Aren't you excited that Breakdancing will be part of the 2024 Paris Olympic games?

I'm head over heels!

A man is putting salt around the city of Paris, France...

A man is putting salt around the city of Paris, France. A woman walks by and asks why he is spreading salt around. “Well, it keeps the elephants away!” He replied. “But there are no elephants in Paris!” The woman said. ...

I Went to Paris to See a Landmark.

It was quite an Eiffel.

What do you call a person who jumps off a bridge in paris?

In seine

A tourist in Paris tells the waiter: Pardon me, but this coffee is cold!

The waiter replies: Thanks for letting me know, I’ll make a note of it on the bill. Iced coffee is one Euro extra.

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?

I don’t know, it’s never been done

I thought my wife was going on a Belgium holiday to buy chocolates. When she got back, I found out she’d actually been on holiday in Paris buying curtain materials.

It was a fabrication.

Trip to Paris

Son: "Mom! The computer is full of virus! What did you do?"


Mom:"Screw the computer! I won 2 IPads and a trip to Paris!"

An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane

An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he ha...

A German is trying to to make his way to Paris

At the border, the French customs agent asks him

“Name?”

“Hans Mueller.”

“Place of residence?”

“Munich.”

“Occupation?”

“No, just vacation this time.”

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A Chinese man goes on holiday in Paris, and goes to convert his yuan into euros.

He stops at a currency exchange near the hotel he's staying at, and gets 500 euros in exchange for 4000 yuan.

The next week, he goes back to the currency exchange and exchanges another 4000 yuan to euros, but only gets 495 euros this time.

"Why is it only 495 euros today? You gave me 5...

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

Residents of Paris complaining of foul smell from burning wood in Notre Dame.

Because . . . . pew. (too soon?)

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An old man is at passport control in Paris

He is going through his bag for his passport. The woman on passport control asks him 'Have you visited France before?'

'Yes' replied the old man.

Sarcastically she responds 'Well surely you should know to have your passport ready...' to which he answers 'I didn't have to show it last t...

Confucius say: Man who jump off bridge in Paris

is in-Seine.

Protesters in Paris just attacked a fromagerie (cheese shop)!

There's nothing left but de brie.

Why are the trees planted so close together in Paris?

So the Germans could march in the shade.

My eyes are in New York. My brain is in Stockholm. My heart is in Paris. What am I?

Dead.

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Paris, 1940: A nazi squad enter into an apartment and begin to search for the hidden family.

The soldiers manage to find the dad, the mom and the son, but the daughter remains unfound.

The nazi officer suddenly hears a cough under the children's bed.

He looks under and find the little girl.

With a smile on his face, he tand his hand to help her come out the bedframe....

I was traveling through Paris yesterday, just seeing the sights...

And I think I dropped my mixtape somwhere. If you find it plz PM me.

An old man boards a plane to Paris.

He is very excited to visit and is talking with the other passengers. Before takeoff, there is a dispute as to whether a French family has found their seats correctly or not. In an attempt to find their seats, the stewardess asks the people around them for their tickets. Eventually, she reaches the ...

What’s the difference between New York and Paris?

Paris only lost one tower

Trump pulls out of Paris.

Probably for the best... can you imagine how narcissistic that kid would be?

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My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games.”

“When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his frien...

A German arrives at Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris

Customs officer: “Occupation?”

German: “Nein, just visiting.”

French archaeologists found ancient copper cables under Paris...

They came to the conclusion that the French had telecommunications way back in the Copper age. Infuriated by this, the British published a paper saying they found Bronze cables under London and came to the conclusion that they had telecommunication technology way before the French.

After hear...

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I'll leave now.

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Donald Trump arrives in Paris on a state visit

At the Bois de Boulogne, he and French President Emmanuel Macron get into an open carriage for an afternoon ride around the park.

Suddenly, one of the horses pulling the carriage lets out a tremendous, yuge fart, and the resulting stench drifts backwards into the faces of the occupants of the...

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

A man jumps into a river in paris.

His friend is shocked and asks "What are you doing?". The man says "I'm in Seine!"

What would George Washington say if you told him that in 2017 it's now possible to eat breakfast in Tokyo, lunch in Paris, and dinner in Chicago?

