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Stalin wakes up ealy one morning and walks onto his balcony to see the sunrise.

"Good morning, Comrade Sun" he says.

"And a very good morning to you, Comrade Stalin" the sun replies.

Later in the day, as Stalin is heading to NKVD headquarters to meet with Beria he says, "Good afternoon, Comrade Sun"

"And a very good afternoon to you, Comrade Stalin" the Sun...

Why won’t you see people in the streets of Athens at sunrise?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

Sunrise Yoga

I’m on vacation with my wife and she asks me “do you want to join me for sunrise yoga tomorrow?”

I replied ‘namaste in bed’

My wife asked me if I like sunrises or sunsets better. I said,

They both have their ups and downs

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Master Po, why is kung fu so hard?

Grasshopper, have you seen the peace of the sunrise through the morning mists?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the patience of the crane as it stands still in the pond until a fish swims by?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper,...

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During a beautiful sunrise a man was walking his dog through a cemetery

He came across a man crouched behind a gravestone.

"Morning" he said.

The crouching man replied "Oh no, just having a shit"

There once was a man who lived in a little hut down by the lake.

Every morning he would wake up at sunrise and go down onto the docks to feed the baby ducklings.

Each day he would bring exactly 6 slices of bread down one for each baby duckling. But as summer was starting to come to an end the man thought the ducklings could use more food.

So he de...

How does a software developer call the sunrise?

Sunget

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The Yorkshire ripper walks into a bar.

He asks the girl at the bar "hello darlin, can I get you a cocktail?"

"Yes please, I'll have a tequila sunrise" she says.

"No you won't" he replies angrily "you'll have a fucking screwdriver like the rest!"

I never got why people love the sunrise so much.

Then it dawned on me.

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An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise...

An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise when he sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying a spool of something metallic under his arm.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

...

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A man walks into a luxury bar and asks for a Tequilla Sunrise....

He then pulls out a piano and 12" piano player. Piano player plays most beautiful music you have ever heard. Bartender falls in love with the music.

The guy then pulls out a lamp. Bartender asks, "What's in the lamp?" Guy says, "Genie! What else?" Bartender does not believe the guy. Guy summ...

That's how I'll remember her, staring out the window at the beautiful sunrise, writing in her journal, and saying to me

Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?

A friend lent me his movie collection...

I thought of watching Yesterday today, then 28 Days Later. Then I could watch The Day After Tomorrow, though that might be better tomorrow. I'd like to finish before sunrise. I haven't finished Before Sunrise, and I haven't seen Me Before You before, but I think I won't watch it; I'll watch It inste...

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The Farmers New Rooster

A farmer bought a bought a rooster and said roster was delivered later that day in a wooden crate. The farmer was excited to finally get a new rooster because he had over 50 hens but not a single rooster. As soon as he pried the crate open the rooster went straight to the hens and started to have se...

What do you call Nitrogen after the sunrises?

Daytrogen.

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

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Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

One day Adam stood in the garden of Eden and asked

"God, what is this life without a companion to live it with?"

God looked down upon Adam and responded. "How Adam, would you like your companion to be formed?"

"God, I would like you to create for me a companion who is beautiful as a sunrise, smells like wild flowers, is as wise as an...

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Two competitive best friends do everything together, so they decide to marry their girlfriends on the same day.

They have a joint ceremony, joint reception, and afterwards they go on a joint honeymoon.

While staying in a beautiful hotel, the first man turns to the second and says: “I’m going to have sex with my wife for hours tonight”
The second turns back and says “Well I’m going to go until sunri...

A Texan in Scotland

A Texan is touring Europe and he ends up in a Scottish pub sitting across from an older Scotsman. As Texans tend to do, he starts bragging about how big everything is in Texas.

“Down on my ranch outside Dallas, I can walk out my front door at sunrise, get in my big ol’ Cadillac, start ‘er on...

Reputation

So this farmer is sitting around when a certain teenage boy, who has a reputation for always being honest, comes by to see him. “I’m going to die at sunrise,” says the boy, “and as my last request I want to sleep with your daughter. She says it’s all right, so what do you say?”

