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Chan Jokes

If you watch a Jackie Chan movie backwards...

You will get a documentary about a Chinese guy who assembles furniture with his feet.

My wife thought it would be fun if we each have a list of 3 people that would be OK to sleep with if given the chance.

**Her list:** Paul Rudd, Adam Levine, and Channing Tatum

**My list:** Her best friend Stephanie, that barista at our coffee shop, and my ex girlfriend

Why can't Jackie Chan fight the Coronavirus?

He only knows kung-flu.

Why does Jackie Chan support United China?

'cause he doesn't support the Leeway

Why couldn’t Jackie Chan catch the corona?

He was very well trained in defence of Kung Flu.

What does an onii-chan drive?

A Niisan.

*cue rimshot*

How many Jackie Chans does it take to change a weebs light bulb?

One because hes the Onii Chan they need.

If Jackie Chan ever dies, will he go to hell?

No. There's no Chans in hell.

More girls chase after me everyday than Leonardo, Channing Tatum and Ronaldo combined

-Bus driver

A lot of people tell me I look like a blind Channing Tatum

I don't see it

With all these celebrities getting outed for molesting kids, it's only a matter of time before Jackie Chan is exposed.

Like, do you have any idea how many times he told Jaden Smith to jacket off in the karate kid?

My wife and I made a list of people we can sleep with if we ever met. She picked Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, and Cam Gigandet

I picked her sister, her cousin, and our neighbor because men are simple like that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar

The Asian man goes: “Hi, my name is Joe Chan, what’s yours?”

The Jew replies: “Michael Goldberg... Hey you know, I never did forget you Koreans for Pearl Harbor.”

The Asian man, surprised, replies:
“Uhhh... Pearl Harbor was done by the Japanese, not Koreans, and I’m Chinese.”
...

Language Lessons

Two restaurants face each other across a city street. Every day the owner of the Greek restaurant, Nick, brings out his specials board, looks across the street at the Chinese restaurant and calls out to the owner:

"Hey, Chan! What comes with your specials today?"

"Flied lice!"
<...

A guy and his wife made a list of people they are allowed to sleep with if they ever get the opportunity..

She picks Brad Pitt, Chris Hemsworth, David Beckham, Channing Tatum and Bradley Cooper.

He picks her sister, her cousin, her best friend, their next door neighbor and there son's third grade teacher.

Men are simple like that.

what did the traffic light say to the traffic light?

Don't look, I'm changing.

There were 3 Chinese men...

Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.

They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.

Han decided that he would be Huck.

Chan decided that he would be Chuck.

And Fan...well Fan dec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ving and Ling

Earlier this year, a Chinese family moved into my small town. The family had two twins who were both seniors in my class, Ving and Ling.

Ving and his sister Ling were quiet to start off with, but eventually I made good friends with Ving. After talking to him for a few weeks he revealed to me...

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.

And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

3 Chinese Immigrants

Lee Bu, Chan Chu and Fred Fu immigrated to the USA. They decided in order to become Americans, they need to americanize their last names.

Lee Bu changed his last name to Bucks.

Chan Chu changed his last name to Chucks.

Fred Fu left the USA to Canada after becoming the laughing...

Research from China shows the Coronavirus really attacks the Lungs

As well as the Chans, Wongs, Lees and Lins.

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?

Because they're so full of mummies

(As told by "Jackie chan" while cooking my lunch on the hibachi grill)

Scientists Have Isolated a Single Unit of Potato and Taught it to Use 4chan

They've named the project Channing Tatum.

An Asian driver is being interrogated after an accident

Detective: So, how did you end up killing 49 people?

Jackie: I was driving over 90km/h when I saw 2 men crossing the road. And on the other side, there was a wedding taking place. I hit the brakes but they failed, so I had to make a choice:
Either I hit the 2 men or run into the wedding pa...

A Korean kid walks into class with no homework.

"Where is your homework, little Wu-Chan-Le?" asks the teacher.

"My dog ate it," he replied. "Then my dad ate the dog."

A knock-knock my chinese friend made

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Mark"

"Mark who?"

"Not Mark Hu, Mark Chan"

A guy has a flat just outside of an insane asylum

He knows this and is nervous while changing the tire.

It doesn't help that one of the patients is watching him from the other side of the fence. The guy drops two of the lug nuts and can't find them. Starts to panic.

The patient speaks up: "Just tighten up the remaining two opposite ...

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