UPJOKE
restaurantcoffeeespressobareaterycoffeehousedinercafffrench languagecappuccinotearoomgreasy spoonpizzeriaspanish languagedeli

Cafe Jokes

An old couple enters a cafe in normandy, overlooking the beach.

The couple are clearly tourists, and when the couple sits down at a table the waitress noticed that the old man is missing a part of his leg. Curious, the waitress approaches them and decides to ask why.

After asking the question the old woman answers, stating that her husband fought in the w...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

A guy walks into a cafe and asks for a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy's bowl of chili is full. He says, "If you're not going to eat that, mind if I take it?" The other guys says, "No, help yourself." He starts to eat it and about halfway down, his fork hits something. It's ...

Three pregnant women are chatting in a cafe.

Heather says, "I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I'm pregnant with triplets!"

"I got mine done yesterday too," says Linda. "I'm pregnant with septuplets!"

"I think I'll get my ultrasound done next week," says Martha.

The three women chat some more. Finally, Heather says, "I go...

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far.

This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

I ran into this vegan girl at a cafe the other day

She said she knew me, but I had never met herbivore!

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chai...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Went into a cafe for lunch today and ordered the nicest sounding thing on the menu, home-cooked steak pie.

"Excuse me, love." I said to the waitress, after my first bite. "This is cold."


"Well of course it is." She replied. "I live fucking miles away."

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Two attorneys walk into a cafe

However, they do not order anything. Instead, they both reach into their respective briefcases and pull out a sandwich each. Seeing this, a grumpy old waiter walks over to them.

"Look, I don't know who you hotshot fellas are, but I hope you can read that sign over there. It says 'You cannot b...

A roadside cafe sells ham sandwiches and handjobs

The sign reads “Ham Sandwiches: $3, Handjobs: $10”.

An elderly woman is standing behind the counter. A customer walks up and says, “Are you the one that gives the handjobs?”

“Yes I am!” she replies.

“Well, wash your goddamn hands, I want a ham sandwich!”

2 old ladies in a cafe

Ethel : " Did you come on the bus?"

Doris: "Yes!! but I made it look like an asthma attack. "

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent? ' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel" the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied,...

A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go

The coffee gets up and leaves

Why did the computer go to a cyber cafe?

Because it needed a byte to eat.

A Woman Walks Into A Cafe

A woman goes to a cafe and takes a seat outside. While she's eating, she overhears a group of men at the next table.

"Look, let's go with the simple option. It's spelled W-O-O-M."

"No, I'm sure there's an R in there. W-O-O-M-R."

"I thought it was longer than that, and had a B. W...

A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?"

And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

The cafe in the coffe

I had visited a cafe one day with my friends. The waiter recommended that we try their special coffee. We agreed and soon the coffee arrived. As we drink the coffee, we realized that it tastes like dirt and mud. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. The alarmed waiter rushes over ...

An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, cafe, beer parlour

Please disable adblocker to view joke.

I was in a cafe the other day...

And I saw an unusual item on the menu: a duck sandwich. And I thought, how sad...

Finally the duck is surrounded by bread, but in no position to enjoy it

(Credit to the one and only Karl Chandler)

Adam walks into a cafe and orders tea

Adam ordered a cup of tea in a cafe.

So, a waiter brought it for him but dipped his fingers in it.

Adam asked "Hey moron, why are you dipping your fingers in my tea?"

The waiter replied, "My finger is injured and the doctor advised me to keep it warm."

Adam said, "Then s...

One day, I went to a cafe.

The cafe was full with couples, no seat available for me. But, I was determined to get a seat there. What did I do?

I took my mobile and made a fake call (actually no call at all) and start talking, "Hey dude! Do you have your girlfriend with you?"

I noticed that few of the girls were ...

Two women met in a cafe for their weekly chitchat

"My husband brought me 20 roses yesterday for our anniversay. Bet now he expects that I spread my legs for 2 weeks"

"Why that? Don't you have a vase?"

It was the days of the Old West when an Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand, pulling a male buffalo with the other.

He says to the counter guy, "Want coffee."

"Coming right up," is the reply, and he gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, tosses down a coin for the...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe....

