My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard.

Personally I’m on the fence.

Why do people hate reposts on this site?

Cause they’ve already reddit!

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used that to roll up his joint.

He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.

I hate immigrants...

If i could find a country that didn't take immigrants in I'd move there...

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

A wife sent a message to her husband..

A wife sent a message to her husband: “Don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Priscilla says hi to you.”

Husband: Who is Priscilla?

Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure you read my message.

Husband: But I’m with Priscilla right now, so which Prisci...

I have a special needs daughter, and she hates taking baths.

I don’t blame her. I don’t like soggy vegetables either.

I used to hate maths when i was a kid

But as you get older you realise that decimals have a point

i hate Russian dolls so much

they're so full of themselves

I hate my job at the can recycling center.

It’s soda pressing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate it when people bring up masturbation in a conversation.

It’s a very touchy subject for me.

Dont you hate it when people get ahead of themselves?

Edit:Wow thanks for the gold kind strangerr

I hate being bi-polar.

It’s awesome.

I hate it when people call their girlfriend their “partner in crime”

We get it man she’s underage

I hate how woman always look at me like i'm a piece of meat

and feel the need to roast me.

I hate flying vehicles.

A lot of them are so plane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate it when homeless dudes rattle their cup of change in front of me...

...I know you have more money than me, you don’t have to be a dick about it!

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

Scotish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve: “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing"...

"Forty-five years of misery is enough”, he continued.

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”...

I hate it when they say, "white people can't dance"...

Like Hello? We had the king of pop himself micheal Jackson.

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Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the shit out of their dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate those drivers that try to overtake you on a main road doing 40. I always try to slow down and block them, no matter how much they horn or flash their lights.

Fuck ambulances, I swear.

I'm really worried about my parrot. He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".

my wife is too selfish to notice. She's always crying.

What song does a necrophile hate?

Stayin' Alive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate people that use SHOULD OF instead of SHOULD'VE

I tell them to Fuck've.

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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I absolutely hate penises.

That's why I beat mine everyday.

I really hate my new John Denver Sat Nav.

While it may well take me home, it's always down some country roads.

Why do reddit users hate facebook?

Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.

A wife is yelling at her husband, “Get out! I hate your guts!”

So the husband packs up his things and walks out the door.

As he is walking away his wife screams at him, “I hope you die a slow and painful death!”

He suddenly stops and says, “Wait, so you want me to stay?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which stormtroopers did Vader hate most?

Sandtroopers. They're coarse and rough and irritating and they get everywhere.

Don't you hate it when a teacher lies and says the homework will be a piece of cake?

It always tastes like paper.

Why do Americans hate school shooting jokes?

Most of them are aimed at younger audiences so the adults can’t have any fun

I hate it that my wife treats me like a piece of meat....

She’s Vegan and refuses touch me!

Why is there so much hate around Roman Numeral Jokes?

I, for one, like Roman numerals

Indians and Napoleon both hate this


I hate people who take drugs

For example: airport security

Why does the water hate the land?

Because it’s a beach


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My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick

Mostly because his name is Steve

I used to hate facial hair

But then it grew on me.

I hate people who complain about hard vowel sounds.

They’re all a bunch of soft-e’s.

I hate when people ask me where do I see me in 1 year

I don’t have 2020 vision

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went on the sex offender registry and found the addresses of all the sex offenders in my area, and sent them all hate mail.

Just to make sure they read it, I wrote the letters in crayon.

There are only three kinds of people that I hate.:

Those who can’t count and those who hate.

I hate my neighbors. They listen to All Star by Smash Mouth at full blast 24/7

whether they like it or not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Hitler were alive today, he'd hate playing Minecraft

Whenever he'd start mining diamonds, his generals would yell out "mine fewer!"

I really hate elevators

I'm going to take steps to avoid them.

Boy, do I hate nose jokes!

Good thing this is *snot* one

The three things I hate the most in this world...

...are racists, Chinese people, and contradictions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A King hates fruits!

The king has a birthday and he asks that the guests don't bring him any fruit as gifts or he will put the fruits up their bottoms.

On his birthday, thousands of people come and everyone makes sure to bring gifts that the king would like. This one simple-minded guy brings an apple, so the King...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What Fighting technique does Hitler hate

Jew jitsu

I hate how Shark Week tries to playoff Sharks as "gentle caring creatures that are misrepresented by the media".

