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Matrix Jokes

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Matrix Management: The Key to Happiness

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.

However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed b...

Keanu Reeves was offered the lead role in Wild Wild West, but turned it down to do The Matrix.

He really dodged a bullet there.

How do you heal burns in The Matrix?

Neo-Sporin

The Matrix in reverse is the story of a guy who quit drugs and got a job

Convince me otherwise

The Mexican Food Matrix

In the Mexican Food Matrix Neo has to choose between the red sauce and the green sauce

What do you call a matrix on the matrix

A Domimatrix

Elon Musk rewatches The Matrix.

Realizes that Neo is the good guy.

My girlfriend's sister invited me over to her house to watch The Matrix.

I think I dodged a bullet.

Why is life like the matrix?

When you're young, you take the red pill, because you're depressed. When you're older, you take the blue pill because your wife doesn't do it for you anymore.

What does the Matrix 4 announcement and eating corn have in common?

I'm excited to see it once it comes out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My gf tried giving me a blowjob for the first time while I was watching the Matrix.

I love neophytes.

A warning to prisoners of the Matrix

Snitches get glitches

They changed something in the matrix...

and now all the eigenvalues are wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why can't you eat soup in the Matrix?

Because there is no such thing as the Matrix, dumbass. It's just a movie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got kicked out of Comic-Con for assaulting a guy who didnt know who Keanu Reeves played in The Matrix

That was the second time I've been called a neo-nazi.

My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercise..

I just ~~dodge~~ dodged a bullet

I walked into a bar full of ugly women last night and swore I entered the Matrix.

Because all I was seeing were 1s and 0s

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I heard about Neo Nazis, I was confused because of The Matrix

I was like, "There's no way Neo could be a Nazi! He lives in a place called Zion and most of his friends are black!"

The first Matrix director coming out as a trans-woman felt bold, unexpected and original....

.... the second one? Ehh... not so much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Swedish Computer Terms



|Term|Definition|
|:-|:-|
|Log On:|Makin' da vood stove hotter!!|
|Log Off:|Don't add no more vood!!|
|Monitor:|Keepin' an eye on da vood!!|
|Download:|Gettin' da vood off da truck!!|
|Mega Hertz:|Ven yer not careful gettin' da firevood!!|
|Floppy Disc:|Vat yew get from ...

I can prove 11 = 10 = 9

XI = X = IX

for any matrix X

My neighbour hosted a party and the theme was The Matrix. My girlfriend got home when it was finished and said it was rubbish.

Looks like I dodged a bullet with that one.

If you divide 2020 by 5 you get 404

So this this year is just a error message from the matrix

Agent Smith

A long time ago, when Agent Smith was newly generated, he was tasked to kill the rogue program, The Oracle, and her son. He was new to the Matrix, and was unaware of her capabilities. So he tried to delete her by firing at her with his gun, though the Oracle safely removed herself and her son from d...

Why cant you trust math teachers in the spring time?

Because they'll always play matrix on you.

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

A guy walks into a shady bar on 'ladies night',

He goes over to a group of questionable women and proclaims, "DAMN, I must be in the Matrix!"

One of the more questionable women responds, "What makes you say that?"

The guy replies, "Because all I see are 1's and 0's!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said it is okay to have a small penis

To roam the path is to become one with it.
We exist as superpositions of possibilities. We heal, we believe, we are reborn.
It can be difficult to know where to begin.

Visitor, look within and recreate yourself. How should you navigate this interstellar dreamscape? The dreamscape is cal...

My friend said "Women directors have never had major success with a live action film"

So I said, "Nonsense! Just look at the Matrix trilogy."

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

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