Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

I stopped going to gym and guess what I got.

A trophy

A guy proposed to a woman in the gym but she said no :(

Well that didn't workout

My local gym costs $120 for an entire year

That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.

I called the local gym asking if they can train me to do gymnastics.

They said, "How flexible are you?"




I said, "I'm free Monday, Tuesday, and Friday."

Frank went to the gym

As he wants to loose weight to get a girlfriend.

The receptionist gave him some promotion pack options of “lose 1kg guaranteed”, “lose 3 kg guaranteed”, “lose 5kg guaranteed” and “lose 10kg guaranteed”. However you must do 1 then 3 then 5 then 10.

He accepted the offer and the receptio...

I just saw some idiot at the gym

he put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

I joined a gym and lost 10 pounds in first week.

They canceled my membership.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I got to the gym this afternoon, I started to really need to take a shit...

I walk in and go directly toward the bathrooms, straight into the first one I see. As I get in there I notice the toilet on a slant, with one side angling toward the ground... “Hmm..”
I look closer and also notice that the lid is cracked and there’s a leak with water going everywhere.

“Ve...

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show up

I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A week at the gym

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

Did you hear about the French gym where you have to bring them a baguette or else they won’t let you in?

They have “No le pain, no gain” policy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year's resolution was.

She said "Fuck you".

So I'm pretty excited for 2019.

I was at the gym last night

I noticed a hole in my trainer, it was just about big enough to fit my finger in.
Anyway she’s now made a formal complaint and I’m barred for life

I broke up with my gym

We were just not working out

How do you call a gym thats dirty

A gymnastium

Asked my date to meet me at the gym but she didn't show up...

Guess we are not gonna work out.

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

My wife told me to go the gym and burn some calories

So I went and set some fat kids on fire

I can never find time to work out, so I started going to the gym from 9 to 11.

That way I can *Never Forget.*

When I was a kid, I used to hate gym class.

I hated the whole locker room; I was never comfortable taking off my clothes in front of other young boys.

Now that I'm a priest, I don't mind so much.

Today was awesome, I found $1.36 in change in the gym shower today

And the guy dropping them was really nice too

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

Its the homecoming dance, and so far the gym is split between boys and girls.

Several minutes pass until the boys start talking to the girls and asking them to dance. One after another the girls get asked to. All but one remains. Nobody has asked her out due to her fake wooden eye that she has.

Then suddenly, one boy realizes her sitting alone and wishes she was havin...

Two Chameleons walk in a gym.

The first one says “Spot me, bro”

The second goes “Who said that?”

What do you call a jewish gym-goer?

A Hebro

- Honey, I go to the GYM! You wanna join?

\- Do I look fat or what?

\- If you don't wanna go, don't go.

\- So now you say I'm lazy.

\- Calm down, I didn't say that.

\- So you think I'm hysteric, right?

\- No. I didn't say that!

\- Aha, so I'm a liar too.

\- OK. You don't go.

\- Wait a...

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'

Will be opening up a Christian gym soon.

Can't decide what to call it, Jehovah's Fitness, or CrossFit.

What did the christian say to the ladies at the gym?

Hallowed be thy gains

J.K. Rowling recently tweeted out that Hogwarts actually has a full gym for wizards to exercise and lift weights

The entrance is called the Dumbbell Door

Why did the chicken go to the gym

He believed in survival of the fittest

Damn, I forgot to go to the gym today.

That's 10 years in a row now...

Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. One guys says, "Since when have you been wearing a girdle?"

Other guy says, "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment of our car."

After weeks of keeping it secret, I confessed to my gym buddies that I had taken the bench press out of my workout schedule.

That was a weight off my chest.

The new machine at the gym is my favourite...

It has snicker, skittles, kit kats and twix

The doctor who checked my prostate looked like he spent five days a week at the gym. So I asked him what the weather was going to do...

...he was clearly a meaty urologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Dad, my math teacher wants you to come in to speak with her," said Billy after coming home on Monday.

"Why, what happened?" Asked his father.

"Well, she asked me to multiply 7 times 9, so I did and told her 63. Then she asked me to multiply 9 times 7, so I told her what's the fucking point if the answer's going to be the same."

"Well yeah, what IS the point if you already answered her ...

My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often.

But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.

I asked my trainer at the gym if I could start shadow boxing.

He said, “Knock yourself out!”

Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.

Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. It's good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!

I asked my personal trainer which machine I should use at the gym to impress the ladies..

She looked me up and down and then said, "The ATM."

What did the group of monkeys say to the gym instructor?

Help us buffoons.

I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds!

The only problem is I’m British...

What's it called when a rapper goes to the gym for 20 minutes?

A Lil Pump.

I should post a gym joke for Karma,

They really seem to work out.

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

I want to start running twenty four-hour gyms

And they’ll all be open 11-3 daily

Why did satan open a gym?

So he could exercise his demons.

At the gym

Me: (sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red)...I can't see you anymore...I am not going to let you hurt me like this again!



Trainer: It was a sit up. You did one sit up.

I have been hitting the gym recently.

