A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 mi.’
He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought.
Soon, he sees another sign tha...
What is it called when your crush has a crush on you too
Susie went to the church wearing a see-through top leaving almost nothing to imagination..
After the congregation,the priest called her aside and said " I don't want you to come to church wearing such a dress"
Susie cried " but I have a divine right"
Priest " you have a divine left too " looking at her dress " but still you can't come dressed like that " .
A golfer went to a fortuneteller
He asked, "can you tell me if there are golf courses in Heaven?"
The fortuneteller entered a trance to ponder his question. After several minutes she responded- "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, the golf courses in Heaven are beautiful beyond any earthly imagination." ...
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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers
Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...
What do you call a bunch of dead bodies in the streets of Tiananmen Square?
One hobbit asks another: "Don't you feel like we're just a figment of someone's imagination?"
"Mate I have no idea what you're tolkien about"
School students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructions also advise that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they...
A Joke my kid told me
A guy goes to buy a notebook at the stationery shop. He finds a good one wrapped in plastic for $10, so he takes it up to the counter. The cashier rings it up, but tells the guy no matter what, not to look at the last page. The guy thinks it’s an odd thing to say, but pays the $10 and takes the note...
Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist...
but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
The mother took her young daughter to a psychiatrist and explained to the headshrinker that the girl thought she was a chicken. The doctor soothed her, observing that an overactive imagination is not uncommon in children, and asking how long the girl had suffered from the delusion.
"Almost two years," said the mother. "Your daughter has imagined she is a chicken for nearly two years?!" the psychiatrist exclaimed. "Why have you waited so long before bringing her in?" The woman looked embarrassed, then confessed: "We needed the eggs, doctor."
A sad first attempt at a joke
(It’s my first time posting here. Don’t blame me for the terrible joke lol)
A lawyer just lost a career making/breaking case so Satan sees this as an opportunity to approach him and make him an offer.
Satan: I will make you the most successful lawyer in history. You will never lose a c...
A salesman drops in to see a business customer. Not a soul is in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stares at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looks up and says, Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job. Incredible! ...
Have you heard about the dyslexic who was working too hard on his imagination skills?
He ended up in Santa Fe.
Last night I had a dream where I experienced a completely new color.
It was a pigment of my imagination
Satan appears before a lawyer and says, "I will make a deal with you. You will become the most successful attorney who has ever lived. You will be rich beyond imagination, and known to everyone on the planet. You will be appointed to the Supreme Court, and your rulings will be read and studied for d...
My doctor said I lacked an imagination
I couldn’t believe it
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I always wonder if people jerk off to their own imagination
That’s food for thought
What do you get if you paint a pink pig mint-green?
A pigmint of your imagination.