UPJOKE
seattlecoffeeteaespressomcdonald'stokyocaffeinefrappuccinochicagobritish columbiadisneylandcolombiapepsigreen coffeeiphone

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Starbucks and the Pope

Starbucks manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Starbucks official whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Starbucks is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day...

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So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And...

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Starbucks created a new specialty drink to honor all the candidates running for Congress.

It’s called the Fullacrappacino

The people at Starbucks keep getting my name wrong

And I've been working there for nine months now

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A Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, an atheist, and a Pagan all walk into a Starbucks

And they chat, enjoy coffee, laugh, become friends, and have a wonderful time.

This isn't a joke, by the way. It's just what happens when you're not a dickhead

Starbucks job interview

"What's your name?".

"Alyssa".

"Could you spell that please?".

"L A R I S S A".

"When can you start?".

A guy walks into a Starbucks and says to the barista “If I make you laugh, I get free coffee.”

The barista, feeling generous, says “Sure, if you make me laugh, your coffee’s on me!”

The guy says “Ok, this one’s hilarious: What did Timmy want for his birthday?”

The barista says “I don’t know, what did he want?”

“Parents.”

There was dead silence from the barista.
...

Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"


She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was liste...

I took my girl to starbucks..

Cause i forgot her name

What does a mustang order at Starbucks?

A Mach-e auto

Told to me by my 10 year old son!

i was in Jerusalem for a holiday

Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.

From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a femal...

What does a sick person get from Starbucks?

A coughfee

I paid for a coffee in Starbucks earlier

I've no idea how much it was in Earth money

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Had my girlfriend wear her Starbucks uniform to bed for roleplay

She got my name wrong during sex

What do you call a Starbucks fraternity?

Kappa cappuccino

Did you know that Starbucks can make your teeth whiter?

Enough pumpkin spiced latte will make anything whiter

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I think you'll like this joke, even though it's a little long

An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician
To ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.”
"What on Earth is Iri...

Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today...

Will get a free Venti later

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

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I heard how great VR porn is, and how immersive it is. So decided to check it out.

And it’s true. I completely forgot I was at Starbucks.

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

Starbucks has starting to offer free drinks during funerals

They acknowledged the need for mourning coffees

A customer walks up to a barista at Starbucks

They are not a huge coffee drinker so they ask the barista “what’s your mildest roast?” The barista thinks about it for a moment and says “you have mediocre ears.”

Man walks into Starbucks

Not too experienced with the ordering process, he says " I"ll just have a mild roast".
The barrista says "you have very average ears"

Jesus walks up to his favorite Starbucks’ counter and politely asks for a grande macchiato.

The barista, puzzled, inquires, “Why the new order?”

“I’ve been stuck on a tall Pike for a while.”




(An original by me.)

Starbucks are looking to buy out their biggest rival

Bet that would Costa lot of money

why do people go to Starbucks to write books?

because white noise helps them concentrate!

I’m told that I should speak to people as if tomorrow is their last day alive

But apparently yelling, “if you screw up tomorrows order I’m gonna kill you!” at the barista gets you banned from Starbucks for life.

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14

Extremely basic

What did the piece of cheese say to the Starbucks barista?

Can we Havarti?

Starbucks® has announced that they are now adding a surcharge to any customer displaying Coronavirus symptoms.

Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."

I started stealing peoples drinks at Starbucks just to see how it feels

Not my cup of tea

A guy turns 61 and to cheer himself up he gets a facelift. It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?”

It turns out really good and he goes back to work. On his first day he goes to Starbucks for coffee and decides to try it out: “Excuse me, can you tell me how old you think I am?” and the girl goes “I don’t know...53?” He says “ well that’s great, I’m actually 61.“ Later that day, he goes to McDonal...

I saw this guy today at Starbucks, no iPhone, no tablet, no laptop.

He just sat there drinking coffee.

Like a psychopath.

I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning.

The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down. I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, plea...

I was in Starbucks today and when I gave my order to the guy behind the counter, he said "What's your name?"

...I replied "No it isn't!"

A group of seniors were sitting at a table together at Starbucks, discussing their ailments.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! W...

I told the woman in Starbucks to make a coffee for my girlfriend.

"How strong?"

"Well," I replied. "I could definitely take her in a fight."

I heard Starbucks is trying to hire a lot more refugees

Those poor art majors are going to suffer, then

Why did the Swede drink on the floor of Starbucks?

Because he was told it was ground coffee

An American woman walks into an Italian Starbucks.

She asks for a venti latte and takes her seat. She sits there for 30 minutes, exasperated that she doesn’t have her latte yet.

After a while, the cashier finally calls her name, and the woman goes up.

The cashier hands her 20 lattes.

Starbucks Special Promo

Apparently there is a new Promo going on in Starbucks. If you go without a mask, you'll get a free venti later.

Ordering at Starbucks. Employee: Your name please. Man: Stephen with a ph

Pheteven it is.

Starbucks is missing out on a huge business opportunity by NOT selling masks that you can drink through.

They could call them coughy filters.

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks...

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went by loaded with rolls of sod. "I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1. "Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed!"

[Sod](http://stoneproscanada.ca/images/sod%20bundle.jpg)

Starbucks announced the closure of 200 stores in Canada.