I'm not getting fitter, but my hand is getting darn bloody.

I’ve been going to the local gym to get pumped.

Sorry, *Jim.

I can't stand to see my wife in her workout clothes in the gym, it's embarrassing.

I have no way to hide my erection.

Saw a group of bodybuilding priests at the gym today

Talk about muscle mass

I was supposed to meet my tinder date for the first time at the gym...

But she didn’t show up.

I guess we aren’t going to work out.

Today at the gym I found a hole in my trainer large enough to stuck my finger through.

She's pressing charges.

I just signed up for a 12 month membership at a gym.

My bank called wondering if my credit card got stolen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For my New Year’s resolution, I decided to join a gym to improve my sexual stamina.

Turns out none of them offer 60 seconds a month memberships.

What do you call Elon Musk when he’s been to the gym a lot?

Muskular

Recently signed up for a gym, even paid 3 months in advance. I just weighed myself and I gained 2 kilos!

“If this continues, I think I might have to go there and see what the hell is wrong”

I'm going to open a gym with power walking and door knocking classes.

I'll call it Jehovah's Fitness.

My account said I'm crazy for investing all my money in my idea of building a business that offers a boxing gym, a dentist, and a manicurist all under one roof.

But I told him I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it. Now if I could just think of a clever name for it, I'd be all set.

Renamed my bathroom

Now it called "The Gym" , and I can talk to my friends about how I've already been today.

My new year’s resolution is to get my gym membership

Cancelled.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships just don't work out.

I signed up for a gym membership this year.

So far I've managed to lose £200.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

W...

I go to the gym religiously...

About 2 times a year around the holidays.

How often did the Asian cow go to the gym?

Dairy

In used to work out a lot in the gym

But I got sick of the long weights

I go to the gym so infrequently

I still call it James

I got kicked out of my gym in the middle of kickboxing class

Turns out they do not have kickboxing classes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A heavy set guy was showering at the gym when a gym rat hollered 'Hey man, how long since you seen your dick'? hahaha. 'Why dont you diet'?

Replying...'why, what color is it now'?

The Mexican instructor at the gym knew a lot about protein supplements.

So one day, I approached him and said,

"Jesus, show me the whey."

In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.

That's how I got an A.

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ...

It's really great how they notice my effort.

A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?'

The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'

I went to the gym on my own accord this morning.

I mean why would I take some one else's car?

A Journalist Visits a Boxing Gym...

A reporter for a well known New York newspaper was visiting a boxing gym, to investigate the importance of boxing to New York's culture. This gym had a reputation for producing some of the toughest boxers in today's game, but no one knew how. To get the most authentic story possible, he signed himse...

I just joined a gym for religious minorities.

Jehova's Fitness

You know the best part about being the only person at the gym that uses a speed bag?

There’s no punchline

A beautiful woman walks into a gym...

Two men inside are working out together when the first asks: "My goodness, that's got to be the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. What machine do i have to work on in order to get a girl like that?" The second replied: "Probably the ATM"

How come many couples don’t go to the gym together?

Because some relationships just don’t workout.

At the gym

ME: Hey, can you spot me?

GUY: Sure, which machine?

ME: * gestures to vending machine *

Right over there.

2 Guys walk out of the gym together.

The first guy has a big bulge near his pocket. The second guy points at and and asks what it is.

"Tennis ball."

The second guy makes a face like he's thinking, and then says "Well I had tennis elbow once..."

I always wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym...

But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"My vagina is like the local gym," said my wife.

"What?" I asked. "Hot and sweaty?"

"No," she replied. "Only a few members use it regularly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

My personal trainer said, "When it comes to the gym, there's no shortcuts!"

I said, "Well, you say that, but I took a side road and got here in less time."

I’v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress...

I think I need to go personally to see what ‘s going on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ejaculated in my pants during gym class.

I am telling you because I feel it is important to acknowledge one's shortcummings.

Saw an amputee in the gym today..

Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.

My gym teacher was shouting at me like “Power comes from the legs! I know you can do it!”

It felt really bad as I was standing on a ledge on the 31st floor.

I overslept and didn’t go to the gym today

That’s 3 years in a row.....I’ll try again tomorrow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy with a lisp just blew my mind and gut with this joke; we were at the gym and he walks up and asks nonchalantly: “Is your butt thore?”

“Because I’ll be your Ass-guardian.”

An older guy starts working out at gym with a personal trainer. Soon after, a really fine looking woman came in and started working out.

The older guy looks to his personal trainer, “what machine can I use to impress her?”

“The ATM in the lobby,” the trainer replies.

This guy came up to me in the gym.

He said, hey...what's your secret?

I said, I poo with the door open

Finally I am the hottest guy in my gym.

I have 102 °F fever.

Started going to the gym and I dropped 10 pounds very quickly.

Thankfully the dumbbell missed my foot.

What do you get when Ricegum goes to the gym?

Sorghum

Why did the blind man go to the gym?

Because he needed a spotter

What did Bulbasaur tell Ivysaur when they left the gym?

Bulba, sore.

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