I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..

Guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog.

One evening an old farmer decides to go down to his pond.

He hasn’t been there in months, and feels the urge to check on things. As he gets closer, he hears loud giggling coming from the pond. He is shocked to find a bunch of young women skinny-dipping.



“Hey, what’s going on here?” he shouts, alerting the women who were standing at the water...

A duck gets in trouble for blowing bubbles in the pond.

A flock of ducks are in a pond.
One day, a particular duck, whom we’ll call Quack, found himself upset over seeing another duck blowing bubbles in the pond.
So upset, in fact, he decides to take the duck (whose name was Waddle) to court.

Once in court, the duck is is called to the duck...

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A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.


The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day the man sees her cryin...

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young ...

A naked Tarzan sees an elephant drinking from the pond.

The elephant after seeing him approach says, "How much water can you drink from that tiny thing son?"

A couple ducks are floating on a pond, and one of them goes, “Quack!”

The other duck looks over and says, “Wow, I was just gonna say that!”

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A monkey is smoking a joint on a tree..

..a lizard comes by and asks: "monkey why are your eyes so red?", monkey replies: "i'm smoking a joint, do you want some?". Confused lizard asks: "i don't know, what's a joint?" Monkey says to him to come up to tree and he'll show him. After two joints they are both waisted and the lizard complains ...

Why was the pond embarrassed?

Because you could see it’s bottom.

My 8yo came up with this one.

A Joke for those of you across the Pond.

I feel like the double decker bus is a bad invention for one reason. Well, more like three reasons. It is the only time where you can get in a car crash, fall down the stairs, and be in England at the same time.

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An Amish farmer is walking through his field when he sees a guy drinking from his pond, scooping it up with his hand.

The farmer says,
"Trinken sie nicht das wasser, die
kuhe unddie schweine haben in ihm
geschissen," which means, 'Don't
drink the water, the cows and the
pigs shit in it'


The guy shouts back, "I'm a Trump
supporter, and this is America. I
don't understand your gibberi...

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A salmon is watching a fly hover 6 inches above the pond and thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, I'm going to eat it."

A bear is on the shore and is watching the salmon. The bear thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, the salmon will eat it, and I will eat the salmon."

A hunter is watching the bear and thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, the salmon will eat it, the bear will eat the salmon, and I will...

Moses, Jesus, and an old man go golfing...

They’ve been going for a bit now and they’re at the final hole. It’s a large course with a big lake right in the middle of the fair lane, with the hole on the other side.

Jesus goes first. He hits the ball and it lands on the shallows of the lake. Jesus walks across the water and hits it and...

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An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your d*ck touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "G...

Just hurt my wrists digging a hole between two koi ponds.

I think it's carpal tunnel.

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Through a poorly-worded genie wish, a man now has a 20-inch-long penis.

While the bragging rights were good for a few days, the man soon realizes that his dick is uncomfortable and unusable, and he must find a solution. He begins asking the local enchanters and witches if they have any suggestions, and finally gets a lead that the enchanted forest over yonder is home to...

Who do you call the underwater seaspy?

James Pond

An engineer is walking beside a pond...

..when a frog hops out onto the path and says "Please, sir, I am a beautiful princess. A kiss from you will release me from the evil spell that turned me into a frog!"

The engineer smiles, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket.

A commotion ensues in his pocket, and he takes the ...

An English farmer was walking through his field

He spotted a intruder crouched down by his pond. As he approached he realised the man was drinking pond water, cupping his hands.

"Oy ye dinnae wanna drink from there. It be full of hoss an' muck!" shouted the farmer.

The man looked up, startled. "Pardon monsieur but i am french. I am ...

It's a chicken in the backyard.

A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarians desk and says, "Buk", so she gives him a book. A couple minutes later the chicken returns. "Buk", he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.

Finally it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fr...

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

A chicken goes into a library.

He goes up to the counter.

“Book book book!” He squawks.

Amused, the librarian grabs three random books from the return stack and gives them to the chicken who leaves with them.

The next day the chicken returns the three books and says “book book book” again. He gets his three ...

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A dog was drowning in a pond...

A German man ran over and jumped into the pond to try and save it.

When he got out, the dog was unconscious, but it was safe for now.

A bystander, who had watched this happen, asked the man: “are you a vet?”

The man replied: “am I vet? I’m fucking soaking!”

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Charles the duck was sitting by the muddy edge of the pond.

