The 87+ Best Reject Jokes

Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

So in essence, Jesus is...>!never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.!<

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When I was in law school, I was rejected by all fraternities because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

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My patent for a gold-plated butt plug got rejected

Apparently Apple has cornered the market on expensive toys for assholes.

What do you get if you cross a non-violent Indian with an anti-Semitic art school reject and a wizard?

Gandolf

I tried to join this walking group, but was rejected because they said I didn't walk "the right way."

Man, I hate gait-keepers.

A wife said, "Do you see that drunk guy?". The husbands said, "Yes. Who is he?". The wife said, "He proposed to me 10 years ago and I rejected him." The husband said...

"Oh my God! He's still celebrating."

You should see the nasty rejection letter I got from Heinz regarding my suggestion of a new condiment mixing relish and mustard…

It might have been the name though…

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Rejected porn titles. ( You can do this in the comments too. )

The grim deeper

Hole-y enlightenment

Sesame street after dark

Johnny johnny needs his sugar and milk

What was Iron Man's rejected hero name?

Fe Male

I recently rejected a junior software dev job at IKEA.

I kinda know java, kotlin and some php but unfortunately Assembly was required.

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An Arabian oil tycoon met this very attractive lady and fell absolutely in love with her. so he proposed to her, claiming he would be able to grant her anything in the world. The lady not wanting to offend him by rejecting him outright, thought of ridiculous requests that are near unfulfillable

For the first request she said she'll only marry him if he buys her a 1000 acre mansion, thinking that there isn't and give up. Surprisingly the tycoon said "Ok, I build I build" and immediately gets his butler to contact a construction company to build it.

Next the lady decided to make her ...

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn’t 2B.

Why was Anakin Skywalker rejected for a credit card?

Because he applied for a MasterCard.

Rejected slogan for the massage room at DisneyWorld's Grand Floridian resort:

"The only place at DisneyWorld where you can *not* get a happy ending."

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

Why did Gmail reject the password ‘14days’?

It was two weak!

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A plastic surgeon at Johns Hopkins just performed surgery on a child born without eyelids, circumcising him and replaced the missing lids with the harvested tissue. The boy's new eyelids work almost perfectly and, since they were made from his own tissue, rejection won't be a problem.

When speaking to reporters, though, the surgeon admitted that the boy does look a little cockeyed.

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I got rejected from my job interview for coming 30 minutes early

The porn industry can go fu*k themselves for all i care

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what were the three rejected names for condoms

The jizz mittens,cum kuisi,and the kidnappers

What did the beaver say when his crush rejected him?

Dam.

A lawyer sits next to a blonde on a plane, and he really wants her to notice him, but she shows no interest.

The lawyer is not used to being rejected, so he says:

"Let's play a game. We go back and forth and ask each other questions, and if you don't know the answer, you give the person $5."

The blonde isn't interested, and she declines.

After 20 minutes of silence, the lawyer says:...

I got a rejection letter from the origami university today,

I’m not sure what to make of it.

My paper got rejected because it didn’t have any pictures.

Figures...

My favourite thing to do is to walk into book stores and say “Hello! I'm looking for a book titled ‘How to deal with rejection without killing’.”

“Do you have it?”

What do your friends say when you get rejected by your sister from Alabama?

Damn bro you got chromo-zoned.

A son, who had rejected his father's wish for him to follow in his footsteps as an ornithologist and left home as a young man, returns many years later. After dinner, the two go for a walk.

The son sees a large bird flying overhead. Out of a sincere desire to reconnect, he points it out, and says, "Father, is that a hawk?"

Understanding the gesture, the father does not want to correct his son by informing him that it is actually a vulture. Instead, he offers a hint.

"Ca...

Apple just came out with a new WatchOS update, but I rejected it.

Not on my watch.

A young lady, destitute and rejected by her lover, heads to the Manhattan docks to drown herself.

But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
...

My friend developed a video streaming app that rejects every choice you make, and plays random Russian videos instead

He calls it *Nyetflix*

A man rejects a girl due to the height difference between them..

The girl: “you’re selling yourself short you know”

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I was having a bad case of diarrhoea so I called in sick to work. However, my plea was rejected

Apparently having a lot of shit to deal with isn't a valid excuse.

An attractive co-worker that I’ve been working with for 3 years confessed to me today, but I rejected her.

One way to spot a woman with low standards is when they start liking me.

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she'll know what rejection feels like

Why did the rabbit reject her boyfriend’s marriage proposal?

Because the ring wasn’t 24 carrots

Got rejected by long term girlfriend,after I took her to dinner at a fancy restaurant,mustered up the courage,got down on my knee and finally proposed

A threesome with my wife.

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A woman submitted a speedrun for “Fastest Female Orgasm”

It was rejected though, turned out to be a TAS

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A young lady hands in an application form...but she gets rejected the first time.

A young lady hands in her application form. She wrote "Prostitute" where she had to state her occupation. The other lady at the counter quickly assesses it, and says that unfortunately, a prostitute is not eligible.

"Ok" says the frustrated young brunette, "how about I put down cock farmer?"<...

A boy asked a girl to be his girlfriend, but he got rejected because he was always too busy practicing his music.

It’s ok, some people are just meant to be soloists.

My work colleague rejected me today.

She said we were better office friends.

After almost thirty years of working hard in school, applying myself at college, and training and serving in the Air Force my application to become an Astronaut was rejected.

Turns out my mom was right, if I apply myself the sky's the limit.

