Unused Jokes

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift,The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.


She asked me: Why,?

I replied. "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

Always hard never laid

The couple live in the city and the parents live on a farm. The boyfriend is unused to the quiet country life and after a couple of days he’s pretty bored. His girlfriend’s father comes in and says “Hey young fella if you’re looking for something to do, why not take the dogs out for a bit of hunting... read more

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhap... read more

Clerk: Sir, this is your diploma.

Me: Cash is fine.

A keybored

They sit at a desk and do nothing all day.

Why don't you knead me?

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10... read more

Woman: Father could I ask a favor of you?

Priest: Certainly.

Woman: I bought a hairdryer for my mother but I am afraid that my purse is becoming too heavy and that airport security will confiscate it when we land. Could you hide it underneath your robes?

Priest: Very well, but I... read more

Desperate, he rushed into the bathroom that no one in the house ever uses and slammed the door shut.

As the thumping of the casket trying to break through the door echoed through the rather empty bathroom, the man frantically searched the place for something he can fight the casket with, howe... read more

lay around unused, gradually festering until I start to attract flies.

After the cannon was delivered, they realized that the manufacturer got the dimensions all wrong. The barrel was so narrow that only a child could fit inside, and a child would never be allowed to perform such a dangerous act.


Months went by and the cannon remained unused, until one day... read more

A pub landlord is struggling with the cost of living crisis. Customers are down and costs are soaring. To get his business back on track, he decides the best way forward is to host an event to draw in new customers. Noticing the cobwebs in some of the dimly lit corners of the pub, he has a stroke of... read more

A firefighter’s wife suspects the hubby is getting some on the side. Being non confrontational , she plays it close to the chest. One day she goes through the hubby’s car and discovers a packet of unused condoms.

With a knowing smile, she soaks ‘em in jalapeño for an hour before putting the... read more

This businessman gets in trouble at the airport when he sees that he cannot carry a hair straightener that he bought for his wife with him because it isn't allowed on the plane. So he thinks of a solution. He sees that a priest is standing behind him.
Turning to him he says, "Father please take ... read more

He's in Chicago for an appearance. His regular car is obviously not there and due to some mixup all they have is a huge SUV.

When Francis sees this beast he thinks for a second. "Hey, I've been kind of curious about these things. Do you mind if I drive?"

What are you supposed to say... read more

He stops to help and immediately makes a good impression on the older fellow. Eventually they get the car going and the gentleman offers the boy a ride home. The teenager accepts, thinking it would be a great way to get home quickly, considering it's getting late and his mother was probably worried ... read more