It doesn't matter what they say, I'm still not voting to re-elect the president.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend taught me something interesting: the swastika is an ancient Indian religious symbol, only appropriated recently by Hitler as a symbol of hate.

I said, “Brett, that’s interesting, but are you really going to explain that to every employer that asks about your tattoo?“

Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate having to break up with Japanese women

You have to drop the bombshell twice before they get the point

Why do fencers hate Reddit?

They've all been banned for riposting.

I hate cutting up peaches.

It's the pits.

South of the border is a sea of violence, hate, corruption, disease, and division I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me to write letters to people I hate and burn them.

And it really worked! I feel much better now! Not sure what to do with all these letters though.

I hate drilling holes...

It's boring.

I hate when celebrities don’t interact with their fans

Like the other I day I was waving at Stevie Wonder and he just kept walking

Why do light bulbs hate us?

Because we flip them off all the time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate female dog donkey crossbreeds that can’t talk

Dumbass bitches

I hate driving drunk

Texting becomes so much harder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate sex jokes

I just never get it.

I hate being Bipolar

It's the best

Why do people hate clowns so much?

I don't know, maybe it's your face.

I hate golf...

My friends and I were out golfing for my first time.

They each got to hit the ball 50, even 60 times...

I only got to hit it 18 times!

I used to hate parasites

Then they started to grow on me.

What is a reason illegal immigrants hate the winter?


I bought my Nan a stair lift and she told me she hates it.

It’s been driving her up the wall

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he saw reads, “LOOL AREA!!”

He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’."

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no ...

Why do Native Americans hate April?

April showers bring may flowers. And may flowers bring white people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate my dad

He is such a motherfucker

I hate donut’s without holes

There always so full of themselves

I would hate to have a pet elephant.

I'd have to address him so much.

I hate sitting in traffic

I always get ran over!

I really hate how close the ‘i’ and the ‘o’ are on a keyboard...

I could really care less that a Pirn is a rod onto which weft thread is wound for use in weaving.

"Whale whale whale look who it is." My buddy hates when I visit him at the aquarium.

He says I'm not using the word for its intended porpoise.

Trump hates the word impeach because he has said many times before


Why is Trump losing support in Georgia?

Hates peach.

What kind of parties do kidnappers hate the most?

The search parties

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do cats and women have in common?

They both fucking hate me

[At the scene of the murder] Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.

I don't hate lazy people anymore.

Found someone else who does it for me.

A man hates his wife’s cat with a passion and decides to get rid of it once and for all.

He drives twenty blocks away from home and drops the cat there. The cat is already walking up the driveway as the man approaches his house. The next day, he decides to drop the cat forty blocks away, but the same thing happens. He keeps on increasing the number of blocks, but the cat keeps on coming...

My girlfriend hates when I pee in the shower...

But if it's such a big deal, why doesn't she just get out?

Why does everyone hate anti-jokes?

because they are not funny

My mother said to me: “I hate competitiveness”

I said back: “not as much as me”

Crocodiles. He hate them.

Ever since his father was killed by a crocodile, my cousin couldn't stand the sight of crocodiles. Whether its TV, in pictures or even stuffed animals.

He can't even stand the crocodile on brand logos. He's just become very Lacost-intolerant.

My least favorite color is purple.

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I fucking hate one direction fans.

I like the ones that oscillate back and forth.

I hate when my daughter tells that she feels embarassed when I show up in her workplace and check on her

But this is the only strip club in the town ..

"If you were offered $50K for free but to accept the offer, the person you hate the most will receive $100K, would you do it?"

"Sure I would. Why would I decline $150K?"

I hate when people say age is just a number.

Age is clearly a word.

Everyone likes to laugh at other people's inability with numbers. However, 45% of people consider themselves bad at math, every twentieth member of the population hates decimals, 1 out of 5 people can't do mental arithmetic and 3/10 can't do fractions without a calculator.

Yet only one in a hundred find this funny.

Why did the circle hate geometry?

Because it's pointless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔


Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school.

They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in grey...

I hate the discus throw ...

makes me want to hurl.

Why did Jaques hate Francois' food fetish?

It was a pane in the ass.

I hate playing Uno

Last time my friend over dos

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