Volvo has Thor’s Hammer Daytime Running Lights. For 2021, Lexus introduces Nagasaki Airbags...

You won’t even feel the impact.

Billy: "Your mare - what breed is it?" Jack: "No clue, but it beat the winner of this year's Kentucky Derby. " "Why wasn't it entered for the Triple Crown?" "Problem is, it gallops only at night. Snoozes in the daytime."

"Tsk tsk tsk... a nightmare."

I have two horses. One is calm and for daytime.

The other is a nightmare.

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Dude is watching a daytime talk show with his GF...

The host tells the audience, "Communication is important. Sometimes the things you say can make your partner happy. Sometimes you make your partner sad. And sometimes, you can say something that makes your partner happy and sad at the same time..."

The dude scoffs. "That's bullshit! There's n...

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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
' Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window; my husband's home early!'
' I can't jump out the window, it's raining out there!'

' If my husband c...

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Those in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones...

Or masturbate in the daytime.

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I was watching a daytime talk show when the host claims, "People that have sex every day are happier on average."

The host went on to ask the audience, "By a show of hands, who here has sex at least once a day?" A small group of the audience sheepishly raise their hands.

The host continues by asking, "Ok, how many of you have sex once a week?". This time around more hands go up from the audience.
...

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I said to my husband that we should start a new tradition of daytime Saturday sex.

I told him we should really try to fit it in.

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My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

Today I saved a man drowning in the river

I tossed him a bar of soap and he washed ashore

Source: University Daytime Janitor

i have a luxury diesel mercedes and its a total piece of rubbish!

i have driven manual my entire life and i got my first automatic and my bloody last one!. i bought new, but it only works during the daytime, at night it shuts off. now look, i put the automatic into d mode during the day, it works fine, but then at night it goes into n mode and won't move.

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Glass house conundrum

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, nor have sex in the daytime.

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Today my phone wasn’t working

My son took it and went outside.

Me: How come you took my phone outside?

Son:You know how it’s daytime right now?

Me:Yeah?

Son:It’s a homophone dad.

What does an unchallenging mini-golf course have in common with a strip club?

During daytime hours they’re both sub-par

"I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."

"That's so sweet."

"Not particularly. It was daytime."

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian...

A husband and wife are sitting alone on a hill...

...and the woman says "Darling, do you love me?"
The man says "Do you see all the stars in the sky?"
"Yes?"
"That's how many women I've slept with since I married you."

"But it's daytime. Only the sun is out."
"Yes. Only one: your sister."

A hotel is holding a convention for chess aficionados...

During the daytime, the chess fans can play each other in the ballroom, watch panels that discuss optimal tactics and long-term strategies, or watch videos of famous chess matches. In the night, many of them gather in the hotel lobby to discuss the game and what they've seen today.

The hotel ...

The Legend of the Man Who Went on Vacation to New Orleans

It can be assumed that the man had gone to many, many bars that night. By the time he had entered his fifth bar, he was definitely drunk.

The man decided that it was about time to use the bathroom, so he approached the bartender and asked the bartender politely, "Exchuze me... whre kn-I take...

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