I keep hearing music coming from the printer.

I think the paper is jamming.

In my old fashioned office the multifunction printer broke down.

No fax was given that day...

What do a printer and a prostate have in common?

Control pee

My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer could print a gun.

But I wasn't that impressed, I've had a Canon printer for years.

Jack: Seriously Edith, your excuses are lame. It's clear that you are only trying to make people think you are special.

Edit: That's stupid, Jack. I removed the H from my name coz it saves ink in my printer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Dad, I am a 3d Printer.."

Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.

So I bought a pocket printer.

So happy I can finally print my own pockets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bud the Cowboy

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2019 AUDI advanced towards him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man named Cliff in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked...

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".

I’m a little sad that my old HP printer died on me today.

It was like a Brother to me.

My 9 year old....

...is yelling at me, "Hey dad, look at me! Im a 3D printer!"
I respond "Close the bathroom door, son!"

What does a printer say to the other?

I'm under the impression that this paper is yours.

My printer has started printing scary stories in the middle of the night. Somehow they’re all in Braille.

It’s giving me Goosebumps

Why did the broken printer become a rockstar?

Because it liked to jam all the time

What kind of printer do pigs use?

An oinkjet printer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the real difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer sure doesn't jelly every single FUCKING THING I TRY TO PRINT.

I tried to print a Phishing email

Now my printer wont stop jamming.

I saw an amazing picture of a printer on r/funny

It was inkredditable

My mom entered my room and found me all stressed out facing my PC.

"Having trouble with your computer?" she asked.
"Yes, it seems not to find the new printer," I replied.

My mum looked round my room then replied, "I'm not surprised. Look how messy your room is."

How do you turn a three-dimensional printer into a four-dimensional printer?

Just give it time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me (a Mexican): Oh shit, the printer says no papers

Coworker (also Mexican): Oh shit, Donald Trump is gonna get mad

A Computer walks into a bar...

Looking around, it spots an older but rather attractive printer sitting alone in the corner.

The computer approaches the printer and says, "Hey good lookin. What's your font?".

Annoyed, the printer gets up and starts heading for the door, "It appears that it's time for my carriage t...

My friend said, "I wish there was a way i could send something to your printer."

I said, "fax."

My printer keeps playing random music

I called support. Don’t worry they said, it’s just the paper jamming.

I have a printer nicknamed Bob Marley

Because it's always Jammin'

We had to get a new all-in-one printer, after a lot of fighting.

The old one couldn't handle the fax.

What is the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer?

The former is a ladder, while the latter is a former.

My dad always turns his head slightly away from the printer when he's using it

Apparently he can only see it in his peripheral vision.

What is Jorah Mormonts favorite printer settings? Grayscale

What is Jorah Mormonts favorite printer settings? Grayscale

The French are the most patriotic country on earth.

They even use their national flag as printer paper.

What did the father printer say to the teenage printer?

Don't use that toner with me.

Laziness is the engine of progress.

The accountant printed out 50 absolutely clean sheets on the printer. To the question “Why?”, she replied that she needed 50 blank sheets, and she did not want to count them manually.

I changed the name of my printer to George R. R. Martin

It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.

What do you call someone who doesn't care about printers?

No fax given.

An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never r...

Hello, Tech Support?

How do I set my laser printer to stun?

I keep loading paper into my printer but it keeps saying "I just can't get enough"

I think it's stuck in Depeche Mode.

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A once teacher said: What do programmers do?

Student A: Fix your printer.

Student B: Hack facebook accounts

Student C: Shitpost on Reddit.

Revenge

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks the salesperson, "How much is the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the sales guy says.

"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line.

At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it."

A smart-alec who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and ask...

Job taken seriously

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the ...

I work in the hole punching business. You can call me at 1-800-448-2-463.

I always leave a good first impression!


PS. I work for a printer\publisher and thought of this one while I was punching holes today. I hope the punchline isn't too convoluted.

Trumps first few months in office have been pretty rough.

His all-in-one printer broke down, so he's had to use some alternative fax.

"TRUMP IS GOING TOO FAR"

He deported a printer cause it didnt have papers!!

An old lady goes up to the help counter at her local electronics store clutching a jar of marmalade.

"I found this in my pantry," she says, "and I'm wondering if it will work. You see? I've strained out all the peel."

"Ma'am, I have no idea what you're talking about," says the geek working the desk.

"The last time I was here," she replies, "you told me that when my printer says LOAD...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde's year in review.

**January**

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

**February**

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....

Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

**March**

Got really excited......finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recently HP fucked up on my order of a Laserjet

they've sent me a fucking printer instead!

"My night's about to get better now that you're turned on."

... said the student to his printer when he finished his essay.

Breaking News: PIRATES STOPPED STEALING OIL TANKERS

They switched to stealing tankers filled with printer ink...

Thought I heard reggae music coming from the office...

...but it was just the printer jammin'

Today I had to have a meeting with HR...

Today I had to have a meeting with HR because I told a lady (who happened to be black) in the office that she had to use "the colored printer". Fortunately at the meeting, I was able to produce the previous days work order to get the black & white printer repaired.

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