Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

Had to quit working at the gym because I got too exhausted racking all the weights..

Put in my too-weak notice.

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Today I asked a girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was

She said: To stop seeing the same joke over and over in r/jokes.

Oh, and also fuck you.

If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water.....

.... would you squat or deadlift first?

Why do Uber drivers skip the gym?

Because they don't even Lyft.

I go to the gym to lose weight

You can say that I’m a mass murderer

I paid good money and joined a gym 6 months ago, and so far no results.

Tomorrow I am going down there personally to see what the hell is going on......

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”

He said, “Try the ATM outside”

Who says you can't lose weight by hitting the gym?

Last week I brought an annual membership. I lost 7 pounds ever since because I ran out of money to buy food.

Jesus goes to the gym, What does he do?

CrossFit

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Two guys meet at the gym to play handball

They start changing, and one guy notices his friend is wearing a sexy black bra. He says, "When the hell did you start wearing that?"



The other guy says, "Right after my wife found it in my car."

It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed

Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

My girlfriend and I used to go to the gym together...

...but we didn't work out.

I don't like my job at the gym.

Time to turn in my too weak notice

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They kicked me out of the gym because I was pissing in the shower....

I don't know you, but I always pee while taking a shit.

The Gym..

I went to the gym and there's a new machine. I used it for an hour and ended up feeling sick.

Its good though, it does everything.

Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers ...

No progress since I joined the gym 5 months ago.

I'm going down there in person tomorrow and talk to the manager.

My brother and I are twins, we share a gym membership.

Every other week I don't go, the others he doesn't go. So far, noone noticed.

Saw an idiot on a treadmill in the gym...

They just put their water bottle in the pringles can holder.

This year, my New Years resolution is to finally go to the gym...

... and cancel that membership I’m been wasting money on every month since last year.

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New year resolution : First day at the gym

As a new year resolution, I, like million others decided to join a gym and hire a trainer. After some warm up, the trainer brought me to the equipment. a vertical row machine. He showed me how to use the machine and suggested that i exercise one arm at a time. Looking at my physique (if i can call t...

What do a gym rat and a heart have in common?

They both be pumpin iron 24/7

A boxer walks into a gym...

It’s particularly crowded, and there are long lines of people waiting to use the equipment.

First, he waits in the pull-up bar line, and does 25 pull-ups.

Next, he waits in the weightlifting line, and does 50 bench presses.

After that, the boxer looks around for the punching ba...

Why did the sheep keep hurting himself at the gym?

He had *baaaaaad* form.

Why are there no haunted gyms?

All the ghosts have been exercised

I joined a Christian gym glass recently

It's called Jehova's fitness

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I went to the gym and notice a small hole in my trainer just big enough to get a finger in

So long story short he's now filing for sexual assault.

A young man is uncomfortable with his body weight and therefore goes to the gym.

In front of it the man sees two queues. One of them seems to be a few people shorter so naturally he lines up there. As he reaches the end of the queue, a muscular MMA fighter rushes out of the building and hits the young man right where it hurts.

The young man gasps and crashes to the ground...

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Today I asked out a girl at the gym

She told me gym is her boyfriend. I laughed and kept chatting with her. Then Jim kicked my fucking ass.

I was pumping some iron in the gym yesterday,

when the trainer pointed out that the hole in the weights was supposed to be for attaching them to a bar.

This guy in the gym just proposed and she said no

Well that didn’t work out

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Parent Teacher conference

A boy tells his father, "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."



The father asks, "What happened?"

"Well she asks me, 'how much is 7 \* 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 \* 7?' so I ask 'what's the fucking difference?'"

"Indeed, what is the difference?" a...

After playing on the jungle gym for a few hours, a tired child walks into a bar.

He really should have looked where he was going.

What do you call a French Gym Junkie who is scared of socialising?

Shia LaBeouf

I asked my new friend to meet me at the gym, but they never showed up.

I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

Why do you never hear Cardi B at the gym?

Cause there it's called cardio

Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym

It's just the two days after that I can't stand

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant: “How much is Barbie?”

“Well,” she says. “We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.”

“Hey, hang on,” the guy asks. “Why is Divorced Barbie...

I used to be Fat and rejected, but then I thought things had to change so I went to the gym every day for 6 months and I got fit. And now I am

Just Rejected!!!!

Why did Dracula take a throat lozenge when he got home from the gym?

He was in a coffin fit

What’s the most important muscle at the gym?

The TRY-cep.

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show.

I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

My local gym costs $120 for an entire year

That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.

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[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

At the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill.

People gave me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

I went to my gym last week and I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in!

Anyway, she made a formal complaint and I’m banned for life

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today.

That’s 7 years in a row now.

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Going to the gym has changed my life. I dropped 20 pounds

On my foot. Shit’s broken and I can’t walk now.

Waldo is working out at the gym

He sees another guy there and asks, "hey man, can you spot me?"

The guy says: "Well I'll try my best, but it might take me a while."

I was in the gym with my personal trainer. He asked me if my family had any experience with exercise.

I said, "My father has a really impressive bench."

"Oh does he?" he asked. "I might have to see it some day."

He was quite surprised when I led him to the park.

