My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

I was at the library today when a black guy came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were.

I replied, "Dude, it's 2019, you can use whatever printer you want."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Dad, look! I'm a 3D printer!"

"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"

What is Jorah Mormonts favorite printer settings? Grayscale

What is Jorah Mormonts favorite printer settings? Grayscale

My friend said, "I wish there was a way i could send something to your printer."

I said, "fax."

We had to get a new all-in-one printer, after a lot of fighting.

The old one couldn't handle the fax.

My dad always turns his head slightly away from the printer when he's using it

Apparently he can only see it in his peripheral vision.

I was wondering why music was coming from my printer???

Apparently the paper was jamming.

What's the difference between a step stool and a 3d printer?

The former is a ladder and the latter is a former.

I have a printer nicknamed Bob Marley

Because it's always Jammin'

An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never r...

What do a printer and a prostate have in common?

Control pee

How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer?

Just give it time.

What did the father printer say to the teenage printer?

Don't use that toner with me.

My printer keeps playing random music

I called support. Don’t worry they said, it’s just the paper jamming.

I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin

It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.

What do you call someone who doesn't care about printers?

No fax given.

How do you make a 4D printer?

Just take a 3D printer and give it some time.

I keep loading paper into my printer but it keeps saying "I just can't get enough"

I think it's stuck in Depeche Mode.

My HP printer died today

It was like a Brother to me.

3d-printers are now making guns.

Pffft, that's nothing!

I've had a Canon printer for years.

It's not a big deal that people are now printing guns using 3D printers

I have had a Canon printer for years.

What do horror movies and printer ink have in common?

The black one always dies first.

What did Snow White say when the printer jammed?

Someday my prints will come!!

A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, "Do you have any colored printers?"

To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."

Came up with the perfect name for my printer earlier...

The Device Formerly Known as Prints

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

Did you hear about the solitary T shirt printer?

He's going to dye alone

Larry sued Mary after she banned him from using the printer

It was a matter of copyright.

Why are old printers so musical?

Because they are prone to jamming.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What was the first 3D printer?

Your butthole!

*** This joke is awesome because it was created by a third grader where I teach.

Printer tired while printing her picture

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

What Do You Call it When Printers Have a Party?

A paper jam

Laziness is the engine of progress.

The accountant printed out 50 absolutely clean sheets on the printer. To the question “Why?”, she replied that she needed 50 blank sheets, and she did not want to count them manually.

What kind of liquid does a pig's printer use?

oink

I've got a 3D printer

But it only prints pieces of paper.

A Computer walks into a bar...

Looking around, it spots an older but rather attractive printer sitting alone in the corner.

The computer approaches the printer and says, "Hey good lookin. What's your font?".

Annoyed, the printer gets up and starts heading for the door, "It appears that it's time for my carriage t...

My colleague was fired for stealing printer cartridges

He was caught magenta handed.

Why did the printer have wet ink?

Because it couldn't control P

The French are the most patriotic country on earth.

They even use their national flag as printer paper.

Hello, Tech Support?

How do I set my laser printer to stun?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cowboy named Bud...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his
herd in a remote mountainous pasture in
Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW
advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The
driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes,
RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the
window ...

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

What is a printer's favorite type of jelly?

Jelly's fine, but paper jam is the best!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A once teacher said: What do programmers do?

Student A: Fix your printer.

Student B: Hack facebook accounts

Student C: Shitpost on Reddit.

Trumps first few months in office have been pretty rough.

His all-in-one printer broke down, so he's had to use some alternative fax.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

"TRUMP IS GOING TOO FAR"

He deported a printer cause it didnt have papers!!

An old lady goes up to the help counter at her local electronics store clutching a jar of marmalade.

"I found this in my pantry," she says, "and I'm wondering if it will work. You see? I've strained out all the peel."

"Ma'am, I have no idea what you're talking about," says the geek working the desk.

"The last time I was here," she replies, "you told me that when my printer says LOAD...

I work in the hole punching business. You can call me at 1-800-448-2-463.

I always leave a good first impression!


PS. I work for a printer\publisher and thought of this one while I was punching holes today. I hope the punchline isn't too convoluted.

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line.

At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it."

A smart-alec who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and ask...

Job taken seriously

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Recently HP fucked up on my order of a Laserjet

they've sent me a fucking printer instead!

Revenge

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks the salesperson, "How much is the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the sales guy says.

"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man says...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde's year in review.

**January**

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

**February**

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....

Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

**March**

Got really excited......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 m...

"My night's about to get better now that you're turned on."

... said the student to his printer when he finished his essay.

Breaking News: PIRATES STOPPED STEALING OIL TANKERS

They switched to stealing tankers filled with printer ink...

Today I had to have a meeting with HR...

Today I had to have a meeting with HR because I told a lady (who happened to be black) in the office that she had to use "the colored printer". Fortunately at the meeting, I was able to produce the previous days work order to get the black & white printer repaired.