UPJOKE
embryouterusumbilical cordfoetusbabywombbirthfertilizationpregnancyinfantunbornchildbirthorganismfetalnewborn

A lot of people think an egg is a chicken fetus

But actually, that’s a common missed conception

What social media platform do fetuses use?

discord

Two fetuses sit in their moms uterus.

One of them wears a scarf, hat and gloves. His twin asks him why he’s dressed like that. He answers:
“l don’t want to catch a cold like the red nosed guy who pops in here all the time and drips snot!”

What do you call a panda fetus?

The bear minimum.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday

When a fetus is hungry, what does it do?

It orders womb service.

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

What do you call a fetus that pays rent?

A womb-mate

My wife said I should stop making stupid puns and take her abortion more seriously.



I won't let this d-fetus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a pregnant fourteen year old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They’re both thinking, “Shit, my mom is gonna kill me!”

I saw a lady protesting at the capital grounds with a sign that read " vaccines contain aborted fetus' "

I couldn't believe it, how can she be protesting something like that I thought.

I marched right up to her and said "you think that's bad? Johnson and Johnson makes organic baby oil"

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who’s sign says “life begins at conception”

She goes up to the man and says “that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn’t viable until it graduates medical school!”

What do they call aborted fetuses in Prague?

Cancelled Czechs.

I saw two unborn fetuses making out.

So I said “would you two get a womb?”

Mission Codename: Fetus

Status: Aborted

Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...

My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe

Why does a fetus have more rights than a women?

Because a fetus still have a chance to become a Man

Unpopular opinion: Fetus Deletus is a tasteless joke

Unlike abortions, which are packed with flavour. Merry Christmas.

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the womb.

If you're a scam artist, you should probably never go for an aborted fetus

After all, they weren't born yesterday.

I asked a fetus if it wanted some food, and it replied: 'no thanks...

... I gestate.'

I was going to tell a fetus joke (NSFW)

But i quickly aborted that idea.

I used to be a stock trader when I was a fetus, until my mother was arrested.

For inside her trading.

What did the stubborn eggs say to the birth control?

"You cant de-fetus!"

Why did the fetus kill his twin?

There wasn't enough womb for the two of them!

How are abortions done in the Harry Potter universe?

*Fetus Deletus*

Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins.

Fetus Repeatus.

I must confess, I have repeatedly kicked a helpless, pregnant woman.

But to be fair, I was a fetus, what was I supposed to do?

My pregnant stay at home wife asked why I work so much...

I told her “Well, somebody’s gotta fetus”.

You may have heard of No Nut November

But after I came twice in April what I’m really hoping for is a No Fetus February

Three fetuses were talking about their futures...

"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up, and bring babies into the world" said the first one.

"I'm gonna be a preacher, and baptize babies!" said the next.

"I'm gonna be a murderer!" said the last.

"A murderer!" exclaimed the first two. "Why?"

"I'm gonn...

I used to run a pro-life debate team.

No one could de-fetus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a Woman was pregnant with triplets...

A woman pregnant with triplets walked into a bank, and then a robber pulled out a gun, and started to shoot the people inside to control the crowd. the woman got hit 3 times and she was moved to the hospital really quickly after the event had been cleared.

The ultrasound check confirmed that...

What did the hungry twin embryos say to their mother?

Fetus

Why did none of the girls at Hogwarts ever get pregnant?

Fetus Deletus!

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my wife walked into the room while I was having sex with my daughter......

I wasn't sure what she was more freaked out by, the fact that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus.

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*


^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...


^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.

[Political] What's a pro-choicer's favorite metal band?

Dying Fetus

At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"

"At conception," said the Catholic priest.

"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."

"It’s in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."

"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins wh...

(My first dad joke) Pregnant lady's food stuck in vending machine

Her (to staff): My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!


Me (not thinking): You sure do!


Also me (realizing that it sounded like I called her fat and hurriedly searching for a baby-related comment): This is about survival of the *fe...

What spell does Harry Potter use when he gets a girl pregnant?

FETUS DELETUS!!

What’s Latin for abortion?

Fetus Deletus

What do you call a male trapped in a female body?

A fetus

OC (i think) St peter says "you have to answer a question before I can let you in"...

...”But you were an aborted fetus, so you really don't know anything.”

The fetus responds "it's okay, you shouldn't treat me any differently. Besides it's not like I was born yesterday"

So a pregnant woman walks into a diner.

A pregnant woman walks into a diner, and the server says:

"Hi there, are ya hungry?"

The fetus replies:

"Nah, I gestate."

If I was a pro-life picketer

My sign would say "You Can't De-Fetus!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peeing Bullets

A woman pregnant with triplets is in a bank, all of a sudden robbers walk in start shooting up the place, the woman is shot and gets rushed to the hospital.
After surgery and recovery the doctor comes in and tells her that a bullet got lodged in each fetus but they will be alright and the bulle...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Josie goes up to her daddy

Little Josie goes up to her daddy and asks, "Daddy, where do I come from?"

The father, not prepared for the Birds and Bees talk, decides to tell it anyway. He tells little Josie about boys having a penis which goes into the girl's vagina and when semen, a mix of sperm and seminal fluid, shoot...

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