A vegan applied but was rejected for a job at Burger King...

She didn't meat the requirements.

I was applying to volunteer at a blood drive, but they rejected me when they asked me to demonstrate drawing blood.

I guess they didn't want me to use crayon.

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.

That would have gone viral.

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People are always making jokes about hitler getting rejected from art school.

But if I was in that one guys shoes I would have rejected him too. The guy massacred 6 million Jews!

Guys you don’t need to be attractive to never get rejected

Just be ugly enough that no girl wants to talk to you, it’s worked out for me..... so..... yay..

I used to be Fat and rejected, but then I thought things had to change so I went to the gym every day for 6 months and I got fit. And now I am

Just Rejected!!!!

I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me.

They asked if I was positive.

I said "Yes, I'm sure of it"

My submission for a new drug name was rejected by big pharma. I don't know why.

'Dyquickr' is a perfectly good name for a cholesterol lowering medication.

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If you've ever been rejected by someone who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex,

One might say you were chaste away.

I used to get rejected about 50% of the time, but then I finally found the one and got married.

Now it's more like 90%

I went to the library, and I asked the librarian if they carried a book called “How To Deal With Rejection.”

She told me no, so I started shaking and weeping uncontrollably.

A man committed suicide after being rejected at a singing competition...

He just couldn't face the music.

George R.R. Martin (OC)

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to...

Difference between computers and woman

Unlike computers a woman will reject a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

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Imagine telling someone you're bisexual.

Pessimist: That doubles the number of people who are going to reject you.

Optimist: That doubles the number of people you can date.

Realist: 2 times 0 is still 0.

why did the bee get rejected?

because he couldn't beehive.

Big bird's flock rejected him because of how tall he was...

He was ostrich-sized.

Why did Mr. T reject Marxism?

Because Marx said "You have nothing to lose but your chains."

*^(Manifest der Kommunistischen Partei - 1848)*

If I had $1 for every time a girl has rejected me...

I wouldn't be single anymore

My wife has rejection issues. She asked me to help by rejecting her from time to time.

I said no.

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What is the ultimate rejection?

When your hand falls asleep while masterbating.

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What did Hitler say when he got rejected by the Academy of Fine Arts?

Mein Crafts!

For a man to fully understand rejection

He must first be ignored by a cat.

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Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..

Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..

He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..

He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after ex...

What do you call a Muslim organization that rejects Muhammed?

A non-prophet

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A new stipulation which would have allowed medical marijuana to be prescribed for constipation was rejected in Congress today...

The Congressman’s closing remarks were “shit or get off the pot”

I keep getting rejected.

First my parents

Then my girlfriend

And now my blood.

Got rejected by my dentist during a check up.

My fillings were hurt.

What do you call a fashion designer that rejects everything?

Calvin Deklein.

Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for...

During a practice run he caused negative results.
Apparently he wasn't what the suicide hotline was looking for.

Getting rejected by women? Try my new question: "If I were to ask you out, would you say no?"

Sometimes it just feels good to get a "Yes".

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Superman vs the invisible man

Superman is super horny, in need of a ride he phones super girl and asks if he can come round for some sex.

She turns him down and says she’s busy.

Superman sad and rejected decides to go for a flight and passes super girls apartment.

Super girl is lying in bed legs spread moan...

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A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.

As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

They say rejection is a hard pill to swallow...

But it's just practice for the 60 pain killers later.

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An escort goes to the hospital

She is a few hours away from getting a heart transplant and quite nervous.

She asks the surgeon, “Doctor, what if my body rejects it?”
The surgeon replies, “Well, you’re in good health apart from your heart. What do you do for a living?”
She shyly admits, “Um, actually I’ve b...

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A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH!

What profession is the pickiest when it comes to dating?

Scientists.

They reject H0s all the time.

A landlord’s lesson…

A pub landlord is struggling with the cost of living crisis. Customers are down and costs are soaring. To get his business back on track, he decides the best way forward is to host an event to draw in new customers. Noticing the cobwebs in some of the dimly lit corners of the pub, he has a stroke of...

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.

“Not really,” says Mary.

“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.

“No,” she responds.

“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”
...

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I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary

I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has...

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

one to issue the requisition form LB24, one to sign the work order DF69, three to consult with management and reject both forms as not applicable to maintenance as per regulations. Seventeen to form a fact finding committee to discuss the overuse of LB24,after ten months of debate, there wi...

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The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client.

The client, out of the blue, suddenly asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her, ...don't reject the guy outright.

So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. After a few minut...

An old man and his son loved to do the gardening together.

There was an old man who loved doing the gardening with his son, every week they would get together and do the gardening.

One day the dad is diagnosed with lung cancer, not got long left to live. So the son decides that to raise money to pay for treatment he starts to sell drugs. Weed meth co...

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So a man was playing golf...

So this dude was out playing golf on a Sunday. About half way through the first 9 holes, he forgets what hole he is on so he asks a lady in front of him, "hey miss, sorry to bother you, but I've forgotten what hole I am on, and you are on the hole in front of me, would you mind telling me what hole ...

A large man in dirty, tattered clothes walked into a five-star restaurant.

The maitre d tries to firmly reject him from the restaurant, but the man glares at him and growls "Oh, you're not going to let me eat? My father used to have people refuse to serve him, and if you don't let me in I'm going to have to do what he did when that happened".

The matre d fearfully s...

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During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation...

... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead.

A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.

Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle.

Instead of ...

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