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Ailments Jokes

A group of seniors were sitting at a table together at Starbucks, discussing their ailments.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! W...

Some people suffer from ailments that are innappropriate to joke about; however

Obesity is something to be made light of.

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If Stephen Hawking, given his physical ailments, were to develop a machine to help him masturbate...

Would it be a *stroke of genius*?

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Some old folk are sitting around complaining about their ailments.

One afternoon a few older folk are sitting around outside complaining about various ailments that come with old age.

One says, "My eyesight keeps getting worse and worse as the days go by. The other day, I washed the cat, and didn't realize it was possum until it bit me several times"

...

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.


After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"<...

A fellow went to the doctor for a physical examination...

... The doctor found him fit as a fiddle, with no sign of any ailments... but when the man left the office, he dropped dead right outside the door. The nurse hurried in and told the doctor, "That man you just examined fell dead on his way out! What shall we do?" The doctor replied, "Go turn him arou...

Old Bert is 90..

...and the doctor makes a visit.

"So, any ailments, Bert?"

"Not really, Doctor. I'm bit slow, but everything works."

"Really?" says the doctor. "Nothing at all?"

"Well..." says Bert. "My neck has gotten a bit stiff over the years, but once I get the rocking chair going, I...

The Spiritual Healer

One day a traveling religious healer came to a small town. He promised that through the power of the Lord he could cure any ailment no matter how severe.

That night the town gathered in the town square to see a huge stage with a long white curtain and a large golden cross. The healer aske...

The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up

Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.

The tele...

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The Witch Doctor

There's a guy walking down the street and he comes across a Witch Doctor. The Witch Doctor tells the guy that he is able to remedy any ailment, and upon doing so he charges a $50 fee. If he cannot cure the ailment, he pays the patient $100. The guy gets the address to the Witch Doctor's office and s...

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NSFW : He just LOVES to fish!

A couple checks into a seedy motel and asks for the Honeymoon suite. Around 3:30am the groom all decked out completely in fishing gear comes walzing thru the lobby and headed for the door.

Overcome with curiosity the desk clerk stops him and asks, "Aren't you the fellow that just checked in a...

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A man was diagnosed with infertility

Even after trying several meds he couldn't find cure. One day he was suggested by a friend to visit a miraculous hermit outside the town who claimed to cure all kinds of ailments. The man visits the hermit and describes his problem.

The hermit said: "I have a solution. Here are 2 magical cond...

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The Dollar Store Machine

A man is shopping at the local Dollar store when he finds a new futuristic looking machine near the store's entrance. He asks the store employee what it was.

"This amazing machine will diagnose any ailments you might have from your spit. It costs only $1 to use."

Curious the man gives ...

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A guy goes to the doctor for a physical. [Long]

The doctor tells him they have a new machine that can diagnose all ailments with 100% accuracy with a urine sample and would like to have him be the first to use it. The guy, curious, agrees.

The guy gives a urine sample and the doctor pours it into the machine. After some beeping and boopin...

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