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Starbucks Jokes

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Had my girlfriend wear her Starbucks uniform to bed for roleplay

She got my name wrong during sex

RIP Starbucks

The man getting served in front of me at Starbucks asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas."

The guy was fuming.

"I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!" “This is B.S.” he raged.

"Fine! Just give me a darned latte!" He went and sat down, grumbling....

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So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

Starbucks job interview

"What's your name?".

"Alyssa".

"Could you spell that please?".

"L A R I S S A".

"When can you start?".

Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"


She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

Starbucks has pulled out of Russia, with the move likely to cost them five hundred million dollars

Though they can save on that if they have a reusable cup.

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Starbucks and the Pope

Starbucks manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Starbucks official whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Starbucks is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day...

I took my girl to starbucks..

Cause i forgot her name

Starbucks and Victoria's Secret are collaborating on a new line of designer lingerie.

Coffee cups.

I heard Starbucks is trying to hire a lot more refugees

Those poor art majors are going to suffer, then

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Irish Viagra

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.
'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'...
'Wh...

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks...

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went by loaded with rolls of sod. "I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1. "Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed!"

[Sod](http://stoneproscanada.ca/images/sod%20bundle.jpg)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Starbucks created a new specialty drink to honor all the candidates running for Congress.

It’s called the Fullacrappacino

Did you know that Starbucks can make your teeth whiter?

Enough pumpkin spiced latte will make anything whiter

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

Why was Starbucks the best hiding spot for Biggie Smalls?

The moment he walked in, he became Venti Talls.

What does a mustang order at Starbucks?

A Mach-e auto

Told to me by my 10 year old son!

A friend recently gave me a What Would Jesus Do bracelet, and it really made a difference in my outlook.

It was going great, until I got in a bit of an argument with some guy in a Starbucks line. It getting a bit heated, and I looked at my bracelet.... so I said unto him, "Be fruitful, and multiply."


But not in those words.

The people at Starbucks keep getting my name wrong

And I've been working there for nine months now

why do people go to Starbucks to write books?

because white noise helps them concentrate!

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was liste...

Starbucks are looking to buy out their biggest rival

Bet that would Costa lot of money

What does a sick person get from Starbucks?

A coughfee

Man walks into Starbucks

Not too experienced with the ordering process, he says " I"ll just have a mild roast".
The barrista says "you have very average ears"

What do you call a Starbucks fraternity?

Kappa cappuccino

A guy walks into a Starbucks and says to the barista “If I make you laugh, I get free coffee.”

The barista, feeling generous, says “Sure, if you make me laugh, your coffee’s on me!”

The guy says “Ok, this one’s hilarious: What did Timmy want for his birthday?”

The barista says “I don’t know, what did he want?”

“Parents.”

There was dead silence from the barista.
...

I paid for a coffee in Starbucks earlier

I've no idea how much it was in Earth money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady goes to the doctor for help with her sex life...

Doctor: Give your husband viagra.

Lady: I can't, he hates pills.

Doctor: Just put it in his coffee.

Next week she returns, unhappy.

Doctor: Was it good?

Lady: It was the worst sex I ever had. He had a few sips of coffee, then he pushed everything off the table and ...

Starbucks has starting to offer free drinks during funerals

They acknowledged the need for mourning coffees

I saw a guy at Starbucks today

“I saw a guy at Starbucks today.

No iPhone.

No tablet.

No laptop.

He just sat there.

Drinking coffee.

Like a Psychopath.”

A group of seniors were sitting at a table together at Starbucks, discussing their ailments.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! W...

Starbucks Special Promo

Apparently there is a new Promo going on in Starbucks. If you go without a mask, you'll get a free venti later.

A customer walks up to a barista at Starbucks

They are not a huge coffee drinker so they ask the barista “what’s your mildest roast?” The barista thinks about it for a moment and says “you have mediocre ears.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Starbucks coffee a ripoff?

Because you end up pissing away your money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard how great VR porn is, and how immersive it is. So decided to check it out.

And it’s true. I completely forgot I was at Starbucks.

If EA owned Starbucks...

They'd give you the coffee and tell you to build your own cup.

Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today...

Will get a free Venti later

What did the piece of cheese say to the Starbucks barista?

Can we Havarti?

I made a Starbucks barista cry

I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply.

Woman walks into Starbucks

-We recommend caffeine-free coffee for pregnant women.
-I'm not pregnant.
-Wow, how about sugar-free then?

An American woman walks into an Italian Starbucks.

She asks for a venti latte and takes her seat. She sits there for 30 minutes, exasperated that she doesn’t have her latte yet.

