by saying, "ha well I can't do ...

A man goes to the doctor

"Help me", he says, "I think I might be asthmatic because I have a really hard time breathing"

The doctor performes a couple of tests and tells him: "From now on, I want you to sleep with your windows wide open."

A week later the man comes to the doctor again. The doctor asks him: "So,...

What is it called when a gamer fights someone?

An Asthma attack.

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A man is swerving all over the road gets pulled over by the cops...

The officer asks the man to do a breathalyzer test to which the man replies "Oh, officer I can't I have extreme asthma and I could go into a fit if I try to." The officer then asks him to come back to the station to do a piss test. The man then says, "I can't do that either, I have a severe test o...

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