They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time.

The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!”

The brunette mom opens her daughter’s purse second, holding ...

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.
(Joke Originally from The Joke Cafe - http://thejokecafe.com )

A reporter hears about a new cafe that is a smash hit

He heads on down to see a long line of women outside, all waiting to get inside. Making his way inside, he is shocked to see Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top Fame standing behind the counter, serving tea. He walks up and asks "Hey, aren't you Billy Gibbons?"\\

"Sure am."

"Are the other guys her...

My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today

and I couldn’t help but admire it. “Nice car,” I said as he got out. “Well,” he said, noticing my admiring looks, “Work hard, put the hours in, and I’ll have an even better one next year.” (Credit The Joke Cafe https://thejokecafe.com)

I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea.

I am going to call it Boba Fetish.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

3 girls meet up at a cafe after a huge night out

First Girl says: "OMG, I was so drunk last night, I got home and blew chunks in the lounge."

Second Girl: "That's nothing, I fell asleep with a smoke and burnt a huge hole in my carpet."

Third Girl: "That's nothing, I ran out of money and was so drunk that I fucked the taxi driver to p...

Did you hear about the fight at the witch's cafe?

It was bruja brew brouhaha.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of weed. "What have we here?" "It's not mine officer." He scoffs.

"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"Bullshit."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis a...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A guy sees an attractive girl in a cafe and walks up to her...

Without knowing what to say he stood still and just stared at her for a few seconds. After a while he said. "Are you sitting on the F5 key or something cause your ass is refreshing."

A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral.

A funeral Coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.

Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry to distur...

Why was the T-Rex Cafe always hiring?

No matter what, they always seemed a bit "short handed".

Just had lunch at the Pelican Cafe...

the food was good but the bill was enormous!

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Englishman Irishman and Scotsman are sitting in a cafe discussing their teenage daughters

The Englishman turns to the group and says I'm so disappointed by my daughter I went in her room the other day and noticed a pack of cigarettes I had no idea she was smoking.
The scotsman turns and says that's not as bad as mine I found a bottle of whiskey hidden in her room I cant believe she's ...

Four Catholic women are sitting in a cafe sipping their tea, talking about their great sons. Soon it begins as a contest to see who has the best son.

The first woman proudly declares, "My son is a priest. When he

walks into a room people call him

'Father."

The second woman replies even more proudly, "My son is a bishop, when he walks into a room people call him 'My Grace."

The third woman thinking she wins replies, "My...

I ordered coffee at a Cafe today and it's already better than dad...

Because it came with milk

A man walks into a cafe and orders a coffee

The waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!” 

The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”

The rainforest cafe is getting to realistic

I was just sitting there enjoying my chicken tenders when a bulldozer destroyed 30% of the cafe

A man and his wife enter a cafe

The man says "Morning, what've you got?"

Well, there's egg and bacon, egg, sausage and bacon, and the mods have removed this sketch for breaking rule 3.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Irish man walks into a cafe

Looks at the menu and it reads:
Cheese Roll 50p,
Ham Roll ÂŁ1,
A Wank ÂŁ10.
He then sees a beautiful young woman who works there, amazing body, huge tits,
He says do you give the wanks?
She says yes I do!
He says well wash your hands, I want 2 cheese rolls...

So an Australian walks ito a cafe and orders coffe

The barista says “want any creamer”

The Australian replies “Just coffee, mate”

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

(Gross) Three vampires go to a cafe

The waiter comes and asks them what would they want to drink. First one: The usual - a cup of blood.
Second one: For me a cup of blood as well.
Third one: For me a bottle of water.
The first and the second one, surprised, ask the third why not blood.

The third: I'll drink a tea. *Br...

"Sir, why are you drinking on the floor?" asked the cafe waiter.

"This is ground coffee," I replied.

Three men were in a cafe, talking about their dogs..

First man says: "My dog is so smart if I give some some money he can go the nearest supermarket and buy me some drink.

Second man says: "My dog is so smart that if I give him money, he will buy whatever I want from him and he will return with the change and the receipt.

Both the firs...

A regular in our cafe (true story)

I run a small cafe. A regular (R) and his wife (W) stopped in yesterday and ordered their usual meal. W said "R had surgery this morning."

