UPJOKE
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Lee Jokes

Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother…

Sudden Lee

For anyone attending Stan Lee's funeral...

Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.

Today, I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.

I met a few of his cousins too;

The one who can't take a joke, Serious Lee.

The one is always there last minute, Sudden Lee.

The one who doesn't understand Metaphors, Literal Lee.

The one who is always throwing shade, Sarcastic Lee.

The one who is so sure of himsel...

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?


WAAAATAAAA!!!!

(Gotta say it is loud kung foo fighting noise). It’s a winner every time.

Have you met Bruce Lee’s vegan brother?

He’s called Broco Lee.

My marriage is over.

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.

I do feel bad about it all...

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Inspector Lee’s Technique

Inspector Lee was the finest detective in the city. Whenever the police were baffled, they called in Lee and his Foo dog to find out the identity of the criminal.

One day, the police were again baffled by a bank robber who had slipped into a crowd of people. They called in Lee and asked him ...

Sad news. I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee…

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone

Today i have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee

Brocco Lee

[oc] What do you call a non aggressive Bruce Lee?

Friend Lee

What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

WAH-TAH!

A woman named Lorraine Lee introduced her boyfriend, Frank, to her family for the first time.

As Frank greeted Mr. and Mrs. Lee, Lorraine's stunning sister, Claire, whispered something to him. Curious and suspicious, Lorraine decided to check on them and found Frank and Claire in bed together. Lorraine confronted Frank, who pleaded for another chance. Reluctantly, Lorraine agreed, but made i...

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A king summons three of his most loyal subjects to a meeting

The king looks at the first man, who was named Rand.

"Rand, kiss my hand!" he orders.

Rand obeys him and kisses his hand. The king looks at the second subject, who was called Lee.

"Lee, kiss my knee!"

Lee obeys and kisses his king's knee. The king turns in the direction o...

I'm going to miss Stan Lee

He was a marvel

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A spiritual healer named Lee...

...ducked into an alley to pee.
He pissed in the eye,
Of some blind homeless guy,
Who cried, "holy shit! I can see!"

Just saw a post about Stan Lee, Avicii, Stephen Hawking and Burt Reynolds.

It was a rip-post.

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Bruce Lee

Everyone remembers him and his son Brandon Lee but people rarely talk about Barry Lee and seldom mention Vague Lee.

Woman mistakes Lee Trevino for a migrant worker

Lee Trevino is a Mexican-American who was one of the best golfers (and greatest characters) in the world. But when he was a young man, he would still mow his own lawn, and this is why.

He was a young golfer on the PGA Tour, and a married man, when one day he was out mowing the lawn in front ...

What was Bruce Lee's favourite drink?

Waaaaa-tttaaaahhhhhh

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.

Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through th...

Heard about the Robert E Lee statue at Duke University campus?

[removed]

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother.”

So Su...

My dad CLAIMS to have invented this joke. I think it's too good and don't want to give him credit, but I can't find it online.

This story takes place in 1860. Back 150+ years ago, presidental candidates didn't have nearly the luxuries current candidates do. The didn't stay in five star hotels or travel by private jet - they stayed with normal families on their campaigns and in exchange for a place to stay, would do chores a...

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin expla...

Do you know why there qre so many Chuck Norris jokes, but not many Bruce Lee ones?

Because Bruce Lee is no joke

What does Bruce Lee order in Burger King?

WOPPAAAH!

Donkey could take down Bruce Lee...

...because he entered the dragon

Bad news. I broke up with Lorraine. She found out I was seeing Clair Lee

The good news is I can see Clair Lee now Lorraine has gone.



EDIT : I've never heard this but I'm getting tanked for it by my friends

But I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) suns...

I painted half a picture of Bruce Lee & quit:

I'm a Partial Artist

Some girls at my gym were saying I was related to Bruce Lee.

I had to politely let them know I wasn’t, and my name isn’t Ugg, either.

In honor of Stan Lee, my one and only Stan Lee joke.

Did you know that Stan Lee original wrote Tony Stark to be FEmale?

What’s donkey from shrek’s favorite Bruce Lee movie?

Enter the dragon

A woman named Lorraine Lee was taking her boyfriend, Frank, to visit her family for the first time.

Frank entered the house and shook hands with Mr. and Mrs. Lee. There was one other person at the house, and that was Lorraine's sister, a drop dead gorgeous woman named Claire.

Claire whispered something to Frank, and the two of them went upstairs together. Lorraine was suspicious, so five mi...

Why does Bruce Lee get excited when he visits Texas?

Because that means he can eat at WA-TAAAAburger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Harper Lee’s favorite cocktail?