"WTF is Chicago?"

A couple decided to go skinny dipping in Paris during a cold winter night.

They were In Seine

A husband and wife were having dinner...

...at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and asks, "Who the hell was that?"

The husband answers "Oh, she's my mistress."

The wife an...

What do frogs eat in Paris?

French Flies

An American is talking to a girl in Paris

She says her name is Belle.

"That's a pretty name"

"Thanks. It means 'beautiful'. What does 'Nick' mean?"

"Oh, I don't know. It's just something my dad came up with while shaving."

Did you hear about the big coffee incident in Paris?

it's all over the French press

I WRITE MY JOKES IN CAPITALS

THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS

"Dad, why is my sister called Paris?"

"Because we conceived her in Paris."
"Ahh, thanks Dad! "
"You're welcome, Backseat."

An American biker decides to travel the world

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Har...

In 2011, a $3,200 cake made for Paris Hilton's birthday was stolen by a party crasher by the name of "Paz".

I've heard party crashers do crazy things but that one takes the cake.

When I was in Paris I got rip-roaring drunk and fell off a bridge into the river

It was in Seine

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An Englishwoman who marries a Frenchman goes to live in his Paris apartment

One day she goes out to buy groceries, but since she doesn't speak French and the butchers don't speak English, she rolls up her dress to indicate she wants some chicken thigh, which gets the message across.

The next week, she goes out and pulls down her top to indicate she wants chicken brea...

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"Monsieur, that is the...

How did the Paris police find Quasimodo?

They followed a hunch.

A french guy, an italian guy and an amarican on a plane.....

Among others, there are three guys on a plane. One is french, the other is italian and the third one is american.

The american says: "I bet I can guess where we are without looking outside, just by extend my arm out of the window". The other two go "Well, lets see". So he puts his arm outside...

I was surprised when I heard about the flooding in Paris...

...normally, the water is l'eau.

A strange man was knocking on Paris Hilton’s door all through the night.

By morning, she was fed up with it, so she let him out.

What do you call a person swimming in Paris' waters in winter?

In *Seine*.

I had this affair with a girl from Paris

French with benefits.

Have you seen the floods in Paris?

It's inseine!

Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?

He was declared to be in Seine.

Soviet Russian Roulette

Soviet comrade, US guy and French fella sit around, drinking and telling stories, bragging around how much of daredevils they are.

French guy starts telling how brave he and his fellas are - "You know what? In Paris we play Russian Roulette with my buddies. We gather in a group of 6 pals and ...

What do you call a dwarf who regularly rides the Paris Metro?

A Metrognome.

What happened when I lost my balance on Paris's most famous landmark?

Eiffel

What happened to the thief in Paris who jumped into the river to try to escape the police?

He was found criminally in Seine.

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he wa...

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When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge...

A boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed.

"What are you doing?", Asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, ...

The US in the Paris Agreement

[removed]

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A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris

And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.

"So, what are you doing in Paris?"

"I'm a scientist, I research sex"

The man is now tempted:

"What have you discovered about sex in your research?"

"I came to find that Native ...

They should change the name of The Paris Agreement to "The Weekend Golfing Trip."

Trump would never pull out of that.

It's November 10th 1823, Paris, France...

And 3 prisoners are to be executed on the public squared that day; An artist, a cook and an engineer. The artists walks up to the guillotine bows down and prays to god. The burrow releases the blade and it stops 10 centimeters above the artist's head. They try and try but the blade won't fall all th...

A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris

The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to t...

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"Wow you went on a 2 week honeymoon trip to London, Paris and Venice, what all did you see ?"

Newly married bride : Ceiling fans

Edit : this joke is funnier in India as they have taboo on premarital sex

I don't see why the Paris agreement is such a big deal

Thousands of guys have pulled out of Paris before

A detective in Paris is conversing with the hunchback of Notre Dame about a murder committed the previous night

Detective: Well, who do you think did it?

The Hunchback of Notre Dame: I have a hunch.

"Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately."

"Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."

I hear that mime crime is a big problem in Paris these days.

Apparently they do unspeakable things if you resist.

Trump only pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement because he was standing up for his own kind

After all, he is just a load of hot air

Did you hear that Donald Trump ripped up the Paris Agreement today?

