UPJOKE
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Axis Jokes

I love the way the Earth spins on its axis.

it always makes my day.

I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

Me: Doctor, I'm afraid of the vertical Axis

Doctor: Why?

Me: \*Screams\*

I'm making a graph of my past relationships...

I have an 'ex'-axis and a 'why?'-axis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who did Hitler plan to install as commander of the Indonesian air force if they agreed to join the Axis powers?

Hermann Goreng

An English Pilot is Stranded Behind Axis Lines

After a week without hearing anything from his side, he begins to despair. Just when he's about to give up, he manages to find a plane in pristine condition! After familiarizing himself with the controls, he takes off towards home, with the enemy none the wiser.

However, on the way back, he i...

I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had.

It had an ex axis, and a why axis.

So I made a graph of all my past relationships...

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Methamphetamine was used widely by both axis and allied soldiers in WW2.

Making it the true War On Drugs.

After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...

They got bored and decided to call it a day!

How can you tell which axis is which?

It’s easy, X is a cross

My friend betrayed me on the test when I asked him where the light rays parallel to the principle axis of a concave mirror meet

I mean, he did try to motivate me by shouting "Focus! Focus!", but that hardly helps.

Me: Doctor, I’m afraid of the Horizontal Axis.

Doctor: Oh, my ex had that problem as well.

Me: [Screams]

What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?

Screwed

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

I was making a graph of my past relationships. First I drew the Ex axis then the Why axis.

Full disclosure: I saw this in yik yak thought is share it here. :)

I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper.

But there was no plot.

"According to relativity, time itself travels at the speed of light, but along the imaginary axis."

"i c"

Gabriel's Horn is a geometric figure formed by rotating f(x)=1/x about the x axis. It has finite volume, but infinite surface area.

This is the complete opposite of the Vuvuzela, which has a finite surface area, but infinite volume

How did the mathematician reach the end of the Y-axis?

On a plane.

Which place has the shortest days

Italy as it turns on its axis the fastest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the Nazi Swastika and the Hindu Swastika?

The axis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Japan love 2D girls so much?

A lot of bad things happened when they were the third Axis.

The US is finally flattening our COVID-19 curve!

Unfortunately, we're flattening it to the Y axis.

Flattening the curve is very easy

Just increase the scale of Y-axis.

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a router in a Nazi's house?

An Axis point

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Math teacher went nuts today in Geometry class and started ranting about Japan, Italy, and Germany.

He said we need to know about the ex axis.

What does the Earth do after a bad breakup?

Gets drunk off its axis.

What do planets say in winter?

We're freezing our axis of.

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule"  as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator....

A Frenchman and an Ethiopian got into a heated argument.

The Frenchman said, "We have better food, wine, standard of living, transportation, infrastructure, economy, and GDP than you! What do you have? Nothing!"

The Ethiopian answered, "At least we didn't surrender to the Axis!"

I met one of my beautiful Maths teacher yesterday

We greeted and she asked me directions to the State Bank of India. I told her make a 299 degrees turn and walk for 290 meters, then subtend the angle of X using Pythagoras Theorem and round it up to the nearest degree using tan ∆. From that point, draw a parabolic curve and walk 342 meters on its ma...

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A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

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An original math feghoot.

There are enough people in the world now who require catheters for medical reasons for the devices to have become the targets of fetishes. At least some of these catheter fetishists are also practitioners of free love, and it's not unusual for them to get together with (relatively) large numbers of...

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