Tequila Mockingbird

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lee has a terrible headache

Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."

His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for sex. I always feel better after."

A co...

Rumor has it Bruce Lee once owned a pet bear

Its name was Grizz Lee!

My Chinese son was born before his due date

We called him Sudden Lee

Aunt Millie's secret recipe has been stolen by Sara Lee's brother.

Alleged Lee.

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Lee Smart was always a trouble maker throughout his life.

In school, Lee Smart was always getting in trouble. His friend, Isaac, always stuck by his side, though. They were always best friends.

Though Isaac was getting sick of Lee’s crap. Lee kept drinking and driving, he kept smoking Marijuana and snorting Cocaine. Isaac was so close to just leavi...

I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

What do you call Bruce Lee pulling a Radio Flyer?

Enter the wagon.

R.I.P. Stan Lee

Dying: The final thing Jack Kirby did first, but Stan Lee gets all the attention for.

There once was a fellow named Lee

Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.
She said stop your plumbing,
I hear someone coming.
He said no one is coming but me.

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

The hospital that my son is staying at got the Avengers to visit him.

He’s also going to see Stan Lee next week!

An old Joke by Lee Mack on... 8 out of 10 Cats plays Countdown, I believe?

I popped into an second-hand store the other day and bought a pencil. What's remarkable about the pencil, is that it used to be used by Shakespeare!



...Only thing is, the top part is all chewed up, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Detective Chen Lee

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir,

You leave house.
I watch house.
He come to house. I watch.
...

I wouldn't be too worried about Stan Lee dying...

Marvel will just resurrect him in a few issues

What was Bruce Lee's beverage of choice?

WAH-TAH!

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

He also had a brother, the revolutionary vegan activist, Brocco Lee

New announcement about Stan Lee's funeral

It will feature a cameo appearance by Stan Lee.

Bruce Lee: “flow like water, you understand”

Me: “water you saying?”

How do you call a guy named Lee that has no friends?

Lonlee

A man named Rick walks into his room after a long day of work and sees his wife crying on their bed.

He askes her what it was all about and she said that she had been threatened by someone she thought was her friend earlier that evening.

Now, Rick has no idea how to handle this, so goes to confront his friend Lee, who has some experience with things like this.

After a long discussion...

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I'm disappointed R. Lee Ermy died...

he always seemed like the kind of guy that would fuck Death in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around

What do John wilkes booth, lee harvey oswald and kobe bryant have in common?

They never miss a shot

Bruce Lee had a cousin who used to get beaten up a lot...

He was known as Bruise Lee.

Why was Spike Lee mad after the Oscars?

Jussie Smollett got the Oscars for writing, producing and directing BlackKlansmen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never understood how Ty Lee joined the Kyoshi warriors at the end of Avatar.

That's like if the United States hired Nazi rocket scientists to work on our space program after WW2 ended.

Baby Naming

A couple had just had their first child, a boy.

The father was Irish and Indian, the wife Chinese and Italian.

Each wanted their son’s name to reflect his heritage.

After much back-and-forth they finally decided on the name:

Ravi O’Lee

In high school I was best friends with a pair of Chinese twins, Ving and Ling.

Ving truly hated his name and wanted to change it to Lee, as in Bruce Lee, but Ling kept trying to convince him not to do it since it was a big part of their heritage.
One day he decided it was finally time to go through with it, so me and Ling accompanied him to the courthouse, while Ling kept...

Every Half Dollar is Lee Harvey Oswald

Cus each one has a headshot of Kennedy

White Nationalist should honor the true legacy Robert E. Lee

And surrender.

Bruce lee would beat dwane Johnson in a fight

Water erodes rock

Recently found out that Stan Lee was an exceptional hockey player.

His very first practice and he already had the Stanley Cup..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

What is South Korea’s most popular rock band?

Lee Kim Park

Stan lee died and Kanye is still alive and well.

Now that’s a joke.

Mr. Lee Sum Wan and Mr.Sori

Sam Wan: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Mr. Sori: Yes, you could speak to me.

Sam Wan: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr. Sori: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Sam Wan: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Mr. Sori: I know you ar...

Some actors are famous for playing the same role in multiple movies, but none so much as Lee Navarre.

Lee Navarre had starred in a couple of low budget films like Greta's Gallery and Fisherman Flanagan, but no one really took note of him till he was seen in the first movie of the mystery series "When Midnight Chimes". As we all know, it was an instant hit and Navarre gained a lot of critical acclaim...

A few years back, I was asked at the last minute to stand in on bass for Geddy Lee, just for one night.

It was a Rush job...

My friend Lee likes to allow extra time for his schedule.

That's just the LeeWay

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