I know I’m gonna get hate for saying this, but there are some races that I just don’t like.

For instance, anything with an obstacle in it. Like if I’m running 10k, don’t make me climb over a wall halfway through it.

I never understood why people hate Internet Explorer and Microsoft Edge so much

I am always able to flawlessly download the Firefox Installer using them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months......

Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed!

I hate it when you get a Cranberries song stuck in your head...

.. In your head

In your head.

In your head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were sitting around talking about how much they hate their lives

The cucumber said, "man my life sucks the most, whenever i get big, fat, and juicy someone chops me up and throws me in a salad. The pickle speaks up, "man you dont know shit, when i get big, fat, and juicy someone sticks me in vinegar, covers me in spices, and closes me in a jar. The penis has had ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When i was a kid this was my favorite joke don't hate me pls i changed.

I want to first apologise for my english in case i over complicate the joke it's my 3rd language and i have to translate it from my native language ^^

Well so it starts in a restaurant. A tall lady with weird long grey hair shows up with her huge bag and asks for a place for 2, so the waiter ...

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My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...

Do I Keep The Letters?

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

If there is Three types of people who I hate...

It's people who can't count

and hypocrites

I hate it when engineering students call themselves "Engineer"

you don't see med students calling themselves doctor, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, but my roommate used the paper to roll up his joint.

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.

I hate it when everyone tells me to read an author's works, but then I can't find it anhwhere.

For someone so famous, nobody seems to keep Warren Piece in stock.

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Some people call me a Grammar Nazi and I HATE it!

I am clearly not Anti-Semantic.

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park...

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

When he reached his driveway, there was the cat.

He kept taking the cat further and further but the cat would always beat h...

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I hate shower sex.

It's slippery, awkward, and one of the worst things about prison.

Why do Star Wars Jedi absolutely hate having to open PDF files ?

Because attachments are forbidden.

Why does everybody hate America so much?

Because America doesn't murder its critics.

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Why does Gordon Ramsay hate seeing a bunch of cute pet pictures?

Cause it's fucking r/aww!

I hate going to M.C. Hammer's house....

He won't let me touch anything.

I ordered my ex wife food she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it...

Because revenge is a dish best served cold

I hate optimists.

They'll jump out of a plane expecting sunshine and rainbows to cushion their fall. Meanwhile, I'll look both ways before crossing the street and get hit by the optimist.

Rappers hate Trump...

Nothing rhymes with orange.

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My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and burn them

I did the latter. Now what do I do with the letters?

Today my fiance screamed at me and told me she hates at the alter

Ruined a perfectly good sacrifice.

Why did the two cows hate each other?

They had beef.

What do Australians say to someone they hate?

Go die, mate!

Which animal do women hate?

Ze-bra

My mom told me she hated me today

She forgot to say April Fools

An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “...

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..

Stupid firemen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate potty humor

It's the butt of all jokes

I hate to brag but my cemetery is the most popular one in my entire county.

People are literally dying to get into it.

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There's a man who hates his wife

He is reading the newspaper and sees an ad for a hitman named Arti who only costs a dollar! The man calls Arti and tells him that his wife goes to Walmart every Saturday at 10:00 AM. Arti goes to Walmart and waits. Then he sees the man's wife so Arti jumps over and choked her to death. But somebody ...

Only people who hate the president are allowed here.

Everyone else is forbiden

My wife hated my obsession with Asian cuisine...

Sushi left me.

I hate how funerals are at 9.00am.

I'm not really a mourning person.

Why do christian mathematicians hate summer?

It's sin cos tan.

Don‘t you hate it when people are patronizing you?

(patronizing is to talk down to someone)

What do you call a person who hates normies?

A trendsphobe.

I hate comments

They discuss me

I hate connect-the-dot puzzles.

That’s where I draw the line.

Conor McGregor hates cinco de mayo...

It's nothing personal, he just cant stand Mayweather.

Why do mechanics hate people who serve in the military?

because no one ever thanks them for their service.

The real reason my wife hates when I mansplain

When catch myself accidentally over explaining something to my wife, I turn it into a joke about mansplaining; by first explaining what mansplaining is and then over-explaining what mansplaining is, but she never understands it because she’s a woman.

Why does Spiderman hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he’s a bad parallel Parker

I used to hate facial hair..

..but then it grew on me.

The guy who invented Sudoku actually really hated numbers

He just wanted to put them in their place.

I hate spelling errors

You mix up two letters and your whole one liner is urined.

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

Why does Eminem hate Pfizer and Moderna?

You only get one shot.

Fiscal conservatives hate spending on infrastructure maintenance and repair.

Bunch of crack addicts!

I hate that feeling after surgery when you’re not sure if you’re awake or asleep or . . . .

if you operated on the right patient.

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Y’know I used to hate my tits when I was growing up.

They’ve grown on me.

Why does Tom Brady hate investing cryptocurrancy

Because it could lead to inflation.

My wife hated my impulse purchase of an expensive revolving chair, but then she sat on it.

Eventually she came around.

I hate it when people shorten words for no reason.

It makes me want to commit murds.

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My boss hate when I shorten his name to Dick,

Especially since his name is Ed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Japanese women hate condoms?

Because they like rawmen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate my job, quality control at the strobe-light factory.

I'm busy working like a cunt, and everyone else is just fucking standing still.

