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Fetus Jokes

Today I saw two fetuses making out

Ugh, get a womb.

What's the difference between a fetus in the US and a politician in the US?

The fetus is legally required to become a human being.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a pregnant fourteen year old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They’re both thinking, “Shit, my mom is gonna kill me!”

What do you call a panda fetus?

The bear minimum.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday

A lot of people think an egg is a chicken fetus

But actually, that’s a common missed conception

If you're a scam artist, you should probably never go for an aborted fetus

After all, they weren't born yesterday.

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

Two fetuses sit in their moms uterus.

One of them wears a scarf, hat and gloves. His twin asks him why he’s dressed like that. He answers:
“l don’t want to catch a cold like the red nosed guy who pops in here all the time and drips snot!”

What do you call a fetus that pays rent?

A womb-mate

Mission Codename: Fetus

Status: Aborted

Why does a fetus have more rights than a women?

Because a fetus still have a chance to become a Man

What social media platform do fetuses use?

discord

I saw a lady protesting at the capital grounds with a sign that read " vaccines contain aborted fetus' "

I couldn't believe it, how can she be protesting something like that I thought.

I marched right up to her and said "you think that's bad? Johnson and Johnson makes organic baby oil"

What do they call aborted fetuses in Prague?

Cancelled Czechs.

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the womb.

Unpopular opinion: Fetus Deletus is a tasteless joke

Unlike abortions, which are packed with flavour. Merry Christmas.

Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...

My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe

When is a fetus viable?

To a Christian, it's the moment of conception. To a Jew, it's when he graduates from medical school.

-my mom heard this on the radio

What did one Chinese fetus say to the other?

Move Ova I need more Womb!

I used to be a stock trader when I was a fetus, until my mother was arrested.

For inside her trading.

I asked a fetus if it wanted some food, and it replied: 'no thanks...

... I gestate.'

How does a fetus like it's amniotic fluid?

At womb temperature!

My wife said I should stop making stupid puns and take her abortion more seriously.



I won't let this d-fetus.

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who’s sign says “life begins at conception”

She goes up to the man and says “that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn’t viable until it graduates medical school!”

Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins.

Fetus Repeatus.

I must confess, I have repeatedly kicked a helpless, pregnant woman.

But to be fair, I was a fetus, what was I supposed to do?

Why did the fetus kill his twin?

There wasn't enough womb for the two of them!

Three fetuses were talking about their futures...

"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up, and bring babies into the world" said the first one.

"I'm gonna be a preacher, and baptize babies!" said the next.

"I'm gonna be a murderer!" said the last.

"A murderer!" exclaimed the first two. "Why?"

"I'm gonn...

(My first dad joke) Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine

Her (to staff): My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!


Me (not thinking): You sure do!


Also me (realizing that it sounded like I called her fat and hurriedly searching for a baby-related comment): This is about survival of the *fe...

How are abortions done in the Harry Potter universe?

*Fetus Deletus*

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*


^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...


^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.

I used to run a pro-life debate team.

No one could de-fetus.

You may have heard of No Nut November

But after I came twice in April what I’m really hoping for is a No Fetus February

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

My pregnant stay at home wife asked why I work so much...

I told her “Well, somebody’s gotta fetus”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Updating a classic for modern times [long]

When the news of covid hit Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me."


Well when lock downs started Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me". And she continued to see her friends, and be rude to restaurant staff when she got take out and show up to places tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my wife walked into the room while I was having sex with my daughter......

I wasn't sure what she was more freaked out by, the fact that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a Woman was pregnant with triplets...

A woman pregnant with triplets walked into a bank, and then a robber pulled out a gun, and started to shoot the people inside to control the crowd. the woman got hit 3 times and she was moved to the hospital really quickly after the event had been cleared.

The ultrasound check confirmed that...

Why did none of the girls at Hogwarts ever get pregnant?

Fetus Deletus!

What did the hungry twin embryos say to their mother?

Fetus

[Political] What's a pro-choicer's favorite metal band?

Dying Fetus

At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"

"At conception," said the Catholic priest.

"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."

"It’s in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."

"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins wh...

What’s Latin for abortion?

Fetus Deletus

What do you call a male trapped in a female body?

A fetus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peeing Bullets

A woman pregnant with triplets is in a bank, all of a sudden robbers walk in start shooting up the place, the woman is shot and gets rushed to the hospital.
After surgery and recovery the doctor comes in and tells her that a bullet got lodged in each fetus but they will be alright and the bulle...

OC (i think) St peter says "you have to answer a question before I can let you in"...

...”But you were an aborted fetus, so you really don't know anything.”

The fetus responds "it's okay, you shouldn't treat me any differently. Besides it's not like I was born yesterday"

So a pregnant woman walks into a diner.

A pregnant woman walks into a diner, and the server says:

"Hi there, are ya hungry?"

The fetus replies:

"Nah, I gestate."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the army of starving cannibals say when they walked into an abortion clinic in mexico?

feed us fetus fajitas!

I hope that joke was shitty enough to make you laugh.

Inspired from this post in no context
http://www.reddit.com/r/nocontext/comments/10y470/feed_us_fetus_fajitas/

If I was a pro-life picketer

My sign would say "You Can't De-Fetus!"

What did the baby eating cannibals say in the hospital to the expectant mothers?

Fetus!!!

What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby?

One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish

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