Suddenly a female duck fell out of the sky and landed head first into the mud with her rear sticking up. Another nearby duck, thinking he had won the lottery, quickly mounted the female, but she reared up and threw him off forcefully.

It was a Chuck duck cuck muck luck fuck buck.

Special Pig

A farmer walks into a bar with a pig with a wooden leg. Bartender says "We don't allow pigs in here". Farmer says "This is no ordinary pig this is a special pig". Bartender asks, "What's so special about it?" Farmer replies, "I was out fishing in my pond, fell out of my boat, I can't swim. Pig broke...

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So a guy and a girl are on a date, when they walk past a pond with swans in it.

The girl turns to the guy and says “I can talk to animals.” The guy looks at the girl and says “I gotta see this!” So the girl turns to the swans and says,

“HEY SWANS, FUCK YOU!”

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Himalayan Dick BABA

A man had a tiny penis. He went to doctors,surgeons, faith healers , witch doctors etc to try and get it larger.
All their knowledge was in vain as they could do nothing about it.
A relative of his who saw this, told him about a baba who lived on the peak of the Himalayas who had been kno...

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A man goes duck hunting at a local pond, he feels the need to relieve himself...

so he leans his shotgun up against a tree and starts to take a whiz, when suddenly a strong gust of wind comes along, and knocks the gun over. The weapon goes off and shoots birdshot into the man's penis.

Later, at the hospital, the doctor gives him the news: "I'm afraid your penis sustained...

A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...

when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?

The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the ...

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond

As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"

A fly.

There was once a fly who was strolling around a pond to find something to sit on. So, it strolled down around five or so inches to see better.

A fish was looking over that fly, waiting for the fly to come closer so that the fish can eat the fly. So the fish jumps out the water to eat the fly....

Two college girls went skinny dipping in a pond

Suddenly a farmer comes over with a bucket and they scream and cover themselves.

"What are you doing, you pervert?!" One of them shouts.

The farmer then pours the bucket of fish into the water.

"Oh don't worry, I'm just here to feed the alligators,"

What kind of bedding can you buy at Walden Pond?

Thoreau pillows!

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A cat falls in a pond and a rooster laughs.

The moral of this story? A wet pussy makes a cock happy.

Why did the hipster drown?

He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?

-Because the other fish were crying.

Happy International Women's Day

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore. Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be gi...

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How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

There were three ducks swiming in a pond one night after midnight and got arrested for trespassing. They were called to apper in court the next day

So the judge called up duck #1 and asked what were you doing in a pond swiming after midnight

The duck said "blowing bubbles"

So then the judge called up duck #2 and asked the same question and the duck said

"blowing bubbles".

Then the judge called up duck #3 and said l...

3 ducks are sitting in a private pond

And they get arrested for trespassing. The judge asks the first duck, “What were you doing in the pond?”

The duck goes “I was blowing bubbles”

The judge asks the second duck, “What were you doing in the pond?”

And the duck replies, “I was blowing bubbles”

He asks the thi...

A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...

He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"

The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"

The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"

Clinton and Trump are drowning in a pond.

You can save only one of them. What kind of sandwich do you make?

Two frogs are sitting by a pond

First frog says *Croak*, Second says *Croak*.

The first says *Croak*, second responds *Croak*.

First shouts *Croak*, second says *Croak*.

First says *Croak*, second says *Croak Croak*

First says "Don't change the topic, man!"

What do you call a frog that jumps closer and closer to a pond, but never jumps in?

An asymptoad.

There’s Three Old Men,

Sitting on their porch, and Jesus finally comes for them. so they’re up in heaven, and there is ducks, EVERYWHERE. Now Jesus Says, “Alrighty, Now in heaven, we only got one rule. Never. Ever. Step on a duck. If you do, you will be chained up to an ugly person for all of eternity.”
Now they all sa...

From my 11 year old cousin: What do you get if you cross a pond with snowshoes?

Wet.

The lonely fish

Deep in the bamboo forest, there lived a tiny fish alone in a pond. Every day he swam around the pond in solitude. His little heart longed for a companion. He gradually became incredibly sad, he stopped eating and he started losing the color in his scales. A fairy, passing by, was taken with the pl...

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The other day I went for a jog in the park and began my routine of running laps around the pond.

On my first lap I noticed a girl in a wheelchair crying. I approached her and asked why she was crying. She told me "I'm crying because I've never been hugged!" Feeling sympathetic, I hugged her and she said "Thank you! I feel so much better!" as her tears subsided.

