UPJOKE
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i love how the Earth rotates on its axis

it really makes my day.

My friend betrayed me on the test when I asked him where the light rays parallel to the principle axis of a concave mirror meet

I mean, he did try to motivate me by shouting "Focus! Focus!", but that hardly helps.

Me: Doctor, I'm afraid of the vertical Axis

Doctor: Why?

Me: \*Screams\*

What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?

Screwed

An English Pilot is Stranded Behind Axis Lines

After a week without hearing anything from his side, he begins to despair. Just when he's about to give up, he manages to find a plane in pristine condition! After familiarizing himself with the controls, he takes off towards home, with the enemy none the wiser.

However, on the way back, he i...

Methamphetamine was used widely by both axis and allied soldiers in WW2.

Making it the true War On Drugs.

How can you tell which axis is which?

It’s easy, X is a cross

“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...

They got bored and decided to call it a day!

I plotted all of my past relationships on a chart

It had an “ex” axis and a “why” axis.

Gabriel's Horn is a geometric figure formed by rotating f(x)=1/x about the x axis. It has finite volume, but infinite surface area.

This is the complete opposite of the Vuvuzela, which has a finite surface area, but infinite volume

My love graph has two axis.

It has an X-axis and a Y-exis.

Me: Doctor, I’m afraid of the Horizontal Axis.

Doctor: Oh, my ex had that problem as well.

Me: [Screams]

"According to relativity, time itself travels at the speed of light, but along the imaginary axis."

"i c"

I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper.

But there was no plot.

I was making a graph of my past relationships. First I drew the Ex axis then the Why axis.

Full disclosure: I saw this in yik yak thought is share it here. :)

I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

So I rotated my coordinate system about the Z-Axis..

Plot twist!

How did the mathematician reach the end of the Y-axis?

On a plane.

Which place has the shortest days

Italy as it turns on its axis the fastest.

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule"  as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator....

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Why does Japan love 2D girls so much?

A lot of bad things happened when they were the third Axis.

The US is finally flattening our COVID-19 curve!

Unfortunately, we're flattening it to the Y axis.

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What's the difference between the Nazi Swastika and the Hindu Swastika?

The axis

Flattening the curve is very easy

Just increase the scale of Y-axis.

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

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A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

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My Math teacher went nuts today in Geometry class and started ranting about Japan, Italy, and Germany.

He said we need to know about the ex axis.

I met one of my beautiful Maths teacher yesterday

We greeted and she asked me directions to the State Bank of India. I told her make a 299 degrees turn and walk for 290 meters, then subtend the angle of X using Pythagoras Theorem and round it up to the nearest degree using tan ∆. From that point, draw a parabolic curve and walk 342 meters on its ma...

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What do you call a router in a Nazi's house?

An Axis point

A Frenchman and an Ethiopian got into a heated argument.

The Frenchman said, "We have better food, wine, standard of living, transportation, infrastructure, economy, and GDP than you! What do you have? Nothing!"

The Ethiopian answered, "At least we didn't surrender to the Axis!"

What do planets say in winter?

We're freezing our axis of.

What does the Earth do after a bad breakup?

Gets drunk off its axis.

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An original math feghoot.

There are enough people in the world now who require catheters for medical reasons for the devices to have become the targets of fetishes. At least some of these catheter fetishists are also practitioners of free love, and it's not unusual for them to get together with (relatively) large numbers of...

An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...

...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.

The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees r...

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