Frank went to the gym

As he wants to loose weight to get a girlfriend.

The receptionist gave him some promotion pack options of “lose 1kg guaranteed”, “lose 3 kg guaranteed”, “lose 5kg guaranteed” and “lose 10kg guaranteed”. However you must do 1 then 3 then 5 then 10.

He accepted the offer and the receptio...

Me seeing a hot girl half my age in the gym: "If I had a dollar for every time someone asked you out in here..."

Her: "I'd go out with you"

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

Frank is in the locker room at a gym when his buddy Howard walks in.He begins to undress when suddenly Frank notices he's wearing a girdle.

"How long you been wearing that thing?"Frank asks.

"Ever since my wife found them in the glovebox."Howard smugley replied.

Guess who failed the gym class??

Dumbbells

I lost my job as a gym instructor because I tried to motivate a guy on the rowing machine

He didn't like being whipped

Why did the owl go to the gym?

Because he’s the stare master.

I said to the gym instructor, "Can you teach me to do the splits?"

He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

I haven't been to the gym in so long

I've gone back to calling it James

what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?

hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter

I’ve opened up a gym helping ageing rock bands get back into shape. It’s going okay so far...

Just working out the Kinks.

Paid athletes bulk faster than prisoner using gym facilities

The pros outweigh the cons

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A black and white guy are training at the gym.

After their training session they hit the changing room and undress.

The white guy can’t help but look at the black guys penis size and remarks, “How did you get it so big?”

He replies, “It’s a muscle so when I go home, I put on a warm bath, get inside and begin to stretch it by tuggi...

I went to the Gym today. I spent 20 minutes bending, stretching and pulling...

... and when that was done my gym clothes were finally on and I could start my workout

Picking up a girl at the gym

You're running like you want me to catch you.

Two Chameleons walk in a gym.

The first one says “Spot me, bro”

The second goes “Who said that?”

I was meant to go to the gym today.

Guess it didn’t work out

I've been hired for a commercial for a gym chain.

I'll be the before-model.

I broke up with my gym

We were just not working out

I quit my gym membership today

It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders

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A week at the gym

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

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#nsfw A new gym opens in town

A guy decides to try it, he enters and sees a sign : " lose 5 kg for 20€ or 10 kg for 40€" . He chose to try to lose 5kg, after paying they put him a big dark room and closed the door then the light turned on and he found a hot woman looking at him and said:
"if you catch me you can fuck me"...

Did you hear about the French gym where you have to bring them a baguette or else they won’t let you in?

They have “No le pain, no gain” policy.

I nearly paid off my student loans today, I was so close! But then I got an unexpected bill for my gym membership.

I didn't even know we had a gym at the nursing home.

I called the local gym asking if they can train me to do gymnastics.

They said, "How flexible are you?"




I said, "I'm free Monday, Tuesday, and Friday."

Some gyms are open 24 hours now. If you see me at the gym at 3am...

It's because I'm trapped under a weight

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

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Man its been 3months subscribing to a gym. And im pissed right now! No changes AT ALL

Guess ill start going tomorrow

Will be opening up a Christian gym soon.

Can't decide what to call it, Jehovah's Fitness, or CrossFit.

Today was awesome, I found $1.36 in change in the gym shower today

And the guy dropping them was really nice too

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

Its the homecoming dance, and so far the gym is split between boys and girls.

Several minutes pass until the boys start talking to the girls and asking them to dance. One after another the girls get asked to. All but one remains. Nobody has asked her out due to her fake wooden eye that she has.

Then suddenly, one boy realizes her sitting alone and wishes she was havin...

I joined a gym and lost 10 pounds in first week.

They canceled my membership.

After weeks of keeping it secret, I confessed to my gym buddies that I had taken the bench press out of my workout schedule.

That was a weight off my chest.

I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds!

The only problem is I’m British...

I can never find time to work out, so I started going to the gym from 9 to 11.

That way I can *Never Forget.*

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When I was a kid, I used to hate gym class.

I hated the whole locker room; I was never comfortable taking off my clothes in front of other young boys.

Now that I'm a priest, I don't mind so much.

I signed up for a gym membership this year.

So far I've managed to lose £200.

How do you call a gym thats dirty

A gymnastium

My wife told me to go the gym and burn some calories

So I went and set some fat kids on fire

What would you do this Friday?

A beautiful girl at the gym approaches some very nice looking buff dude:

\- Hey, cutie! What will you do this Friday?

\- Chest and triceps.

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny goes to the gym one day where he over hears a man on a tread mill talking about how workouts are a real pain in the ass. Little Johnny asks the man what that means, the man replies with “ oh it is just an add on used to give something more meaning”

So later that day Johnny goes...

What do you call a jewish gym-goer?

A Hebro

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

Why did satan open a gym?

So he could exercise his demons.

The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ...

It's really great how they notice my effort.

The doctor who checked my prostate looked like he spent five days a week at the gym. So I asked him what the weather was going to do...

...he was clearly a meaty urologist.

Saw a group of bodybuilding priests at the gym today

Talk about muscle mass

I'm going to open a gym with power walking and door knocking classes.

I'll call it Jehovah's Fitness.

Why did the chicken go to the gym

He believed in survival of the fittest

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