Why are lights in a series more loyal than lights in parallel?

If one goes down in a series, they all go down with it.

If all the parallel universes ever contacted each other, they’d all have names like “Universe 1, Universe A, Universe ⍺, etc”.

There’ll definitely be a programmers’ universe, which’ll annoy everyone else by calling themselves “Universe 0”.

Parallel lines have so much in common.

It's a shame they will never meet.

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NASA found evidence of a parallel universe where time runs backwards.

But we already knew about West Virginia.

Why are women so bad at parallel parking?

Because they're constantly being lied to about what six inches looks like.

Parallel universes are a cool concept

but there’s no way I could park in one.

I actually come from a parallel universe where Earth was destroyed by Larry the Cable Guy.

We called the event “Arma-Git-R-Done.”

Why does Spiderman hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he’s a bad parallel Parker

No matter how improbable, there's a parallel universe with anything you can think of. Even one where the Irish invented rap.

It's how the universe achieves Homie O'Stasis

New Pope

There were two Roman Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully, they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their senior year in High School.
...

What is the definition of parallel lines?

You just described your love life..

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There are 3,141,592 parallel universes where I have sex with yo momma..

Strangely enough in every single one of them she’s so fat...

Why are women so bad at parallel parking?

Because men have been trying to convince them that 3 inches is 6 inches since the beginning of time.

I’m all for three things . . .

Maintaining parallel structure, always using the Oxford comma and hypocrisy.

What's the worst part of parallel parking?

The witnesses.

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over!
Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm
and I'll...

Why serial killers only kill one person at a time

Coz if they killed more they would be parallel killers.

Parallel Parking

They say that the worst problem with parallel parking is the witnesses.

But if you are really bad at it, you can eliminate that problem.

Why did the chicken cross the 38th parallel?

Because North Korea's long range missiles can't reach that far

I got honked at while trying to parallel park today.

Yeah, like the goose could do it any better.

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Why did the father of 12 fail his driving test?

It was the parallel parking...he could get in but he wasn't able to pull out properly

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.



See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how y...

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man ho...

What do you call arranging two pigs shoulder to shoulder?

Parallel porking

A step-by-step guide on how to parallel park!

1) Park somewhere else.

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The world's press gathers...

...at a press conference announced by the team at CERN in Geneva. The CERN spokeswoman steps up to the speaking podium and smiles broadly at the assembled reporters, microphones and cameras. She begins to speak.

“Thank you all for joining us today. We have some major announcements to make...

School Projects are fun

A science teacher sent off his year 8 class with a homework task, come up witch a science experiment, and either film it to show to the class, or show the experiment in front of the class next week.

Tim went home and thought long and hard about what he would do, but he came in next week with ...

Two gymnasts decided to go into business

together and because one liked liquor and the other beer and wine, they decided they would open two pubs one directly across the street from the other. Unfortunately they had a falling out and went out of business due to poor marketing. They never could agree on a name for the parallel bars.

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Back and Forth In and Out Yeah Baby!!!

right. . . a little to the left. . . she could feel the sweat on her

forehead . . . between her breasts . . . and trickling down the small of

her back . . . she was getting near the end.

He was in ecstasy . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife

moved . . . forward...

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15 Best Two-Line Jokes

1. Parallel lines have so much in common
It's a shame they'll never meet

2. My wife accused me of being immature
I told her to get out of my fort

3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor

4. How many Germans do...

What's more dangerous than a serial killer?

A parallel killer.

Einstein and Newton are in a bar...

...Einstein says to Newton, "I've found mathematically that as an object travels faster and faster, it experiences time lower and is squished in the direction parallel to the velocity, when viewed from a stationary perspective."

Newton replies "Interesting. Well, do go on."

Einstein ex...

Two magnetic fields are talking to each other

Magnetic field 1: "Aren't you mad that all the coils above you are parallel to your magnetic field?"

Magnetic Field 2: "Nope...I give zero flux!"

Two scotsmen are playing golf.

There are two Scotsmen out for a day of golf, Angus is ready to swing on the fifteenth hole. There is a country road that runs parallel to the course.

As Angus is about to swing a funeral procession comes around the corner. He stops and takes off his hat until the funeral procession passed an...

How to tell time in a forest

Here's how to tell time in a forest.

Try and face north, or make your best approximation as to which way is north. Stand straight and tall. Extend both arms so that they are parallel with the ground. Lower your left arm back down to your side. Bend your right arm so that your hand is against...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

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Sigmund Freud sits down for tea with his mother..

Sigmund Freud is sitting down for a cup of tea with his dear mother, who has her nose in a book. She gasps, and Freud asks why. And so she responds: "why, Siggy, according to these scientists, our universe is only one of many! We live in parallel with millions of other realities where everything tha...

Gf just passed her driving test

My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.

It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.

"I'm confident in you babe just do what you did in the test" I said

She slowly started unziping my flies.

My car is so fast that it smacked into a bug and killed it...

While I was parallel parking.

What do you call two Korean guys standing next to each other?

Parallel Park

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Dave and John are playing a round of golf...

Dave is lining up his put on the 8th green when they hear a car coming along the road that runs parallel to the course. Upon seeing a hearse, Dave stands away from his ball, takes his cap off and bows his head until it passes.
"That was very decent of you Dave."
"Yea, she was a good wife."

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A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and ro...

I heard this one from a friend...

A blonde enters a parallel universe where the Aryan's are considered a minority. She walks into an appliance store, approaches the man behind the counter, and says "I'd like that TV please." The cashier replies "Sorry, we don't serve blondes."

The next day, she woke up, filled her hair with c...

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