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Massage Parlor Jokes

I'm going to make an all male massage parlor.

I'll call it The Massagynist

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A man goes to a massage parlor looking for a happy ending...

A man goes to a massage parlor looking for a happy ending.

He goes inside and meets with his massage therapist, a middle-aged Asian woman who is not wholly unattractive. She takes him into the room, lights a few candles and leaves the room so he can undress. He does so and lies down on the ta...

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Turned on at the massage parlor.

I finally decided to get a massage last week at a parlor from a gentleman named Alex.

I’m a guy myself but heard he was the best.

Halfway through it was feeling good and I asked him, “Is it normal to get a boner during a massage?”

Alex said, “Yes, happens all the time.”
...

A man goes into a Massage Parlor for his first Thai Massage

He's a little nervous because he's never gotten one before.

Before they start the woman asks him if he has any questions.

He says, "What should I expect?"

She replies, "Well you'll wear loose, comfortable clothing and lie on a mat. Traditional Thai massage uses no oils or lotio...

I always wait a couple of weeks after a new massage parlor opens before letting them touch me.

Gotta let them work the kinks out.

What’s the difference between a bar and a massage parlor?

At a bar, the nuts are free.

A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.

The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.<...

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I went to this massage parlor

This beautiful Philippine lady was giving me a rub. She had great hands and a soft voice. I kept thinking to myself "don't get a boner, dont get a boner"

And then she did.

When it comes to massage parlors

Some customers are a handful.

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An extremely attractive young blond woman goes to a massage parlor.

She explains that this will be her first massage, and she really has no idea what to expect. The masseur tells her she'll need to disrobe and lie on the table. The young woman blushes, but strips off all of her clothes, struts across the room, and lies on the massage table.

The masseur can't...

Robert Kraft doesn't always have a use for massage parlors.

But sometimes they come in handy.

What does going to the massage parlor and watching a Hallmark Channel movie have in common?

You always know you’re getting a happy ending.

I went to a Jewish massage parlor and asked my masseuse for a happy ending.

So she gave me a 10% discount off my visit.

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So I was at a massage parlor...

During the "happy ending" the lady kept saying

"Wow, your dick is sooooo huge, its the biggest I've ever felt!"

I told her "I appreciate it, miss, but we both know you are just pulling my leg"

One of those seedy massage parlors opened up across my kid’s school.

After couple of months of outrage and protesting. We finally did it and closed that school down.

I know what you’re thinking, finally a happy ending OC joke.

Did you hear about that shady massage parlor run by bears?

Yeah, turns out it was just a front for honey laundering

I went to a massage parlor today...

When it was time for the happy ending, I finished in 20 seconds. The massause said I need to come more often.

Somehow it looks like Robert Kraft will get away with his little massage parlor incident...

This isn't the first time he got off...

I can't stand those 'happy ending' massage parlors

Those places just rub me the wrong way

I got kicked out of a massage parlor the other day.

Apparently the prostate isn't considered "deep tissue."

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NSFW The wax job

A trucker sees a Japanese massage parlor and decides to partake of the services.

He goes inside, pays $40 and they give him a perfectly ordinary massage.

He protests "Hey, wait a minute! Haven't you got something else? Something a little 'special'?"

The cute Japanese gi...

I got great life advice from the old asian lady at the massage parlor

"If you want Happy Ending, don't pick young pretty girl."

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The Singing Blowjob [NSFW]

So this man go to a massage parlor to get a back massage. After the massage, the masseuse offered him a singing blow job. Intrigued, the man accepts. So the masseuse turned off the lights and started giving him a blowjob. Shortly after beginning she starts singing, in a clear and coherent manor. The...

Boris turns to his friend Sergei and says, “I see you have been doing the Instagram and Twitters.”

Yes, I’ve gotten quite good. I am what you call a Socialist, no?” Replies Sergei.
“Sergei no, no. That is not Socialist. Soci-“
Sergei interrupted “Yes I am going professional on social media’s. I am Socialist.”
“Yes, your on the Twitter and Instagrams.” Reassured Boris.
Yes, Sergei nodd...

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New England Patriots gates....

When they filmed the other teams practicing it was called "Spygate"

When Brady used deflated balls it was called "Deflategate"

Now that Bob Kraft is in trouble for visiting a full service massage parlor, would that be called, "Tailgate"?

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Donald Trump has a problem.

Donald Trump has a problem.

He's had a long life of being a rich playboy, womanizer, having lots of sex. Recently, however, no matter what he does, he can't have an orgasm. He's tried sexy outfits for Melania, Viagra, porn, porn *stars,* Japanese massage parlors, fleshlights, pills from the...

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