Why is Kim Jong Un heartless?

Because he has no Seoul.

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive. Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single- line coded message: 370HSSV – 0773H. Trump was baffled, so he scanned it and emailed it to his aides, who had no clue either, so th...

How did Kim Kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye?

North, things between West and I have gone South.

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

Why is Kim Jong-Un so chubby?

Because he never had to run for his office

What did Kim Jong-Un say yesterday before he died?

My Korea is over

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-Un decided to have a big celebration.

[Long]
He wanted this to be an amazing event, so he made sure to hire the best orchestra around. The director was world renowned to have the most amazing musicians.


The day of the celebration came, but when the orchestra started to play, it was terrible. Kim was so mad, he ordered the...

What did the North Korean say that opposed Kim Jong Un?

Nothing, they were already killed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.

He says:

- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.

The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:

- I need 50 pictures of...

There was this musician in North Korea

One day, he was called upon by Kim Jong-Un himself, to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the humble auditorium. The man, not wanting to displease the great leader, did as asked.

The big night arrived, with the musicians stood at the fro...

Who will replace Kim Jon Un after he dies

Kim Jon dos

So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...

...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked in on kim jong-un with his penis inside a jacket potato...

I didn't know what to say, I'd never seen a dick-tater before

A North Korean man was arrested and given 15 years for calling Kim Jong Un a fathead

1 year for insulting the Supreme Leader and 14 for revealing a state secret

Why is the North Korean National library so big?

Because Kim Jong-Un is a supreme reader!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I intend to remake an Alfred Hitchcock movie and cast Kim Kardashian's daughter.

North by Northwest starring North West

What do Phil Swift and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They're only famous because of a tape.

Kim Jong-Un decides he wants to go hunting and takes his three top ministers with him, the Minister of the Interior, the Minister of Defense, and the Minister of Propaganda.

After a short while of stomping aroiund in the woods, they come across some ducks. Kim turns to his Minister of the Interior.

"Shoot the ducks!" he orders.

The Minister of the Interior raises his shotgun, aims, fires, and misses all the ducks.

Kim stares at him. The ducks start ...

Why Kim Jong-un has dark circles under eyes?

Because the enemy never sleeps!

Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors:“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”
<...

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function,

we were having a drink and I said to him

"Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?


He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"

Kim Jong Un is currently..

The Shrodingers cat of dictators.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing.

After naming their kids after directions they're the ones going south.

Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read.

"Ah", said the mystic. "One year from now I see great glory in your future.

Two years from now I see even greater glory.

Three years from now the glory is joined by love.

However I must warn you that past that I can read nothing of your future."

At this the dictator gets...

What did the media say about Kim Kardashian swimming

There's too much plastic in our oceans.

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.

The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

Why does Kim Jong-un keep attacking South Korea?

Because he doesn't have Seoul?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've got this friend in Japan. Her name's Kim.

So Kim runs an undergarment, loungewear and such clothing store, and I recently ordered myself some pyjamas. I fortunately she got the orders mixed up and sent me some type of dressing gown instead. All I could say was Kim,oh-no!

There's a rumour that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un is dead.

But personally, I think he's just Kim Jong Un-well

What do you do if you see Kim Kardashian drowning?

Nothing, she's plastic so she'll float anyway.

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

What do Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They both host national TV shows.

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Kanye find out that Kim was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint?

She released the video on pornhub.


(Too soon?)

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader

I wonder what happened to Kim Jong Un

Maybe he’s Un-responsive

Kim Jong-Un isn’t ill...

...that was his dad

What does Kim say when Kanye is freaking out?

Yeezy Yeezy, calm down.

What do Schrodinger's cat and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They're both alive and dead until you see them!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladamir Putin, Hitler , and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next up, Hitler ca...

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name:

Kanye

What do Kim Jung Un and Donald Trump have in common?

They're both long overdue for a heart attack, but even the devil doesn't want them.

After talking with his girlfriend Kim, Steve reluctantly decided it was best to ask for her father’s permission to get married.

