"Ramen."

- Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.

Why did the ramen get arrested when he went outside without putting on his bowl?

Public Noodlity.

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

I have already eaten 20% of my ramen

Amen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the grocery store, I went to the checkout line with the cute cashier...

I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.

Package of Ramen noodles.
Quart of milk.
Half a dozen eggs.
A couple of frozen dinners.

As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"

I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, w...

My friend just told me he’s got these little lightsaber chopsticks he uses when he eats ramen.

I told him he should use the forks.

A semi truck full of Ramen noodle caught fire today and the whole shipment was considered ruined

The total loss came out to be $73

I put some instant ramen on my grandma today...

I call it Instagram.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

I've paid $.25 for a bag of Top Ramen since I was in college

Either they don't raise their prices for inflation or I've been getting ripped off the past 20 years...

How does ramen flirt?

They send noods.

Seen at a local restaurant.

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

TIL ramen is fully cooked before packaging

Otherwise it would be called rawmen

What's the difference between ramen soup and an Oscar-bait movie?

You watch one for three minutes, stirring occasionally. You watch the other for three hours and it's occasionally stirring.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

I used to tell Ramen jokes...

but I stopped when I realized they were just cheap laughs.

I have achieved the peak ramen-to-income ratio.

If I make more money, I'll eat less ramen.

And if I make any less money, I'll also eat less ramen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?

Because they prefer ramen.

If you mix taco bell sauce into your ramen..

It tastes exactly like poverty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Missouri congressman order out at a Japanese restaurant?

Ramen and ra-women.

A monk walks up to a ramen stand and says:

A monk walks up to a ramen stand and says: ‘make me one with everything’

I just checked my account balance at the ATM

It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to tell if a Japanese restaurant is authentic?

The menu will be written in Times New Ramen

At the end of the day, we’re all human beans

Together we will rice. Now lettuce pray. Ramen.

Who ate all the noodles in ancient egypt?

King Tootin'ramen

What Did the Giant Say to His Enemy When He Served Him Ramen at a Vietnamese Restaurant?

Fee Fi Fo Fum, Faux Pho For Foe

What is a poor man's favorite flavor of ramen?

Clearance

Did you hear about the Ramen warehouse that burned down?

Dozens of dollars worth of Ramen was lost.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was doing a little shopping at my local grocery store.

As the cute cashier was ringing up my stuff, she saw that all I had was some ramen noodles, frozen burritos, and canned spaghetti.

She giggled and said “I can tell your single”. I laughed and asked “what gave it away?”

She replied “you’re fuckin ugly”

Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?



(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

What kind of soup do computers eat?

RAMen.

Rich people start their meals by saying "Bless us oh Lord for these thine gifts..."

Poor people say "Ramen."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did God say after he created the Japanese?

Ramen.

If Coronavirus doesn’t kill me...

All the ramen I’m eating in quarantine will

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen!

--------

Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the early 1900s Japanese cops always had a mustache

One day a Japanese man walks into a restaurant and asks the waiter for a free bowl of ramen because he is a cop. The waiter replied " you dont have a mustache so how do i know id you are a real cop...". The man quickly pulls down his pants and undys, points to his bush and says "im undercover"

Work got cancelled for two weeks, so I go to the grocery store on the way home.

I’ve seen all the news, lots of Facebook pictures of empty shelves, but I was not prepared for this madness. There’s a line of like five people by the frozen goods aisle, trying to get pizza.

So I decide to go get some ramen. I know it’s not the best, but it keeps forever and I’ve been perfec...

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

What is a cannibal’s favorite type of pasta?

Ramen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chicken or Beef

A man was relaxed in his recliner watching TV and from the kitchen he hears his wife say “ Honey, would you like chicken or beef for dinner?”
The husband thinks it over and shouts “I think I want beef tonight.” The wife shouted back, “Fuck you asshole, you are eating ramen noodles, I was talking...

A guy was checking out at a supermarket with an attractive young clerk.

She scanned the frozen dinners, the beer, the ramen noodles and kept giving him eyes in between each scan.

As she scanned the condoms she looks and him and says, "Single huh?"

He replies, "yea, how'd you know?"

She says, "Because you're ugly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is checking out at a grocery store

and puts a coke, candy bar, ramen noodles, and a tub of ice cream on the counter and the cashier says, "you must be single." "Wow, that's amazing! I sure am, what gave it away?" replies the woman. The cashier mumbles under his breath, "because you're ugly as shit."

What's an Asian cannibal's favorite food?

Ramen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The biggest instant noodle company in Japan just went out of business

People are calling it the Fall of the Ramen Empire

If you're Christian and poor you can end grace by saying the name of the food you're about to eat.

Ramen

Did you hear that Eminem was opening a noodle restaurant in Tokyo?

He *is* very good at ramen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If King Tut had traveled to Japan

there's a good chance he would've been... poopin ramen.

What is Asia's favourite sitcom?

Everybody loves Ramen.

Where does asian food go to fight to the death?

The Ramen Colosseum.

Do you want some Raymond?

Guy 1 - do you want some Raymond?
Guy 2- do you mean ramen?
Guy 1- no, Raymond! Everybody loves Raymond!

There might be plenty of good food choices in College..

.. but you can't Top Ramen

Church of Frugality

Church of Frugality:

"Thank you for the food which we are about to receive. Ramen."

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