What is the flower name of Jay-Z?

Day-Z :)

Jay Leno went to Morgan Freeman’s house and had a lot of drinks. Leno suddenly started to urinate on Freeman’s carpet. Freeman was furious and ran after him as he kept on urinating. The banker next door saw the whole thing and decided to start a bank...

Kids, that is the true story of how Jay-pee-Morgan-chase was named

What did Jay Z call his wife before they got married?

Fiance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher was giving her students a lecture about good manners.

She wanted to test how they would act in a certain circumstance, so she asked:
- Derek, imagine that you’re having dinner with a girl you love, and you suddenly want to go to the restroom during the meal. What would you say to her in this situation?
- “Stay right there, I’m going to pee.”
-...

My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.

So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day these two best friends Jay and Bob were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick, since no one was around for miles Bob called a hospital and told the doctor"Quick Quick I need your help my friend got bit by a snake on his penis"

the doctor told him "Son your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself" Bob asked" Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom" The doctor says "Sorry theres nothing we can do" So Bob goes running to his friend and when he gets there Jay says with pain " So what did the doctor...

What is the rapper name of Jay-Z's lazy brother?

Lay-Z

I used to work the front desk at this small car repair shop.

It was owned by a couple of guys, Jack and Jay. Both guys were really well known and liked around town but Jack never seemed to come into the shop.

People would come in frequently looking for Jack and I would tell them “Jays here but Jacks off all day.”

My friend's name is Jay

We call him J for short.

what did the white woman say to the other white woman who confused jay-z for lil wayne?

thats ludacris

Jay-Z is Unable to Locate His Mobile Phone.

He says "Beyonce, have you seen my phone anywhere?"

She says "Did you try call it?"

He says "Yeah but it's on silent."

She says "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."

Ryan Reynolds would have been great as Jay Gatsby.

After all, he’s both Green Lantern and Deadpool.

Who would have Jay-Z married if he was a sailor?

Buoyancy.

I'm standing right next to the rapper who collabed with Kendrick and Jay Rock in "King's Dead"

I can't believe my eyes. **I can see the Future!**

Who Is Jay Gatsby's Favorite Comic Book Character?

Deadpool.

What did the jay get a ticket for?

Walking.

What did Jay Z say when his friend died?

No Biggie.

Michael Jackson did a moonwalk. What does Jay-Z do?

Jay-walks of course

What did Jay-Z say when Beyonce released Lemonade?

I got 100 problems.

If a Bluebird has blue babies, and a Green Jay has green babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow.

I hate discussing things with Jay walkers

they always try to cross subjects at inappropriate times.

Jay Z walks into a game store...

There's an old guy behind the counter. Jay walks up to him and says "I need a Nintendo Switch. I been looking all over town for one, and I swear I'm gonna punch the next person who says they don't got one"

The old guy is like "Well... we do trade old consoles that need repairing. Maybe we can...

Jay-Z owned a baseball team.

From day one, it was a foregone conclusion that it would be a cellar-dwelling team. Everyone on that team had a batting average of below .150, and not a single player scored a home-run. The defense was horrible; every outfielder was scared of fly-balls, the infielders couldn’t catch line drives to s...

Most people would say that Eminem, Jay-Z, or Andre 3000 spit the hardest on the mic...

I personally think it was Mia Khalifa.

Jay Leno walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Why the really long face?"

Did you hear about Jay Gatsby’s car?

It was a real hit with the ladies.

What did Jay Sherman say about your breath?

It stinks!

If you asked QB Jay Cutler For Change of a Dollar

He'd only give you 3 good quarters.

I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....

so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.

Jay Leno on Pet Scams

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

Jay-Z should open a pizza place.

But all good pizza places need a nice Italian name, he could name it.. Lou Menotti's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard this one on Comedy (Sirius Radio) awhile back. It's by the late Jay Hickman.

This boy was sitting on the sidewalk eating candy and then he would pick up a cat and bite it on the ass, then get up and move down the sidewalk and do the same - eat the candy, bite the cat on the ass, get up and move down the side walk. This guy driving by see this and says, "Hey, what are doing?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jay-z's mom was coming to town...

