“We’re rotating on the earths axis at 750 mph and revolving around the Sun at 67,000 mph, moreover we’re moving, in relation to other galaxies, at 490,000 mph...”

“So my question is Your Honour, in the strictest meaning of the word ‘speeding’, are we not all in a sense ‘guilty’ ? “.

Me: Doctor, I'm afraid of the vertical Axis

Doctor: Why?

Me: \*Screams\*

I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

How can you tell which axis is which?

It’s easy, X is a cross

Me: Doctor, I’m afraid of the Horizontal Axis.

Doctor: Oh, my ex had that problem as well.

Me: [Screams]

After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...

They got bored and decided to call it a day!

I love the way the Earth spins on its axis.

it always makes my day.

Flattening the curve is very easy

Just increase the scale of Y-axis.

"According to relativity, time itself travels at the speed of light, but along the imaginary axis."

"i c"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Japan love 2D girls so much?

A lot of bad things happened when they were the third Axis.

I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had.

It had an ex axis, and a why axis.

So I rotated my coordinate system about the Z-Axis..

Plot twist!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The therapist is talking to his patient...

The patient: I’m afraid of the vertical axis
The therapist: Why?
Patient: *runs out of room screaming*

I was making a graph of my past relationships. First I drew the Ex axis then the Why axis.

Full disclosure: I saw this in yik yak thought is share it here. :)

I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper.

But there was no plot.

How did the mathematician reach the end of the Y-axis?

On a plane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Math teacher went nuts today in Geometry class and started ranting about Japan, Italy, and Germany.

He said we need to know about the ex axis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the Nazi Swastika and the Hindu Swastika?

The axis

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What do you call a router in a Nazi's house?

An Axis point

So I was walking down the street one day, when an oddly dressed man caught my attention.

He was wearing a long, white, clinical robe and shouting at nearly everybody that came within his proximity. Having foolishly stopped out of curiosity he approached me. “Global Warming is having a drastic effect on the globes axis!”, he yelped. “The rotation of the Earth is speeding up dramatically,...

Ranking all my previous relationships on a chart...

I have an 'ex' axis and a 'why' axis.

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

Breaking News: Al-Gebra Operative Arrested

A man was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport , New York, as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member o...

What does the Earth do after a bad breakup?

Gets drunk off its axis.

What do planets say in winter?

We're freezing our axis of.

A Frenchman and an Ethiopian got into a heated argument.

The Frenchman said, "We have better food, wine, standard of living, transportation, infrastructure, economy, and GDP than you! What do you have? Nothing!"

The Ethiopian answered, "At least we didn't surrender to the Axis!"

I met one of my beautiful Maths teacher yesterday

We greeted and she asked me directions to the State Bank of India. I told her make a 299 degrees turn and walk for 290 meters, then subtend the angle of X using Pythagoras Theorem and round it up to the nearest degree using tan ∆. From that point, draw a parabolic curve and walk 342 meters on its ma...

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An original math feghoot.

There are enough people in the world now who require catheters for medical reasons for the devices to have become the targets of fetishes. At least some of these catheter fetishists are also practitioners of free love, and it's not unusual for them to get together with (relatively) large numbers of...

An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...

...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.

The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees r...

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