Had to quit working at the gym because I got too exhausted racking all the weights..

Put in my too-weak notice.

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”

He said, “Try the ATM outside”

Saw an idiot on a treadmill in the gym...

They just put their water bottle in the pringles can holder.

A young man is uncomfortable with his body weight and therefore goes to the gym.

In front of it the man sees two queues. One of them seems to be a few people shorter so naturally he lines up there. As he reaches the end of the queue, a muscular MMA fighter rushes out of the building and hits the young man right where it hurts.

The young man gasps and crashes to the ground...

Why are there no haunted gyms?

All the ghosts have been exercised

When I canceled my gym membership,

I had to hand in my too weak notice

I joined a Christian gym glass recently

It's called Jehova's fitness

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the gym and notice a small hole in my trainer just big enough to get a finger in

So long story short he's now filing for sexual assault.

It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

What do you call a French Gym Junkie who is scared of socialising?

Shia LaBeouf

After playing on the jungle gym for a few hours, a tired child walks into a bar.

He really should have looked where he was going.

I used to be Fat and rejected, but then I thought things had to change so I went to the gym every day for 6 months and I got fit. And now I am

Just Rejected!!!!

Why did Dracula take a throat lozenge when he got home from the gym?

He was in a coffin fit

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Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year's resolution was.

She said "Fuck you".

So I'm pretty excited for 2019.

Why do you never hear Cardi B at the gym?

Cause there it's called cardio

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

I went to my gym last week and I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in!

Anyway, she made a formal complaint and I’m banned for life

Schwarznegger is at the gym

Arnie is spottin a dude at the gym. The guy is clearly strugglin, so he tries to motivate him to do just 2 more reps.

For a sec his attention is diverted, and the guy who's lifting lies and says "Did it Arnie, 2 more reps was all i had in me".

Arnie, angry and not one to be fooled says...

What’s the most important muscle at the gym?

The TRY-cep.

A man at the gym proposed to his girlfriend.

She said no.

I guess it didn’t workout.

I joined a gym 6 months ago, but I still haven't seen any results

I think I'm going to have to go there in person and talk to the manager.

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Going to the gym has changed my life. I dropped 20 pounds

On my foot. Shit’s broken and I can’t walk now.

Waldo is working out at the gym

He sees another guy there and asks, "hey man, can you spot me?"

The guy says: "Well I'll try my best, but it might take me a while."

I was in the gym with my personal trainer. He asked me if my family had any experience with exercise.

I said, "My father has a really impressive bench."

"Oh does he?" he asked. "I might have to see it some day."

He was quite surprised when I led him to the park.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

At the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill.

People gave me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

Me seeing a hot girl half my age in the gym: "If I had a dollar for every time someone asked you out in here..."

Her: "I'd go out with you"

There’s a new machine down at the gym today,

I used it for an hour and felt sick, it’s great though, got everything, KitKats, M&Ms, Snickers, the lot!

I asked my new friend to meet me at the gym, but they never showed up.

I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

Why did the acid go to the gym?

It wanted to become a buffer solution.

Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym

It's just the two days after that I can't stand

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today.

That’s 7 years in a row now.

Frank is in the locker room at a gym when his buddy Howard walks in.He begins to undress when suddenly Frank notices he's wearing a girdle.

"How long you been wearing that thing?"Frank asks.

"Ever since my wife found them in the glovebox."Howard smugley replied.

My local gym costs $120 for an entire year

That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.

I said to the gym instructor, "Can you teach me to do the splits?"

He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

I haven't been to the gym in so long

I've gone back to calling it James

I went to the Gym today. I spent 20 minutes bending, stretching and pulling...

... and when that was done my gym clothes were finally on and I could start my workout

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

Guess who failed the gym class??

Dumbbells

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..

...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

I lost my job as a gym instructor because I tried to motivate a guy on the rowing machine

He didn't like being whipped

Why did the owl go to the gym?

Because he’s the stare master.

I was meant to go to the gym today.

Guess it didn’t work out

Frank went to the gym

As he wants to loose weight to get a girlfriend.

