This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months......

Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed!

I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy

It’s not like I did anything

I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college

I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won’t shut tf up about it. He’s always been like this, even when we were in college together.

I hate people that take drugs

You know, customs officers and policemen.

13: “I’m the number everybody hates”. 666: “No way, I am the number everybody hates”.

2020: “lol”.

Apparently the British hated rows,

which was why they columnised so many places

I hate anti-maskers,

they make me sick.

10 things I hate

1. Lists
2. Repeating myself
3. Irony
4. Lists
5. Never
6. Gonna
7. Give
8. You
9. Up
10. Trickery

I hate being a pirate in school.

In my report card I always get seven seas.

I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be “saved” or else you’ll “burn”

Stupid firemen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate people who make fun of Uranus by calling it names like your anus. I always tell these people:

You're heinous.

I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.

I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.

I hate these double standards

If you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" and if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

I really hate it when...

...autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always hate going camping with horny people.

They’re always fucking intense.

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

Why do Native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May Flowers, and Mayflowers bring white people.

I hate people that take drugs..

This whole “airport security” thing has gone *way* too far.

I hate that you cant say "black paint" anymore

You have to say
"George can you please paint the wall?"

I used to hate dad jokes

but I've groaned to love them.

I really hate satellites....

They’re just a waste of *space*

I hate Russian dolls.

They're just so full of themselves.

Why do cops hate sick birds?

Because they're ill eagles.

I hate autocorrect...

It fan cuck right off.

If you enjoy nascar than your probably a racist, however, if you hate nascar than you are literally a racist.

Because you hate races

Why do mother kangaroos hate it when it rains?

Because the kids have to play inside

I hate when people say I don't know any good movies.

Of course I dont, did you meet any?

What do you do if your boyfriend hates fruit jokes?

You let the ManGo!

I hate having to keep going to the kitchen to fill my glass of water.

Take a pitcher it will last longer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick

Mostly because his name is Steve.

Which disney movie does gordon ramsay hate the most?

Frozen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate my job as a Poop Vampire...

It really sucks ass.

I hate when my wife asks if I'm listening to her

It's such a weird way to start a conversation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler absolutely hated when people would argue minor details or quibble with him.

He was very anti-semantic

Mummy, Mummy, I hate daddy's guts

Then push them to the side of your plate!

I hate it when people confuse one social media for another

Edit: Thanks for the likes

I don’t get people who hate farm animals.

Horses, for example, are the glue of this society!

I hate hypocrisy,

unless it happens to suit my purpose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate when my wife wants to talk during sex

So i just don’t pick up the phone.

I hate my job at the morgue, nobody gets my sense of humor.

I swear I’m working with a bunch of stiffs.

I used to hate facial hair,

but then it grew on me.

Why do terrorists hate telemarketers?

The telemarketers keep blowing up their phones at meetings.

I hate parties. Call me antisocial...

...just don’t call me.

What's with all the hate for Necromancers?

Can't a guy raise a family in peace?

I honestly hate this joke that white people don't know how to season food, it's so untrue

I put sugar on my cereal every day

I hate blind jokes

I just don’t see the point

Don’t you just hate that situation when you’re picking up your bags at the airport, and everyone’s luggage is better than yours.

A worst case scenario.

Who else hates labels?

If you do, consider joining our group. We call ourselves antilabelists.

People hate the police so much these days...

...that even Sting has stopped performing "Every Breath You Take."

My wife hated the expensive revolving chair I bought until she sat on it...

Eventually she came around...

At first I hated my new haircut

....then it grew on me

I hate first world problems.

Almost as much as I hate the paint job on my yacht.

My wife hates that I smoke, so we're going to see a hypnotist.

I am going to have her hypnotized to not care.

The only type of Men Women hates the most.

Its Menstruation, you hate it when it comes you also hate it when it doesn't for several months.

Why does Bernie Sanders hate Purell?

Because it kills 99.99% of germs, and he doesn't like the fact that it protects the top 0.01%

I hate when my daughter tells that she feels embarassed when I show up in her workplace and check on her

But this is the only strip club in the town ..

