Why do people with irritable bowel syndrome have a hard time making decisions?

They can’t trust their gut

I went to a group therapy meeting for those suffering from the imposter syndrome.

If they only knew that I did belong there.

It’s been a nightmare trying to find a keynote speaker for our first ever Impostor Syndrome conference..

Everyone I’ve asked has told me that they don’t deserve to be there.

A wife comes home one day and tells her husband she has been diagnosed as suffering from split personality syndrome.

“I thought you were just role playing”, replied the husband.

“No, but my psychologist has given me two options, live with it or lose one of the personalities” she says. “What do you think I should do”?

The husband thinks for a moment, “remind me dear, which one likes it in the ass”?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife got her test results back. We thought she had Tourette’s syndrome. Tests were negative.

Turns out I am a cunt & she does want me to fuck off

I was searching up Alzheimer’s syndromes

But the links were all purple

I’m on this great new drug to control my Tourette Syndrome.

I swear by it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome

I wanted my first time to be special

I often tell people I have Imposter Syndrome

But I'm sure they can tell I'm lying.

What does a timex and a girlfriend with Tourette’s syndrome have in common?

Both can take a licking and keep on ticking

The Doctor told me, “You have Backstreet Boys Syndrome.”

Me to the Doctor, “Tell me why.”

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome

Had a really bad start, but by the end I really liked it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard on the Underground

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...
1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cro...

Took my dog to the vet because he won’t stop barking

Turns out he’s got irritable bow-wow syndrome

A man with tourette syndrome is selling birds.

All the parrots are returned.

Far too many trees suffer from little dog syndrome

All bark and no bite

It turns out that one of the doctors who I credited as a source in my book about impostor syndrome had falsified his credentials...

.. but every single one of my sources has so far admitted to being the fraudster.

Doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home. He says “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked.

" It's not unusual", he replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the doctor

He says, ”You got to help me, Doc! I have the song, “What’s New,Pussycat” stuck in my head. It just keeps going around and around. It’s driving me CRAZY!”

Doctor replies, “Hmmm, that sound like Tom Jones Syndrome.”

“Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that serious??”

“Well, it’s not unusual....

Why is premenstrual syndrome called PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Doctor: I'm sorry John, but you suffer from Auto Correct Syndrome

John: I didn't even know I was I'll

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The doctor confirms I have Gloria Gaynor Syndrome

At first I was afraid; I was petrified...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a porn that stars only girls with Down Syndrome?

XXX

What condition does a noodle have when it doesn’t feel like it’s good enough?

Impasta syndrome!

Just be thankful COVID-19 wasn't instead named East Asian Respiratory Syndrome.

"Dude, don't touch her. She has EARS!"

Just found out I have irritable vowel syndrome...

Every time “U” tell me “I” have to do something it irritates the $h*t out of me.

What syndrome has people barking out potty humor?

Toilette’s syndrome

I was at the doctor's today and I learned I have Bartter Syndrome...

Wondering if anyone wants to trade?



(Yes that's a true syndrome, and come on, you knew the punchline before you read it).



[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartter\_syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartter_syndrome)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bloke with turrets syndrome

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother fucking manager, you cock sucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from usi...

I named my dog Syndrome..

So when he's Misbehaving I yell "Down Syndrome"

^^^Stolen

I hate when people make fun of my Tourette syndrome

It really ticks me off

What is the opposite of Down Syndrome?

Down Gooddeeddrome

I'm writing a book on Impostor Syndrome!

Actually, wait a minute. Whatever made me think *I* was qualified to do that?

\*trudges off disconsolately\*

What’s the only test a person with Down syndrome does well on?

A DNA test, they get a 47 out of 46.

I just finished reading a book on Stockholm syndrome

I didn't care for it much at first, but after a while i could 't put it down.

A patient once told me that he had imposter syndrome.

I told him he was just faking it.

Tomorrow is Downs Syndrome Awareness Day

You're supposed to wear crazy socks.

I'm just going to wear extra jeans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom Jones Syndrome

A man goes to the doctor with a complaint, "In my right ear, all I can hear is, 'What's New, Pussycat?'. In my left ear, 'Delilah'."

