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Sculpture Jokes

This guy kept trying to steal my oak bumblebee sculptures...

but I finally caught the would-be thief.

A man goes to an ice sculpture showcase...

At the showcase, hundreds of people were milling around admiring the works of art. But for some reason, everyone was really quiet and only whispering. The man, being a talkative and social guy, did not like this so he tried to change the mood.

He went around to different groups of people and ...

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The Ice Sculpture contest [OC]

Once upon a time an elderly couple ventured to an old town with not many inhabitants. The town being located fairly high up north as well as the harsh winter season lead to it not being the most prosperous place at the current time. Everyone there was cold, hungry and they mainly kept to their own. ...

Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.

Myneckisaur.

Snow sculptures are cool!

Icy pose

A man goes into a shop in Chinatown and sees a gold sculpture of a rat.

He can't stop staring at it. It's like something is calling out to him. He asks the old man behind the counter "How much for the statue?"

The old man strokes his beard and replies "$10 for the statue, $100 for the story."

"Story? Forget that I'll just take the statue," the man says. He...

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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

...

If someone made a sculpture in Minecraft of J-Lo.

Would you name it Jenny from the Block?

I'm taking a beginner's class in sculpture. At the moment, I admit my work is sort of rubbish.

But when I'm finished, I'm sure it will be *complete* rubbish.

Did you hear about the narcotics raid where police found 44 pounds of cocaine in a sculpture of Abraham Lincolns head?

It was a giant drug bust.

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An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.

The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”

The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1’000 question math test which...

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I commissioned a sculpture of my cats butt...

It was a catastrophe.

I'm having trouble with my Bonnie Tyler LEGO sculpture

Every now and then it falls apart.

Why are anti-vaxxers so terrible at painting and sculpture?

Because vaccines can cause you to be artistic.

Today I was asked to model for a stone sculpture

Life is wild guys don't take anything for granite

A blind man walks into a sculpture store.

He'd been planning a heist targetting the jewellery store beside it. Fumbling around to gain his bearings, he eventually comes into contact with a statue of a woman, to which he finally exclaims, "Well, this is a bust!"

A SEAL and his Sculpture

There was a Navy SEAL living undercover in the depths of Eastern Russia where they regularly hold ice sculpting competitions. He had been there for a while and was longing to liven up his stay there so he decided to enter the next one. There was a shop in town that he could buy sculpting supplies fr...

What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

“Finish line or BUST!”

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My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

God was handing out talents one morning

To some, He gave the power to create life. The angels around Him were in awe as crops flourished and population soared. To others, he gave fine skills and artistry. His angelic entourage marveled at intricate needlework, tapestry, and sculpture.

God stooped down low and found a man waiting i...

I was thinking of you today. I even made a sculpture of you.....

Then I flushed the toilet.

I made a ceramic sculpture of Mohammed Ali but it exploded in the kiln.

It was gaseous clay

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An angel is making his rounds on earth, when he comes across a pair of statues in a park, beautiful nude sculptures of a man and woman facing eachother..

They are placed at the entrance to the park, and the angel is stuck by how beautiful they are, and how tragic it is for then to be eternally so close, yet unable to touch. He decides he will use some of his power to animate them, and in an instant they stand before him.

"I have seen how dilig...

A trans woman took her artwork to an art constat.

It was a series of lifelike paintings and sculptures of catholic nuns, done using only the best of materials. There were a lot of good entries to be sure, but every one she entered, she won easily.

When the judges were asked why they all couldn't help but give her gold, they answered,
...

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An oldie but a goodie, for my dad

No, my dad's not dead! But he loves a good joke and this one leapt into my mind 40 years after I first heard it.

A guy walks into a bar with his dog and the bartender is like hey, we don't allow dogs in here! But this guy is super posh and his dog is absolutely stunning! He says "This is a p...

Mothers day scultpures

Ellis and Chris are up late carving sculptures of a mother holding a baby for their Mothers Day stall.

