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Parking Ticket Jokes

Me: "Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus!!"

Judge: "Repeat infractions?"

Me: "Ok, 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!"

Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally.

Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Parking Tickets

So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called...

Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket?

No??


FINE.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had just popped into a shop and when I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.

I said what the fuck are you doing?

He said the car is illegally parked.

I told him he's a pig.

So then he writes another ticket for a bald tyre.

I told him he's likes fucking hitler.

So he then writes another ticket for a defective wiper blade.

I said fuck ...

A man goes to court to fight his parking ticket ...

When he arrives he has to wait in the waiting room. He looks over and spots a woman with a beaming smile. He asks "why are you so happy to be at court?" The woman replies, "I actually work here, and I love my job!" The man asks "What do you do?". The woman replies "I'm a psychic." The man says...

Hey girl, are you a parking ticket?

Because I picked you up on the street, and now I can't afford to pay you.

A disabled man gets a parking ticket...

And he asks the parking attendant, "is this because I'm disabled?"

And the attendant says, "no, it's because of your parkin' sins."

I got a boot on my car for what I thought were just average parking tickets.

As it turns out, they were outstanding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Parking tickets

My father and I went shopping. When we got out of the shop, a policeman was writing a parking ticket. My father told, "Come on, cut some slack here, we just went out for a few minutes." Policeman didn't seem to care and continued his business.

So my father called him a dumbass. So now police...

Bob gets home and tells his wife he just got a parking ticket for $2,000.

She says “$2,000? Where the hell did you park?”

“On a person.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cop writing a parking ticket

My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole." He glared at me a...

A man got parking ticket

A man was charged in court for parking his car on the wrong side of the road. 
Judge: Why did you park your car in a no parking area? 
Man: Your honour, the sign read, Fine for Parking. So I thought it was fine to park my car there!

My dad came to visit for the weekend. Today he awoke and found a parking ticket on his car.

He said, "Looks like today is turning out to be a fine day."

Hey baby, are you a parking ticket?

Because I'd like to pay you for the mistake I've done

Are you a parking ticket?

"Because you got fine written all over you."

-Glenn Quagmire

P.S. heh heh, ohh riggght.

Girl, are you a parking ticket?

Because I want to throw you aside and forget about you forever.

Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped?

Demeter wasn't working.

Today, I saw a cop writing a parking ticket

I went and asked him if his dad was proud of him.

'Nah', he said, 'In fact, I think he would be pretty angry if he knew what I was doing. Then again, he shouldn't have parked here.'

A British tabloid receives an order for a smear article about an activist...

After two weeks of digging, the assigned reporters go to the editor and shake their heads.


"It's impossible, boss," they say. "There's nothing about the bloke, not even gossip. He doesn't even have a parking ticket. In fact, he's pretty much a saint: the only time his name appears in poli...

I was walking in Little Italy yesterday

when I saw a man patiently standing by his car as he was being written a parking ticket. The officer finished, and the man thanked her and opened his car.

Confused as to why he seemed so unconcerned I approached him. "Sir! You just got a ticket! How are you so calm about this?"

He just...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some funny pick up lines

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

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