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An old Jew becomes rich and retires on a large tract of land. He invites his friend to pay him a visit.

An old Jew becomes rich and retires on a large tract of land. He invites his friend to pay him a visit. The friend asks "It's great that you're living out here, but how are you supposed to go to temple?"

The old Jew replies and says, "that's not a problem, I built three temples for me to at...

My girlfriend constantly suffers from urinary tract infections

I told her she put the uti in cutie.

"Sherlock, what do you know about the gastrointestinal tract?"

"It's alimentary, my dear Watson."

Why couldn't the GI tract pick up her kid from school?

He was in testing

Hey girl, are you a urinary tract infection?

‘Cuz ur-in-ate out of 10

What did the doctor say to the man with a serious urinary tract infection?

Urine trouble

What did the urologist say when she suddenly discovered a cure for Urinary Tract Infections?

Urethra!

How do you know God didn't program the human digestive tract in C#?

It ends with a whole colon instead of a semicolon.

What's the difference between a weatherman and an overweight doctor that handles the urinary tract?

One's a meteorologist and the other's a meaty urologist.

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My mate asked me why I don’t like hefty girls

I told him she might have great tracts of land but I’m not a fucking farmer

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What do you call a urinary tract infection caused in a virgin?

Immaculate Infection

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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation.After much debate and research they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the pop...

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A man was down on his luck and in desperate need of a job.

He saw an ad in the newspaper about a sales position. He didn't know the first thing about sales, but figured he could learn, and so he contacted the company.

"It's simple," said the hiring manager. "You go door-to-door selling toothbrushes. Everyone needs a toothbrush, you should be able ...

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Once you go black you never go back.

This is a very concerning statement for me because my poop has been black for about a week and it burns really bad and google says black stool means blood early in my digestive tract and I don't know what to do please help

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I entered ten puns into a pun contest

I was hoping at least one would win, and in fact seven did. The prize was that they would be published in the local paper.

A week after they were published, I was contacted by a huge publisher that said they liked my puns so much that they offered to pay me an advance to write a book of puns!...

Tree hugger

A woman from Los Angeles , who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Grants Pass , Oregon . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she ...

How did Captain Kirk get the flu

He Khan-tracted it

Others change, but you should be yourself!

said one corn to another in the digestive tract

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Yokel Logic

Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.

He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'

The man, slightly stunned, says, '...

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The trip to Home Depot

I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point o...

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