Obtained Jokes

The Dolly Llama

Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist ... read more

Enlightenment

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. In a desperate hope to solve the problem, the Zoo Keeper approached a local redn... read more

Two security guards obtained me at the airport after they opened my luggage and found some IcyHot patches, they said: I was packing heat.

I can now tell you every ingredients use in Cheetos, how it's obtained, and the molecular structure.

The priests walked to the public showers. Once they were at the showers they realized that they had forgotten their soaps. So one of the priests decided to walk naked back to their room which was rather close.

Once he had obtained the two soaps he saw 3 nuns coming around the corner in the c... read more

Recently, a world renowned entomologist was invited by the Queen of England to a gala in honor of the top minds in science. As this was an extremely formal event, the dress code was (obviously) "white tie." The entomologist was flattered beyond belief, and, in attempt to look his absolute best, he w... read more

And when they are at the gates, Saint Peter says:

"I know you have sinned, I see it in your eyes. Before you walk through these gates you must atone for your sins. Sister Isabella, your eyes once coveted the flesh of a man. You must wash your eyes with Holy Water and you'll be free of sin an... read more

A police officer was tasked to train three blonde women to become detectives.

He showed them a picture of a man for five seconds before asking the first blonde how she would recognize him in the streets. "Oh, that's easy! He only has one eye!"

The police officer exclaimed: "Are you stu... read more

An hour into the flight, the plane began losing altitude. Acting quickly, the pilot decided it was necessary to airdrop items to be tracked down later in order to reach the nearest airport.

First to go was the Base Commander's new Humvee. Next was a large crate of MREs. Finally, a crate of t... read more

As they drove back to the college, they tried to think of a good excuse. Finally, they agreed to the same story: a tire was blown in the middle of nowhere at mid night so they were stuck. They each sent the professor an email asking to retake the exam and gave the excuse. The understanding professor... read more

Roy was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the mo... read more

......... to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him, even though he was a married man.
"Oh, Sam," she sobbed at the conclusion of the tr... read more

COMPUTERS: SHE OR HE?

Why computers seem female:
-- No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
-- The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
-- The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as,... read more

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Congressman Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid ... read more