UPJOKE
fieldyardparkpathwayparcelsubdivisionpamphletinfieldoutfieldsectorsitefairwayterrainpiece of groundnerve pathway

Tract Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night, I tossed and turned as I had a dream that a giant grizzly bear ate me and I passed through its entire digestive tract.

I woke up feeling pooped.

My girlfriend constantly suffers from urinary tract infections

I told her she put the uti in cutie.

Hey girl, are you a urinary tract infection?

‘Cuz ur-in-ate out of 10

"Sherlock, what do you know about the gastrointestinal tract?"

"It's alimentary, my dear Watson."

Why couldn't the GI tract pick up her kid from school?

He was in testing

What did the doctor say to the man with a serious urinary tract infection?

Urine trouble

How do you know God didn't program the human digestive tract in C#?

It ends with a whole colon instead of a semicolon.

What did the urologist say when she suddenly discovered a cure for Urinary Tract Infections?

Urethra!

What's the difference between a weatherman and an overweight doctor that handles the urinary tract?

One's a meteorologist and the other's a meaty urologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a urinary tract infection caused in a virgin?

Immaculate Infection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eagle is flying over the Grand Canyon when it spies a frog by a stream.

The eagle swoops down and swallows the frog whole, flying off with a full stomach. Somehow the frog makes it through the eagle's digestive tract and pokes his head out of the eagle's asshole.

The frog takes a look around and yells back at the eagle: "Hey eagle. About how high up are we?
<...

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timber Land

A young woman from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land, so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When creatures were nothing but a clump of cells...

When creatures were nothing but a clump of cells a hole begins to firm that exists throughout their entire lives as their gastrointestinal tract.

Some creatures form from the mouth down.

Others the other way around.

Humans fall into the second category.

So everyone readin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Metamucil...

I was at the grocery store today, and I noticed a large sale display on Metamucil fibre supplement, you know...the daily Drano for your intestinal tract. I noticed that the bottles said "now fortified with calcium for stronger bones" I think if you are trying to take a shit so hard that your bones a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once you go black you never go back.

This is a very concerning statement for me because my poop has been black for about a week and it burns really bad and google says black stool means blood early in my digestive tract and I don't know what to do please help

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yokel Logic

Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.

He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'

The man, slightly stunned, says, '...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A deaf and mute orphan in a small village...

...is found pregnant. The villagers cannot find any way to get the poor girl to help them find out what happened. As the girl is due to give birth, a nasty rumor begins to circulate among the folk: the preacher is to blame.

The preacher does not expect the villagers to care much for the vile ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was down on his luck and in desperate need of a job.

He saw an ad in the newspaper about a sales position. He didn't know the first thing about sales, but figured he could learn, and so he contacted the company.

"It's simple," said the hiring manager. "You go door-to-door selling toothbrushes. Everyone needs a toothbrush, you should be able ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered ten puns into a pun contest

I was hoping at least one would win, and in fact seven did. The prize was that they would be published in the local paper.

A week after they were published, I was contacted by a huge publisher that said they liked my puns so much that they offered to pay me an advance to write a book of puns!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The trip to Home Depot

I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point o...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.