Jay-z's mother was coming to town, and she really enjoys her mojitos. Jay-z really wanted to get the finest rum possible so he sent his assistant Richard down to cuba for rum straight from the source. When Beyonce got home, she had the same idea, and mentioned it to Jay z. He said, "don't worry, dic...

What's Jay-z's favorite store?

Bed, bath and Beyond-cé.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is returning home a day earlier than expected from a business trip......

While en-route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness, because he suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the
act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, ya...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jay-Z has vowed to never use the word "bitch" again

I guess he has 100 problems now.

What do you call Joaquin Phoenix when he's walking across a busy road?

Jay Joaquin Phoenix.

Since a lot of sports are no longer being televised as much, and some matches postponed, I've compensated by watching the birds in my yard compete over worms.

So far Cardinals 6, Blue Jays 3.

So I was boarding a plane the other day

And my girlfriend was worried for me going to China. She texted me: "be careful! Don't catch the corvid flu!"

I replied: "crows, ravens, jackdaws, and blue jay's don't have flu. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?"

Books I’d recommend

‘Excel in Maths’ by Cal Q. Luss

’Marine Giants’ by Meg LeDonne

‘DIY Automotive Repair’ by Carly King

‘Orchestral Percussion’ by Tim Penny

‘I Got Away With a Minor Crime’ by Jay Walker

‘Nordic Vodka’ by Finn Landia

When a Queen Bee mates thousands of males gather round and try to impregnate her. Before the act of mating is done, she will have stored sperm inside her from about 30 to 50 males. This is an amazing aspect of nature.

So, much love to my man Jay-Z.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Forget the Name

Two elderly men are conversing and drinking wine while their wives prepare dinner in the kitchen. As the discussion begins to dwindle, Tom and Norman decide to delve into their limited pop culture knowledge.

"Well now, Tom," says Norman, "me and Carolyn tuned into one of those nightly talk s...

Hospital and Cop

*In class*

Teacher: "Jay, why are you down today?"

Jay: "Because my mom is at the hospital and my dad's at the police station."

Teacher: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Do you want to go home?"

Jay: "Yes, please."

After Jay has left the classroom, the teacher as...

You know you live in a bad neighborhood when you getting robbed by somebody you know.

Robber: Gimme your wallet!

"Jay jay... That you?"

Robber: Don't talk to me while I'm at work!

Paddy is about to go into the bar for a little refreshment when he hears someone yelling "Do not go into that house of sin!"

He turns around on the point of telling the interfering busybody to feck off, but he holds his tongue when he sees that it is a nun, and instead he lifts his hat politely and says "Why must I not go in there, holy sister?"

"Because," rages the nun, "it is the devil's brew that they are sellin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A heavily injured man is laying bleeding in the floor.

Two rookie paramedics, Jay and Bill, are the first responders and rush to his side.

"Shit, there's so much blood, what do we do?" Says Jay.

"I don't know, I've never done this in practice before, I've only ever went by the book." Bill replies.

"Well, what does it say in the boo...

The Perfect Man

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Ryan".

Passenger: "Who?".

Cabbie: "Ryan Jay Robinson. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you neede...

Sleeping with the bartender might not get you free drinks...

But it's worth a shot.

Source: [This tshirt I made for my coworkers at my bar.](http://jay-tees.spreadshirt.com/worth-a-shot-A101280866/)

Two men are walking down the street when they notice an enormous hole

The hole appears bottomless and the men, being men, want to see how deep it is. They find an anvil near by, grab a side each, shuffle over to the hole and chuck it in. The anvil drops like a stone but makes absolutely no noise. The men look at each other with a puzzled expression. Suddenly they hear...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a horse is watching MTV...

So this horse is watching MTV. This is in the 90s where MTV actually had music on it. Anyway, the horse sees a segment on Jimi Hendrix, and decides there and then he wants to become an internationally-acclaimed guitar player (because, as we all know, all horses are left-handed).

So this horse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a native american with only one testicle...

Everyone in the tribe called him One Stone. He hated the name, but everyone would always say, "Hey, One Stone!"

This went on for several years until finally he snapped and said, "If someone calls me One Stone once more I swear I'm gonna kill'em"
Everyone in the tribe gets scared at hearin...

Mr Peg, my Digital Photography teacher, just passed away.

Rest in peace Jay.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.