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Chang Jokes

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Won...

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump says it’s changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.

When my girlfriend got pregnant everything changed

My address, my phone number..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.

But it takes a shitload of lightbulbs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

How do boomers change a lightbulb

They dont, they just keep talking about how great the old one was

How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb?

Tell him Obama put it in

R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They're happy living in the dark

Not NSFW: How many Apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.

Alabama changed the drinking age to 34

They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools

With Twitter being re-branded to “X” What do we call tweets after the change?

Excretions

how many alziemers patients does it take to change a light bulb?

to get to the other side

How many boomers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None.

They’ll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.

My town's population never changes

Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

BREAKING: Due to inflation, Dollar Tree will be changing it’s name…

…to Tree Dollar.

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence...

For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma."

How many antivaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb?

\-

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It's not my job to give you the answer. Do your own research.

How many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, like one, three, five? Whatever, I just can't even...

Amazing how a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence

For example:

-Jane ate her friend's sandwich.

-Jane ate her friend's colon.

What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but the light has to really want to change.


Give me your best lightbulb joke.

How many Russians does it take to change a Ukrainian lightbulb?

At least 1 battalion to lose in the attempt. Please reply with your best punchline.

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

10.

1 to change the bulb and 9 to tell you how much better they could've done it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They're going to have to change the name of the U.S Virgin Islands

They're about to get fucked

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. We are efficient and dont have humour.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name?

Or was Snoop Lyin'?

Edit: Just in case the king sees this, I got mad respect for you Dogg. Smoke weed everyday.

(His grandmother passed away recently, I'm just trying to be nice people.)

When I turned 18, I went down to the courthouse to petition to change my name.

The clerk asked me why. "Just look at my application," I said. "If you were named Oskar Von Wootengootenbootenshoot, wouldn't you want something different?"

The clerk said, "I suppose you've got a point."

I said, "Yeah, I don't like Oskar, either."

My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian...

it's like I've never seen herbivore.

The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me.

I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it.

I changed the tags of my mother’s herb jars. She hasn’t notice it yet..

But the thyme is cumin

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ...

How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver!

EDIT AGAIN: Thank you for the gold and platinum! I am honored!

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Honestly, it's a pretty obscure number. I doubt you've ever heard of it.

The US Supreme Court has changed dramatically since Justice Ginsberg passed away.

It has become Ruth less.

“Can you please change my grade?”

“Of course,” Tom remarked.

Trump's Presidency is like climate change

Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

Edit: Wow front page. Didn't expect this big a response.

I tried changing my password to "brazildefense" but Reddit said it was too weak

hope you find it funny!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said the sex after my vasectomy changed dramatically...

She said she noticed "a vas deferens"

how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.

The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

My wife explained, "You need to do more chores around the house." I moaned, "Can we change the subject?" She smiled and said...

"Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you."

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.

Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Metamucil changes its name to Facebookmucil

CEO admits the move was difficult, since both firms deliver crap.

They finally did it, Reddit has made impossible for blind people to moderate their sub with the api changes. This is their last statement from r/blind

"H dhei osndhsjbw siso is koqp odjd jsoa JD djs sis ikksbs"

(I am sorry for this horrible joke and I really hope things may work out for you)

"Proud Boys" should change their name, to avoid being tied to PRIDE events...

... to something like "Reigning Men."

How many resumé writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one:


Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns, and zero safety incidents, increasing workplace safety and productivity.

My wife's attitude has changed since I've been in this wheelchair.

Now she talks behind my back and pushes me around.

How many Fu** Boys does it take to change a light bulb?

It is a trick question, as they are still using gas lighting.

Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends on how clumsy you are.

*There, I've killed it. Move on /r/jokes, move on.*

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. ...

How does a narcissist change a light bulb?

They hold it up to the light and wait for the world to revolve around them

Why did Batgirl change her name to Batwoman?

She had her Bat Mitzvah.

So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...

when do I get my adult supervision?

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

How many psychiatrists are needed to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but they'll be more than 20 sessions to find that the lightbulb doesn't need to change.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Scientologists does it take to change a lightbulb in the basement?

There’s no lightbulb, but for $5000 you can go down the first step of the stairs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was standin next to this bloke in the changing room at my local gym yesterday when a mobile phone rings.

He was getting dry so he puts it on loudspeaker. I thought straightaway wot a smug bastard!

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the gym?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the Metro Centre now and found this beautiful leather coat.

It' s only £1,000. Is it OK ...

I stopped showering or changing my clothes, as a precaution against COVID-19.

If anybody gets within six feet of me, I know they must have lost their sense of smell.

I wanted to change my name to “Frieza” but had no idea how much paperwork would be involved.

This isn’t even my final form.

After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name

Unfortunately Iran was already taken

How many Redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1000 One to change it and 999 to walk into the same room and change the same light bulb without checking to see if it needed changing first.

Why did Worf change his hair color?

It was a good day to dye.

Climate change is such a joke...

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

Someone gave me 20 cents and it changed my whole outlook on life.

It was a paradigm shift

Correct Change

Two counterfeiters are making some fake bills. They've had a few drinks, so quality control is a little off. They accidentally make a whole stack of $15 bills.

"What the hell are we gonna do now? We wasted all this time and resources making these" one of them says.

"I know", ...

It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Thank you for your query. Your number is #204588. We have allotted a timeslot for you at 2-3pm on Tuesday the 28th of November, during which time you will be required to fill out and submit forms 32.B and 44.A from our catalogue. Once these forms have been processed by our team we will begin an inve...

I asked the cashier “Could you give me small change instead of bills? I need money for the bus “

She said “That’s fare”

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