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Reject Jokes

Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

So in essence, Jesus is...>!never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.!<

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When I was in law school, I was rejected by all fraternities because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

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My patent for a gold-plated butt plug got rejected

Apparently Apple has cornered the market on expensive toys for assholes.

What was Iron Man's rejected hero name?

Fe Male

I tried to join this walking group, but was rejected because they said I didn't walk "the right way."

Man, I hate gait-keepers.

Why did Gmail reject the password ‘14days’?

It was two weak!

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Rejected porn titles. ( You can do this in the comments too. )

The grim deeper

Hole-y enlightenment

Sesame street after dark

Johnny johnny needs his sugar and milk

You should see the nasty rejection letter I got from Heinz regarding my suggestion of a new condiment mixing relish and mustard…

It might have been the name though…

Why did the All-American Rejects break up?

It was time for them to move along.

Why was Anakin Skywalker rejected for a credit card?

Because he applied for a MasterCard.

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn’t 2B.

I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she'll know what rejection feels like

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what were the three rejected names for condoms

The jizz mittens,cum kuisi,and the kidnappers

Rejected slogan for the massage room at DisneyWorld's Grand Floridian resort:

"The only place at DisneyWorld where you can *not* get a happy ending."

I got a rejection letter from the origami university today,

I’m not sure what to make of it.

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I got rejected from my job interview for coming 30 minutes early

The porn industry can go fu*k themselves for all i care

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A woman submitted a speedrun for “Fastest Female Orgasm”

It was rejected though, turned out to be a TAS

What did the beaver say when his crush rejected him?

Dam.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

Difference between computers and woman

Unlike computers a woman will reject a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

My work colleague rejected me today.

She said we were better office friends.

My paper got rejected because it didn’t have any pictures.

Figures...

A lawyer sits next to a blonde on a plane, and he really wants her to notice him, but she shows no interest.

The lawyer is not used to being rejected, so he says:

"Let's play a game. We go back and forth and ask each other questions, and if you don't know the answer, you give the person $5."

The blonde isn't interested, and she declines.

After 20 minutes of silence, the lawyer says:...

What do your friends say when you get rejected by your sister from Alabama?

Damn bro you got chromo-zoned.

My wife has rejection issues. She asked me to help by rejecting her from time to time.

I said no.

Why did the rabbit reject her boyfriend’s marriage proposal?

Because the ring wasn’t 24 carrots

Apple just came out with a new WatchOS update, but I rejected it.

Not on my watch.

A man rejects a girl due to the height difference between them..

The girl: “you’re selling yourself short you know”

why did the bee get rejected?

because he couldn't beehive.

What's the ultimate rejection?

When you're mastutbating and your hand falls asleep.

I keep getting rejected.

First my parents

Then my girlfriend

And now my blood.

Why did Mr. T reject Marxism?

Because Marx said "You have nothing to lose but your chains."


*^(Manifest der Kommunistischen Partei - 1848)*

Big bird's flock rejected him because of how tall he was...

He was ostrich-sized.

I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me.

They asked if I was positive.

I said "Yes, I'm sure of it"

A vegan applied but was rejected for a job at Burger King...

She didn't meat the requirements.

My friend developed a video streaming app that rejects every choice you make, and plays random Russian videos instead

He calls it *Nyetflix*

For a man to fully understand rejection

He must first be ignored by a cat.

A man committed suicide after being rejected at a singing competition...

He just couldn't face the music.

Guys you don’t need to be attractive to never get rejected

Just be ugly enough that no girl wants to talk to you, it’s worked out for me..... so..... yay..

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A young lady hands in an application form...but she gets rejected the first time.

A young lady hands in her application form. She wrote "Prostitute" where she had to state her occupation. The other lady at the counter quickly assesses it, and says that unfortunately, a prostitute is not eligible.

"Ok" says the frustrated young brunette, "how about I put down cock farmer?"<...

Did you hear about the New Ager who rejected anesthetic when he had a cavity filled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

80% of Swedish nationals report enjoying the lockdown despite having initially rejecting it. They say it makes them more productive.

Personally, I think it’s just a case of Stuckhome syndrome.

A wife said, "Do you see that drunk guy?". The husbands said, "Yes. Who is he?". The wife said, "He proposed to me 10 years ago and I rejected him." The husband said...

"Oh my God! He's still celebrating."

If I had $1 for every time a girl has rejected me...

I wouldn't be single anymore

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I was having a bad case of diarrhoea so I called in sick to work. However, my plea was rejected

Apparently having a lot of shit to deal with isn't a valid excuse.

What do you call a Muslim organization that rejects Muhammed?

A non-prophet

An attractive co-worker that I’ve been working with for 3 years confessed to me today, but I rejected her.

One way to spot a woman with low standards is when they start liking me.

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A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH!

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.

That would have gone viral.

Got rejected by my dentist during a check up.

My fillings were hurt.

My submission for a new drug name was rejected by big pharma. I don't know why.

'Dyquickr' is a perfectly good name for a cholesterol lowering medication.

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If you've ever been rejected by someone who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex,

One might say you were chaste away.

What do you call a fashion designer that rejects everything?

Calvin Deklein.

Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for...

During a practice run he caused negative results.
Apparently he wasn't what the suicide hotline was looking for.

What profession is the pickiest when it comes to dating?

Scientists.

They reject H0s all the time.

I was applying to volunteer at a blood drive, but they rejected me when they asked me to demonstrate drawing blood.

I guess they didn't want me to use crayon.

I used to get rejected about 50% of the time, but then I finally found the one and got married.

Now it's more like 90%

They say rejection is a hard pill to swallow...