The doctor says, "We call that 'Tom Jones Syndrome'."

"Is that a common malady?"

"It's Not Unusual."

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout out, DOWN SYNDROME!

What do you call a kid with down syndrome when he's high?

A baked potato.[](/changeling)

I told my GF that I had ,been diagnosed with sticky sperm syndrome.

She said that'd be hard to swallow.

I joined a forum for people with Down syndrome.

Comments are disabled.

The other day, my friend said that he thinks that I might have Asperger's Syndrome.

I couldn't tell if he was joking, or being serious, or happy, or sad, or angry, or frightened, or...

My wife fell in love with me again during covid-19

I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome

A little boy asks his father, "What 's the difference between having ups and downs?

His Father says, 'You don't have ups syndrome.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q. How many women in my house with Premenstrual syndrome does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One.......ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a fucking light bulb motherfucker! They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this motherfuckinghouse in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once th...

I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome...

... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom Jones Syndrome

This guy went to his doctor and said,

“Doc, I can’t stop singing certain songs. All morning I’ve been humming ‘The Green, Green Grass Of Home.’ Yesterday it was, ‘Delilah.’ Last week I sang ‘What’s New Pussycat?’ at least 100 times! What’s wrong with me?”

The Doctor says, “Sounds ...

"Tom Jones Syndrome"

A man is in the waiting room at his Doctor's office and finally, the Doc arrives.

"Hello Jim what seems to be the problem today?"

Jim replies "Doc, you've gotta help me. I can't stop singing 'She's a Lady' by Tom Jones!"

The Doc says "oh yes, that is 'Tom Jones Syndrome'"
...

I once went to a convention about impostor syndrome...

...but I had to leave because I felt like I didn't belong

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ten Lines to Get You Out of Jury Duty

1. I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.

2. I am really attracted to you, Your Honor.

3. If a police officer told me I was a bug, I'd believe him

4. I think laws are for sissies.

5. Would I have to bathe?

6. Can each of my personalities vote in t...

I am a psyicician specializing in growth hormone deficiencies. I had planned to present an exhaustive list of the conditions and syndromes that I treat but I couldn't wait to post this...

I have little patients.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a guy with down syndrome buying a pair of jeans today.

I thought to myself, "What a greedy bastard, haven't you got enough already?"

Why do you never see a black person with Down Syndrome?

God doesn't punish anyone twice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do we want? An end to tourette's syndrome.....

When do we want it? Cunt!

How do you know if a deer has tourette's syndrome?

It has deer tics...

What do you call a wolf with Stockholm Syndrome?

A Dog.

My girl has legs that just won't quit.

Damn that Restless Leg Syndrome.

I want to get a dog and name it Syndrome.

So that every time he gets on my couch, I can yell "DOWN SYNDROME"

Why did the guy with Down's Syndrome enter an RV contest at a bagel shop?

He wanted to Winnebago.

I'm reading a book about sufferers of tourettes syndrome...

I want to know what makes them tic.

I need a volunteer to test Stockholm syndrome.

Any takers?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Russian with Tourettes Syndrome?

Yukanol Fukov

Why is it harder for older dwarves to make rugs?

Carpet tunnel syndrome

Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath?

Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ed Zachary Syndrome

A woman was distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in
quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so
she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex
therapist, Dr. Chang.

Upon entering the examination roo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dog Syndrome keeps jumping up on people.

Down, Syndrome!

(I blame [this joke](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/i6d96/my_dog_mitten_ate_two_shuttlecocks_this_morning/) for dredging this up from my memory)

Told my wife that the doctor thinks I have irritable vowel syndrome. She said, "I think you mean 'bowel'."

I said, "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is suffering from restless leg syndrome

After countless unsuccessful medical treatments he becomes discouraged thinking he will never be able to enjoy a good night's sleep due to the overwhelming tingling sensations he experiences through his legs at night.

Having exhausted every other option, he decides to try his luck with a wit...

Why do Swedish people love their country?

Because they have Stockholm syndrome

There's a French guy with tourettes syndrome who keeps yelling goodbye at random people.

There's much adieu about nothing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a prostitute with irritable bowel syndrome and an epileptic oyster?

You have to shuck the oyster between fits.

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