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Operator Jokes

A 911 operator is sitting at her desk when she gets a call.

"911 What's your emergency?" She answers.

"My friend and I were walking through the woods when he just collapsed. I think he died." A man responds. He is very nervous

"Ok, calm down. First, make sure he's dead." The operator replies.

There's a silence on the phone. Then, there's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“This is 911, what’s your emergency?” the operator asked.

“I masturbate too much,” the man replied.

“Sir, that’s not really a problem,” the operator said.

The man shouted, “Did you hear that, Mom? Now get off my case.”

I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

He scratched his head, "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

A redneck's father passed away in his sleep. So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

I was talking to a crane operator today...

I asked if his job was uplifting....

He told me that it had it's ups and downs

if chuck norris owned and operator an oyster bar...

it would be called shuck norris

I used to be a forklift operator

…but there were way too many ups and downs for me.

So I got a job for a while resurfacing ice rinks, although I never really warmed to it.

I got some work fixing clocks that were running slowly, but I found the hours were just too long.

And when I tried my hand at being a baker...

There's a hotel that still has an elevator operator, to prevent people from doing graffiti in it, or kids from jumping in it.

A man who's on vacation talks to the elevator guy whenever he rides the elevator, and they get to know each other pretty well.

When he's leaving the hotel at the end of his vacation, the elevator operator notices his suitcases and says "Goodbye son" and the man replies "you're not my father"...

Here's a joke about a terrible cable car operator

So there was this man who had only one ambition in his life: he wanted to live in San Francisco and drive cable cars. So he moved there, and studied, and took a test to become a cable car driver. He failed. Studied some more, took the test again. Again he failed. Finally, on the third attempt, he pa...

A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.

The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.

A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.
...

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So a Army Ranger, Recon Marine, Seal, and a Delta Operator are sitting around a campfire.

So the Ranger being a Ranger starts bragging about how tough he is... “you think you guys are tough?” he says

“I’ve parachuted behind enemy lines, did a 50 mile night march and killed a dozen terrorist with my bare hands.”

The Recon Marine is like “man that ain’t shit”

“I’ve lan...

Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

Why can't Rick Astley be an elevator operator?

Because he said he'd never let you down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hospital

A sweet old lady telephoned the hospital.

She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old laday in her weak voice said, "Doreen Jacobs, Room 604."

The ope...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nsfw An aussie man calls emergency services while camping with his wife

Operator: "Emergency services how can we help you mate"

Man: "Please help! me sheila got bitten in her minge by a mozzie and its all swollen and now we can't have sex!"

Operator: "Oh bummer mate..."

Man: "Oh thanks mate never thought of that!"
*Hangs up

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

Have you heard the one about the woman who was saved from a river by a crane operator?

It’s an uplifting story

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to be a phone sex operator...

But I got hearing aids.

I'm such a bad train operator, I can't even remember how many trains I've derailed.

It's hard to keep track.

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

Switch Operator

This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer ...

A 911 operator gets a call.

"911 what's your emergency?" the operator asks.

"I'm smoking." replied a middle-aged woman.

"Sorry, ma'am but you shouldn't be calling 911. Please contact an expert if you need help." The operator hangs up the phone.

The phone rings again.

"911, what's your emergency?" t...

Why is the forklift operator at the distillery you own always so nice to you?

Because it's his job to lift your spirits.

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says “I’m outside 28 Eucalyptus Road”.

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There’s shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. “Jack?” says the operator, conc...

A man enters an elevator, and the operator asks him what floor he wants.

The man says "Eighteenth floor." After arriving, the doors open and the operator says "We are here, my son."
The man says "Thanks, but why did you call me your son?"
The operator replies "Because I have brought you up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....

How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

A Navy SEAL, an Army Ranger and a Delta Operator walk into a bar...

...the Delta Operator orders a shot of whisky, the Army Ranger has a beer, and the Navy SEAL writes a book about it.

A 9-1-1 operator in the deep South picks up the phone

"9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

"Oh my God, it's my wife - she done been gored by a hog, she's bleedin' some real bad! Send help!"

"Calm down sir, and tell me where you are"

"I'm at 560 Eucalyptus Drive"

"Can you spell that for me, sir?"

