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Multiplied Jokes

After 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.

To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."


Noah being ...

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what do you call a boner whose Area is length multiplied by breadth?

Erectangle

My girlfriend told me I’m like negative cosine multiplied by tangent...

My friends told me not to worry about it, but I think it’s a negative sine.

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I multiplied some imaginary shit by the negative square root of negative one

Shit just got real!

No matter what they say, you matter.

Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy

There's a guy in my neighbourhood who I used to think was really weird. I'd always see him out walking his rabbit. The rabbit was always in a different outfit. One day a frock. One day a skirt. One day a suit-jacket combo. Then it multiplied into a flock of rabbits, all wearing really niche clothes.

Eventually, curiosity got the better of me and I approached him and asked "excuse me sir, I can't help but notice your entourage of dapper rabbits. Can I ask what you do?"

He replied "Oh I'm a hare stylist."

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher

"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.

The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.

"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to th...

A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simp...

Why did the amoeba fail math class?

Because it multiplied by dividing

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17% of car accidents are caused by drunk drivers.

That means that 83% are caused by sober drivers.

When will these damn sober jerks get off the road so that our safety can be multiplied by 6?

I made a real friend today

I multiplied my imaginary friend by sqrt(-1).

Frank and his wife, Linda, were at the hospital, where Linda was giving birth to their first baby.

The midwife had hooked Linda up to a machine. "This high-tech gizmo is designed to transfer a birthing mother's pains to the father of the baby," she explained. "But there's a bug in the machine. The pain that is transferred from the mother to the father will be multiplied by 10."

"I'm willin...

A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician are sitting outside drinking coffee and people watching.

The notice two people walk into a building, and a few minutes later the same two people walk out accompanied by a third person.

"They've multiplied!" exclaims the biologist.

The engineer says, "nonsense, that doesn't happen that quickly, it must have been a rounding error"

The m...

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his h...

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On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.

In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surpri...

The old homekess man

I saw this old homeless man at a parking lot outside of Walmart holding up a sign.

I felt bad for him and gave him a dollar. The old men then smiled and gave me back my money with an extra dollar.

I was confused so i said " sir this money is for you " as i handed back the $2.

...

Income

A new employee was given the choice that either his income be incremented or multiplied. He, like most people, chose to multiply. However, his income never increased, because...

...he is still at square one.

Geeky trigonometry joke my dad used to tell me

What sound does a horse make while walking?
*Clop, clop.*

What sound does a horse make while walking uphill?
*Clop, clop* multiplied by the cosine of the slope angle.

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