"So," said Kim’s father, "you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"

“Not particularly, " Steve responded, "but if I want to marry your daughter I haven't much choice, have I?"

Kim Jong Un likes his jokes like his citizens.

Perfectly executed.

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin expla...

Who will be Kim Jong-Un's successor?

Kim Jong-Deux

An Asian doctor, SEAL, and astronaut walks into a bar

His name is Jonny Kim. Please don't let my mother know about him.

Kim Jong Un got cloned...

Kim Jong Un got cloned.


What will we call him, asks the scientist ?


"Kim Jong- Deux" replied his French assistant.

Breaking news KIM JONG UN just lost 50 lbs

He is now addressed as Slim Jong Un

I guess Kim Jong-un is just like his father now

He’s become Kim Jong-ill

I heard that Kim Jong Un is sick.

I guess that makes him Kim Jong Ill

(I hope this isn't a repost)

What do Kim Jong-Un and Bok Choy have in common?

Both are Korean vegetables

If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water.....

.... would you squat or deadlift first?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!

Because he is the supreme ruler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So now that Kim Jong Uns sister is going to rule North Korea

Is she the worlds first vagtator?

Did you hear about the surgeon who botched Kim Jong Un surgery?

Yeah, me neither.

Did you hear about who went to DMX’s funeral?

There was Brenda, LaTisha (uh), Linda, Felicia (okay)
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia (ooh)
Theresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki (uh-huh)
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky (damn)
Cookie, well I met her in a ice cream parlor (aight?)
Tonya, Dianne, Lori and Carla (okay)
Marina (uh) Selena (uh...

Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!

Kin Jung Un’s Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun


Kim Jung Un: Then I’ll go at night!!


Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!

Thanks to Kim Jong-un....

Donald Trump is only the second most brain dead world leader...

How many doubles does Kim Jong-un has?

None, there is not enough food in North Korea for second Kim Jong-un.

What do you call a potato on Kim Jong Un’s balls?

A dictator.



Came up with this in my history class haha

Kim Jong Un released a statement today

I don’t know what it said it must’ve been Morse code, all it said was *beep* *beep* *beep* *beeeeeep*

Did you know kim jung-un doesnt cry at funerals?

Hes un-bereaveable...

Obama once visited North Korea and he asked Kim Yong Un: "Do you ever have elections?" (NSFW)

Kim replied: "Yes I have elections evely molning!"

Someone asked me if Kim Jong was ill

I said no that was his father

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

Joking about Kim jong uns death and corona are kind of the same. First we made memes about it....

....then we either ended up dead or locked inside

Kim Jong-un's doctors...

Probably fancy a Korea change

Kim Jong-UN walks into a bar...

...in his dreams

Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want...

But that child is going straight to the top...

And slightly to the left...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone thought Kim Jung Un was in a vegetative state, but actually he was in the studio recording his acoustic album

Kim Jung Unplugged.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t Kim Kardashian find her asshole?

He’s on tour.

With Kim Jong Un’s death possible, his successor would be his sister. Perhaps we wouldn’t have to worry about being nuked all the time.

We’d only have to worry about being nuked once a month!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Sea Turtles and Kim Kardashians Ass have in common?

They're both filled with Plastic.

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

Apparently Kim Jong Un supervised the testing of a new missile weapon system.

I don't know, but it seems quite dangerous to have missiles being fired Un-supervised.

What does a hidden compartment in a drawer have in common with Kim Kardashian?

The false bottom

What do you call a skinny kim-jung in?

Slim-jung un

Why couldn't Kim-Jong Un get into heaven?

Because he had no Seoul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After deliberating for a long time, Kanye finally decided that Kim can no longer get new butt injections.

He's putting a cap on that ass.

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

What did kim jong un text his girlfriend?

Send nukes

Why did Donald Trump invite Kim Kardashian to talk about prison reform?

Because she's had more black dudes in her than a jail cell.

Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.

Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

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