Guess i'll have to cross the road now.

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Starbucks announced they will soon block porn websites from their public access Wifi

Good thing all I need is that two-tailed mermaid.

What do you order at Starbucks when you're sad?

A desspresso

I made a Starbucks barista cry

I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply.

How do you get your Starbucks in less than a minute?

Tell the barista your name is ‘Fire’. When they call your name, everyone will run outside quickly.

This year, Starbucks are issuing a new cup size for Christmas.

It's called the Adventi.

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Why is Starbucks coffee a ripoff?

Because you end up pissing away your money.

Starbucks Reacts to Covid-19: Baristas to start wearing masks

Our as they call them, coughee filters.

Starbucks reached new heights this weekend.

They now have a store in Westeros.

John robbed some coffee from Starbucks the other day.

The police are charging him for mugging.

I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.

It was grounds for dismissal.

I was out by Starbucks today and saw a woman taking a picture of her food. she was there for 45 minutes trying to get the perfect angle,

Then I realized I just started at a woman from across the room for 45 minutes.

What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?

Half calf

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I started my fairly new job at Starbucks a couple month ago...

When this smoking hot girl comes in I mean an absolute babe! Luscious blonde hair, green eyes, perfect lashes, long legs with the shortest skirt I have seen, a belly button piercing with a stomach you could crack a walnut on and a push up bra that was holding the world up, I was in shock and speechl...

What size coffee do Bishops order at Starbucks?

Grande

An ant gets a job at Starbucks

That's it, that's the ant-hire joke.

Woman walks into Starbucks

-We recommend caffeine-free coffee for pregnant women.
-I'm not pregnant.
-Wow, how about sugar-free then?

Why did the doctor get fired from their side job at Starbucks?

They kept making the customers turn their head and coffee.

Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month

Pump Kin Latte

Police on lookout for Starbucks thief

Suspect is still at veinte

What did Captain America order at Starbucks?

One Iced Americano.

I ordered two tall blacks at Starbucks yesterday.

But they were taken away by the police.

Judge threw out a lawsuit against Starbucks

said the Plaintiff had no grounds.

If EA owned Starbucks...

They'd give you the coffee and tell you to build your own cup.

I'm not a fan of Starbucks new racial bias training

I just got thrown out for ordering a black coffee

What is an average redditor’s favourite starbucks beverage?

Double depresso

What do you call a Russian Starbucks employee, who loves to dance?

Baristnikov

I told my first date to meet me at Starbucks because I forgot her name

But the date went horribly wrong since Starbucks got her name wrong.

Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations

Patrons may no longer order black coffee.

A man was walking into Starbucks for his daily coffee,

except this time there were a ton of birds, numbering in the thousands. He walked in and asked the barista, "Hey, what's up with all these birds?" The barista replied, "I'm not sure, but it's affecting our business. Tell you what, I'll give you a dollar for every bird you can kill. I've got some bur...

What did the hipster say when a Starbucks opened in his neighbourhood?

“You can’t gentrify this place! I just moved here!”

I was in Starbucks the other day and I saw a guy who dropped his coffee on the floor by mistake.....

I said to the man "wow, you actually dropped it like it's hot"

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What's the difference between Starbucks and a prostitute?

Nothing, they both suck and will empty your wallet!

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Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex...

You know you’re going to get some, but it’s going to be rough.

What does the fox say when ordering at Starbucks?

Hot tea, hot tea, hot tea, ho!

So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks...

and shouts, "gimme a tea!"

What's the best thing about having a girlfriend who is addicted to Starbucks?

You'll never forget her name.

What do birds order when they go to Starbucks?

Flappaccinos.

I wanted to hit on the girl serving in Starbucks, so I looked at her name badge and said: "That's a beautiful name...

...Trainee"

Why do teenage girls hangout in odd-sized groups at Starbucks?

Because they can't even.

So, today I found out that Starbucks coffee is an 8 on the ph scale

I guess that you could say all of those white girls are basic.

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After hearing that Starbucks is looking into hiring executioners.

I thought I need one too, because this joke is executed fucking terribly.

The new Starbucks drink is like getting back together with an ex.

It's fun and exciting in the beginning, but then is horrible and should have never happened in the first place.

I ask starbucks to write Ari as my name on every cup

That way i can say its 'Ari on a Grande'

Starbucks or Victoria Secrets?.....

Who charges more per cup?

I've been working out at Starbucks lately.

Hitting the french press.

A yoga pants owner, an uggs owner, and an iphone owner walks into a starbucks

She orders a drink - Pumpkin Spice Latte

What kind of exercise do you do after drinking too much Starbucks?

Pilates.

The Starbucks in my town just hired a Jewish barista...

He brews.

Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body helps prevent cellulite.

Apparently you can’t do it in Starbucks.

And now the cops are here…..

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Two lawyers are sitting outside a Starbucks having coffee...

...when a very attractive blond walks by.

The first lawyer says to the second lawyer: "Boy, id love to fuck her..."

The second lawyer replies: "Oh yeah...outta what?"

Have you heard the joke about Oprah's new line at Starbucks?

It's a warm, comforting, medium-dark roast.

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