What's the news reporter's name?

Just-in

What should you name your kid if you want them to be a good news reporter when they grow up?

Justin

What would the headline be if Barack Obama walked on water across a lake in full view of a Fox News reporter?

"OBAMA CAN'T SWIM"

News reporters visit a hen about a shockingly huge egg she laid recently.

“This is amazing,” they tell the hen, “a two pound egg, that’s unheard of! 

Do you have any goals for the future?”

“Yes, I’m really aiming for a four pounder!” says the hen proudly.

“And you, sir, congratulations,” the reporters approach the rooster, “what are your goals for the...

My wife said she was leaving me because I kept talking like a news reporter

More on that story later.

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So there’s this news reporter...

So one day, a man’s boss comes to him and tells him “John, I want you to go out and find some stories about fun things people can do in the country side.” So John packs up his gear and heads out of the city to try and find something to report on.

He drives along all day scouring the country ...

A news reporter returns to his job after 45 years

He would tell you what he found out, but you aren't a monk.

News reporter: How did you know who the criminal was to shoot him?

“I’m a film major, I shoot mistakes for a living”

A news reporter arrives at the house of the world's oldest man.

The man has just turned 115 years old. The reporter asks him "So, what would you say is the secret to your long life?" The man replies, "Well, I'd say that it has to do with my nature. I never argue with others, which I think has prevented a lot of stress." The reporter is baffled by this answer, an...

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A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years

the reporter goes up to him and says, "hello I"m a reporter for the BBC and we know you"re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions." The man agrees and she asks, "so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?"The man ...

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A news reporter and a surgeon walk into a bar..

The news reporter asks, “So you’re a surgeon, what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?”
The surgeon replies, “Well one time I had to pull a load of shit out of a constipated patient’s ass.”
The news reporter says, “Ahaha that’s nothing, I do that every day.”

A news reporter introduces his new co-worker on air

This Justin

A train's co-conductor spotted a landmine on the train tracks up ahead.

"MINE!" the co-conductor shouted.
"What's that?" the head conductor asked cynically. "I thought I've already made it clear that this train is mine. Is that cle-"

Suddenly, the train ran over the landmine, creating a massive explosion, leaving an unfortunate amount of survivors. The head ...

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A man with no ears

A man with no ears is trying to find a news reporter for his news show.

The first guy walks in and the boss says, "'This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?" And the guy says, "'Well, shit! You got no ears, man!" So the boss yells, ·Get the f\*\...

A blonde is watching the news on an airplane...

The news reporter says, "Three Brazilian children have been presumed dead after their home caught fire in the middle of the night."

The blonde jolts up in her seat in utter shock. She taps the shoulder of the passenger next to her, and exclaims, "Oh my god! How many children is a Bra-zillion!...

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Walking Eagle

On a recent trip Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in upstate New York.

She spoke for almost an hour on her ideas and policies to help all Americans if she was to become president.

At the conclusion of her speech, the tribes presen...

A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead.

A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead. Both of them are having a good time when the news comes on.

The news reporter shouts out “a man is on the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!”

The redhead leans over to the blonde and whispers “I bet you $50 that the mans gonna jump”
Th...

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Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau attended the Assembly of First Nations annual summer meeting in Whitehorse.

Trudeau said he wasn't there to speak to the chiefs but to listen.


Then he spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing the Liberal Party back into the hearts of the Canadian people and how he was going to legalize marijuana and the many ways that he was going to help the Firs...

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar...

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.

Bernie Sanders says "Hello, can I have a drink?" and gets a drink.

Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says "Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f***ing hate y...

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and before you could snap your fingers it exploded into flames and the alarm went out to the volunteer fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical co...

So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.

It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.

A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It st...

If you were in a room with Hillary and Trump

A news reporter was looking for everyday people to voice their opinion on the election of 2016.

A man volunteers to be interviewed by the reporter.

Reporter: "Who do you support in this year's election?"

Man: "That's a rather difficult question to answer, they're both morons."...

Skydiving humor

A news reporter was doing a story about skydiving and so he visited a drop zone and went for a ride on the plane to watch everyone jump. One of the plane's engines quit and all the skydivers immediately went out the door. Then the pilot put on his own parachute rig and headed toward the open door hi...

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York’s Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: “You’re a hero. Tonight’s TV news bulletin will say: ‘Brave New Yorker Saves Child.”

The man replies: “I’m a tourist from Saudi A...

Just give them another chance!

So... The news reporters decided to end this "Blondes are stupid" myth once and for all. They go to the full football stadium and find three random Blondes.

REPORTER: "We want to end this myth once and for all, so we will ask you a simple question, if you answer correctly, Blondes will be fo...

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A Brave Bunch of Volunteer Firemen...

A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The fire department was called to put the fire out. The fire was a more than the fire department could handle.Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.

Though there was doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, t...

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Bombs and Berries (Long) (Original)

Back Story: During World War 2, it was super cold in Nazi Germany. The American troops were told if they were ever in a rough situation, to look for frozen squirrels at the base of trees. Then place the frozen squirrel between their thighs (the warmest part of the body) to warm it up. The squirls wo...

Old Man

Jim was having his 109th birthday party. Needless to say it was a big deal. There was even a news reporter who showed up to interview him.

"What's your secret to living so long?" asked the newsman.

"It's easy. I never argue with anyone." replied Jim.

"That's the stupidest thing ...

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