A gorgeous young redhead on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"...

Unused Christmas present.

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift,The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.


She asked me: Why,?

I replied. "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

What does Nathan Drakes call his unused underwear?

Unsharted.

Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got a condom still unused from my 18th birthday, I'm 40...

Wish I'd used it because my kids are fucking annoying

I’d like to return this. It’s unused.

Clerk: Sir, this is your diploma.

Me: Cash is fine.

I can relate to an unused brick

Always hard never laid

What did the unused dough say to the baker?

Why don't you knead me?

What do unused chairs and bad office workers have in common?

They sit at a desk and do nothing all day.

I found an unused condom that broke

I call it Chance the Wrapper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only survivor of a shipwreck washes up on a deserted island

He’s stranded alone on the island for over ten years surviving on coconuts and fish. One day he’s sitting on the beach thinking about life back home when a woman in a wetsuit and scuba gear stands up in the ocean and starts walking out of the surf, fins in hands. The man shakes his head and blinks h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a hardware store...

you know the type, the independent store that barely survives and sells EVERYTHING, but rarely has a customer, how they are still trading is a miracle. Anyway, the man approaches the counter and asks the shopkeeper "I need a budgie file".

"A budgie file?" The shopkeeper muses out-loud, "not h...

Following a particularly good year, the circus decided to spend their profits on a human cannonball exhibit

After the cannon was delivered, they realized that the manufacturer got the dimensions all wrong. The barrel was so narrow that only a child could fit inside, and a child would never be allowed to perform such a dangerous act.


Months went by and the cannon remained unused, until one day...

A priest sits next to a well dressed woman on the plane.

Woman: Father could I ask a favor of you?

Priest: Certainly.

Woman: I bought a hairdryer for my mother but I am afraid that my purse is becoming too heavy and that airport security will confiscate it when we land. Could you hide it underneath your robes?

Priest: Very well, but I...

A man was being chased by a casket as he returned home late at night....

Desperate, he rushed into the bathroom that no one in the house ever uses and slammed the door shut.

As the thumping of the casket trying to break through the door echoed through the rather empty bathroom, the man frantically searched the place for something he can fight the casket with, howe...

Where's the fire.....

A firefighter’s wife suspects the hubby is getting some on the side. Being non confrontational , she plays it close to the chest. One day she goes through the hubby’s car and discovers a packet of unused condoms.

With a knowing smile, she soaks ‘em in jalapeño for an hour before putting the...

So this businessman gets in trouble

This businessman gets in trouble at the airport when he sees that he cannot carry a hair straightener that he bought for his wife with him because it isn't allowed on the plane. So he thinks of a solution. He sees that a priest is standing behind him.
Turning to him he says, "Father please take ...

Pope Francis gets a new car.

He's in Chicago for an appearance. His regular car is obviously not there and due to some mixup all they have is a huge SUV.

When Francis sees this beast he thinks for a second. "Hey, I've been kind of curious about these things. Do you mind if I drive?"

What are you supposed to say...

It's 5 o'clock. See ya. I'm gonna make like a banana and

lay around unused, gradually festering until I start to attract flies.

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