Minds Jokes - 38 Hilarious Minds Jokes

Why do women have cleaner minds than men?

Because they change theirs more often

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with...

Great minds think alike

But two idiots seldom differ

I wish the auto manufacturers would make up their minds.

I was behind a van that said Dodge on the back of it then a truck that was marked Ram. What do they want us to do? Avoid them or hit them?

I found out recently that I can read minds.

So far, only mine, but I am still new to this thing.

If "tomb" is pronounced "toom", "womb" is pronounced "woom" then shouldn't...

"bomb" be pronounced "BOOM".

I hope that blew your minds.

Winning the hearts and minds of the people

An old CCP euphemism for organ harvesting.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"

I hope that blew your minds

How can you identify those with dirty minds?

mark the joke NSFW

Only stupid people never change their minds

That's what I've always said.

I was in two minds about going to Thailand…

But I said Phuket, why not?

Would you like the ability to read minds?

Mind mind mind mind mind mind mind mind mind mind

Some minds are like concrete...

Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Got this out of a Georgia newspaper.

Albert Einstein once said: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.

It is said that some nuns are capable of telekinesis and influencing people's minds.

Force of habit, I guess.

Make up your minds

People complain that kids these days don’t have any attention span, yet they get upset when you send kids to concentration camps. Damn Liberals. Make up your damn minds.

Read the following word aloud: MINDS

Did you do it? Congratulations... you can read minds...

A guy is spending his first night in prison

He hears someone in another cell shout out "37!" and the whole cell block bursts out laughing.

Another guy shouts out "74!" Same thing.

"46!" and everyone loses their minds.

He asks his cellmate "What's going on? Why are the numbers so funny?"

"Well we've all been here so...

I need your hilarious minds.

Help me come up with a funny thing to dress up as for a party that’s themed “be my date on this date”. AKA, dress up as a day of the year or holiday. Fave idea so far is going as a box for boxing day.

I think I can read minds

because I always know a BMW is changing lanes before they use their blinker

Last night I told my wife that I could control minds.

She replied "Don't make me laugh"...

Since many of the posts on here are "Yo Mama jokes" and many others are "Chuck Norris" jokes, can any of the brilliant minds who post on here combine the two memes into a single joke?

Chuck Norris used a roundhouse kick to move yo mama, because when she sits around the house, she really sits **around the house**.

Today’s kids can never make up there minds

My son just asked me to make him a bookshelf and now he is complaining about the books hurting his back

Psychologists have discovered a new way to see into the minds of those with ADHD

They're calling it AD4K

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A recent scientific study reveals that women have cleaner minds than men.

This, scientists say is basically due to the fact that they change them every fucking 10 seconds or so.

Why do conservative politicians have dirty minds?

They hardly ever change their mind.

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A man went to the store to buy some raisins...

When he got there, he asked a cashier, "What aisle are the..."

"...raisins in?" she asked.

"How... how did you know?"

"I am a psychic. I can read minds."

"Really? Well then, what am I..."

"Thinking now? You're thinking about what I might look like naked."

"Y...

Why don't Muslims have dirty minds?

Because they're so easily brainwashed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mind Reader

The weather was very hot and a man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming trunks, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, he got out of the water and noticed two old ladi...

I wonder what was the last thing to go through the Donner Party’s minds

I guess a fork

People aren't using their fingers to count, they're using their minds...

Because it's the thought that counts.

Every day I like to fill my kids' minds with a sense of wonder.

Like "I wonder who my Dad is?"

Last night on the episode of "Criminal Minds" my wife was watching, the cops arrested a clown.

As a Dad of long standing, I'm happy to have seized the opportunity to yell "Don't try anything funny!"

My wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she never can. She’s telepathetic.

A Reunion for the Greatest Scientific minds in our history

In response to an invitation for a rather unusual reunion party of the all-time greats, the following responses were recorded :

Newton said he'd drop in.

Socrates said he'd think about it.

Ohm resisted the idea.

Boyle said he was under too much pressure.

Darwin sai...

I can prove that every redditor can read other people's minds

Other people's minds

A dyslexic couple have their minds read and go home afraid for their lives!

What do they expect after visiting a psychotic.

It was believed that Helen Keller could see dead people and read people’s minds.

She had the fourth sense

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