But it's just practice for the 60 pain killers later.

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An Arabian oil tycoon met this very attractive lady and fell absolutely in love with her. so he proposed to her, claiming he would be able to grant her anything in the world. The lady not wanting to offend him by rejecting him outright, thought of ridiculous requests that are near unfulfillable

For the first request she said she'll only marry him if he buys her a 1000 acre mansion, thinking that there isn't and give up. Surprisingly the tycoon said "Ok, I build I build" and immediately gets his butler to contact a construction company to build it.

Next the lady decided to make her ...

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Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..

Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..

He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..

He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after ex...

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Superman vs the invisible man

Superman is super horny, in need of a ride he phones super girl and asks if he can come round for some sex.

She turns him down and says she’s busy.

Superman sad and rejected decides to go for a flight and passes super girls apartment.

Super girl is lying in bed legs spread moan...

I went to the library, and I asked the librarian if they carried a book called “How To Deal With Rejection.”

She told me no, so I started shaking and weeping uncontrollably.

Got rejected by long term girlfriend,after I took her to dinner at a fancy restaurant,mustered up the courage,got down on my knee and finally proposed

A threesome with my wife.

George R.R. Martin (OC)

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to...

I love to go to bookstores and ask "Hello, I'm looking for a book titled: How to deal with rejection without killing"

... do you have it? ...

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A plastic surgeon at Johns Hopkins just performed surgery on a child born without eyelids, circumcising him and replaced the missing lids with the harvested tissue. The boy's new eyelids work almost perfectly and, since they were made from his own tissue, rejection won't be a problem.

When speaking to reporters, though, the surgeon admitted that the boy does look a little cockeyed.

After almost thirty years of working hard in school, applying myself at college, and training and serving in the Air Force my application to become an Astronaut was rejected.

Turns out my mom was right, if I apply myself the sky's the limit.

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A new stipulation which would have allowed medical marijuana to be prescribed for constipation was rejected in Congress today...

The Congressman’s closing remarks were “shit or get off the pot”

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An escort goes to the hospital

She is a few hours away from getting a heart transplant and quite nervous.

She asks the surgeon, “Doctor, what if my body rejects it?”
The surgeon replies, “Well, you’re in good health apart from your heart. What do you do for a living?”
She shyly admits, “Um, actually I’ve b...

A son, who had rejected his father's wish for him to follow in his footsteps as an ornithologist and left home as a young man, returns many years later. After dinner, the two go for a walk.

The son sees a large bird flying overhead. Out of a sincere desire to reconnect, he points it out, and says, "Father, is that a hawk?"

Understanding the gesture, the father does not want to correct his son by informing him that it is actually a vulture. Instead, he offers a hint.

"Ca...

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.

“Not really,” says Mary.

“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.

“No,” she responds.

“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”
...

Getting rejected by women? Try my new question: "If I were to ask you out, would you say no?"

Sometimes it just feels good to get a "Yes".

An old man and his son loved to do the gardening together.

There was an old man who loved doing the gardening with his son, every week they would get together and do the gardening.

One day the dad is diagnosed with lung cancer, not got long left to live. So the son decides that to raise money to pay for treatment he starts to sell drugs. Weed meth co...

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Personals ad...

A woman placed an ad looking for man, her only requirements was that he would never hit her, never walk out on her, and have an enormously long penis. After 2 weeks of rejecting enthusiastic suitors she began to give up hope of finding love. Finally one day a quadraplegic guy in a wheel chair rings ...

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Judgement Day

So, there's this guy, not exactly a saint, and on judgment day, he finds himself in the fiery realms. Satan, with a wicked grin, goes, "Welcome to eternal suffering! Time to choose your poison. Pick a door, any door."

Sweating bullets, our guy opens the first door and, BAM, it's a grues...

I used to be Fat and rejected, but then I thought things had to change so I went to the gym every day for 6 months and I got fit. And now I am

Just Rejected!!!!

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?



one to issue the requisition form LB24, one to sign the work order DF69, three to consult with management and reject both forms as not applicable to maintenance as per regulations. Seventeen to form a fact finding committee to discuss the overuse of LB24,after ten months of debate, there wi...

I went online to order Oreos and the website errored

My VPN was rejecting cookies.

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One of my favorite Bill Maher jokes ...

It's really no surprise that Selena Gomez got back together with Justin Bieber. If her body didn't reject a new kidney, why would it reject an old asshole?

Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day

your body rejected the transplant and you died.

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[NSFW] A businessman goes to Las Vegas (long)...

And he gambles away the shirt off his back. All he has left is the second part of plane ticket. So he goes to a taxi and asks him if he can take him to the airport. He offers his credit card number, phone number, everything, but the Taxi driver said that if he doesn't have $15, he should the hell ou...

They say live fast, die young

But ESPN keeps rejecting my pilot episode of Baby Formula 1 Racing

I decided to travel to the US.

At the Embassy for the visa interview...

Officer : Where to in the US?

Me : San Jose

Officer : It's pronounced as San Hosay. J is pronounced as H in the US.

Me : Oh, okay!

Officer : So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me : From Hanuary to Hune or Huly.<...

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A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.


As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

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Two neighbours go to the doctors checkup for the obligatory militairy service

They both hoped to be rejected, but are perfectly fine man. As he was about to enter the room, one neighbour said to the other: wait me out, I'm gonna be rejected.

So 10 minutes later the guy came out and guess what. Rejected.

"Rejected? For what?"

"I just shoved 100 bucks up ...

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I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary

I, the Penis, hereby demand a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has...

The reason I don't carry a donor card .

I find it depressing enough the amount of women that have rejected my organ whilst I was alive..

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