What do you call a patio covered in waterfowl

a Porch-o-geese

Two little girls are playing together when one say's to the other, "I found a contraceptive on the patio yesterday."

A little confused, her friend responded by asking, "What the heck is a patio?"

what do Mike Tyson and outdoor patios have in common?

They're both roofless.

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Two guys drinking on a rooftop patio...

It was a pleasant summer night in New York, two guys had been doing some heavy drinking at a rooftop patio on one of New York's tallest buildings. The two men were near the railing looking over the edge when one man said to the other, you know, on a night like this when the air is still, you can ju...

Two older gentlemen are sitting in the patio drinking coffee. one of the gentlemen is accompanied by his dog.

The dog starts licking himself and the dogless gentlemen says: I wish I could do that. The dog owner replies: you might want to pet him first.

What language does a patio speak?

Porch-uguese

A guy is about to get married the next day when his bride’s sister offers an interesting proposition....

As he’s sitting on the couch, she confesses she has had a crush on him for a long time, and wants one time with him—no one will ever know.

She says “Don’t answer now. If you’re interested come upstairs to my room. If not, you can leave or whatever, no problem.”

She goes upstairs and h...

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A woman's husband dies unexpectedly, and as per his wishes, she has him cremated.

Once she gets home, she sets his urn on their patio table. "Honey, there are so many things I wish I could have told you before you had passed." she says. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I'll do my best to say them all now."



She sits down in a chair, chin propped on her hands. "...

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Women are like Hurricanes

They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

Two eight year old boys are chatting...

Boy 1: 'I found a used condom on our patio this morning.'
Boy 2: 'What's a patio?'

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Grandmas Tattoo

I was waiting on a table of a big family. 7 of them, three kids, mom and dad, and grandma and grandpa. Grandma was your typical OLD OLD OLD grandma. In a wheelchair with a blanket over her legs, looked like one of those apple dolls, spoke in a whisper.

She sees my tattoos, grabs me with her b...

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician...

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are all eating on the patio of a restaurant. Across the street, they see two people walk into a building, and a few moments later three people walk out.

The biologist says, "Oh, they must have reproduced."

The physicist remarks, "There m...

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A woman is out of town on business

and decides to head down to the hotel bar for a quick drink on her first night there. She sees the bar isn't all that crowded and easily finds an open seat.

She grabs a menu and the only other guy sitting at the bar moves over next to her. He reeks of booze. He says to her, "I wanna tell you...

I was nervous leaving my ex in the backyard with my wife.

I’ll put a patio on them later.

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patio furniture.

The naming of my children

Yesterday, my eldest daughter asked me,"Father, why is my name Rose?". I explain to her it was because a rose petal landed on her head as she was birthed on our patio. Curious, my middle child asked me,"Father, why is my name Lily?". I explain to her it was because when she was birthed a lily flower...

[OC] Micheal Jordan's origin story.

Micheal Jordan loved basketball growing up. He was good at it too. Every day at school, he'd be playing basketball and everyone wanted him on thier team.

The only catch was that, he could only play B-Ball at school. There were no courts near his house. So... Micheal's father, whom I will hen...

Basting Those Baby-Back Ribs!

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.

"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."

"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell.

"What gives, bro,?" I ask.

"Homicid...

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Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven

Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven, St. peter is there to greet them. He tells the three men that heaven is a bit crowded at the moment and he can only let one of them go through right now. To be fair he tells the guys that “whoever has died the most unusual death can go ahead but the o...

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A Trip to the Psychic of Piccadilly Lane

A man driving his morning route spots an old corrugated plastic sign planted in the brown, yet overgrown yard of a decrepit house. The once-colorful sign reads "Psychic readings performed; $20.00 per palm reading, first question answered FREE." The man, intrigued, decides that he could skip his usua...

How could I ever live without you?

An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says.

"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"

Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?" ... She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."

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Bob and Francis lived in a retirement home together...

They had quite a bond and would frequently hang out and spend time with each other. One of their favorite things to do would be to go out on the patio at night, gaze at the stares and reminisce on the good times.

One night when they were on the patio Bob asked Francis if she would hold his p...

What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs hanging out on your front porch?

Patio Furniture.

Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear!

Husband: kitchen, living room, dining room, patio...

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