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"Ramen."

- Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.

Why did the ramen get arrested when he went outside without putting on his bowl?

Public Noodlity.

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

I walked into wal-mart. I buy box of soda and ramen cups. The lady at the check-out looks at me and my purchase and goes...

"You must be single"

"Because of what im buying?"

"No, because youre ugly"

What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?

A more-soupial

What do you call someone who steals noodles from the rich and gives them to the poor?

Ramen Hood

You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

My friend just told me he’s got these little lightsaber chopsticks he uses when he eats ramen.

I told him he should use the forks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m going to open a Japanese Noodle restaurant as an Italian man in a Muslim community.

The Ramen Don

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Masturbating is a lot like ramen noodles

When you chose to do it, it’s fantastic. When you HAVE to do it, it sucks.

A restaurant in Heaven is serving a Christmas special. . .

One day, on Christmas, a restaurant in Heaven is having an extravagant, 3-course Christmas special.

“For our first course,” announces the head chef, “We’ll be serving the food you most commonly ate during your time on Earth!”

So, the waiters bring out everyone’s food. Some people get ...

What do noodles say when they finish praying?

Ramen

I have already eaten 20% of my ramen

Amen

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At the grocery store, I went to the checkout line with the cute cashier...

I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.

Package of Ramen noodles.
Quart of milk.
Half a dozen eggs.
A couple of frozen dinners.

As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"

I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, w...

A semi truck full of Ramen noodle caught fire today and the whole shipment was considered ruined

The total loss came out to be $73

I put some instant ramen on my grandma today...

I call it Instagram.

I've paid $.25 for a bag of Top Ramen since I was in college

Either they don't raise their prices for inflation or I've been getting ripped off the past 20 years...

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Think of this every time I check out

I'm in the grocery store ready to check out. Hot pockets, pack of ramen, single roll of TP, bottle of soda,

Cute cashier looks at me "Single?" she asks

"Heh yeah what have it away?"

"You're fucking ugly"

What's the difference between ramen soup and an Oscar-bait movie?

You watch one for three minutes, stirring occasionally. You watch the other for three hours and it's occasionally stirring.

How does ramen flirt?

They send noods.

Seen at a local restaurant.

I like lots of different foods, like ramen, oatmeal, pudding, rice...

...just for instants.

Contest Emcee: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles!

Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?

A monk walks up to a ramen stand and says:

A monk walks up to a ramen stand and says: ‘make me one with everything’

If you mix taco bell sauce into your ramen..

It tastes exactly like poverty.

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Noodle and Meat Bun were best friends.

But one day they got into a disagreement and had a fight. Noodle isnt very strong but he managed to beat up Meat Bun.

Meat Bun wasnt going to take this insult without revenge, so he went off to get some brothers, Pan Fried Bun, and Steamed Pork Bun. Together, the angry mob roamed the streets ...

I have achieved the peak ramen-to-income ratio.

If I make more money, I'll eat less ramen.

And if I make any less money, I'll also eat less ramen.

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

What is a poor man's favorite flavor of ramen?

Clearance

What Did the Giant Say to His Enemy When He Served Him Ramen at a Vietnamese Restaurant?

Fee Fi Fo Fum, Faux Pho For Foe

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Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?

Because they prefer ramen.

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I was doing a little shopping at my local grocery store.

As the cute cashier was ringing up my stuff, she saw that all I had was some ramen noodles, frozen burritos, and canned spaghetti.

She giggled and said “I can tell your single”. I laughed and asked “what gave it away?”

She replied “you’re fuckin ugly”

I just checked my account balance at the ATM

It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles

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What does a Missouri congressman order out at a Japanese restaurant?

Ramen and ra-women.

I'm starting a new pasta cult

May we praise the Noodle Lord for eternity. Ramen.

At the end of the day, we’re all human beans

Together we will rice. Now lettuce pray. Ramen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to tell if a Japanese restaurant is authentic?

The menu will be written in Times New Ramen

What kind of soup do computers eat?

RAMen.

Did you hear about the Ramen warehouse that burned down?

Dozens of dollars worth of Ramen was lost.

What form of art is very popular among college kids?

Ramen doodles

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In an alternate universe, the Japanese conquered Rome!

Now I have to read about the "Ancient RAMEN empire" in my history books.

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen!

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Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?



(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

Rich people start their meals by saying "Bless us oh Lord for these thine gifts..."

Poor people say "Ramen."

If Coronavirus doesn’t kill me...

All the ramen I’m eating in quarantine will

Loving noodles is almost as if you are religious

Can I get a ramen?

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Back in the early 1900s Japanese cops always had a mustache

One day a Japanese man walks into a restaurant and asks the waiter for a free bowl of ramen because he is a cop. The waiter replied " you dont have a mustache so how do i know id you are a real cop...". The man quickly pulls down his pants and undys, points to his bush and says "im undercover"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chicken or Beef

A man was relaxed in his recliner watching TV and from the kitchen he hears his wife say “ Honey, would you like chicken or beef for dinner?”
The husband thinks it over and shouts “I think I want beef tonight.” The wife shouted back, “Fuck you asshole, you are eating ramen noodles, I was talking...

Work got cancelled for two weeks, so I go to the grocery store on the way home.

I’ve seen all the news, lots of Facebook pictures of empty shelves, but I was not prepared for this madness. There’s a line of like five people by the frozen goods aisle, trying to get pizza.

So I decide to go get some ramen. I know it’s not the best, but it keeps forever and I’ve been perfec...

Dear Lord, thank you for these noodles

Ramen.

A guy was checking out at a supermarket with an attractive young clerk.

She scanned the frozen dinners, the beer, the ramen noodles and kept giving him eyes in between each scan.

As she scanned the condoms she looks and him and says, "Single huh?"

He replies, "yea, how'd you know?"

She says, "Because you're ugly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is checking out at a grocery store

and puts a coke, candy bar, ramen noodles, and a tub of ice cream on the counter and the cashier says, "you must be single." "Wow, that's amazing! I sure am, what gave it away?" replies the woman. The cashier mumbles under his breath, "because you're ugly as shit."

What is a cannibal’s favorite type of pasta?

Ramen.

If you're Christian and poor you can end grace by saying the name of the food you're about to eat.

Ramen

What's an Asian cannibal's favorite food?

Ramen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The biggest instant noodle company in Japan just went out of business

People are calling it the Fall of the Ramen Empire

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If King Tut had traveled to Japan

there's a good chance he would've been... poopin ramen.

What is Asia's favourite sitcom?

Everybody loves Ramen.

Where does asian food go to fight to the death?

The Ramen Colosseum.

Do you want some Raymond?

Guy 1 - do you want some Raymond?
Guy 2- do you mean ramen?
Guy 1- no, Raymond! Everybody loves Raymond!

There might be plenty of good food choices in College..

.. but you can't Top Ramen

Church of Frugality

Church of Frugality:

"Thank you for the food which we are about to receive. Ramen."

How long does it take a tweaker to go shopping?

An hour 5 minutes for the Ramen noodles and foil. 55 minutes to fix the squeaky shopping cart wheel.

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