All of them look the same the only differences are the flowers in the mother's hair.

Chris tells a story to Ellis about his favorite flower and why.

*Ellis rolls his eyes*
...

I have this friend who went to Yale.

I have this friend who went to Yale. Maybe you've met him? Really bushy beard, went back to school get a doctorate in sculpture? Anyway. He just gave me his entire collection of carved blackbirds. I was stunned because not only are these some of the most well-crafted sculptures I've ever seen, but h...

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A friend from work asked if I wanted a chess tournament

I said yes but then he tried to sell me a sculpture of a woman’s tits

There was once a sculptureer who couldn't sculpt hands for the love of god

Which is why every sculpture of his was a bust!

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There is this regular at a bar who has the body of a God, perfectly sculptured, but he also has a very tiny head; which kind of makes for a funny look.

And so, one day, the bartender musters the courage to mention the funny look, and ask if there was a story behind it.

"Well, I was walking this desert one day, when I cam upon an old style lamp. I rubbed it clean with my sleeve, and poof, a genie came out. It held the shape of a woman, an...

An Italian and A Greek debate culture.

An Italian and a Greek are debating the intellectual and cultural values of their respective countries. The Greek scoffs, "You Italians learned everything you know from us Greeks. For instance, we came up with the Classical Pantheon." The Italian replies, "Yes, but we improved upon everything you di...

Have you heard about the new bush-o-matic 3000?

It's the latest piece of kit where you can upload an image into the on-board computer, crop out the back ground, set the machine on the floor and point it towards the hedge of your choice.

You press "GO" and the machine flies up into the air and starts cutting out a 3D sculpture of the image...

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A professor takes his class to a museum

A professor take this class to a museum. He goes on to tell the class about many art sculptures and the meaning behind each and every detail. All of a sudden a janitor appears calls out the professor for being wrong about his whole lecture. Shocked the professor says,
“Well if you think you know ...

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My Brother The Cripple.

My oldest brother was born with little use of his legs resulting in him using crutches. For his whole life we went through vigorous treatments and therapy. When he was about 14 we moved to a new town. The local kids made fun him daily calling him names and just being overall assholes. He was so fe...

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There once was an evil queen...

This queen was a dreadful ruler, but it was primarily because, like superman, she was an extra terrestrial being practically immortal, and superior to the human race she conquered. She'd make continents(ignoring Antarctica) compete in building large sculptures of her and the last place sculpture wou...

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks ...

A tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.

He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint British pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a few pints of stout.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants,...

A Pop-Art Joke.

I am a high school art teacher. I do a unit on pop art in which we look at some works by Claes Oldenburg. For those who don’t know his work, he is known for making huge versions of ordinary everyday objects. One of his works we look at is an 80-foot-high sculpture of a clothespin that’s in Philadelp...

A scientist, a doctor and a janitor discover an old lamp...

The scientist rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie pops out! "Thank you for releasing me!" said the genie, "You can have anything you like, providing you do one days work of a different profession. You may choose what you want to do." The scientist goes first, "Well I've always thought that being a...

You guys ever heard the one about the sculptor and his Italian friend?

There once was a sculptor who made beautiful pieces of work. His specialty was beautiful women. He'd toil away for hours on end, immortalizing the prettiest women in plaster and granite. But one day, he realized that his work was no longer in demand. Distraught, he called over his closest friend, an...

The shame about ancient Grecian art...

The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite.

You should kill me for this but...

Did you see the engraving under the mineral sculpture of the famous punner's head? It said, "Wordplay Ore Bust"

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A husband and wife save thousands of dollars for their dream golfing trip abroad...

A man and his wife and save thousands of dollars, pack their bags and go on their dream golfing trip abroad.

The golf course is a thing of beauty, perfect greens, giant sculptures, huge sparkling blue lakes, the finest sand pits, and amazing views. The rich of the world all have mansions and ...

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