The receptionist gave him some promotion pack options of “lose 1kg guaranteed”, “lose 3 kg guaranteed”, “lose 5kg guaranteed” and “lose 10kg guaranteed”. However you must do 1 then 3 then 5 then 10.

He accepted the offer and the receptio...

I’ve opened up a gym helping ageing rock bands get back into shape. It’s going okay so far...

Just working out the Kinks.

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show.

I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?

hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black and white guy are training at the gym.

After their training session they hit the changing room and undress.

The white guy can’t help but look at the black guys penis size and remarks, “How did you get it so big?”

He replies, “It’s a muscle so when I go home, I put on a warm bath, get inside and begin to stretch it by tuggi...

Paid athletes bulk faster than prisoner using gym facilities

The pros outweigh the cons

I quit my gym membership today

It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man its been 3months subscribing to a gym. And im pissed right now! No changes AT ALL

Guess ill start going tomorrow

Picking up a girl at the gym

You're running like you want me to catch you.

I called the local gym asking if they can train me to do gymnastics.

They said, "How flexible are you?"




I said, "I'm free Monday, Tuesday, and Friday."

Two Chameleons walk in a gym.

The first one says “Spot me, bro”

The second goes “Who said that?”

I've been hired for a commercial for a gym chain.

I'll be the before-model.

Some gyms are open 24 hours now. If you see me at the gym at 3am...

It's because I'm trapped under a weight

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#nsfw A new gym opens in town

A guy decides to try it, he enters and sees a sign : " lose 5 kg for 20€ or 10 kg for 40€" . He chose to try to lose 5kg, after paying they put him a big dark room and closed the door then the light turned on and he found a hot woman looking at him and said:
"if you catch me you can fuck me"...

Did you hear about the French gym where you have to bring them a baguette or else they won’t let you in?

They have “No le pain, no gain” policy.

I broke up with my gym

We were just not working out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A week at the gym

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

Today was awesome, I found $1.36 in change in the gym shower today

And the guy dropping them was really nice too

Its the homecoming dance, and so far the gym is split between boys and girls.

Several minutes pass until the boys start talking to the girls and asking them to dance. One after another the girls get asked to. All but one remains. Nobody has asked her out due to her fake wooden eye that she has.

Then suddenly, one boy realizes her sitting alone and wishes she was havin...

I joined a gym and lost 10 pounds in first week.

They canceled my membership.

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

After weeks of keeping it secret, I confessed to my gym buddies that I had taken the bench press out of my workout schedule.

That was a weight off my chest.

I can never find time to work out, so I started going to the gym from 9 to 11.

That way I can *Never Forget.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a kid, I used to hate gym class.

I hated the whole locker room; I was never comfortable taking off my clothes in front of other young boys.

Now that I'm a priest, I don't mind so much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WWII as a bar fight...

I made a bar fight for WWI in honor of the 101 anniversary of its end, and someone requested one for the sequel. So here it is.

Germany went into a deep depression after his defeat in the last fight. His bar tab from his enemies' victory drink was crushing. He started hitting the gym, and wan...

Will be opening up a Christian gym soon.

Can't decide what to call it, Jehovah's Fitness, or CrossFit.

How do you call a gym thats dirty

A gymnastium

J.K. Rowling recently tweeted out that Hogwarts actually has a full gym for wizards to exercise and lift weights

The entrance is called the Dumbbell Door

My wife told me to go the gym and burn some calories

So I went and set some fat kids on fire

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

I went to my retro themed grad party last year...

It was a stereotypical grad party themed around the days of old. Everyone wore old clothes and had classic American food. The music was old too


First was the "Twist", and only a few people were dancing on the floor

The next song was "Jump" and the majority of the people were jumpin...

What do you call a jewish gym-goer?

A Hebro

Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. One guys says, "Since when have you been wearing a girdle?"

Other guy says, "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment of our car."

How did God’s Gym get so many members?

Jehovah’s fitness.

Why did satan open a gym?

So he could exercise his demons.

I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds!

The only problem is I’m British...

- Honey, I go to the GYM! You wanna join?

\- Do I look fat or what?

\- If you don't wanna go, don't go.