R said "I had eye surgery, had a cataract removed."

When they left, I said "Goodbye R, Hope you'll see us soon."

What happened to the single IT technician when he tried to flirt with a barista at a cafe?

He was unable to make a connection to the server

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.

He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

Two elderly women, Mabel and June, meet at a cafe for a cup of coffee and some cake

After a while, Mabel looks closely at June and says “You’ve got a suppository in your ear!”

“What?” replied June

“It looks like you’ve got a suppository in your ear!” Mabel said a little louder.

“Oh.” Checks June, “You’re right... Well, at least I know where my hearing aid is no...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

An Aussie truck driver walks into an outback cafe with a full grown emu.

The waitress asks them for their orders. The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a beer please,’ and turns to his pal. ‘I’ll have the same,’ says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. ‘That’ll be $9.40 please.’ He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change fo...

A biker gang comes into a transport cafe

and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.

They laugh loudly and say to the waitress "He wasn't much of a man, was...

Cafe Chit Chat

At a local cafe, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!” An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a T...

Pavlov walks into a cafe...

...and orders a breakfast. "Sure," the lady says. "I'll let you know when it's ready." After a little while, she places his tray on the counter and rings the bell. Pavlov leaps up and exclaims, "Oh my gosh, I have to feed the dogs!"

Did you hear that Dire Straits are opening a cafe?

They take money for muffins, but the chips are free.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

(Overhead in a Arabic cafe- very nasty) A Tunisian, Algerian and Egyptian are arguing...

About whose the manliest out of all three. They decide to have a competition. They go to the zoo and rob three monkeys. They decide whoever gets the monkey pregnant must be the manliest man there is.

So the Tunisian shags his monkey and gets her pregnant and she gives birth to four little hum...

A chemist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a cafe, looking out of the window.

They all watch three people walk into a house across the road. After 20 minutes, only two people leave the same house.

The scientists are very confused about what has happened.

'The measurements varied, and therefore the measuring equipment was likely inaccurate,' declares the chemist,...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

I was in a porno cinema the other night.

I hadn’t been there five minutes when some guy started yelling at me: “Oh, you’re a beast, you’re despicable!”

So I said to him: “Listen mate, we’re all here together, you’re just as despicable as I am.” But then other people started chipping in, shouting stuff like “How do you sleep at night...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A businessman is waiting at a cafe for a potential client...

when he looks over and sees Bill Gates reading the paper. He nervously approaches the billionaire and introduces himself.
"Hello Mr. Gates, my name is Peter, I'm a big fan of yours and if it's not too much trouble I'd like to ask a favor of you."
Bill Gates seems hesitant but asks the man...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Soviet spy comes to a cafe and orders tea

Starts drinking it, when a waiter comes to him. — Oh, you must be russian spy. — How did you find out? — You put sugar with the spoon, but left the spoon in the cup. Only russians do that.

Next time the spy walks into the cafe, orders tea, put sugar, doesn't put the spoon in the cup. Waiter c...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

I'm thinking of creating a Japanese-Spanish fusion cat cafe.

I'd call it Arigato.

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe...

...watching people going in and out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Some time passes. After a while they see three people leaving the house.

The physicist says: "The measurement was inaccurate."

The biologist says: "The peop...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

So here I am in the Internet Cafe...

... with the angriest, ugliest bastard I've ever seen reading every word I ty

A man orders a coffee in a cafe.

When it arrives, he drinks and promptly spits out his first sip.
'Waiter!' he calls,'this coffee tastes like it's a day old.'
'Thank you sir,' is the reply,'it's yesterdays coffee.'
The man gives the coffee back to the waiter and says: 'thank you for your honesty. I'd really like to drink ...

I want to a cafe in Paris and was insulted by the barista.

It was a regular French roast.



*edit "went"

At the Karma Cafe, there is no menu

you get what you deserve

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe

.. and placed his order. He said, "I
want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the
kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat
tires, a pair of headlights...

A priest, a biologist, and a mathematician sit down in a cafe.

As they chat, they see two men go into the bathroom. After a few minutes the bathroom door opens and three men walk out.

