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Movements Jokes

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

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A friend of mine has some really insane bowel movements.

Shits crazy.

"I've been having really painful bowel movements," I told my doctor.

"How long?" he asked.

"I can't be sure," I replied. "It's not like I measure them."

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife

The husband wanted more than a written report , he wanted video of his wife's activities . A week later , the detective returned with a video . They sat down together to watch it
Although the quality was less than professional , the husband saw his wife meeting another man ! He saw the two of...

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When do people have unhappy bowel movements?

On sad-turd-days.

Did you know Google now has a platform for recording your bowel movements?

It's called Google Sheets.

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A woman has been experiencing frequent bowel movements

A woman went to the doctor with a crappy problem for a while. “I wake up every morning, have my cup of coffee, and at 8:15am I’ll have a bowel movement” she explained to her doctor.

The doctors runs some tests and comes back with the results. “Ma’am, it seems to me that you have three little...

Movement

So I was on the toilet for so long my movement became a fully fledged composition

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A man goes to an astrologer and then to a doctor for advice because he has trouble in performing bowel movements. Both of them said the same thing.....

"Uranus is not in the right position".

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I went to my doctor with severe constipation. I explained to him about my really, really dense bowel movements....

"Tough shit" he said.

Why can’t astrologers find humor in the movements of stars and planets?

The real joke is in the comets

What body movements alert you that a politician is lying?

His lips are moving.

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Four musicians are arguing about who gives the best blowjobs in the band.

The first says, “Clarinet players are the best, because they can put so much in their mouth and still play beautifully.”

The second says, “No, it’s flute players! They can handle the mouthpiece sensitively while still using their fingers.”

The third still disagrees, and says “It’s oboe...

I've been watching ISIS movements via UAV for the past week

They seem to beheading in the right direction

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Did you know that when you say "poop" your mouth actually makes the same movements as your anus when you poop?

Same thing goes for "explosive diarrhea" ...

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I've heard that couples who are close sometimes share pictures of their bowel movements

But it turns out my wife isn't a fan of my shit-posting.

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What kind of poops do Stick Bugs make?

Dowel Movements.

(an original from my 10 year old)

What did the doctor ask the composer right before his colonoscopy?

How many movements?

Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is

The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"

The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...

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Entertainment night at the senior home

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Centre.

After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show -Claude the Hypnotist!



Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.



"Yes, ea...

Dances used to originate from tribal customs

Well, doesn't it seem possible that some of these popular dances tend to illustrate the movements of persons dodging a flock of motor cars?



Source: 1913 newspaper

Guy goes to the doctor and says, " I cnat siht!"

The doctor says, "Clearly, you are having problems with vowel movements."

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles

Now I'm experiencing constant vowel movements. My next trip to the bathroom could spell DISASTER.

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