This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick

Mostly because his name is Steve

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he saw reads, “LOOL AREA!!”

He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’."

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no ...

I hate Russian dolls

they're so full of themselves.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate listening to music during sex...

There honestly aren't many good 30 second songs out there.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen.

[At the scene of the murder] Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I really hate it when beggars shake their coin jar at me

I know you have more money than me, you don’t have to be a dick about it!

Did you guys hear about the Jussie Smollett hate crime?

Fake Noose

My GF said she hates my sense of direction.

So I packed my stuff and right.

I hate all of you

April fools I love you all

Why do catcholic priests hate condoms?

They get caught on the church boys braces

I hate people who take drugs.

Like cops, DEA agents...

As a musician, I hate the key of E minor.

It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do English teachers hate anal sex?

Because they can't stand it when you misuse a colon.

I hate when bacteria gets into me without me knowing

It makes me sick!

Why do reddit users hate facebook?

Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.

Which race do you hate the most?

I hate marathons................too many Kenyans.

/u/username hates the hotel he is staying in and starts packing his stuff.

Username checks out.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

Anti-Vaxx parents hate it when you call their toddler's outbursts a "temper tantrum."

They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"

I hate Australian redditors...

...mainly because they love everything I say on Reddit and try to upvote me.

I hate it when people leave the door open...

It leaves me pretty unhinged

My therapist told me to write letters to all the people I hate and then burn them.

I don’t know what to do with all these letters now.

I hate elevators.

I will take steps to avoid them.

I hate when people ask how I see myself in a year

I don't have 2020 vision

I used to hate having no hair

Then it grew on me

i hate tacos

said no juan ever

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do blind people hate sky diving

It scares the shit out of their dogs

I hate car jokes

They drive me crazy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were sitting around talking about how much they hate their lives... [NSFW]

The cucumber said, "man my life sucks the most, whenever i get big, fat, and juicy someone chops me up and throws me in a salad. The pickle speaks up, "man you dont know shit, when i get big, fat, and juicy someone sticks me in vinegar, covers me in spices, and closes me in a jar. The penis has had ...

I hate it when people compare Lionel Messi with God. I mean he's good and all...

...but he's no Messi.

I hate when Mommy and Daddy get drunk and start fights.

They are both way bigger than me and there are two of them. It's not fair.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fred loves camping, but his wife absolutely hates it (NSFW)

Every week Fred bugs his wife about it but its the same thing every time, she refuses to go camping. Finally having heard enough his wife says "fine, how about this? I have a list of things that need to be done around the house. If you finish everything on the list by Friday, I'll go camping with y...

Why do chickpeas hate being pulverized to bits and rolled into balls?

Because it makes them falafel.

I hate sitting in traffic

because I get run over

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate it how when a girl shows her ass she gets thousand of views on Snapchat...

but when I do it, I get banned from Walmart.

I hate going to the dentist.

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate jokes about butts

They’re so cheeky

Why do CIA Intelligence Officers hate everyone and everything?

It's just what they do. They despise.

I hate the tool business

It really screwed me over

Is it wrong to hate an entire race?

I can't help it, though. Humans were just never meant to run 26 miles.

In the shark infested waters of the Caribbean, two prawns, one called Justin and the other called Christian are discussing the pressures of being a preyed-upon prawn. “I hate being a prawn,” says Justin. “I wish I were a shark.”

Suddenly, a mysterious cod appears. “Your wish is granted,” he says. Instantly, Justin becomes a shark. Horrified, Christian swims away, afraid that his former friend might eat him. As time passes, Christian continues to avoid Justin, leaving the shrimp-turned-maneater lonely and frustrated. So...

I hate being bipolar.

It's awesome!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for sex?

can't wait to get out of prison.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate it when they wear condoms in porn. What's the point?

Men can't get each other pregnant.

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

Man "I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It's starting to make me sick". Wife: "what do you think about me?"

Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".

I hate going into jewellery stores with my girlfriend , all the staff always assume we're there for the engagement rings.

Mind you, the ski masks probably don't help.

I hate when engineering students call themselves engineers

You don't see medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

What flavor does anime absolutely hate?

Anything vanilla, apparently

I hate that clown from IT.

Always joking around instead of fixing those damn computers.

I hate it when guys call their girlfriends "partner in crime"

Like we get it bro, she's under-age

I hate calculus...

I sometime wonder why I thought I should SINE up for this.

I hate waiting in lines... I wish this woman...

