I walked into a bar full of ugly women last night and swore I entered the Matrix.

Because all I was seeing were 1s and 0s

What do you use to heal cuts in the matrix?

Neo-sporin

M Night Shyamalan directs The Matrix:

There is a spoon.

What do you call someone who has never seen the Matrix?

A Neo not-see.

Do you know why can't you eat soup in the Matrix?

Because there is no such thing as the Matrix, dumbass. It's just a movie.

My neighbour hosted a party and the theme was The Matrix. My girlfriend got home when it was finished and said it was rubbish.

Looks like I dodged a bullet with that one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I heard about Neo Nazis, I was confused because of The Matrix

I was like, "There's no way Neo could be a Nazi! He lives in a place called Zion and most of his friends are black!"

My friend said "Women directors have never had major success with a live action film"

So I said, "Nonsense! Just look at the Matrix trilogy."

A warning to prisoners of the Matrix

Snitches get glitches

The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque

The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"

The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

They changed something in the matrix...

and now all the eigenvalues are wrong.

Why cant you trust math teachers in the spring time?

Because they'll always play matrix on you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Short summaries of our favourite movies:

A little green guy convinces a young man to kill his father ("Star Wars")

A group of people returns a lost jewel in 9 hours ("The Lord of the Rings")

The newly-started young artist's career goes to the bottom ("Titanic")

White skinhead forces black people to kill dwarfs ("The Ho...

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

I can prove 11 = 10 = 9

XI = X = IX

for any matrix X

A Christian, an Atheist, and a Muslim met at the DMV

They decided to have a contest to see whose belief system was best. Each of them would drive 10-15 miles over the speed limit everywhere they went and whoever could use their beliefs to get out of a ticket would be the winner. They agreed to meet up again next month.

A month later they reco...

Agent Smith

A long time ago, when Agent Smith was newly generated, he was tasked to kill the rogue program, The Oracle, and her son. He was new to the Matrix, and was unaware of her capabilities. So he tried to delete her by firing at her with his gun, though the Oracle safely removed herself and her son from d...

A guy walks into a shady bar on 'ladies night',

He goes over to a group of questionable women and proclaims, "DAMN, I must be in the Matrix!"

One of the more questionable women responds, "What makes you say that?"

The guy replies, "Because all I see are 1's and 0's!"

Topical Jokes for 1/6

A report shows that North Korea has 6,000 cyber attack specialists. In fairness, North Korea’s definition of “cyber attack specialist” is anyone who’s ever watched “The Matrix.”

...these cyber attack specialists can access any computer on the planet, and leave the message “Please. Help me get...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.