What did the printer say when it ran out of paper?

Oh sheet

My printer just told me it was joining a band

Which makes sense.

It loves to jam.

My friend claims he can print a Gun using his 3D Printer. I'm not impressed.

I've had a Canon printer for years.

What do printers eat on their toast?

Paper jam.

A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printers were.

I said, "Dude, it's 2021, you can use any printer you want."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My printer died last night under suspicious circumstances.

Epson didn't kill itself.

I left my muffin on my desk at work while I went to the printer

When I came back it was scone

What’s the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer?

The former is a ladder and the latter is a former.

3D printers are now printing guns...

That’s nothing though. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom! I'm a 3d printer!

oh come on, johnny, close the door when you poop.

I tried to connect my Raspberry Pi to my printer....

But the printer always jams!

Hear about the screen printer who misspelled the order of concert posters?

Must have had an extra stencil crisis.

How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer?

Just give it time.

I’m a little sad that my old HP printer died on me today.

It was like a Brother to me.

"Why is there music coming out of your printer?"

"That will be the paper jamming again!"

I head into my office to print something out, but the printer is out of paper...

I got some paper to refill it, and that's when I noticed something interesting. The paper company was advertising it's social media accounts... I wondered what the Paper Company was doing with an Instagram account so I decided to check them out. Turns out a large percentage of their posts were about...

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer

It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed ...

Me and my buddy Terrell went down to the library.

Me and my buddy Terrell went down to the local library the other day.

He said, "I wonder if the have any colored printers."

I replied, "Geeze, Terrell, it's 2021, use whatever printer you want."

I was in the library one day, when a black friend of mine came in and asked if I knew where the color printer was.

I said "Buddy, it's the 21st century, you can use any printer you want."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I told my therapist about being unhappy, he said, "When it comes to happiness, a good analogy is a 3D-printer."

"Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?"

"No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."

I don’t trust people that use large format printers.

They’re always plotting something.

I received a letter from my opticians, but I’m concerned about their printer....

Either it’s failing or they used a blurry font. So weird.

Why did the broken printer become a rockstar?

Because it liked to jam all the time

I have a printer nicknamed Bob Marley

Because it's always Jammin'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Dad, look! I'm a 3D printer!"

"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"

What is a Audit?

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the...

A man walked into a copy shop, and requested that they print a book for him with pages 30 feet long and 1 foot wide.

Printer: "Why do you need pages that long?"

Man: "Well, it's a long story."

What do a printer and a prostate have in common?

Control pee

New user: "How come my new printer doesn't work in Linux?" Linus: "You need the right driver."

"My chauffeur's outside."

I saw an amazing picture of a printer on r/funny

It was inkredditable

I broke a toner cartridge when I was putting it into the printer.

RIP my inkbox.

In my old fashioned office the multifunction printer broke down.

No fax was given that day...

My printer keeps playing random music

I called support. Don’t worry they said, it’s just the paper jamming.

I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin

It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.

What kind of printer do pigs use?

An oinkjet printer

What did the father printer say to the teenage printer?

Don't use that toner with me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do most printers break so easily?

Shitty HP

How do you make a 4D printer?

Just take a 3D printer and give it some time.

What do you call someone who doesn't care about printers?

No fax given.

My dad always turns his head slightly away from the printer when he's using it

Apparently he can only see it in his peripheral vision.

So I bought a pocket printer.

So happy I can finally print my own pockets.

What is Jorah Mormonts favorite printer settings? Grayscale

What is Jorah Mormonts favorite printer settings? Grayscale

My printer has started printing scary stories in the middle of the night. Somehow they’re all in Braille.

It’s giving me Goosebumps

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

We had to get a new all-in-one printer, after a lot of fighting.

The old one couldn't handle the fax.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really don't get all the love for the HP books...

I've read them multiple times, but still my printer won't fucking work.

I keep loading paper into my printer but it keeps saying "I just can't get enough"

I think it's stuck in Depeche Mode.

A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, "Do you have any colored printers?"

To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."

Why are old printers so musical?

Because they are prone to jamming.

Unexpected

She: Why is your shirt smudged with ink blots?

He: I refilled a printer cartridge at work today.

Octopus under their bed: *whispers* Tell her about us, you chicken.

My colleague was fired for stealing printer cartridges

He was caught magenta handed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me (a Mexican): Oh shit, the printer says no papers

Coworker (also Mexican): Oh shit, Donald Trump is gonna get mad

Came up with the perfect name for my printer earlier...

The Device Formerly Known as Prints

What did Snow White say when the printer jammed?

Someday my prints will come!!

Did you hear about the solitary T shirt printer?

He's going to dye alone

Printer tired while printing her picture

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never r...

Why did the printer have wet ink?

Because it couldn't control P

What do horror movies and printer ink have in common?

The black one always dies first.

I've got a 3D printer

But it only prints pieces of paper.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer doesn't jelly every time I try to print :(

A policeman arrests a well dressed man in a suit and tie, walking down the Main Street of the city talking on his cell.

The man has a desk strapped to his back, complete with laptop, printer and filing cabinet. He has a dustbin on his head.

“Hold on councillor, I have a policeman trying to arrest me, and I haven’t got a clue why.” He turns and asks “What are the charges?”

“Impersonating an office, Sir”

My 9 year old....

...is yelling at me, "Hey dad, look at me! Im a 3D printer!"
I respond "Close the bathroom door, son!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was the first 3D printer?

Your butthole!

*** This joke is awesome because it was created by a third grader where I teach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Time Teacher

Day 1 of home schooling


0800  opened school website to get assignments.


0900  found where assignments were hidden on the website.


0915  called school to have the website explained.


0930  called school again.


0945  Had wife call school ...

Laziness is the engine of progress.

The accountant printed out 50 absolutely clean sheets on the printer. To the question “Why?”, she replied that she needed 50 blank sheets, and she did not want to count them manually.

Jack: Seriously Edith, your excuses are lame. It's clear that you are only trying to make people think you are special.

Edit: That's stupid, Jack. I removed the H from my name coz it saves ink in my printer.

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