...would hurry up and pick a suspect.

Don't you hate it when you can't find a really great joke you saw a few weeks ago that you really liked?

It makes it really hard to repost.

I hate monopoly! My dad always beats me!

Its probably because I always win.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate going with my bossy Irish friend Richard when he ships produce on his boat

It's a real Dick tater ship

I hate people who use big words.

They do it just to make themselves look perspicacious.

I hate people who are smarter than me.

That's why I hate everyone.

What's sick, Irish, and hates Captain Kirk?

A leper Khan.

I just hate gossipers,

They discuss me

Wife is yelling at her husband “Get out! I hate your guts!”

Husband packs up and walks out the door. As he is walking away his wife screams at him “I hope you die a slow and painful death!” He says “So you want me to stay?”

Why did the communist hate school?

Because it had classes

Why do shovels hate digging up metal?

Because of the irony

Sorry I guess you couldn’t handle the joke

I’m gonna dig up some more

I’ll spade you of any more puns

If you couldn’t sit through that you’re a tool

(Please don’t steel this joke it took me a long time to come up with it)

[OC] What is the one thing anti-vaxxers hate more than vaccines?

Giving their child a long, healthy life

Is it really wrong to hate one race?

Because I like 5Ks and 10Ks, but Marathons suck!

Things I hate

These are 5 things I hate.
1. people not using capital letters.

Two. People who aren't consistent

3 People who dont use proper grammar.

4.peoplewhodon'tusespacesm

5. Cliffha-

Why do felines hate NASA?

Because Curiosity killed the cat.

My girlfriend messaged me that she knew I was cheating. I went to the apartment. The locks were changed, my clothes burnt on the lawn. She yelled from the window "I hate you, never come back."

So I went home to my wife.

My roommate hates when I steal his untensils

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take

I hate it when women fight over me

I'm like "C'mon ladies... There's enough of me here to disappoint all of you."

Life: Why do people love me and hate you?

Death: *scoffs* Have you met the millennials?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do incels hate black people?

Because all the guys getting the girls are from Chad.

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your entire text is urined.

I hate put labels on people

That's why I didn't pass the job interview at the "Hello my name is" sticker factory.

I hate closed minded people.

They never agree with my correct points.

Some of my friends make The Offspring puns, some of them violently hate them

I guess I gotta keep em separated

Why did Anakin Skywalker hate bed time?

Because that's when the sandman came.

And not just the sand man but the sand woman and and children too

I hate it when they say white people can't dance...

Like hello we have Micheal Jackson.

What do you call someone who wants to hate themself, but can't

I'm looking for new userflair ideas.

I hate cocaine

I just like the way it smells

Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake

It was to Menilayas

Why does Hitler hate Nascar?

It reminds him that he never got to finish a race.

I Hate Engineer Students

I hate engineer students, they always walk around saying "I'm an engineer" this, or "I'm an engineer" that.

You don't hear a math student say "i'm a mathematician" or an art student say "i'm a barista".

A List of Things I Hate

1. Unoriginal jokes
2. Hypocrisy
3. Irony

Why do right wing extremists hate winter?

Because of all the snowflakes

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate when people say, "obesity runs in my family"

Bullshit! No one runs in your family!

Don't you hate it...

when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus

There is one thing I hate about lazy and entitled cannibals

They're always looking for handouts.

I hate talking to Mary Jane

She's just too blunt

Why do asians hate arguing with me

Because I’m white and they’re always wong

My son hates being in pirate school.

I don't blame him, his report card always has seven seas.

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

Why do women hate me?

Cause I'm very competitive and always want to come first.

Hi, I'm black, and I hate it when people assume we're all criminals.

-Sent from your iPhone

Why did Margaret Thatcher hate the Trade Unions?

Because they include u and i but not her.

My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep...

I hate it when people think they can just waltz into my room..

When what I’m listening to is clearly in 4/4

I really hate getting scammed on the internet. I ordered a shipment of uranium-237 the other day...

...and by the time it arrived a few days later, the box was half-empty!

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

Why do plants hate math?

Because it gives them square roots.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a grown man that hate jews

Adult Hitler

A man walks into a bar for illiterate people. The bartender says, "Don't you hate it when people tell jokes that have specific details about situations that would never happen in real life, just so they can make some dumb pun?" The man, nodding, replies,

"I no write."

I hate being a recovered kleptomaniac

I can’t take it any more

I hate jokes about canned meat

They’re mostly spam