Me: Doctor, I'm afraid of the vertical Axis

Doctor: Why?

Me: \*Screams\*

So I made a graph of all my past relationships...

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had.

It had an ex axis, and a why axis.

Me: Doctor, I’m afraid of the Horizontal Axis.

Doctor: Oh, my ex had that problem as well.

Me: [Screams]

How can you tell which axis is which?

It’s easy, X is a cross

After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...

They got bored and decided to call it a day!

"According to relativity, time itself travels at the speed of light, but along the imaginary axis."

"i c"

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

I was making a graph of my past relationships. First I drew the Ex axis then the Why axis.

Full disclosure: I saw this in yik yak thought is share it here. :)

I love the way the Earth spins on its axis.

it always makes my day.

I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper.

But there was no plot.

How did the mathematician reach the end of the Y-axis?

On a plane.

A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Math teacher went nuts today in Geometry class and started ranting about Japan, Italy, and Germany.

He said we need to know about the ex axis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a router in a Nazi's house?

An Axis point

Ranking all my previous relationships on a chart...

I have an 'ex' axis and a 'why' axis.

What does the Earth do after a bad breakup?

Gets drunk off its axis.

So I was walking down the street one day, when an oddly dressed man caught my attention.

He was wearing a long, white, clinical robe and shouting at nearly everybody that came within his proximity. Having foolishly stopped out of curiosity he approached me. “Global Warming is having a drastic effect on the globes axis!”, he yelped. “The rotation of the Earth is speeding up dramatically,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the Nazi Swastika and the Hindu Swastika?

The axis

What do planets say in winter?

We're freezing our axis of.

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

I think my old math teacher may have been a war criminal....

Every single time in class he would start talking about the 'ex-Axis'.

Breaking News: Al-Gebra Operative Arrested

A man was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport , New York, as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member o...

A Frenchman and an Ethiopian got into a heated argument.

The Frenchman said, "We have better food, wine, standard of living, transportation, infrastructure, economy, and GDP than you! What do you have? Nothing!"

The Ethiopian answered, "At least we didn't surrender to the Axis!"

I met one of my beautiful Maths teacher yesterday

We greeted and she asked me directions to the State Bank of India. I told her make a 299 degrees turn and walk for 290 meters, then subtend the angle of X using Pythagoras Theorem and round it up to the nearest degree using tan ∆. From that point, draw a parabolic curve and walk 342 meters on its ma...

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An original math feghoot.

There are enough people in the world now who require catheters for medical reasons for the devices to have become the targets of fetishes. At least some of these catheter fetishists are also practitioners of free love, and it's not unusual for them to get together with (relatively) large numbers of...

An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...

...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.

The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees r...

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