The priest says excitedly: “I swear that bathroom was empty. We have just witnessed a miracle!”

The biologist answers: “There must be a natural explanation. They hav...

A truck driver had stopped for dinner at a cafe in a small town

Some of the regulars there noticed him and began sniffing the air.

"I smell nerd," said a regular to the truck driver. "Are you a nerd?"

The truck driver nervously said, "No, I'm not a nerd. Why?"

Another regular said, "Because around here we shoot nerds."

"Yeah," said ...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A guy was sitting in a cafe

When suddenly a girl with a wild rainbow mohawk passed by. The guy stared at her and she caught him staring.

Girl: "what? Never tried anything wild?"

The guy just shook his head and says.

Guy: "no, i fucked a parrot once and im wondering if you were one of its offspring"

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A Neo-Nazi walks into a cafe...

He walks up to the counter and asks for a coffee

"How do you like your coffee sir, black or white?"
Says the server

"Could I have it white with no milk please"
Replies the Neo-Nazi

"Isn't that a black coffee?"
Inquires the server

...

The Neo-Nazi replies...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

3 guys are in aï»ż cafe...

3 guys are in aï»ż cafe

one says: I've got the smallest arm of the world!

another says: I've got the smallest head of the world!

last one says: I've got the smallest dickï»ż of the world!

the 3 guys go to Guinness World Records.

first one goes first and returns happy: ...

Was at a “Capital One Cafe” and asked the waitress for her phone number.

Oh NOW they start guarding personal data.

A Priest, an Imam, and a Rabbi were at a cafe, having a discussion...

when an old man walks up to them. "Excuse me, you shepherds of faith, but I've been told I'm going to die soon, and I'm worried I won't be able to take my riches with me. But I want to help out your causes as well, so I figure you can help me. I've never been a man of faith, but to cover my bets, I'...

A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.

The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.

A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.

'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.

'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.

'What's a sausage?' asked the Communist

A man went into a cafe and sat his six children at a table...

A woman asked him, "Are all of those children yours?"


"No, I work for a condom company...these are customer complaints."

A man walks into a cafe and asks for a small decaf coffee with sugar and no cream

The waitress leaves to fetch the coffee but returns a moment later.

“Sorry sir, we’re all out of cream. Would you prefer no milk?”

An American and a Chinese man are talking in a cafe. They’re engaged in a debate over their two systems of government.

The American says, “Look, our system might not be perfect, but we have freedom!”

The Chinese man asks, “Freedom to do what?”

The American responds, “Well, for one, I can go down to Washington DC, walk up to the President’s desk, and say ‘Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re runni...

My wife says SHE is the main breadwinner and I need to treat her like SHE is the man of the house


So I divorced her and took the house. (Credit The Joke Cafe https://thejokecafe.com)

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing

when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Please help me!”

At once, the ferocious attack sc...

I visited a cafe and ordered eggs for breakfast this morning.

The woman behind the counter asked, "How would you like your eggs cooked." "Does it affect the price?" I said. "No, not at all." she replied. "In that case I'd like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please."

I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toasts. It was then I realized...

...I'd accidentally ordered Avogadro's Toast.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Two women are sitting at a roadside cafe when a muscle car roars by.

"Looks like someone's compensating for something," the first woman says.

"What do you mean?" her friend asks.

"Well, you know what they say," she replies. "A guy with a big car is making up for his other... shortcomings."

The second woman looks puzzled, and says, "You mean sex? ...

A couple friends and I are opening a chicken wings restaurant called the "Right Wing Cafe."

We don't actually sell any wings, we just complain about other wing places.

A woman orders a very specific tea at a local cafe however the waitress mistakenly brings her a different one...

When the woman takes a sip of it, she notices this and tells the waitress that this is flavor is not her cup of tea.

Two Ukrainian ladies, Mary and Martha are sitting in a small town cafe and sharing a plate of perogies...

Mary looks across the street and sees a man coming out of the local flower shop.

"Look Martha, your husband Dmytro, he comes out of flower shop holding a dozen long stemmed roses"!