I hate that even poker is getting political.

The big blind is always ante-establishment.

I hate anti-vaxxers!

Their behaviour is simply sickening.

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

Why do ghosts hate working out?

Because they have to exorcise

Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

I don’t understand all this hate towards the police...

...I mean they’re an amazing band.

You know why I HATE cactuses?

They're pricks.

I would hate to do a math joke on reddit

It would divide us

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I said some terrible things to my mom as I was coming out of anesthesia. Told her that she was the ugliest fucking woman I had ever seen, and I hated her new short haircut..

Turns out it was my dad who came to pick me up, my mom was at home this whole time.

Did you hear about the hate crime in NASCAR the other day?

Turns out, it was just some fake noose.

I hate monkey bars

They only have banana daiquiris

I hate the word "xenophobia"

it just sounds so...foreign

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate it when people don't flush their poop

That shit gets old

I hate guys who are too overconfident..

I really do.

Edit: Thanks for the silver!

Edit: Thanks for the gold!

Edit: Thanks for the platinum!

I hate when my friends always talk about Norse gods

Like bro it's Loki annoying

I hate seeing directors make the same movie. It gets boring, I guess I'm...

Board of directors

I hate fencing. Whenever I check Reddit after I parry...

It’s always a riposte.

I'm a very big Oasis fan, specifically Wonderwall. I sing it all the time. My girlfriend hates it though, so she asked me to stop singing it.

I said maybe.

Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus?

Nobody

I hate people that overlay pictures on other pictures

They're super imposing

What's the most hated vegetable in the world?

Kim Jong un

My parents both hated their metallurgist jobs, so it's strange they named me Steele.

They choose it because it's irony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone hates a filler episode in a TV series.

But in porn, well that’s a different story.

What do you call an insect that hates changes?

A const-ant.

Who do high school girls hate school so much?

They get 7 periods every day.

Why do Anti Vaxxers Hate concerts

They always mix up Placebo and the Cure

I hate when I'm wiping and my finger goes through the paper. Happens every time!

That aside, my new job at the old people's home is going well.

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

I hate when my roommates throw cigarettes in the toilet for two reasons.

A: it's disgusting and B: they are harder to light.

What state hates phone calls?

TEXAS (Text Us) #kneeslapper

Why do people in Athens hate the morning?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

We all know Islam hates the West.

Turns out they hate the North, South and East just as much

Some people love watching white bears get aroused, others hate it.

It's polar rising

I hate the stigma around mental health

Immediately when I got medication for schizophrenia, my friends won't talk to me anymore.

My wife called me and said “ If you’re not home from the bar in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked for you to the dog.”

I was home in 3 minutes, I’d hate for anything to happen to the poor dog.

I get why Karen’s hate wearing face masks

Because they make mouth breathers smell their own breath

I don't understand why christian people hate people with piercings.

Jesus had 4 of them.

Is it really that wrong to hate an entire race?

I just find marathons waaaaay too long to enjoy any part of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't get why people hate condoms that much.

It's just a piece of fucking rubber.

Why does everybody hate tinnitus

Because theres a bad ring to it

I hate to do it but I've got to complain about the guy with the eye patch who sits opposite me at work

He keeps winking at me and it's just not appropriate.

NSFW

I hate my boss.

People hate my dad jokes.

But that's how eye roll.

I hate weed!

Everytime I see it I put fire on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate bullshit science

It only focuses on the mushrooms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just adopted a new puppy. I love him and he's great but I hate driving with him in the car.

Its so fuckin hard to find a barking spot.

I hated the quarantine at first. Then I realized I have everything I need at my house, and I slowly started loving the isolation.

Probably it’s stock home syndrome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate that I keep having diarrhea.

My digestive system needs to get its shit together.

Why do Jedi hate alarm clocks?

Because of The Force Awakens.

I hate being an Agnostic Insomniac with Dyslexia

Every night I stay up, wondering if there is a Dog.

I hate most stereotypes

But the LG LK72B XBOOM Audio System is my favourite

I thought I'd hate having a quarantine beard.

But, honestly, it's growing on me.

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