I recently took my grandma to a fish spa...

It was easier than burying her or getting her cremated.

A brunette, redhead and blond went to a remote fitness spa deep in the mountains for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded ...

What did Axl Rose name the colonics spa that he proudly opened?

'Buns n Hoses'

Why did twenty go to a spa?

Because it was two tens.

My wife asked for a spa day for Valentine's

I can't wait till she opens it and I tell her it's pronounced spade

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The reason why Space X has a spa

Is because without Spa it would be sex.

2 guys holding hands were refused service at a local spa...

It was a mask man date.

What do you call a day spa employee who hates female customers?

A massagynist.

Hair Salons, Tanning Salons, Gyms, Spas, The Clinique Counter...

All closed.

It's getting ugly out there.

What do you get when you add pool noodles to a hot tub?

Spa-ghetti

Microsoft make software for health spas which controls the temperature in steam rooms.

It's called Steamy Windows.

Why did the chickens go to the spa when their house got destroyed

They needed to rest and recoop

Took grandma to a spa where they have fish eat your dead skin

It was cheaper than paying for a funeral.

There were two spas, Spa Land and Spa Sea

Spa Land was earning so much money and the owner was very pleased about it. However, he could not say the same about the other. You see, Spa Land was built in the city and therefore attracted many customers. Spa Sea, on the other hand, was built on the sea, several miles after the shore. He was in t...

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know if they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a litt...

Why did the cow go to the spa?

She really needed a good rej-hoove-ination!

I just booked a vacation at the Sandal Resort and Spa

It's the singles version of Sandals.

My main job is as a male nanny, but I don't get healthcare when I'm sick, I get spa days

It's because I need a Manicure!


^^^I ^^^^am ^^^^^actually ^^^^^^a ^^^^^^Nanny

De Spa

nish Inquisition

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Hitler's favorite spa treatment?

Ethnic cleansing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

Y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Naked Spa

An old man decided to pay a Naked Spa a visit. After registering for a new membership and changing into his birthday suit, he decided to take a walk around the place all naked and stuff.

Along the way, he saw a young naked woman which gave him a boner. The woman noticed him, so she walked ove...

Why did they pull a lawsuit against the spa for their wax treatment?

It was a ripoff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is deciding between three women, which to be with. He tests them by giving them each $5000 to see what they each do with the money.

The first woman got a complete spa treatment and makeover to make herself look good for the man. The second woman took her $5000 and bought the man gifts, gadgets and trinkets he’d like to make him happy. The third woman invested the money, made a hefty return on it, and paid back the man his $5000....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel

Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"

Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"

Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."

Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, an...

Wife's just back from the spa, says she feels like a new woman

Apparently "Me too" wasn't the right response.

Me: I was recently diagnosed with Hyphil. My Wife: What’s Hyphil?

Me: Hi, Phil Swift here with Flex Tape! The super-strong waterproof tape that can instantly patch, bond, seal, and repair! Flex tape is no ordinary tape; its triple thick adhesive virtually welds itself to the surface, instantly stopping the toughest leaks. Leaky pipes can cause major damage, but Fl...

interviewer: what was your last job

me: health angel

interviewer: oh so you worked at like a spa

me: no thilly, I drove a motorthycle

Where do poor Italians live?

In the spa-ghetto.

How do you call an area populated by run-down Italian beauty salons?

A spa-ghetto


... I am so ashamed of myself...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men argue, who has the most stupid wife.

First one says: "My wife can't swim, yet she bought herself a complete scuba diving equipment."
Second one says: "That's nothing: my wife has vertigo even when she looks down a window on the first floor, yet she bought herself a hang-glider."
Third one says: "That's nothing, gentlemen: my ...

Checking out the birth facility

My pregnant daughter and her husband were checking out a new birth facility that was more like a spa. The birthing room had a hot tub, soft music, and candlelight.

"What do you think?" she said

He looked around. "Isn't this how we got here in the first place?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has 3 women before him that want to be his wife,

So he gives each of them $5,000, and tells them to do whatever they want with it. "What you choose to do shall determine which one of you I marry" he says.

The first woman takes all of her $5,000 and spends it all on clothing, jewelry, lavish spa treatments and the like.

The second wom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some big shots get together for a gentleman's night during Easter holidays.

Three CEO's of some big companies get together to smoke cigars and drink expensive whiskey.

They gathered at a chalet and brought a waiter with them to serve the drinks.

"Finally some alone time" says the first CEO. Sent my wife to an all inclusive spa in Austin. It cost me $10k but it...

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical.

After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
Aft...

Everyone needs a little relaxation time once in a while [Long]

So my friend and I decided to unwind and visit this Day Spa that she highly recommended.

I had never heard of it before and asked her what was so great about it. However she refused to tell me why it was so good.

So we scheduled a visit for the following Sunday and when we arrived I r...

So, the God decides he needs a vacation...

He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 yea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are in a bar....

Both men are married, and both have anniversaries coming up. They begin discussing the gifts they obtained for their spouses.

The first gentleman says, "I got her a tennis bracelet, a spa membership, and a week long cruise. What about you?"

"Oh. Um, I got mine a pair of slippers and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...

After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!

Tim was a fan of tractors all his life...

When he was young he had a tractor bed spread, toys and posters. He would tell all his friends at school of the latest tractor models being made and loved them more than anything. The years went by and eventually Tim was old enough to drive a tractor and so for his birthday his parents took him down...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You really oughtta diet...

A morbidly obese man decided it was time to lose some weight, so he joined a health spa...

He gets to the spa and starts out on the treadmill, jogs around the gym a couple times, swims a couple laps in the pool, sweats for a half hour or so in the sauna, and finishes off with a shower.
...

A man was going for a holiday to Acapulco, Mexico...

But since he does not speak any Spanish, he is a bit worried if he will be alright.

He talks to an old friend about his worries and the friend tells him "Don't worry! Spanish is not so hard to speak. Many words are similar to english, so if you just speak slowly enough, I'm sure they will und...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor and his wife were having lunch...

...and a beautiful young woman walks by and winks at the doctor suggestively. She cooes, "How's it goin', doc?" and walks away, hips swaying.

The wife, confused, asks, "Who was that, dear?"

The doctor took a sip of his wine and said casually, "That's my mistress Arielle."

The wi...

A 54 year old man emails his wife the following:

"Honey, as you know you are 54 years old. That is too large a number for you to be able to satisfy some of my needs, so when you read these lines I will be at a hotel with my 25 year old secretary. I still love you very much, but math is math. I will be home by midnight."

Satisfied with himse...

For Sale: Dwarf Jacuzzi

Can also be used as a foot spa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jewish woman marries wealthy Arab man

She explains to her mom that he is a wonderful man and she can live with her at his palace. She begrudgingly accepts the fact and moves into the palace.

Six months later, the daughter interrupts her mother's daily morning massage and spa treatment and tells her, "I'm not happy in the marriage...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.