I saw a funeral parlour closing it’s doors forever today…

I guess it’s a dying business

Yesterday I went to temporary tattoo parlour and got a tattoo.

But It wouldn't wash off this morning, so I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.

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A tattoo parlour in my neighborhood is offering a free tattoo to anyone who would flash their boobs.

It’s their Tit for Tat special.

John was returning from work when he remembered that today was his daughter's birthday...

There was still time so he decided to quickly drive and buy a gift for her.
He went to the local supermarket and headed straight to the toys section in search of a toy his daughter would cherish.

He found employee there and asked his advise on which Barbie doll would make the best gift. ...

A man has been found dead at the pizza parlour

He was covered in ham, pineapple, onions, mushrooms, bell pepper, ground beef, pepperoni and four cheeses.

Police are saying he topped himself.

Joe and Bob are sitting outside a cafe enjoying a couple cigars when a young boy walks out of the ice cream parlour right next door.

Joe says "see that kid over there, dumbest kid I ever met, watch this...." and he calls the kid over.

Joe puts 50 cents in one of his hands, and a dollar bill in the other and holds them both out to the boy. Joe says "which do you want, 50 cents, or a dollar?" The boy quickly snatches up the ...

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A woman walks into an ice cream parlour

A woman walks into an ice cream parlour and askes for a scoop of chocolate ice cream. "Im sorry, ma'am, but we're out of chocolate ice cream" "Ok. Then I guess I'll have a pint of chocolate ice cream." "Sorry. But we dont have any more chocolate ice cream." "Alright. Then can I have a quart of choco...

Once I went to a tattoo Parlour that said temporary tattoo Parlour.

So, I got one tattoo.
The next day it didn't go when I washed it.
When I went to the tattoo Parlour again, that the tattoo wasn't temporary after all, the shop wasn't there.

I went to a German massage parlour earlier

Whole experience was pretty hans on

An Ice cream parlour was broken into near me

Apparently they made off with Hundreds and thousands

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A boy walks into an ice-cream parlour.

The cashier says "Hello! What can I get you?"

The boy replies "Ummm...may I please have some Jelly Tip?"

"I'm sorry, but we ran out of Jelly Tip. Is there something else you would like? Maybe chocolate?" responds the cashier.

"No thanks. Could I have some Jelly Tip?" replies the...

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself cautiously, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

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What do you get when you have rough sex in an ice cream parlour?

A sore bae.

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A man walks into a tattoo parlour and asks for a one hundred dollar bill tattooed onto his penis.

Shocked and disgusted the artist asks why?
The man goes “well, I have three reasons,
One, I like to play with my money,
Two, I like to watch my money grow,
And three, next time my wife wants to go out and blow my money, she can stay home instead.

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Bill is sitting in the ladies beauty parlour waiting area....

A pretty woman came to him, pressed his shoulders gently & said: come let's go.

Bro Bill looked left & right, started sweating a bit & anticipating dire consequences said: I am married & waiting for my wife.

Lady: look carefully, it is me!

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An Irishman is walking along the beach when he finds a bottle. He picks it up and out pops a genie.

The genie says, “I’ll give you one wish.”

The Irishman says, “I wish I could piss Irish whiskey any time I wanted.”

The genie says, “You got it and passes him a glass.”

He pulls out his dick and pisses in the glass, takes a drink and says, “This is the best Irish whiskey I’ve ev...

What do you call a group of zombies in a funeral parlour?

Repeat customers.

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Super sex NSFW

A man walks into a Thai massage parlour to get a full body massage, a lady comes and massages him all over the man gets the best massage of his life as the massage comes to an end the lady says to him would you like the “super sex “ he says he exhausted and hasn’t eaten all day and that he’ll take t...

My friend used to strip to pay the bills.

But she put in the hours, saved up and bought her own Massage Parlour.

Don't you just love a story with a happy ending?

One day, Mike went to get a tattoo.

The owner was outside and new guy at the parlour was Chinese.

Since he had always wanted to get a Chinese tattoo, Mike asked the new guy to do one for him on his arm.

To break the ice, the new guy said, "I'll tell you a joke".

They conversed a lot and got the tattoo done.
<...

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An English couple have a child

After the birth, medical tests reveal that the child is normal, apart from the fact that it is German. This, however, should not be a problem. There is nothing to worry about. As the child grows older, it dresses in lederhosen and has a pudding bowl haircut, but all its basic functions develop norma...

A penguin was driving through Vegas

...when suddenly his car stopped working, so he had it towed to the nearest mechanic.

When he got there, the mechanic told him it could take an hour or two to find out what is wrong with his car. The penguin was getting hot, so he asked the mechanic where he could cool down.

The me...

So a penguin is driving down the road..

.. When his car starts to make funny noises. The penguin gets a little worried, and decides to go to the nearest mechanic. He sees the auto-shop just down the road, and pulls into the garage. He asks the mechanic to check his car out and the mechanic says "Sure, come back in half an hour or so." So ...

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