i took the main courses in school, reading, writing, and meth...

....i hated my lab partner

Fishing

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, 'Look at the size of that Son of a B#tch!'

'Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!'

'No, Father, that's...

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The Transreligious Dinner Party

Six people are planning a dinner party: a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, a Pagan, a Hindu, and an Atheist. The Atheist suggests pork chops as the main course. The Jew says, “No, we can’t have pork, YHWH strictly forbids the consumption of pork.”

The Christian says in response, “No He doesn’t! Je...

A penguin is driving along...

A penguin is driving along when he starts having engine trouble, lights blinking...steam hissing..

He pulls over at the first repair shop he sees and the mechanic comes out to meet him. After a minute or two, the mechanic tells the penguin, "I'm a little backed up now, but if you give me a co...

As we were sitting down for dinner, my girlfriend told me, “I think we need to see other people... For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.”

I said, “Ok. And for the main course?”

More than 50% of Americans fall asleep on their sides

Probably because their main courses are enormous

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A jew and an American are on a train together. (Sorry for a possibly incorrect or missing flair, I can't flair for some reason)

The American has lots of food. Burgers as the main course, coca cola as the drink, and Twinkies for dessert. The jew has very little food, just some dried fish.



The jew tells the American: "You should give me your burgers and other food in exchange for my fish. It contains phosphorus ...

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A guy ate at a restaurant.

He noticed that the waiter's thumb was touching the soup when he brought the appetizer to the table.

"Excuse me. Half of your thumb was in my soup."

"Oh I am sorry!"

As the guy was enjoying the soup, the waiter brought out the main course. Again, his thumb was sticking in the f...

I hate when people start their statement with “well for starters”

and then never talk about the main course or the dessert.

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Three men on a Cannibal Island

Three people were stranded on a canable island. And the Cannibal king stands before the three, and says " I'll give you a chance to spare yourselves from becoming the next main course. Go find ten pieces of fruit, bring them to me, and I'll explain the next test."

So, the three set off to fin...

A couple with a 9 year old son are in their home...

A couple with a 9 year old son are in their home when the doorbell rings. Surprise surprise its an old friend they haven't met in a loooong time. So the wife and son immediately begin to prepare dinner in the kitchen for the guest while her husband entertains him in the living room.

Unfortuna...

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A nice one from my dad who is a chef.

A man goes to a fancy restaurant. The head waiter seats him and he receives the menu. The man orders a three course dinner.

The waitor comes out with the precourse which is a soup. The man couldn't help noticing the waitor having his thumb in the soup,but decides to eat the soup any way.
...

The Spoon

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it.

However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pock...

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A man walks into a restaurant...

... with an ostrich that can magically speak. He asks to be seated and the waitress asks if the seat she shows him is alright. The ostrich replies instead saying "Whatever he says is fine with me!".

When it is time to order the man chooses, and the ostrich chooses the exact same drinks, star...

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Sumbitch

The church was ecstatic because the great Pope was coming for dinner. Father John decided to go fishing to provide the main course. At the fishing hole he latches onto a big one and is struggling to get it up on the bank. A nice man rushes to help and says "I'll get that sumbitch for you." Fish in h...

A couple are dining at a German restaurant...

A couple are dining at a German restaurant, and so far it has been awful. The appetizers were cold, the beer was warm, and the main course has been in preparation for over two hours.

They call over their waitress to complain about the appetizers and the beer, and to ask where their entrees a...

A couple went out to eat ...

A couple went out to eat at a nice restaurant. The waiter came over to give them the specials of the night, "For our main courses, we have a nice roasted Salmon with a Cranberry-Mustard sauce or a tender Chicken fried steak." The lady replied that she'd have the salmon.

The waiter said, "Very...

A man goes into a new restaurant for dinner...

He orders his starter, and when he gets it, he notices that his plate is still dirty.

He asks the waiter why his plate is dirty.

The waiter replies,
"Sorry sir, that's the best cold water can get it."

When he gets his main course, he notices his plate is dirty. He asks the w...

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