Well the farme...

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Boudreaux & Thibodeaux

One morning Thibodeaux was sitting on his dock enjoying the sunrise when Boudreaux pulls up in his boat filled with duct tape. Thibodeaux looks at him, and asks "what you doing with a boat full of duct tape?" Boudreaux replies "I'm going duck hunting! You wanna come?" "You can't hunt ducks with duc...

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A guy and a girl go out on a date...

It's going so well, SHE invites him back to her place. They do the horizontal mambo late into the night. Around sunrise, she leaps up in a panic.

"What!? what!?" says the man.

"I forgot to ask you, you don't have AIDS, do you!?" she asks.

"No!"

"Whew! I don't wanna get...

Why are there fences around cemeteries?

People are dying to get in.

*Told to me by pastor this morning just before Sunrise Service.*

Timbuktu

From my 80 year old Granddad:

Two finalists in a contest, One a college grad and one a high school drop out, were to write a poem in 3 minutes. The only requirement was that it ended in "Timbuktu". The college grad wrote his and told it to the judges;

Slowly across the desert sand,
...

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I made up a joke about North Korea...

Kim Jong-Un awakes to a beautiful sunrise above his North Korean palace. He calls out to the morning sun. "Good morning, sun!" he shouts.

Incredibly, the sun responds to him. "Good morning, my dear leader!" the sun shouts back.

Later that day, Kim Jong-Un addresses the sun once again...

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Heard this on the radio... told many times, but probably my favorite joke.

One morning before daybreak, Little Johnny scatters out onto the front porch with a handful of duck tape. He's stopped by his grandfather, who rests comfortably on an old rocking chair... his usual morning leisure. The grandfather notices the duck tape...

 

"Whatcha doin' wit...

A group of soldiers was fighting against a group of rebels...

They had been fighting for a few years now, and many people, including innocent citizens, had lost their lives during this period. The soldiers tried and tried to rid the city of the rebels, but the latter was a strong resistance and were hard to defeat. Regardless of the many new personnel, bases a...

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[NSFW] A Frenchman, an Italian and a Scotsman are sitting in a bar

The Frenchman finishes his drink, turns to the other two and says "Gentlemen, tonight I am going to go home and make love to my wife for four hours and when I'm done she will rise one foot of the bed in sheer ecstacy".

"That's nothing" says the Italian finishing his drink, "I will go home to...

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Fascinate

Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?

Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.

Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?

Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.

Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the ...

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So a fisherman and his wife...

...have lived together in a modest home for years now. Every morning the man wakes up before sunrise to go fishing without fail. One morning he sees a storm has rolled in and the sea is violent, he decides for the first time in in years not to fish.

He makes his way back to home through the ...

Sunny side up!

Growing up I never knew what a sunrise was until one day it dawned on me.

The Lonely Widow

Jack and Joe go on a road trip, but after driving for an hour, the car breaks down. They get it working, but they're seriously delayed and will never make it to the hotel they were going to stay at in time.

Upon seeing a farmhouse just off the road, they drive in, and ask if they can park in ...

A Church in Ireland needed a bellringer...

...for their new belltower, so they put out an advert in the local paper.

*Bellringer needed for the dawn bell. Large bell, strength needed. Apply in person at the church*

Sure enough, the next day there is a knock on the door. Father Angus answers, eager to meet the applicant.
...

Two Texans are arguing over how large their land is

The first guy says "Well I'll put it to you this way, I can get in my truck before sunrise, drive all day long, and by sundown I still haven't hit the other side of my spread."

The other fella looks down, spits, and says "Yeah, I used to have a truck like that"

There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.

On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.

"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful an...

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Lil' Arty

After being married to a total bitch for nearly 35 years, Steve decided enough was enough. He knew that she would never grant him a divorce, being the bitch she was, so Steve decided to take matters into his own hands put an end to his wife, Permanently! Of course, Steve didn’t want the blame placed...

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What did Samuel L. Jackson say to wake up his mate?

Sunrise motherfucker!

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