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Greeting Jokes

Why do Americans shake hands as a greeting?

To show they're only holding one gun

"Diana!" I said greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...

She said, "My name's Anna."

I said, "Yeah, I know."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the traditional greeting among prostitute-accountants?

Tally ho!

Greetings. I am Buzz Aldrin the second man to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

What is a personal injury attorney's favorite seasonal greeting?

Happy Fall

With the international mathematics conference in town, the bars around the convention center were hopping.

As was her custom, the evening manager was going from table to table greeting her guests. When she got to the first table, there were eight mathematicians seated. Strange, she thought, since there were only six seats, but some of them were getting a bit frisky and were sitting on others' laps.
...

Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

A man dies one day and finds himself in Hell, much to his surprise.

The man has never sinned, he has attended church somewhat regularly and often gives to charity.

He asks at the gate if there has been a mistake to which the ferryman gives no answer.

He figures there is little hope for him, but somehow he will make the best of his situation.

He ...

I once got arrested for greeting my friend

Apparently the police doesn’t like hi-jack-ing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two aliens landed in the desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the pumps assuming it was an earthling and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, we come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien was stumped. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' But the younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Shocked and insulted by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attit...

What’s a whales least favorite greeting?

Whale Cum

"Aye aye captain" as a greeting for Pirates with eyepatch should be wrong.

The correct one is "Aye, captain"

A nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a hole in the roof of your church."

"Thank you for telling me," he replies "but you've been here for years, it's our church."

The next day the nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a broken window in your- I mean, our, church." He thanks her again and calls for a repairman.

The following day the priest is prep...

What did the blind man say while greeting his old friend?

Long time no see

What does a pirate say when greeting his indigenous buddy?

Ahoy, Métis!

My wife doesnt like me greeting people at a funeral

Good mourning.

Why was "Morgen" the only spoken part of a greeting?

It was "Guten" free

I once tried greeting everyone I met by saying "titanic"...

Turns out it wasn't a very good ice breaker

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