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Calender Jokes

I used to work in a calender factory.

I got fired for taking a few days off.

How do you threaten a calender?

Say "Your days are numbered."

Why does Batman's Calender only have 363 days?

Because there is no Mother's or Father's day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke from my joke calender

A man has to leave for a few days and wants to find a temporary home for his parrot.

Because he knows the priest also has a parrot, he decides to ask him if he can watch his.

'Absolutely not.' The priest says. 'All your parrot knows is how to curse. That's not good for my parrot, as al...

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calender?

They each got 6 months.

I think my calender has COVID..

I think my calender has Covid, it said it was feeling a bit week. When I took it to the doctor, the doctor said that it's days are numbered.

According to my chocolate advent calender...

Theres only 3 days to Christmas.

What's the difference between me and a calender?

One has dates.

Anybody hear about that guy that worked in the calender factory?

He took 2 weeks off in March.

I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....

I didn't open any of the doors.

What's The Difference Between a Redditor and a Calender?

A Redditor is a living breathing human being, and a Calender is an inanimate object.

Im not sure who named the Gregorian calender ,probably some guy called Greg.

Or Ian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a man goes to confess after 25 years

So the man walks into the confession booth for the first time in his adult life, having nothing but bad memories about it from when he was a child.
So he opens the door, sits down and notices a couple of playboy nude calenders on the wall, a bottle of whiskey in the corner and a nice box of cigar...

After every tuesday,

Even the calender goes W T F

A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07

He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calender. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to 7.77$.

The man thinks "hmmmm......

A dumb blonde was asked, "What item would you bring with you if went back in time?"

She said, "A calender from 2020, duh."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a collection of the best/worst dad jokes I know.

"When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down."

"Why are skeletons always so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care."

"Why can't T rexes clap their hands...

Man goes to a restaurant

Sits down at a table by himself and places a calender in front of him. The waiter ask why the calendar? Man replies "I didn't want to be alone so I brought some dates"

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