I continued jogging and as...

A city guy drives into the country and sees some ducks at pond...

He walks up to the ducks and asks them their name and what they’re up to.

The first duck says “Hi, my name is Quack and I’m just blowing bubbles.”

The man then goes to the second duck and the duck says “Hi, my name is Quack Quack and I’m just blowing bubbles.”

So, when the man g...

A kid walks past a pond

A kid walks past a pond, when at that moment a fish comes up in the water.

Fish : "Heey kid, i am a magic fish, and I will grant you a wish."

Kid : "Well i don't have a wish but i do have a question. Is that ok ?"

Fish : "Sure what is your question ?"

Kid : "Can you ev...

I got caught up in a religious protest for vegetarianism before. It was weird enough to start with but it got surreal when I saw a nun throw a huge fish into the village pond and then a monk trying to get it out again only to end up netting a large slab of beef instead.

Still not sure what was weirder- seeing the nun chuck fish or the monk fish chuck.

The Twelve Thank You Notes Of Christmas

Dec 25

My dearest darling Edward,

What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.

Your deeply loving,

Emily

Dec 26

Beloved Edward,...

Three sisters get married, each to another man

The men's now mother in-law decides to test all of them.

She decides to take each of them on a walk separately.

The mother in-law takes the first guy on a walk. She "accidentally" falls into a deep pond. The man doesn't hesitate, he jumps in and saves her. The next day, the man gets a...

Three Ducks Are Blowing Bubbles In A Pond...

There was once a pond where there was a law against blowing bubbles in the pond and after one drunken night three ducks turn themselves in for committing the crime. They go to their court date and the judge asks to see the first duck and he says to the duck “what do you have to say for yourself?” Th...

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So one day there is this fly flying over a pond...

But while the fly was flying over the pond, there was a fish watching the fly and the fish said "Well shit, if that fly would just come down six inches more, I could jump out and get the fly because I'm hungry". But while the fish was watching the fly, there was a bear watching the fish watching the...

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A rich man and a poor man are sitting by a frozen pond one December

They come to discussing the Christmas presents that they've bought for their respective wives. The rich man says "I got my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedez Benz". The poor man is astounded at his rich friend's largess. He asks "why did you get her the jewelry *and* the car?" The rich man says ...

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In the middle of a beautiful forest there is a pond filled with clear, cool water.

Flying about six inches above the pond is a fly. The fly is thinking "I'm thirsty. If I drop down to the surface of the pond I can get a drink".

Unknown to the fly a fish is quietly watching it and thinking "That fly looks thirsty. If it drops down to get a drink I can swim up and eat it. Tha...

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From “THE SMURFS OLYMPICS” by Peyo

On a bright day, a Smurf decides to go fishing. He picks up his pole but stops at the door. “Wait a minute,” he says. “When I walk through the door, Farmer Smurf will say, ‘So you’re going fishing, Smurf?’ And the Smurfs at the pond will all ask if they’re biting.’ And when I get home with no f...

BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond

17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with Ethiopian still actively feeding.

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say

‘Buk Buk BUK.’
The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk and say,
‘ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!‘
The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books. The chickens leave as before. The ...

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One summers day, a group of young girls decide to go swimming...

One summers day, a group of girls decide to go swimming rather than class. Instead of the more popular spots, the friends choose a discreet little pond on the far side of the lake. Sure, its privately owned but they're unlikely to be discovered there.

When the young ladies get to the pond, t...

Walking along a pond a heard a turtle ribbit

I guess you could say he has a reptile dysfunction

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There was once a rabbi who loved to play golf.

He loved it so much he could not bear not to play for more than a few days and was beggining to get addicted.

One year, on Yom Kippur - the day of atonement and the holiest of all high Jewish holidays, the rabbi thought to himself, "What's it going to hurt if I go out during the recess and ...

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The Aquatic Research Fish ponds overflowed last night because of heavy Rain.

it flooded the residential area nearby. A man walked into his back yard the next morning and saw his entire basement was filled with water, and hundreds of fish swimming in his pool. He went in his house and called his insurance company. He told the representative what happened. She replied "Sorry, ...

I overheard an extremely perverted frog at the pond yesterday.

Kept saying "rubbit"

Meet my good friend 50 Cent, or as he's known across the pond...

