What do a pregnant teenager and her fetus think at the same time?

"My mom is going to kill me"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year old and her fetus

They both be thinking “Shit. Mom’s going to kill me”

Sorry if this has been posted before

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking "oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me"

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

A lot of people think an egg is a chicken fetus

But actually, that’s a common missed conception

Unpopular opinion: Fetus Deletus is a tasteless joke

Unlike abortions, which are packed with flavour. Merry Christmas.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday!

When a fetus is hungry, what does it do?

It orders womb service.

I saw two unborn fetuses making out.

So I said “would you two get a womb?”

What does a prison for mathematicians, scientists, and engineers and an unborn fetus have in common?

They're both full of STEM cells

What's a fetus's favorite craft?


I was going to tell a fetus joke (NSFW)

But i quickly aborted that idea.

What do they call aborted fetuses in Prague?

Cancelled Czechs.

Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...

My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe

Yesterday, I saw two fetus's kissing each other in a corner.

I said to them " you two, go get a womb."

Credit goes to a friend of mine for this dad joke lol.

Mission Codename: Fetus

Status: Aborted

I used to be a stock trader when I was a fetus, until my mother was arrested.

For inside her trading.

Why does a fetus have more rights than a women?

Because a fetus still have a chance to become a Man

What did one Chinese fetus say to the other?

Move Ova I need more Womb!

What do you call a wooly mammoth fetus?

The elephant in the womb.

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the womb.

If you're a scam artist, you should probably never go for an aborted fetus

After all, they weren't born yesterday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a Woman was pregnant with triplets...

A woman pregnant with triplets walked into a bank, and then a robber pulled out a gun, and started to shoot the people inside to control the crowd. the woman got hit 3 times and she was moved to the hospital really quickly after the event had been cleared.

The ultrasound check confirmed that...

When is a fetus viable?

To a Christian, it's the moment of conception. To a Jew, it's when he graduates from medical school.

-my mom heard this on the radio

I asked a fetus if it wanted some food, and it replied: 'no thanks...

... I gestate.'

Three fetuses were talking about their futures...

"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up, and bring babies into the world" said the first one.

"I'm gonna be a preacher, and baptize babies!" said the next.

"I'm gonna be a murderer!" said the last.

"A murderer!" exclaimed the first two. "Why?"

"I'm gonn...

I must confess, I have repeatedly kicked a helpless, pregnant woman.

But to be fair, I was a fetus, what was I supposed to do?

You may have heard of No Nut November

But after I came twice in April what I’m really hoping for is a No Fetus February

Why did the fetus kill his twin?

There wasn't enough womb for the two of them!

How does a fetus like it's amniotic fluid?

At womb temperature!

Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins.

Fetus Repeatus.

What did the hungry twin embryos say to their mother?


What did one twin say to the other after surviving a failed abortion.

They will never de-fetus.

Why did none of the girls at Hogwarts ever get pregnant?

Fetus Deletus!

[Political] What's a pro-choicer's favorite metal band?

Dying Fetus

At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"

"At conception," said the Catholic priest.

"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."

"It’s in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."

"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins wh...

I used to run a pro-life debate team.

No one could de-fetus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my wife walked into the room while I was having sex with my daughter......

I wasn't sure what she was more freaked out by, the fact that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus.

What’s Latin for abortion?

Fetus Deletus

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*

^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...

^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.

(My first dad joke) Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine

Her (to staff): My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!

Me (not thinking): You sure do!

Also me (realizing that it sounded like I called her fat and hurriedly searching for a baby-related comment): This is about survival of the *fe...

So there's a British man with a fascination with horses...

So there's a British man with a fascination with horses. He's so fascinated, in fact, that he's spent most of his life collecting them. On his massive ranch in his massive stables he has a collection of hundreds of horses, most of them rare. However, he ESPECIALLY has a thing for tiny horses (who wo...

If I was a pro-life picketer

My sign would say "You Can't De-Fetus!"

What do you call a male trapped in a female body?

A fetus

OC (i think) St peter says "you have to answer a question before I can let you in"...

...”But you were an aborted fetus, so you really don't know anything.”

The fetus responds "it's okay, you shouldn't treat me any differently. Besides it's not like I was born yesterday"

So a pregnant woman walks into a diner.

A pregnant woman walks into a diner, and the server says:

"Hi there, are ya hungry?"

The fetus replies:

"Nah, I gestate."

What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby?

One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peeing Bullets

A woman pregnant with triplets is in a bank, all of a sudden robbers walk in start shooting up the place, the woman is shot and gets rushed to the hospital.
After surgery and recovery the doctor comes in and tells her that a bullet got lodged in each fetus but they will be alright and the bulle...

What did the baby eating cannibals say in the hospital to the expectant mothers?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the army of starving cannibals say when they walked into an abortion clinic in mexico?

feed us fetus fajitas!

I hope that joke was shitty enough to make you laugh.

Inspired from this post in no context

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.