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i really really hate scat porn

fuck that shit man

I hate spring cleaning.

Damn things bounce all over the place.

All the teachers in my school were great. Apart from one. She hated girls. What was her name?

Miss Ogyny

Why do native Americans hate the month April?

Because April showers bring may flowers..
and mayflowers bring the white people

I hate it when people quote the movie Joker

I’d give my reason but you wouldn’t get it

I hate that parents keep asking me to watch After My Kids

I've looked it up a dozen times, and there is no such movie/show with that name.

I hate steak jokes.

Good ones are rare.

I hate being so paranoid, but its the CIA's fault.

its the drugs they put in my coffee.

I hate card games

They're all one-sided

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I hate shower sex.

My dick always gets stuck in the drain.

Two things I hate the most

1. Consistency
2. Inconsistency

Why do TV-detectives hate round buildings?

The solution is always right around the corner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always hate going to weddings.

Old people poke me and say that will be you next ... they stop doing that shit when I returned the favor at funerals.

I hate that ATMs don't dispense coins.

It just doesn't make cents.

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Why does Indiana Jones hate drag queens?

They're booby traps

I hate porcupines

They’re just a bunch of pricks.

My mate loves red wine. She hates it when people mess with it....

I thought I know I'll add some fruit and Lemonade....



But now she’s sangria than ever...

My wife said I hated her side of the family

I said, "That's not true, I like your mother-in-law more than mine"

I hate seeing old people.

and then realizing that I went to school with them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Sometimes, I wonder to myself if my wife hates my body.

A tiny part of me thinks "Yes!"

I hate it when my finger goes through the loo roll when I’m wiping

It’s by far the worst part of my job at the care home!

I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy

It’s not like I did anything

I hate when people blame video games for mass shooting

Like what am I gonna do shoot up the school with a copy of doom

I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college

I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won’t shut tf up about it. He’s always been like this, even when we were in college together.

I'm not sure why society hates lazy people

I mean they didn't do anything!

I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day. It's just...

...Soda pressing.

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

Why does Hilter hate going to Arby's?

They keep giving him Au jus sauce.


I'm going to hell.

I unscrambled the letters to spell “anger” “hate” “spite” and “malice”

It was a cross word puzzle.

So we hated congress a few days ago for not giving us $2000 but today we love then after the riot yesterday...

...so abusive relationships do work

I hate people that take drugs...

Customs for example.

Everyone hated the egotistical civil engineer.

He got too big for his bridges.

What do you call a list with columns and rows of reasons why you hate people?

A contempt-table

I really hate dementia

I can't remember why

Girls hate me as much as spiders.

But hey they can bite people why can’t I.

What’s the Republicans’ most hated Sesame Street character?

The Count

I hate how you can accidentally make a person but can’t accidentally make a pizza.

I mean who decided that, huh?

I hate Indian givers.

I take that back.

I hate Russian dolls...

...so full of themselves.

Why do parents hate alcoholic children?

All they do is wine

What's the one compliment women hate to receive?

"Hey, nice moustache!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a physical therapist that hates women

Massageynist

I'd hate to be a knight

They take L's left and right.

Why do Republicans hate funding NASA?

NASA aborts rocket launches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do women hate having sex with people who invested in Gme stock?

They never pull out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate being dyslexic. I went to a movie theater to see some cop porn

And all I got was this lousy popcorn.

Pat and Mike work at the Guinness Brewery, and one day there's an accident. Pat calls Mike's wife, Mary, and says: "Sure, and I hate to be tellin ya this, but there's been an accident down at the Guinness."

"Saints Preserve us," says she, "is Mike alright?"

Pat responds, "I'd like to tell ya that, but it'd be a lie!"

"Ya don't mean that me Mike's been hurt?" says Mary.

"Sure, an it's worse than that," says Pat, "he's fallen inta the beer vat and drowned!"

"Oh, well" says Mar...

I've never had my hair so long in my life. At first I hated it.

I'm not sure why but it's growing on me.

I hate Amazon. I went to go buy a lighter.

But all I found was 12,943 matches.

I hate when people leave cigarettes in urinals

It makes them hard to light

How come Voldemort hates the sun?

Because his sunglasses won’t stay up

My nephews hate my ‘dad’ jokes

They say I’m very un-cool

I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.

I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came to town, they lost half their population.

my daughter loves jogging and grammer but hates camping

she's always running past tents

I hate jokes about German sausage

They're the WURST!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.

Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the largest peni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist asked me to write hate-letters to all my enemies and burn them

He didn't tell me what to do with those damn letters though.

Why does Pinocchio hate flaky girls?

They always string him along

I really hate Norton’s security software...

...but please don’t call me anti-Symantec

Why do people instantly hate Ted Cruz?

Because it saves time. (I stole this joke from the news last night)

Cop 1: This murder seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime. That’s why I became a cop.

Did you hear Elton John hates lettuce?

He’s more of a rocket man

I hate people who can't distinguish etymology and entomolgy

They bug me in ways I can't put into words.

Don’t you just hate that situation when you’re picking up your bags at the airport, and everyone’s luggage is better than yours.

A worst case scenario.

I hate when people smoke in the porta potties at my job

It makes it hard to enjoy my sandwich

I hate spheres.

Why do they even exist? There’s no point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why People Hate School Re-Unions

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school.

 They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in grey ...

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