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Mornings Jokes

I told my wife I saw an alien on the way to work this morning

She said “how do you know it’s on its way to work?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some mornings I wake up bitchy...

Other mornings I let her sleep.

A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning

Suddenly the husband appears behind the wife's back and says:

"Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! You're frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, they're sticking to ...

how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know why birds sing in the mornings?

Because they don't have to go to fucking work

Why do people dread mornings in Athens?

Because dawn is tough on Greece

At this mornings press conference, Ron Desantis announced that the state of Florida will be outlawing the consumption and distribution of coffee.

He went on to condemn the beverage as a tool of the WOKE agenda.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbours are complaining about my loud groans during sex in the mornings.If . . .

they only knew its me putting my socks on!

A mom takes her daughter to the doctor

The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”


The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”


The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How my mornings usually go

* Wake up


* Take a shit


* Get out of bed

What does the executioner say on Monday mornings?

Time to beheaded to work

I have a joke on early mornings...

You up for it?

What kinda murderer only kills in the mornings?

A cereal killer

I spend the mornings in my rocking chair, and in the afternoon I go out in my wheelchair.

I’ve got a real rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle.

I made a chicken salad this morning

Stupid thing won't even eat it.

Best thing in the mornings

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

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