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Rocks Jokes

Why do small space rocks taste better than small Earth rocks?

They are a little meteor.

Geology rocks

But geography is where it’s at!

I was trying to write a joke about rocks.

But no matter how much I worked on it, the set up was a bunch of schist and the punchline wasn't gneiss.

I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks"

I tried. It doesn't.

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Holiday rocks

Holidays in Amsterdam: have sex and get stoned.

Holidays in Saudi Arabia: have sex and get stoned.

What do you call a black guy who studies rocks?

a geologist, you racist!

Jesus, Chuck Norris and the Pope are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake.

They decide to get to the shore, so Jesus leaves the boat first and walks over the water to the shore.

Chuck Norris leaves second and also walks over the water to the shore.

The Pope, being baffled, also tries to take a step out of the boat but immediately falls in, so he has to swim t...

A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because...

... of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally, the old girl passed away. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I wou...

Two old guys are at a bar drinking a scotch on the rocks

First Guy: looking at his ice cubes, " these ice cubes have holes in them, when did they invent this stuff?"

Second guy: "Must be a long time ago, I have been married to one for forty years."

Girls are like rocks,

the flat ones get skipped

Don't date rocks

They'll take you for granite

Osama bin Laden dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a couple of folks here who weren't qui...

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George Bush dies and goes to hell

Satan is already waiting for him.
'Well, I don't know what to do. See, you're on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I'll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren't as bad as you are... I guess I'll let one go and you'll...

What do rocks use for personal hygiene?

Geoderant!

Apparently some pet rocks are braver than others...

I understand they're a little boulder.

What's dumber than a box of rocks?

...the hippie trying to sell them



and that my friends, as a geologist, is my favorite rock joke.

What did the police find after dusting Chris Rocks face after the show?

Fresh Prince

To a geologist, what's the difference between rocks and a kid?

If you date a kid, you get sent to jail

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My Japanese carp recently got a new aquarium, but they're hiding in rocks and not coming out so much.

They're acting a bit koi.

My daughter told me that she now believes in the power of rocks

I thought that she became spiritual,
Turns out she just started smoking Crack

What is big, red and eats rocks

A big red rock eater

My pastor told this during a sermon once and it still kills me

Two fellas are walking in the woods one day when they come upon a gigantic hole, so big and deep that they can't see the bottom of it. Naturally, their curiosity gets the best of them and they start looking for things to throw in the hole. They find sticks and rocks and throw them in but never hear ...

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A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

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"Hey, what are you gonna do with those crazy crystal rocks??"

Nothing... why don't you mine your own bismuth

On our hike yesterday, my partner wouldn't let me take home any volcanic rocks

And to be honest, I'm still a little basalty over it.

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A kid is throwing rocks at a can in a park

He misses the first shot and says:
"Fuck, I missed!"

The priest from a church that is right in front of the park hears him, walks up to him and says:
"Son, you must not curse or God will punish you..."

The kid doesn't listen to him and replies:
"Yeah, whatever"

He keeps...

I'm not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks

It makes me boulder

Trust me you should never punch rocks

I found out the hard way

At the beach house, we had a major problem with sea birds. I started throwing rocks at them.

I left no Tern unstoned.

I bought fake rocks

Shamrocks

I tried to buy a bucket for my metamorphic rocks.

But it wasn't for shale.

Two fishermen were fishing off the rocks...

The first fishermen was catching fish so fast they we're practically jumping straight into his bucket.

The second fishermen asked the first what his secret was. To which the first responded.

I have no wife, or girlfriend, I am a very lonely man.

The first fishermen didn't unders...

What do you call the rocks kids covered in chocolate?

Coco pebbles.










I hate this joke.

Geologists really love rocks....

...that's why they date them!

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