What's the difference between me and a calender?

One has dates.

I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....

I didn't open any of the doors.

The calender-printing factory fired me today.

Why, though? All I did was take a week off.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calender?

they each got 6 months.

I used to work in a calender factory

But I was fired for taking a couple of days off.

A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07

He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calender. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to 7.77$.

The man thinks "hmmmm......

This guy was caught by the police for stealing a Calender...

He got 12 months

I recently got fired from a calender factory

All i did was take a day off

Man's just been jailed for stealing an advent Calender

He got 24 days

Im not sure who named the Gregorian calender ,probably some guy called Greg.

Or Ian.

What's The Difference Between a Redditor and a Calender?

A Redditor is a living breathing human being, and a Calender is an inanimate object.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a collection of the best/worst dad jokes I know.

"When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down."

"Why are skeletons always so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care."

"Why can't T rexes clap their hands...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔


After checking that my wife had left, I snuck into our daughter's room as she lay fast asleep in bed. I knelt down beside her, as quietly as possible. I then slowly began to force her flaps open, before sliding my fingers in, one by one.

Overcome with hunger, I popped it into my mouth. I kne...

a man goes to confess after 25 years

So the man walks into the confession booth for the first time in his adult life, having nothing but bad memories about it from when he was a child.
So he opens the door, sits down and notices a couple of playboy nude calenders on the wall, a bottle of whiskey in the corner and a nice box of cigar...

Man goes to a restaurant

Sits down at a table by himself and places a calender in front of him. The waiter ask why the calendar? Man replies "I didn't want to be alone so I brought some dates"

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