"U... er... E, U... er... ...

What did the telegraph operator say to kids pranking him?

This is used for work, stop.

This is not a game, stop.

I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator.

We speak to eachother on so many different levels.

I once tried to get a job as a telephone operator...

...I sort of phoned in the interview though and the HR department didn’t think it was my true calling so I’ve put those plans on hold for now.

911 Operator: What's your emergency?

Me: This man keeps laughing at me!

Operator: That sounds annoying, but it isn't a crime.

Me: then what hell is manslaughter?

Train operator

Before I was in the service industry I was a train operator. One day my boss told me I was a terrible train operator and asked how many trains I derailed.

I wasn't sure, it's hard to keep track.

A biologist and a radio operator are stranded on an island

None of them had anything except the biologist's phone, and a radio.

The radio operator started to tune the radio to send morse code to send rescue.

The biologist simply made a phone call.

Within a few hours, the both of them were saved.

Amazed, the radio operator asked "...

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman find a magic slide, and the operator says “If you say what you want when you’re sliding down, you’ll land in it”

The Englishman slides down, shouts “GOLD!!” and lands in a pot of gold
The Scotsman slides down, shouts “SILVER!!” and lands in a pot of silver
The Irishman slides down and shouts “WEEEEEEE!!”

A 911 operator answers the phone and a man answers.

911- "911, what's your emergency?"

Man-"Yes, there are 2 girls fighting over me right now."

911- "Sir, I don't see how this qualifies as an emergency"

Man- "The ugly one is winning"

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. I told the operator that lately I've been having suicidal thoughts.

Operator: "Great! Can you drive a truck?"

A man is walking in the woods...

A man is walking in the woods when he finds a suitcase.
He opens the suitcase and inside are three foxes. So he calls emergency services and says
"I just found three foxes in a suitcase. What should I do?"
"Well," the operator said, "Are they moving?"
"I don't know," he said, "Bu...

Operator: what’s your emergency

Me: my fridge fell on me

Operator: is anything broken

Me: some eggs maybe

Me: I’m so cold

Operator: OMG stay conscious

Me: no the fridge door is open

I used to be a 911 operator but I quit...

It just wasn't my calling.

This Zamboni operator skidded out of control into our Dungeons & Dragons meeting

Why he be all slidin into my DMs

A 911 operator gets a call.

The caller says, "Help! I was out hunting with my friend, and he slipped and fell down a slope and hit a rock and I think he's dead!"

"Calm down. The first thing you need to do is make sure that he's actually dead."

The operator hears a shot, and then the caller says, "Okay, now what?"

What does a telegraph operator feel when he has to send the same message again?

Remorse.

Once upon a time there was a train operator who had a really bad temper

There was a train operator who had a really bad temper. Nobody liked him. He would always bark at people and be aggressive towards them.
One day an 18 year old girl tried to get on his train near its departure time, but being the man he was, he started moving the train, she fell under it and died...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford



It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."



To which the call centre employee replied, ...

Why do elevator operators hate Scott Stapp from Creed?

He keeps asking them if they can take him higher.

i once turned down a job as a fog machine operator

it was a mist opportunity

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Maribe Raider, A navy SEAL, and a Delta Force operator are sitting around a campfire sharing war stories.

The marine says "I parachuted in from a helicopter at night with 50 pounds of gear on my back and killed 25 men with nothing but a knife." The SEAL says "That's nothing. I swam 6 miles up the coast, sprinted 3 more, and killed 60 people with my bare hands." He turns to the Delta Force guy. "What abo...

Everyone knew it was the Spanish train operator who was behind the dead bodies hidden at the train station.

He always had a locomotive.

I rode on an elevator to the eleventh floor and the operator jammed the door and introduced himself as Rick.

"Let me out, Rick! This isn't my floor!" I begged.

He smiled. "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down."

Why didn't the criminal train operator die when he got the electric chair?

he was a bad conductor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Air force colonel and delta operator head back stateside,

and they're waiting for their plane to arrive. Delta guy just wants to sleep, but the Colonel had several coffees, and to pass the time, suggests a game—“I’ll ask you a question, if you can’t answer, you owe me $5. You ask me a question, if I can’t answer, I owe you $500.” Operator stares blankly, t...

