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Secrecy Jokes

I have managed to become a member of the National Secrecy Society.

I can’t tell you how much this means to me.

Everyone knows the Russians sent a dog to space, but lesser known is the mission where they sent a cow.

The mission went terribly and everyone involved, including the cow was sworn to secrecy. He was a cows-moo-not.

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?

They prefer to not have windows.

[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. ...

The Italian Boss’ sudden Inspection

James gets a job at an Italian restaurant. He finds his boss to be extremely unsettling. He is old, very stern and demanding.

He takes the job anyway because he is desperate to make money.

One day, strange men in suits walk in 5 minutes before closing time. Unlike anyone he’s ever seen...

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A shy woman decides to have surgery

She wants to have surgery to remove her large vaginal lips which have always made her self conscious. She finds a doctor and schedules the procedure but swears him to secrecy. "No one can ever know" she admonishes, and he agrees. After the anesthesia wears off she awakes to find three roses on her ...

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Lenin in Poland

The communist party of Poland decided to celebrate the anniversary of Lenin’s birth. They approached a famous painter and asked him for a painting titled “Lenin in Poland”. The painter hated communism, but he agreed to do it on the condition that he will have total artistic freedom and everyone will...

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A man and a woman are in a car accident...

...the man wakes up in the hospital to find a doctor standing over him. The doctor tells him that his wife has lost some serious skin on her face and he is a possible donor, the only draw back is that the skin must come from his ass. The doctor agrees and the couple keeps it to secrecy. 6 months lat...

A man is driving to a big city

But he has to go through a desert. His car beaks down on the way and he realizes there is now way for him to fix it. He starts to walk when he sees a snake rise out of a hole. The snake speaks to him.

“I see you are tired. I will grant you three wishes. The first is free, but the second come...

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Kim Kardashian goes for cosmetic surgery...

So Kim goes to a cosmetic surgeon to get an ol' nip and tuck of her private parts. Getting rid of useless skin that’s attached to you is the 'in' thing to do these days, you know (no, I’m not talking about Kayne). Of course, she would like everyone involved in the operation to keep the affair high...

A tale of Middle Earth

In the land of Gondor there lived one of the most renowned gardeners in all of Middle Earth.


All the various people would come to Master Kizal for healing herbs that could be found nowhere except his gardens. The Elves would come to him for rare tree saplings and advice on how to care f...

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The Girlfriend Joke

Now, I need to caveat the beginning of this joke with some information. I'm a solid six-outta-ten, a real average looking guy. Never been too smooth wirth the ladies but whaddaya do, never been lonely neither.
So, one day I come home from work, I live in a little apartment complex, and I see acro...

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There was a farmer who had two sons.

His wife died as soon as she gave birth to the second son. Because of this, the farmer always blamed his second son for his mother's death. But he did not fail in his responsibilities as a father. The farmer was poor but he worked really hard to get his two sons in grad school. They didn't do well e...

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