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Thrive Jokes

My maize garden thrives when I play nu metal music

Korn

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There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis.

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

To Thrive in life, you need 3 bones.

A Wish Bone, A Back Bone and a Funny Bone.

"It baffles me, that bacteria can thrive, even when being turned into cheese. It seems like a such a hostile environment! Then again...

"Life finds a whey."

What do Millenials and Christmas Trees have in common?

They used to thrive, but now they're dead inside.

Why did Mark Zuckerberg only need a sip of water?

Zucculents are excellent at storing water and can thrive in arid climates.

Miracle cure

A plumber, a violinist, an astronomer and a redneck*, all suffering from various infirmities, were sitting in a convalescent home when suddenly an angel appeared. The angel spoke to them:

"I have come to give you the gift of health! Mr. Plumber, what is your ailment?"
The plumber answered...

Dandelions are like the homeless people of the flower world.

Give them a little crack and a bit of water and they can thrive anywhere.

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Interesting fact:

Before cyanobacteria, the progenitor of photosynthesis, earth was mostly oxygen-poor and dominated by anaerobic (can live in and thrive without oxygen) bacteria. Most of these bacteria were strict anaerobes, meaning oxygen would kill them. After cyanobacteria evolved, earth became flooded with oxyge...

So I watched a zombie movie recently...

The survivors boarded themselves in an old furniture store. They had a nice camp setup with beds, lounges, workbenches, and thrived for several years. At least until the virus mutated and jumped to inanimate objects. Then the tables turned...

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My girlfriend said it is okay to have a small penis

To roam the path is to become one with it.
We exist as superpositions of possibilities. We heal, we believe, we are reborn.
It can be difficult to know where to begin.

Visitor, look within and recreate yourself. How should you navigate this interstellar dreamscape? The dreamscape is cal...

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Two aliens are trying to figure out how to infiltrate earth to blend in...

They spend a lot of time watching how people go about their lives and decide the first thing they need to do to exist and blend is get money to thrive. They land their spaceship in a cornfield and walk to the closest place they can find, a gas station. They walk up to the gas pump and demand it give...

For as long as I can remember, I've had a thing about pigeons.

I think they're fascinating creatures, robust, hardy birds that thrive the world over yet can live on just breadcrumbs and worms.

It was 'pigeon this' and 'pigeon that' as a child, my mom used to joke that I'd BE a pigeon if I could.

It was a bit of a struggle maintaining relationsh...

A couple gave their twin boys up for adoption...

...it was a tough decision, but they felt unable to care for them, and decided it was the only way their children would thrive. One of the boys went to a Spanish family, who called their new son Juan. The other went to an Egyptian couple, who named the new addition to their family Ahmal.

20 y...

A Canadian, an American, and a Pakistani are wandering through the desert

They're wandering along hoping to find some water or a ride out of the vast desert. As they trot along, the Canadian kicks a metal lamp that was buried in the sand. They pick it up and rub it, then out pops a genie.

The genie says, "since there are three men present I will grant you all one ...

A velociraptor on long island...

I made this up the other day. I don't have high hopes but what the hell:

One day a velociraptor moved to Long Island. He was sick of life in the jungle and decided to try new things. Walking down the street one day, the velociraptor noticed a 'Help Wanted' sign resting on a diner window. Thi...

A luxury yacht catches fire somewhere in the South Pacific and sinks....

A single male survivor, let's call him Roy, washes ashore on a small, deserted tropical island.

Roy spends the next three years of his life struggling to survive, but, by collecting debris and materials that wash up on the shore, he manages to thrive.

Then one day, as he's combing the...

On a warm summer morning, a family of ducks and a family of skunks are crossing a country road when...

without warning, a car barrels over a hill and into the path of the animals wiping out both families except for one baby duckling and one baby skunkling. The pair hightail it off the road and find refuge in a hole in a tree. They decide to stick together and support each other in order to survive. T...

A tale of Middle Earth

In the land of Gondor there lived one of the most renowned gardeners in all of Middle Earth.


All the various people would come to Master Kizal for healing herbs that could be found nowhere except his gardens. The Elves would come to him for rare tree saplings and advice on how to care f...

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Diary of an Englishman after he moves to South Africa....

**August 1**: Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Phalaborwa, Limpopo, South Africa. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally fo...

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A village of glass houses...

There once was a village in the middle of a vast open field. The village had survived for centuries based on their tradition and culture. This consisted of specific dances and celebrations, body paint, and the most noticeable and apparent: the use of glass buildings and structures. The people who li...

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