\- So now you say I'm lazy.

\- Calm down, I didn't say that.

\- So you think I'm hysteric, right?

\- No. I didn't say that!

\- Aha, so I'm a liar too.

\- OK. You don't go.

\- Wait a...

I signed up for a gym membership this year.

So far I've managed to lose £200.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher wants to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from sch...

The doctor who checked my prostate looked like he spent five days a week at the gym. So I asked him what the weather was going to do...

...he was clearly a meaty urologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Weight loss challenge

At the bar there was a guy who was fat and kept getting rejected by all the girls there.
Seeing this one man approaches the other fat guy.
He challenges him that he can make him slim in 30 days and charge him $15000. If he fails to do so he will pay the fat guy the same.
The fat guy accepts...

What's it called when a rapper goes to the gym for 20 minutes?

A Lil Pump.

What did the christian say to the ladies at the gym?

Hallowed be thy gains

Saw a group of bodybuilding priests at the gym today

Talk about muscle mass

The new machine at the gym is my favourite...

It has snicker, skittles, kit kats and twix

Why did the chicken go to the gym

He believed in survival of the fittest

I have been hitting the gym recently.

I'm not getting fitter, but my hand is getting darn bloody.

My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often.

But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.

I asked my trainer at the gym if I could start shadow boxing.

He said, “Knock yourself out!”

I should post a gym joke for Karma,

They really seem to work out.

An old joke I heard from an Israeli fighter pilot...

According to him, flight school is hard. Most recruits wash out early. Some... Not so early. The training lasts years, and you can wash out at any time.

It was the last day of training, right before graduation, when the news came down, one of the cadets was being kicked out.

By this ...

What do you call Elon Musk when he’s been to the gym a lot?

Muskular

I'm going to open a gym with power walking and door knocking classes.

I'll call it Jehovah's Fitness.

I met up with my impersonal trainer today

We went to the gym,i stood there eating snacks and he worked out,then we said our farewells and parted ways.

I can't stand to see my wife in her workout clothes in the gym, it's embarrassing.

I have no way to hide my erection.

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant. "Which Barbie? responds the worker.

"We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?"...

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

I just signed up for a 12 month membership at a gym.

My bank called wondering if my credit card got stolen

The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ...

It's really great how they notice my effort.

I was supposed to meet my tinder date for the first time at the gym...

But she didn’t show up.

I guess we aren’t going to work out.

I go to the gym religiously...

About 2 times a year around the holidays.

At the gym

Me: (sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red)...I can't see you anymore...I am not going to let you hurt me like this again!



Trainer: It was a sit up. You did one sit up.

How often did the Asian cow go to the gym?

Dairy

I go to the gym so infrequently

I still call it James

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For my New Year’s resolution, I decided to join a gym to improve my sexual stamina.

Turns out none of them offer 60 seconds a month memberships.

My new year’s resolution is to get my gym membership

Cancelled.

Recently signed up for a gym, even paid 3 months in advance. I just weighed myself and I gained 2 kilos!

“If this continues, I think I might have to go there and see what the hell is wrong”

The Mexican instructor at the gym knew a lot about protein supplements.

So one day, I approached him and said,

"Jesus, show me the whey."

I want to start running twenty four-hour gyms

And they’ll all be open 11-3 daily

Today at the gym I found a hole in my trainer large enough to stuck my finger through.

She's pressing charges.

A Journalist Visits a Boxing Gym...

A reporter for a well known New York newspaper was visiting a boxing gym, to investigate the importance of boxing to New York's culture. This gym had a reputation for producing some of the toughest boxers in today's game, but no one knew how. To get the most authentic story possible, he signed himse...

My account said I'm crazy for investing all my money in my idea of building a business that offers a boxing gym, a dentist, and a manicurist all under one roof.

But I told him I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it. Now if I could just think of a clever name for it, I'd be all set.

I got kicked out of my gym in the middle of kickboxing class

Turns out they do not have kickboxing classes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"My vagina is like the local gym," said my wife.

"What?" I asked. "Hot and sweaty?"

"No," she replied. "Only a few members use it regularly."

In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.

That's how I got an A.

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