UPJOKE
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What did the printer say when it ran out of paper?

Oh sheet

My printer just told me it was joining a band

Which makes sense.

It loves to jam.

What do printers eat on their toast?

Paper jam.

My friend was bragging his new 3D printer can print a gun.

I wasn’t impressed, I’ve had a Canon printer for years!

A black guy in the library asked me where the colored printers were.

I said, "Dude, it's 2022, you can use any printer you want."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which was the first 3d printer in the world?

A Vagina

What happens to printers that perform miracles?

They get Canonized.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My printer died last night under suspicious circumstances.

Epson didn't kill itself.

3-D printers

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm pretty excited," the guy tells the bartender. "I just got one of those 3D printers. They say I can even make a gun on it." "Ha, I'm not impressed," the bartender scoffs. "I've had a canon printer for years."

I heard Reggae music coming from my printer.

The paper was jammin’

I was wondering why my printer made music.

Turns out it was just jamming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom! I'm a 3d printer!

Oh come on, Johnny, close the door when you poop.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

3D printers are now printing guns...

That’s nothing though. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

What's the difference between a stepping stool and a miniature 3D printer?

The former is a little ladder and the latter is a little former.

A man’s printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.

A friendly young man informed him, “Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.”

Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, “Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage...

What printers do they use on board the Enterprise?

Hewlett Pickards

Wanna hear a joke about the dollar printer?

Nevermind, it doesn't make any cents

Did I tell y’all that music was coming out of my printer?

The papers were jamming.

How did he guess?

A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a dust cloud approached at high speed, out of which emerged a shiny silver BMW. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Ferragamo shoes, Cartier sunglasses and a tightly knotted power tie, poked his head out the window and asked t...

I heard there was music coming from my printer.

So I opened it to see what's wrong. Turns out it was just jamming.

How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer?

Just give it time.

I have a printer nicknamed Bob Marley

Because it's always Jammin'

After years of service, my old printer died yesterday.

It was like a Brother to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Dad, look! I'm a 3D printer!"

"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"

If Morgz were a part of a printer, what would he be?

The copier.

Boris Johnson said that Vladimir Putin is redrawing the map of Europe in blood.

I bet it's hard to get refills for that printer.

Hear about the screen printer who misspelled the order of concert posters?

Must have had an extra stencil crisis.

I head into my office to print something out, but the printer is out of paper...

I got some paper to refill it, and that's when I noticed something interesting. The paper company was advertising it's social media accounts... I wondered what the Paper Company was doing with an Instagram account so I decided to check them out. Turns out a large percentage of their posts were about...

I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin

It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.

I don’t trust people that use large format printers.

They’re always plotting something.

Why did the broken printer become a rockstar?

Because it liked to jam all the time

What do a printer and a prostate have in common?

Control pee

I tried to connect my Raspberry Pi to my printer....

But the printer always jams!

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer

It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I told my therapist about being unhappy, he said, "When it comes to happiness, a good analogy is a 3D-printer."

"Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?"

"No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."

A black guy comes up to me in the library and says, "Excuse me, do you know if there's a colored printer in here"

I said to him "It's 2020 bro, use whatever printer you like"

My printer keeps playing random music

I called support. Don’t worry they said, it’s just the paper jamming.

I received a letter from my opticians, but I’m concerned about their printer....

Either it’s failing or they used a blurry font. So weird.

My dad always turns his head slightly away from the printer when he's using it

Apparently he can only see it in his peripheral vision.

New user: "How come my new printer doesn't work in Linux?" Linus: "You need the right driver."

"My chauffeur's outside."

How do you make a 4D printer?

Just take a 3D printer and give it some time.

I saw an amazing picture of a printer on r/funny

It was inkredditable

What kind of printer do pigs use?

An oinkjet printer

What did the father printer say to the teenage printer?

Don't use that toner with me.

What do you call someone who doesn't care about printers?

No fax given.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do most printers break so easily?

Shitty HP

What is Jorah Mormonts favorite printer settings? Grayscale

What is Jorah Mormonts favorite printer settings? Grayscale

So I bought a pocket printer.

So happy I can finally print my own pockets.

In my old fashioned office the multifunction printer broke down.

No fax was given that day...

My friend said, "I wish there was a way i could send something to your printer."

I said, "fax."

My printer has started printing scary stories in the middle of the night. Somehow they’re all in Braille.

It’s giving me Goosebumps

What did Snow White say when the printer jammed?

Someday my prints will come!!

My colleague was fired for stealing printer cartridges

He was caught magenta handed.

We had to get a new all-in-one printer, after a lot of fighting.

The old one couldn't handle the fax.

A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, "Do you have any colored printers?"

To which the clerk responds, "It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."

I keep loading paper into my printer but it keeps saying "I just can't get enough"

I think it's stuck in Depeche Mode.

Why are old printers so musical?

Because they are prone to jamming.

After a very successful heist, a thief treats his two close friends to a sumptuous meal at a fancy restaurant.

Friend A: "You've walked away with millions?? By stealing from a printer company? How on earth did you pull that off??!"

Friend B: "You must've had to drive out an entire truckload of printers to make that much!"

Thief: "It was actually a lot easier than that. I just walked out with al...

Came up with the perfect name for my printer earlier...

The Device Formerly Known as Prints

Did you hear about the solitary T shirt printer?

He's going to dye alone

People always ask me why I take my printer to concerts.

It's because my printer really likes to JAM!

Printer tired while printing her picture

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

I've got a 3D printer

But it only prints pieces of paper.

Guy is rolling down the sidewalk in a desk chair

He has a laptop under one arm, a phone under the other. A portable printer on his lap. He has a small wastepaper basket on his head. A swingline stapler in his shirt pocket

Cop spots him and says "what do you think you are doing?"

"Impersonating an office, sir."

Why did the printer have wet ink?

Because it couldn't control P

A man walked into a copy shop, and requested that they print a book for him with pages 30 feet long and 1 foot wide.

Printer: "Why do you need pages that long?"

Man: "Well, it's a long story."

What do horror movies and printer ink have in common?

The black one always dies first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me (a Mexican): Oh shit, the printer says no papers

Coworker (also Mexican): Oh shit, Donald Trump is gonna get mad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was the first 3D printer?

Your butthole!

*** This joke is awesome because it was created by a third grader where I teach.

What is a Audit?

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the...

An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never r...

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