10,000 Pounds

The librarian and the chicken

There was a librarian who worked at the west town library for over 15 years. One day, on an otherwise normal day, a chicken hopped into the library, right up onto the librarians desk, looked her straight in the eyes, and said “bawwwwk bawk bawk bawk !”

She looked at the chicken, confused. Th...

Jesus is playing golf with Moses as his caddy.

They get to a par 3, but there is a small pond between them and the hole. Jesus asks, “what should I use?” Moses responds, “Arnold Palmer can hit with a 9 iron, but you should use a 7.” Jesus days, “If Arnold can do it, I can do it.” He tees up and hits the ball into the water. He sends Moses t...

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NSFW A handsome traveling salesman stops at this farmhouse.

After a long wait at the door finally a young woman with no arms or legs shows up at the door in an electric wheelchair.

"Sorry Mister there's no one at home but me for the next few hours, but I would like to ask you a favor."

"Alright young lady, what can I do for you?"

"Well y...

Once upon a time, there were 3 little ducks who lived by a peaceful pond.

One day they got into trouble and were sent to Bob, the duck who was in charge of the pond.
The first one stepped up in front of Bob and looked shamefaced.


Bob asked, "What’s your name?"

The little duck replied, "Duck."

"Why did you get sent to me?" queried Bob.

...

I visited my wife's grave today

Bless her heart she still thinks I'm digging a pond.

A Black guy and an Asian guy are standing next to a pond.

A Black guy and an Asian guy are standing next to a pond. The Asian guy says, "This pond is Magical, if you skip a stone across it, you will hear the names of your ancestors." So the Asian guy picks up a stone and skips it, the stone makes a sound with each splash, "CHING-CHANG-CHONG." The black guy...

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A fly is hovering above a pond

And there is a fish looking at the fly thinking if that fly just came down 3 inches I would be able to jump up and catch it. There is a bear thinking if that fly came down 3 inches that fish would jump up to catch it and I will be able to swipe at the fish. There is a Hunter and he is thinking if th...

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One day a woman is jogging in the park (NSFW)

As she runs past the pond she sees a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a wheelchair on the pier crying. Worried, she walks up to him and asks him what's wrong.

The man looks up at her sadly and says "It's because I've never been hugged." So the woman bends down, and gives him a giganti...

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The man and the frog

A man with a dick of 50cm went to the doctor.
Could you please get it a little smaller doctor? he asked.

The doctor had to let him down, because he couldn't. However, he said, there is a frog that turns up at night, and if you ask him to marry you and he'll say no, your dick will shrink....

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

What's yellow and lies in a pond?

Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in english.


What's yellow and lies in a pond?

An excevator.

You don't think this is funny?

Neither does the operator.

Florida Woman Stops 12' Alligator with a .22 cal Beretta Pistol

\[Long\] This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While walking along the edge of a pon...

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf

They reach a pond of water.

Moses smacks the ball over the water, and raises his staff. Suddenly, the waters part and his ball rolls to the green.

Then, Jesus hits the ball toward the water. He closes his eyes in prayer and the ball rolls on the surface of the water all the way to th...

A boogie board was abandoned in a man-made lake.

Days or maybe even weeks go by without it interacting with anyone or anything.

It drifts mindlessly around, because no one is there to direct it. It starts to day dream about a time where it wasn't alone in a glorified pond.

A few more weeks go by of this boring life, when it suddenly ...

A man is illegally fishing

So a man is illegally fishing for 2 hours, at this point he has a bucket full of fish and he’s still fishing, out of nowhere a cop comes in and tells him

“You know you can’t fish here right? It’s illegal, I’m gonna have to arrest you.”

The man hides the pole and replies:

“Oh no...

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

Three ducks in a pond

There were three ducks in the pond that all got arrested. On their day in court the first duck approaches the bench.

The judge askes: "what were you doing in the public pond?"
Duck 1: "I was only blowing bubbles"
Judge: "Well you can't do that so I will give you 3 days in jail and $...

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The fly and the pond.

There is a fly 6 inches above a pond, in that pond there is a fish, the fish is thinking "if that fly goes 6 inches lower i could eat it". There is a bear on the shore of the pond and is thinking "if that fly goes 6 inches lower the fish could get the fly and i could get the fish!" There is a hunter...

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Master Po, why is kung fu so hard?

Grasshopper, have you seen the peace of the sunrise through the morning mists?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the patience of the crane as it stands still in the pond until a fish swims by?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper,...

