Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

What is a personal injury attorney's favorite seasonal greeting?

Happy Fall

"Aye aye captain" as a greeting for Pirates with eyepatch should be wrong.

The correct one is "Aye, captain"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two aliens landed in the desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the pumps assuming it was an earthling and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, we come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien was stumped. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' But the younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Shocked and insulted by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attit...

"Diana!" I said greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...

She said, "My name's Anna."

I said, "Yeah, I know."

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

A pregnant woman falls into a coma

After some months she wakes up in a hospital bed and as she gains consciousness she realises that her pregnancy belly is gone.

A doctor is standing next to her bed greeting her. "Hello, you have been in a coma for six months. But don't worry you are on good health and will be released soon!"<...

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A man recently separated with his wife is at the local bar drowning his sorrows when a gorgeous young woman walks in.

She makes her way over to the bar.

"What'll it be, miss?" The bartender asks.
"Tequila." Says the woman.

As the bartender pours her drink she notices the guy sitting at the other end of the bar. 'Handsome' she thinks to herself as she turns to the bartender laying out t...

Greetings, good sir ! I would like to purchase one can from your shop.

-Of course, here you go.

-Thank you. Now, how do I open it ?

-Instructions are inside.

Is it "Happy Impeachment" or "Merry Impeachment"?

I don't want to offend anyone.



Treason's Greetings and Impeach Navidad!

What does a cactus say when greeting its friends?

saguaro you doing?

Mr. Peterson walks into Cheers, and gets his usual greeting, which is everyone in the bar loudly shouting his first name.

It was funny the first few times, but after that, it became the norm.

Memories - Robin Williams Told this Originally

I was moving to California when I stopped at one of those old Indian trading posts somewhere in the desert.

One of the attractions there was an Native American with a sign beside him that read "this man has greatest memory in the world $5 per question" So I paid my $5 and asked him a questio...

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La Tonga (NSFW)

Once upon a time there were two explorers, John Smith and James errmm..Smith ,doing what they did best....exploring. After 2 weeks of sailing they came to shore on what looked like a deserted island.

Hopping off, they eagerly went on a trek through the beautiful tropical forest before them. ...

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