Why did the drill operator hate his job?

It was boring.

There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator

Dad: There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator.
Son: How does that work, do you need a degree for that?
Dad: I think you need about 2000 degrees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the alien that works as a phone sex operator?

ET phone moan

Today I got fired from my job as a suicide hotline operator...

Apparently reverse psychology wasn't a good method...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the morgue operator who was stealing testicles?

Eight balls, coroners pocket.


(We were playing pool)

A redhead goes to buy a bull

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one ...

I know a telegraph operator who was so bad he always had to send his messages again.

He had a lot of remorse about that.

Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he'...

Hans turns up for his first day with the German Coast Guard. He's shown round the building, then taken to his new position as radio operator.

"Gut Mornink, Hans," says the old hand. "As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. Just remember, all international radio traffic must be in ze English", and leaves.

Hans sits listening to the radio for a while, when he hears a call.
"Mayday, Mayday - help us, can anyone hear us?"...

A man calls 911 and tells the operator he thinks his friend is dead.

The operator takes the address, and tells the man to make sure the friend's not alive. The operator hears him drop the phone, some rummaging, and a bang. The man picks up the phone and says, "Okay, I'm sure."

A 911 operator gets a call one morning from a frantic man.

"My friend and I were out on a camping trip and I think he had a heart attack and he might have died and I don't know what to do".

The operator says to him "OK. Stay calm. First lets make sure he is dead".

The man says OK and a minute later the operator hears a gun shot. The man comes ...

A guy calls 911 and says: "Please, send the cops quickly, there are two women fighting over me"

Says the male 911 operator: "That sounds pretty good for you, why do you want the police to come?"

Says the caller: "Because the fat one is winning!"

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and
Ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street ....'
Operator: 'How do yo...

A Calculus joke

Verbatim from what my professor just showed in one of my engineering classes:

e^x and a constant are walking down the street together when the constant sees a differential operator coming their way. He starts to run away, and e^x asks "Why are you running away?" The constant answers, "That's...

911, whats your emergency?

Operator: 911, whats your emergency?

Man: A guy just got hit by a car, i need an ambulance.

Operator: What’s your location?

Man: I’m on eucalyptus street.

Operator: Can you spell that out for me?

Man: (long awkward pause)

Operator: Sir? Are you there?
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hunters are out deep in the woods...

All of a sudden, one of the men grabs his chest, lets out a groan, and collapses motionless to the ground.

The other hunter pulls out his mobile phone in a panic, and dials the emergency line. "We are out hunting, and I think my friend just died!"

"Calm, down," says the operator. "Firs...

World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering t...

Democrat

A little old lady called 911. When the operator answered she yelled, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed!

"I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with ...

An orchestra conductor calls 911. “Help! My oboe player swallowed his reed! What do I do?”

The 911 operator says “Simple. Have a muted trumpet cover the part.”

Was it hard to find guillotine operators?

Not really, some people will do anything to get A Head.

A dog walks into a telegraph office

He says to the operator take a message.

"Bark bark bark, bark bark bark, bark bark; bark."

The operator says "You could send ten barks for the same price."

The dog replies "Well then it wouldn't make any sense."

What is a crane operators favourite music genre?

Heavy metal

One day Ole's wife Lena died.

When Ole called the coroner he told them in a heavy norwegian accent that they lived on eucalyptus street.

The operator (unable to understand) asked if he could spell it.

Ole replied. "Ill just drag her over to "Oak"

This is a discussion about the safety of 4-wheelers/ATVs.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about the deaths and serious injuries related to these vehicles. In fact, if you plot those terrible outcomes against speed and operator inexperience, you can see that those events are clustered in the top right corner of the graph.


In other words, this is a ...

A old man passes away peacefully in his sleep after a long illness

His wife calls the county to come pick up his body.

The county operator answers "Yes, ma'am, I'm very sorry for your loss. Can you tell me your address?"

"Yes, we live at 148 Eucalyptus Street."

"Can you spell that for me?"

"Y-U...no, wait, that's not right...E-Y-C...no,...

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