"Ramen."

- Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.

Why did the ramen get arrested when he went outside without putting on his bowl?

Public Noodlity.

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?

A more-soupial

You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the grocery store, I went to the checkout line with the cute cashier...

I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.

Package of Ramen noodles.
Quart of milk.
Half a dozen eggs.
A couple of frozen dinners.

As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"

I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, w...

My friend just told me he’s got these little lightsaber chopsticks he uses when he eats ramen.

I told him he should use the forks.

A semi truck full of Ramen noodle caught fire today and the whole shipment was considered ruined

The total loss came out to be $73

What do noodles say when they finish praying?

Ramen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Noodle and Meat Bun were best friends.

But one day they got into a disagreement and had a fight. Noodle isnt very strong but he managed to beat up Meat Bun.

Meat Bun wasnt going to take this insult without revenge, so he went off to get some brothers, Pan Fried Bun, and Steamed Pork Bun. Together, the angry mob roamed the streets ...

I have already eaten 20% of my ramen

Amen

I put some instant ramen on my grandma today...

I call it Instagram.

TIL ramen is fully cooked before packaging

Otherwise it would be called rawmen

I've paid $.25 for a bag of Top Ramen since I was in college

Either they don't raise their prices for inflation or I've been getting ripped off the past 20 years...

What's the difference between ramen soup and an Oscar-bait movie?

You watch one for three minutes, stirring occasionally. You watch the other for three hours and it's occasionally stirring.

I like lots of different foods, like ramen, oatmeal, pudding, rice...

...just for instants.

How does ramen flirt?

They send noods.

Seen at a local restaurant.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

A monk walks up to a ramen stand and says:

A monk walks up to a ramen stand and says: ‘make me one with everything’

If you mix taco bell sauce into your ramen..

It tastes exactly like poverty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?

Because they prefer ramen.

Shouldn't we call cup ramen noodles "sodium bowls" now?

Na...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Missouri congressman order out at a Japanese restaurant?

Ramen and ra-women.

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

I have achieved the peak ramen-to-income ratio.

If I make more money, I'll eat less ramen.

And if I make any less money, I'll also eat less ramen.

What is a poor man's favorite flavor of ramen?

Clearance

What Did the Giant Say to His Enemy When He Served Him Ramen at a Vietnamese Restaurant?

Fee Fi Fo Fum, Faux Pho For Foe

I just checked my account balance at the ATM

It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was doing a little shopping at my local grocery store.

As the cute cashier was ringing up my stuff, she saw that all I had was some ramen noodles, frozen burritos, and canned spaghetti.

She giggled and said “I can tell your single”. I laughed and asked “what gave it away?”

She replied “you’re fuckin ugly”

I'm starting a new pasta cult

May we praise the Noodle Lord for eternity. Ramen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to tell if a Japanese restaurant is authentic?

The menu will be written in Times New Ramen

At the end of the day, we’re all human beans

Together we will rice. Now lettuce pray. Ramen.

Did you hear about the Ramen warehouse that burned down?

Dozens of dollars worth of Ramen was lost.

What form of art is very popular among college kids?

Ramen doodles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did God say after he created the Japanese?

Ramen.

Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?



(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen!

--------

Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

What kind of soup do computers eat?

RAMen.

Rich people start their meals by saying "Bless us oh Lord for these thine gifts..."

Poor people say "Ramen."

If Coronavirus doesn’t kill me...

All the ramen I’m eating in quarantine will

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the early 1900s Japanese cops always had a mustache

One day a Japanese man walks into a restaurant and asks the waiter for a free bowl of ramen because he is a cop. The waiter replied " you dont have a mustache so how do i know id you are a real cop...". The man quickly pulls down his pants and undys, points to his bush and says "im undercover"

Work got cancelled for two weeks, so I go to the grocery store on the way home.

I’ve seen all the news, lots of Facebook pictures of empty shelves, but I was not prepared for this madness. There’s a line of like five people by the frozen goods aisle, trying to get pizza.

So I decide to go get some ramen. I know it’s not the best, but it keeps forever and I’ve been perfec...

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

A guy was checking out at a supermarket with an attractive young clerk.

She scanned the frozen dinners, the beer, the ramen noodles and kept giving him eyes in between each scan.

As she scanned the condoms she looks and him and says, "Single huh?"

He replies, "yea, how'd you know?"

She says, "Because you're ugly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is checking out at a grocery store

and puts a coke, candy bar, ramen noodles, and a tub of ice cream on the counter and the cashier says, "you must be single." "Wow, that's amazing! I sure am, what gave it away?" replies the woman. The cashier mumbles under his breath, "because you're ugly as shit."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chicken or Beef

A man was relaxed in his recliner watching TV and from the kitchen he hears his wife say “ Honey, would you like chicken or beef for dinner?”
The husband thinks it over and shouts “I think I want beef tonight.” The wife shouted back, “Fuck you asshole, you are eating ramen noodles, I was talking...

What is a cannibal’s favorite type of pasta?

Ramen.

If you're Christian and poor you can end grace by saying the name of the food you're about to eat.

Ramen

What's an Asian cannibal's favorite food?

Ramen

There might be plenty of good food choices in College..

.. but you can't Top Ramen

What is Asia's favourite sitcom?

Everybody loves Ramen.

Where does asian food go to fight to the death?

The Ramen Colosseum.

Do you want some Raymond?

Guy 1 - do you want some Raymond?
Guy 2- do you mean ramen?
Guy 1- no, Raymond! Everybody loves Raymond!

Church of Frugality

Church of Frugality:

"Thank you for the food which we are about to receive. Ramen."

How long does it take a tweaker to go shopping?

An hour 5 minutes for the Ramen noodles and foil. 55 minutes to fix the squeaky shopping cart wheel.

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