After a while, the cashier finally calls her name, and the woman goes up.

The cashier hands her 20 lattes.

Starbucks reached new heights this weekend.

They now have a store in Westeros.

Starbucks announced the closure of 200 stores in Canada.

Guess i'll have to cross the road now.

John robbed some coffee from Starbucks the other day.

The police are charging him for mugging.

What did Captain America order at Starbucks?

One Iced Americano.

I started stealing peoples drinks at Starbucks just to see how it feels

Not my cup of tea

What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?

Half calf

An ant gets a job at Starbucks

That's it, that's the ant-hire joke.

Police on lookout for Starbucks thief

Suspect is still at veinte

This year, Starbucks are issuing a new cup size for Christmas.

It's called the Adventi.

What size coffee do Bishops order at Starbucks?

Grande

Judge threw out a lawsuit against Starbucks

said the Plaintiff had no grounds.

Jesus walks up to his favorite Starbucks’ counter and politely asks for a grande macchiato.

The barista, puzzled, inquires, “Why the new order?”

“I’ve been stuck on a tall Pike for a while.”




(An original by me.)

Ordering at Starbucks. Employee: Your name please. Man: Stephen with a ph

Pheteven it is.

Starbucks Reacts to Covid-19: Baristas to start wearing masks

Our as they call them, coughee filters.

Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month

Pump Kin Latte

So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks...

and shouts, "gimme a tea!"

What does the fox say when ordering at Starbucks?

Hot tea, hot tea, hot tea, ho!

Starbucks® has announced that they are now adding a surcharge to any customer displaying Coronavirus symptoms.

Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14

Extremely basic

I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.

It was grounds for dismissal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Starbucks announced they will soon block porn websites from their public access Wifi

Good thing all I need is that two-tailed mermaid.

What is an average redditor’s favourite starbucks beverage?

Double depresso

How do you get your Starbucks in less than a minute?

Tell the barista your name is ‘Fire’. When they call your name, everyone will run outside quickly.

I ordered two tall blacks at Starbucks yesterday.

But they were taken away by the police.

Why did the doctor get fired from their side job at Starbucks?

They kept making the customers turn their head and coffee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Starbucks and a prostitute?

Nothing, they both suck and will empty your wallet!

Starbucks can't be racist.

Almost every drink they serve is black or mixed.

I'm not a fan of Starbucks new racial bias training

I just got thrown out for ordering a black coffee

What do you call a Russian Starbucks employee, who loves to dance?

Baristnikov

Where do deer go to meet their celebrity crushes?

Starbucks

i was in Jerusalem for a holiday

Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.

From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a femal...

I've been working out at Starbucks lately.

Hitting the french press.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I started my fairly new job at Starbucks a couple month ago...

When this smoking hot girl comes in I mean an absolute babe! Luscious blonde hair, green eyes, perfect lashes, long legs with the shortest skirt I have seen, a belly button piercing with a stomach you could crack a walnut on and a push up bra that was holding the world up, I was in shock and speechl...

What do birds order when they go to Starbucks?

Flappaccinos.

I was in Starbucks today and when I gave my order to the guy behind the counter, he said "What's your name?"

...I replied "No it isn't!"

A man was walking into Starbucks for his daily coffee,

except this time there were a ton of birds, numbering in the thousands. He walked in and asked the barista, "Hey, what's up with all these birds?" The barista replied, "I'm not sure, but it's affecting our business. Tell you what, I'll give you a dollar for every bird you can kill. I've got some bur...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex...

You know you’re going to get some, but it’s going to be rough.

What did the hipster say when a Starbucks opened in his neighbourhood?

“You can’t gentrify this place! I just moved here!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One guy working at Starbucks is checking out the new employee.

"Man, her ass is huge!"

The boss interjects "Mark, watch your language. You're at work!"

"Sorry, boss, you're right. Man, her butt is Venti"

Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations

Patrons may no longer order black coffee.

Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.

They could call them coughy filters.

What kind of exercise do you do after drinking too much Starbucks?

Pilates.

I told my first date to meet me at Starbucks because I forgot her name

But the date went horribly wrong since Starbucks got her name wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s a bit confusing for Starbucks to call small, medium and large tall, grande and venti.

But I like the fact I now have a tall cock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two lawyers are sitting outside a Starbucks having coffee...

...when a very attractive blond walks by.

The first lawyer says to the second lawyer: "Boy, id love to fuck her..."

The second lawyer replies: "Oh yeah...outta what?"

The Starbucks in my town just hired a Jewish barista...

He brews.

What's the best thing about having a girlfriend who is addicted to Starbucks?

You'll never forget her name.

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