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A Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, an atheist, and a Pagan all walk into a Starbucks

And they chat, enjoy coffee, laugh, become friends, and have a wonderful time.

This isn't a joke, by the way. It's just what happens when you're not a dickhead

Did you know that Starbucks can make your teeth whiter?

Enough pumpkin spiced latte will make anything whiter

Starbucks job interview

"What's your name?".

"Alyssa".

"Could you spell that please?".

"L A R I S S A".

"When can you start?".

A customer walks up to a barista at Starbucks

They are not a huge coffee drinker so they ask the barista “what’s your mildest roast?” The barista thinks about it for a moment and says “you have mediocre ears.”

Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"


She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

Jesus walks up to his favorite Starbucks’ counter and politely asks for a grande macchiato.

The barista, puzzled, inquires, “Why the new order?”

“I’ve been stuck on a tall Pike for a while.”




(An original by me.)

Starbucks are looking to buy out their biggest rival

Bet that would Costa lot of money

Starbucks has starting to offer free drinks during funerals

They acknowledged the need for mourning coffees

Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body helps prevent cellulite.

Apparently you can’t do it in Starbucks.

And now the cops are here…..

What did the piece of cheese say to the Starbucks barista?

Can we Havarti?

Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today...

Will get a free Venti later

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14

Extremely basic

Starbucks Special Promo

Apparently there is a new Promo going on in Starbucks. If you go without a mask, you'll get a free venti later.

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Had my girlfriend wear her Starbucks uniform to bed for roleplay

She got my name wrong during sex

I started stealing peoples drinks at Starbucks just to see how it feels

Not my cup of tea

I was in Starbucks today and when I gave my order to the guy behind the counter, he said "What's your name?"

...I replied "No it isn't!"

What do you call a bench at Starbucks?

A basic bench

Why did the Swede drink on the floor of Starbucks?

Because he was told it was ground coffee

Ordering at Starbucks. Employee: Your name please. Man: Stephen with a ph

Pheteven it is.

I told the woman in Starbucks to make a coffee for my girlfriend.

"How strong?"

"Well," I replied. "I could definitely take her in a fight."

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist.

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting on a Starbucks patio across from an abandoned building when a car pulls up, and two people get out and enter the building.

A few minutes go by, three people exit the building, get into the car and drive off.

"Hmm," says the physi...

Starbucks® has announced that they are now adding a surcharge to any customer displaying Coronavirus symptoms.

Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."

I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning.

The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down. I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, plea...

Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.

They could call them coughy filters.

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philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And mathematics is just applied philosophy!"

The laughter roars even loud...

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

Starbucks announced the closure of 200 stores in Canada.

Guess i'll have to cross the road now.

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.

I know, says the second owner.<...

why do people go to Starbucks to write books?

because white noise helps them concentrate!

A group of seniors were sitting at a table together at Starbucks, discussing their ailments.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! W...

Starbucks Reacts to Covid-19: Baristas to start wearing masks

Our as they call them, coughee filters.

I saw this guy today at Starbucks, no iPhone, no tablet, no laptop.

He just sat there drinking coffee.

Like a psychopath.

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Why is Starbucks coffee a ripoff?

Because you end up pissing away your money.

An American woman walks into an Italian Starbucks.

She asks for a venti latte and takes her seat. She sits there for 30 minutes, exasperated that she doesn’t have her latte yet.

After a while, the cashier finally calls her name, and the woman goes up.

The cashier hands her 20 lattes.

A guy turns 61 and to cheer himself up he gets a facelift. It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?”

It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?” and the girl goes “I don’t know...53?” He says “ well that’s great, I’m actually 61.“ Later that day, he goes to McDonal...

I heard Starbucks is trying to hire a lot more refugees

Those poor art majors are going to suffer, then

What did snoop dog say to the waiter at Starbucks?

I smoked a lot today

Read that but slowly (Ice mocha latte)

This year, Starbucks are issuing a new cup size for Christmas.

It's called the Adventi.

Woman walks into Starbucks

-We recommend caffeine-free coffee for pregnant women.
-I'm not pregnant.
-Wow, how about sugar-free then?

Starbucks reached new heights this weekend.

They now have a store in Westeros.

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Starbucks announced they will soon block porn websites from their public access Wifi

Good thing all I need is that two-tailed mermaid.

I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.

It was grounds for dismissal.

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An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician

To ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.”
"What on Earth is Irish Viagra?" she asked.
"It's Viagra dissolv...

What kind of currency do astronauts use?

Starbucks

What did Captain America order at Starbucks?

One Iced Americano.

I was out by Starbucks today and saw a woman taking a picture of her food. she was there for 45 minutes trying to get the perfect angle,

Then I realized I just started at a woman from across the room for 45 minutes.

How do you get your Starbucks in less than a minute?

