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Saw a couple of guys wearing matching clothes and asked if they were gay..

..they arrested me.

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So my family is considering matching tattoos.

My eldest sister recommends flowers.
My middle sister recommends fruits.
My youngest sister recommends Pokemon.

Me? I suggest we get dinosaurs so I can show my ass cheek and get a tattoo of a Mega-Sore-Ass.

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Young man moves into an apartment block….

On the first day he discovers the neighbour across the hall is a stunningly beautiful girl with a gorgeous body.

One day he’s just about to enter his apartment and his neighbour opens her door, she is just wearing a black lace negligee with matching panties, he can’t help but stare.

S...

3rd times someone's charm

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that her skirt was too t...

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A couple goes to Jamaica for their 10th anniversary.

The man says, "You know what? We should get each other's initials tattooed on our genitals to prove our loyalty to each other" and his wife agreed. A few days later, they're walking on a nude beach when he noticed with a brief glance from the side, it looked like another guy had a matching tattoo. T...

Jackpot!

How is having a threesome with 2 transvestites like winning the lottery?

You have six matching balls

The surgeon tells a patient who needs a heart transplant, "You are in luck, we have two matching donors. A twenty year old athlete and an 80 year old lawyer, which heart do you want?"

The patient answers, "Give me the lawyer's heart, that one hasn't been used yet."

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

I saw twins in cute matching outfits and asked them, “Your mom always buys matching clothes for you?”

One replied, “Sir, we are not twins. License and Registration please.”

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A man has to fart in a bus..

He said oh shit I gotta fart! But i guess the people won't notice because the music is too loud. So I just gotta do it matching the rhythm of the sound..
He did it! After he's done,
the people clapped their hands and
his earphones alarmed battery low.

Bought my wife a matching bag and belt for Valentine’s Day.

She should be able to fix the vacuum cleaner and get it running now.

NSFW 2 Thai ladies asked me if I wanted to sleep with them!

2 Thai ladies asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the Lottery! To my horror, they were right... we had 6 matching balls.

I told my wife I can’t find the matching decorative pillow case...

She said it’s a sham.

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A man approaches the ticket counter at a train station, and notices that he and the attendant have matching black eyes...

The man approaches the ticket counter, and says "Hey, look at that buddy, we've got matching shiners! How'd you get yours?"

The ticket attendant replies, "Oh man, it's the damndest thing... this beautiful woman came up to the counter just SPILLING out of her shirt. Instead of saying 'Here's ...

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