Daytime Jokes

Bert and Ernie worked together as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years. They'd traded jokes, played pop music and generally made peoples lives a touch brighter as they trundled to their workplace.

Now though, there was a silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax from civil defen... read more

I tossed him a bar of soap and he washed ashore

Source: University Daytime Janitor

The other is a nightmare.

You won’t even feel the impact.

The moon. Because the sun only shines during daytime, when it's bright anyway, whereas the moon shines at night.

"Tsk tsk tsk... a nightmare."

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones..... or mastubate in daytime.

Paraphrased from Bo Burnham. Credit where it's due.

About 40 pounds.

What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?

Daytime drinking

It's my first daytime job where they give me nitrates.

But I’m used to hunting in the daytime so this is just a shot in the dark

It was a cold night and I already missed my bus, so now I had a long walk home.

But I remembered there was a shortcut which passed through a graveyard. I was a bit scared to take this shortcut but gathered all my courage and thought that in the daytime many people take this shortcut so why no... read more

During daytime hours they’re both sub-par

...and the woman says "Darling, do you love me?"
The man says "Do you see all the stars in the sky?"
"Yes?"
"That's how many women I've slept with since I married you."

"But it's daytime. Only the sun is out."
"Yes. Only one: your sister."

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian... read more

During the daytime, the chess fans can play each other in the ballroom, watch panels that discuss optimal tactics and long-term strategies, or watch videos of famous chess matches. In the night, many of them gather in the hotel lobby to discuss the game and what they've seen today.

The hotel ... read more

It can be assumed that the man had gone to many, many bars that night. By the time he had entered his fifth bar, he was definitely drunk.

The man decided that it was about time to use the bathroom, so he approached the bartender and asked the bartender politely, "Exchuze me... whre kn-I take... read more