Tell the barista your name is ‘Fire’. When they call your name, everyone will run outside quickly.

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I started my fairly new job at Starbucks a couple month ago...

When this smoking hot girl comes in I mean an absolute babe! Luscious blonde hair, green eyes, perfect lashes, long legs with the shortest skirt I have seen, a belly button piercing with a stomach you could crack a walnut on and a push up bra that was holding the world up, I was in shock and speechl...

Why did the doctor get fired from their side job at Starbucks?

They kept making the customers turn their head and coffee.

Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month

Pump Kin Latte

An ant gets a job at Starbucks

That's it, that's the ant-hire joke.

What size coffee do Bishops order at Starbucks?

Grande

John robbed some coffee from Starbucks the other day.

The police are charging him for mugging.

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks...

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went by loaded with rolls of sod. "I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1. "Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed!"

[Sod](http://stoneproscanada.ca/images/sod%20bundle.jpg)

What do you call a Russian Starbucks employee, who loves to dance?

Baristnikov

What is an average redditor’s favourite starbucks beverage?

Double depresso

I made a Starbucks barista cry

I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply.

What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?

Half calf

What does the fox say when ordering at Starbucks?

Hot tea, hot tea, hot tea, ho!

Police on lookout for Starbucks thief

Suspect is still at veinte

Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations

Patrons may no longer order black coffee.

I'm not a fan of Starbucks new racial bias training

I just got thrown out for ordering a black coffee

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What is it called when....

What is it called when the Starbucks barista cums in your coffee?


>!A Fappucino!<

What did the hipster say when a Starbucks opened in his neighbourhood?

“You can’t gentrify this place! I just moved here!”

Judge threw out a lawsuit against Starbucks

said the Plaintiff had no grounds.

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Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex...

You know you’re going to get some, but it’s going to be rough.

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What's the difference between Starbucks and a prostitute?

Nothing, they both suck and will empty your wallet!

I wanted to hit on the girl serving in Starbucks, so I looked at her name badge and said: "That's a beautiful name...

...Trainee"

Chad and Karen are driving home from Thanksgiving.

After a grueling time with the relatives, tensions are high when Karen suddenly points to a Starbucks and says she wants to stop for a latte.

Chad really wants to get home but pulls over anyway. Thirty slow minutes later she finally returns with her coffee.

Once back on the road, the...

I told my first date to meet me at Starbucks because I forgot her name

But the date went horribly wrong since Starbucks got her name wrong.

I ordered two tall blacks at Starbucks yesterday.

But they were taken away by the police.

A man was walking into Starbucks for his daily coffee,

except this time there were a ton of birds, numbering in the thousands. He walked in and asked the barista, "Hey, what's up with all these birds?" The barista replied, "I'm not sure, but it's affecting our business. Tell you what, I'll give you a dollar for every bird you can kill. I've got some bur...

I was in Starbucks the other day and I saw a guy who dropped his coffee on the floor by mistake.....

I said to the man "wow, you actually dropped it like it's hot"

What do you do when you forget your girlfriend's name?

Take her to Starbucks

What's the best thing about having a girlfriend who is addicted to Starbucks?

You'll never forget her name.

I was in Starbucks recently when....

I was in Starbucks recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really loud so I timed a couple of farts with the beat of the music.


After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me...

So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks...

and shouts, "gimme a tea!"

What kind of exercise do you do after drinking too much Starbucks?

Pilates.

What do birds order when they go to Starbucks?

Flappaccinos.

When asking a basic white girl if she wants some Starbucks, the short answer will always be "yas"

The long answer is probably going to be "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas"

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After hearing that Starbucks is looking into hiring executioners.

I thought I need one too, because this joke is executed fucking terribly.

The new Starbucks drink is like getting back together with an ex.

It's fun and exciting in the beginning, but then is horrible and should have never happened in the first place.

Why do teenage girls hangout in odd-sized groups at Starbucks?

Because they can't even.

So, today I found out that Starbucks coffee is an 8 on the ph scale

I guess that you could say all of those white girls are basic.

I ask starbucks to write Ari as my name on every cup

That way i can say its 'Ari on a Grande'

Starbucks staff are so lazy

I only asked for a small coffee and they said "that's a tall order."

I've been working out at Starbucks lately.

Hitting the french press.

The Starbucks in my town just hired a Jewish barista...

He brews.

Starbucks can't be racist.

Almost every drink they serve is black or mixed.

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Two lawyers are sitting outside a Starbucks having coffee...

...when a very attractive blond walks by.

The first lawyer says to the second lawyer: "Boy, id love to fuck her..."

The second lawyer replies: "Oh yeah...outta what?"

Have you heard the joke about Oprah's new line at Starbucks?

It's a warm, comforting, medium-dark roast.

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