Martha replies: "Oh no, dis is no good, oy,yoy,yoy" while shaking her head side to side and wringing her...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A cowboy comes out of a cafe and sees that someone has painted his horse's balls red.

A cowboy just won first place in a rodeo in a small western town. So proud of his horse was he that he rode him to the neighborhood saloon. After tying the horse to a post, he went inside for a couple of brews.

When he came out of the bar a few hours later, he noticed that someone had painte...

A married couple touring Israel sat outside at a Bethlehem sidewalk cafe, waiting for their friends. A peddler approached them, his arm loaded with belts.

After an impassioned sales plea yielded nothing, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, “She’s not from the States.” “Yes, I am,” said the wife. He pointed to her husband and asked her, “Is he your husband?” ...

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"

"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.

"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" an...

Three blonde ladies are sitting in a cafe

chatting about various things.

one lady says, "You know, I’m getting really forgetful.This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that’s bad? The other day, I was s...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Australian sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee, eating bun with jam

American comes to cafe,sits down to the Australian and while chewing his gum asks:

"Do you, the Australians, eat all the slice of bread?"

"Of course", Australian response.

Smiling American blows gum bubble and says:

"We do not. In America, we eat only a soft portion of th...

I went to an ASDA Cafe for lunch

Yesterday i was shopping in ASDA and decide to have lunch in the Cafe, i ordered a plain burger and chips.

when i got to the counter to pay the woman said,

"A plain burger, that's a bit boring isn't it? are you sure you don't want anything on it?"

to which i replied,

"Oh ...

Why does the food take so long at an Internet cafe?

Because the servers cannot be found

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

I want to start a cafe and fill it with surrealist paintings.

I'll call it Salvador Deli.

Joe and Bob are sitting outside a cafe enjoying a couple cigars when a young boy walks out of the ice cream parlour right next door.

Joe says "see that kid over there, dumbest kid I ever met, watch this...." and he calls the kid over.

Joe puts 50 cents in one of his hands, and a dollar bill in the other and holds them both out to the boy. Joe says "which do you want, 50 cents, or a dollar?" The boy quickly snatches up the ...

A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods.

The gamers said the baguette loss was intolerable.

What do you call it when a waiter at an internet cafe gets your order wrong?

500 Internal Server Error

i was in Jerusalem for a holiday

Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.

From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a femal...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A man and his wife was having a breakfast at a cafe.

Suddenly, in a very unlikely event, the husband choked on a quarter. The wife panicked and started screaming for help. Luckily, a man offers to help.

He pulled down the choking mans pants down and pulled his scrotum as hard as he can until the quarter comes out. The couple thanked the man pro...

I Need A Raise

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I current...

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

When I traveled to London last summer I overheard a couple in a cafe. Girl goes, "I can’t be arsed today. I’m on my period!"

"Well, that's a bloody problem." he says.

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A priest and a rabbi are stuck on an elevator.

They strike up a friendly conversation and after a while, the priest asks the rabbi, "Tell me, did you ever, in a moment of weakness, partake in the eating of bacon."

The rabbi said, "Yes. I was staying at a motel where no one knew me and it was on the breakfast buffet."

The priest no...

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.


One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so...

why did the computer go to the cafe?, and who is the king of the classroom?

to get a byte, and
the ruler!!!

my one sub teacher tells absolutely terrible jokes everytime we have her!

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

A Jewish man walks into a cafe in Canada and asks the waiter if they have any Canadian Jews

"I'm sorry," the waiter replied. "We only have orange!"

This joke may contain profanity. đŸ€”

Another World War II political joke that my grandfather told me.

You guys seem to like my last one so here's another one of my grandad's World War II jokes. Like I said I'll try to retell it like he did.

>There's this rabbi sitting down at a cafe reading a newspaper. One of his congregants notices that he's reading the Daily Stormer, which was the Nazi ...

I went into a cafe today to get some hot cocoa and sit down. The lady at the table next to me was on her computer and clearly becoming irate. She starts getting all huffy, throwing expletives here and there under her breath. Seconds later, she goes full crazy...

"You can't tell me what to do you stupid piece of trash!?!"

I happened to glance over at her screen and see this, she was in command prompt...

C:\Users\Karen>taskmgr.exe

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.