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For the last time, NO! NO! NOOOO!

So, there's this man. He's young, healthy, reasonably attractive, good job, etc.

Only problem is, he has a 25 inch penis. This might might sound great if you're a 12 year old, but it soon becomes the bane of his existence. Every time he meets a nice lady, eventually things lead to the bedroom...

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A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor…

… to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint.

“Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “is there anything you can do for me?”

The doctor replies, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do.  But, I do know this witch who ...

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A frog is born mute

A frog is born mute so he can’t make any noises that a frog typically makes because, well, he can’t make any noises at all. So naturally it’s very difficult for the frog to make friends with the other frogs and he ends up with just one friend; a tortoise who’s had the patience and the wherewithal to...

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A man and his new hunting dog

A man is sitting at the bar of his local gun club with a few of his buddies after finishing their trap shoot. As they enjoy a cold beer, a man and his dog enter the bar. After a few minutes of pleasantries, the man with the dog says "Yea, this dog is incredible. I don't have to sit around and wait f...

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Confucius say...

...man with itchy asshole have stinky fingers.


...man who fish in other man's pond often catch crabs.


...baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls not walk.


...man who fart in church sit in own pew.


(Feel free to add more)

Heard this the other day, also the one about the hedgehog....



A chicken walks into the library and says: "bok bok", So the librarian hands him a book. She takes it, goes away and the next day comes back.

The chicken again says "bok bok", and the librarian hands him new books. Away she went. The third day, chicken says "bok bok bok", and the libr...

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Stone skipping

Three boys were sent to the headmaster’s office.

“What have you been up to?” the headmaster asked the first one in his sternest voice.

“I played ‘Stone Skipping’ by the pond,” he answered.

“Stone skipping? I see nothing wrong with that, I did that a lot when I was young too. Ju...

Spent a few hours on the wife's grave today

1. It cheers me up and; 2. She still thinks I'm digging a pond.





\[Note: Not my joke, but made me chuckle\]

Ducks out after curfew.

A Cop is out on his nightly patrol when he sees three Ducks out on a pond after curfew. He pulls into the park shines his spotlight on the ducks and asks them to come to shore so he could speak with them. The Ducks come to shore then the Cop asks the first duck to speak with him.

The cop ask...

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Donald Trump decides to visit Mexico to see the progress of his border wall.

While out in the middle of the hot sun he notices a pond of water by a farm. Thirsty, after having drunk all the water he brought with him, he decided to kneel down and take a drink.

An older Mexican man approaches him and says “No bebas el agua, las vacas se han cagado en ella.” (Translated...

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A big trip to the mountains with married women and their mothers-in-law was organized. They would go there by separate busses (the women in one bus and the mothers-in-law in another).

During the trip to the mountains, the bus carrying the mothers-in-law had a flat tire. Suddenly the bus driver lost control and the bus fell off the mountain, at least a couple thousand meters downhill. No chance anyone in that bus survived it. Obviously all of the women started cheering up, startin...

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A Man is on a date with a woman

and they pass by a pond that has swans in it. The woman tells the man that she can speak to animals. The man thinks to himself, wow I can't believe it. He tells her,
"Prove it."
So, she turns to the swan that is resting by the shore of the pond and yells,"Hey swan, fuck you!"

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A sailor and a priest are playing golf...

The sailor takes a shot. He places the ball down, smacks it with the club, and watches as it goes flying straight into a sand trap. The sailor mumbles to himself

“Fuck, I missed...”

The priest, hearing him, immediately snaps round and says

“Young man! Please do not use such awf...

A joke that works best when told aloud: The chicken in the library.

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the librarian, and squawks: "Book!"

Once the librarian has gotten over the confusion of having a chicken in a library, she wonders whether or not the chicken actually wanted a book. She eventually figures that she might as well humour the chicken's r...

Two priests were playing golf...

Father Bob hit his ball into the woods on his first swing, "Damn it! That totally missed!" he cursed.

"You shouldn't curse Father Bob!" said Father Michael "Or god might punish you!"

Father Bob apologized and they went on playing.

On his next swing, Father Bob hit his ball into ...

Two boys are in the woods...

...They were walking when they noticed two girls getting naked in a nearby pond. One kid bolted the other way and the other one chased after him. "Why did you leave man! That was the prime opportunity for us to see naked chicks!" Then the other kid said "well, my mom said if I ever see a naked girl...

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