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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

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I got kicked out of Comic-Con for assaulting a guy who didnt know who Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix

That was the second time I've been called a neo-nazi.

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My gf tried giving me a blowjob for the first time while I was watching the Matrix.

I love neophytes.

My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercise..

I just ~~dodge~~ dodged a bullet

What do you call a matrix on the matrix

A Domimatrix

My girlfriend's sister invited me over to her house to watch The Matrix.

I think I dodged a bullet.

What does the Matrix 4 announcement and eating corn have in common?

I'm excited to see it once it comes out.

What do you use to heal cuts in the matrix?

Neo-sporin

My neighbour hosted a party and the theme was The Matrix. My girlfriend got home when it was finished and said it was rubbish.

Looks like I dodged a bullet with that one.

I walked into a bar full of ugly women last night and swore I entered the Matrix.

Because all I was seeing were 1s and 0s

Why is life like the matrix?

When you're young, you take the red pill, because you're depressed. When you're older, you take the blue pill because your wife doesn't do it for you anymore.

The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque

The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"

The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

A warning to prisoners of the Matrix

Snitches get glitches

They changed something in the matrix...

and now all the eigenvalues are wrong.

If you divide 2020 by 5 you get 404

So this this year is just a error message from the matrix

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Do you know why can't you eat soup in the Matrix?

Because there is no such thing as the Matrix, dumbass. It's just a movie.

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The first time I heard about Neo Nazis, I was confused because of The Matrix

I was like, "There's no way Neo could be a Nazi! He lives in a place called Zion and most of his friends are black!"

I can prove 11 = 10 = 9

XI = X = IX

for any matrix X

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

Why cant you trust math teachers in the spring time?

Because they'll always play matrix on you.

My friend said "Women directors have never had major success with a live action film"

So I said, "Nonsense! Just look at the Matrix trilogy."

Agent Smith

A long time ago, when Agent Smith was newly generated, he was tasked to kill the rogue program, The Oracle, and her son. He was new to the Matrix, and was unaware of her capabilities. So he tried to delete her by firing at her with his gun, though the Oracle safely removed herself and her son from d...

A guy walks into a shady bar on 'ladies night',

He goes over to a group of questionable women and proclaims, "DAMN, I must be in the Matrix!"

One of the more questionable women responds, "What makes you say that?"

The guy replies, "Because all I see are 1's and 0's!"

Topical Jokes for 1/6

A report shows that North Korea has 6,000 cyber attack specialists. In fairness, North Korea’s definition of “cyber attack specialist” is anyone who’s ever watched “The Matrix.”

...these cyber attack specialists can access any computer on the planet, and leave the message “Please. Help me get...

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