Unfortunately he grabbed the wrong one, and now the US is a British colony again.

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An Englishman is having breakfast in Paris one morning....

...(coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: 'You English folk eat the whole bread??'

Englishman (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'
<...

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A teacher asks the kids

In her third grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Aaron says, “I want to start out as the world’s best fighter pilot then be a billionaire and go to all the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in...

What's up with that big metal thing in Paris?

It's a right eyefull.

Donald Trump pulls out of Paris Climate Arrangement after alleged threats to interfere with the U.S. Mexico border wall.

He heard "Climb-it" deal, and flipped out

A german joke in english

Last week Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.
A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:


cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visitin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend said to me, "I gotta piss like a pregnant, pageant pony, prancing in Paris!" I said, "I don't get it."

He said, "I gotta lotta P"

Bob and Jim in Paris

Two Americans, Bob and Jim, are on vacation in Paris. They're walking down the street, when a car pulls up, slamming on the brakes. The driver leans out.

"Parlez vous Francais?"

Bob looks at Jim and shrugs.

"Habla Español?"

The two men just stare.

"Parli I...

Two blondes having a conversation

Blonde 1: What do you think is closer, Paris or the Moon?

Blonde 2: Are you stupid? Can you see Paris from here?

A mime is performing an act in Paris

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spanish man, and German man are watching the mime perform. The mime notices that they cannot see him very well. He places a box down and signals to the audience if they can see him.

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Sí"

"Ja"

TIL there is an airport in Paris named after a former French President

• ORLY?

- No Charles De Gaulle

A man from Egypt, a man from Paris and a man from Liverpool are all on a hot air balloon ride

The man from Egypt says "we're in Egypt! I can see the beautiful pyramids". A while later the man from Paris says "we're in Paris! I can see the Eiffel Tower from here". Next, the man from Liverpool spoke. He said "we're in Liverpool! I can see someone stealing my car!".

When I was in Paris, I got up early to get some food.

They had this huge mushroom buffet. Portabella, shiitake; Breakfast of champignons

What do you call the rough parts of Paris?

La Ba-ghetto

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two turbaned Punjabies Kuldip and Jagdip went to Paris and made friends with a young Frenchman named Jean Paul.

For several weeks these two stooges went everywhere Jean Paul went. One day Jean Paul went missing. These two looked everywhere for days but could not find Jean Paul. So they went to the Police and reported that Jean Paul is missing.

Policeman: Can you describe your friend Jean Paul?
Kul...

Everyone is worried Trump will pull us out of The Paris Accord...

But Trump doesn't know how to pull out, that is why he has 10 kids.

Why does Paris have trees along Main Street?

Because Germans like to walk in the shade.

A man runs up to the conductor of a train that is about to depart from a station in Paris...

A man runs up to the conductor of a train that is about to depart from a station in Paris. Panting, he asks the conductor:
"Excuse me, does this train go to Toulouse?"
"Non monsieur," replies the conductor.
"Zis train goes 'WOOOOT WOOOOOOT!'"

This just in: A white flag factory has burned to the ground in Paris...

... Effectively crippling the French military.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

My girlfriend wants me to take her to Paris, and treat her like a princess

The only thing is, I don't know which to pick: the guillotine or the Mercedes.

A tourist is walking along the riverbank in Paris

when a Frenchman runs and pushes him in.

Spluttering and angry, the tourist shouts "Are you crazy?"

To which the Frenchmen replies laughing "No, but you're in Seine"

On a Friday, eve of their 5th year relationship birthday.

Her: Babe, what did you plan for us this evening?

Him: Well honey, do you like Paris?

Her: Yes!!!??

Him: Do you like Barcelona?

Her: Yes!!!!

Him: Nice, because there is PSG-Barca tonight on TV.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The big misunderstanding

A young German man is sitting all day in his room, playing video games. His granddad berates him:

When I was your age I was living crazy life. I went to Moulin Rouge, drank all night without paying, climbed on the scene to dance with the girls, slapped one of them and went home with the other...

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a Paris street..

One looks to the other and says "You know, I've never come this way before." The second replies, "Must be the cobblestones."

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